Black & Ugly

by Styles, Toy

  "I gotta go, y'all," I say as I stand. "I have to go."

  "Daffany, wait!" Parade yells.

  I don't stop. I'm out the door.

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  29

  Smokes

  "I'M HEARING THINGS, MAN," SMOKES says to Eclipse on the phone while getting a back massage in his seven-hundred-thousand dollar home in Virginia. "I'm hearing things I don't like."

  "Like what?" Eclipse asks, seemingly frustrated at the interference in how he handles business.

  "Folks telling me you joy ridin' in the fuckin' neighborhood instead of doing what needs to be done. I ain't got shit to do wit' you fuckin' shawty since I'm hearing she done came up and shit, but how long you intend to stretch shit out?"

  "What folks? Silver? He can't possibly tell you what I been doing because I don't discuss my business with nobody. Just because I don't choose to catch 'em on the corner and blaze 'em all doesn't mean I'm not workin'."

  "I'm starting to think the blazin' idea ain't too bad," Smokes says.

  "Well, give me half my money upfront and do it T. Styles

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  yourself," Eclipse shoots back.

  Smokes throws his hand up, signaling the massage therapist to leave the room. She's gone and he continues, "Let me tell you somethin', dawg. I don't know who the fuck you think you talkin' to, but you ain't runnin' shit up here. That shit may fly in Texas, but around here, it'll get you killed. Now, I entrusted you to take care of the mothafucka who killed my wife. And as a result, I got a right to ask fuckin' questions."

  "And I'm not saying you don't have a right. What I'm telling you is that I've learned from being in this business for years that a trigger-happy nigga leaves trails. By the time I finish with Parade and her friends, I will be certain that I got the right person with no exceptions and nothing leading to you. Let's not forget the only person who claimed she and her friends had something to do with it was Silver. We need to be sure."

  "I understand this. But your tab is at fifteen mothafuckin' thousand, including bullshit-ass expenses. At this point I want somebody dead, even if they didn't do it. Do you know that whoever this mothafucka is took her jewelry? So, I have concerns about them trying to play me. I want shit done."

  "I got that."

  "Well, hurry the fuck up," Smokes commands.

  Smokes is upset by the news that Eclipse is cruising around with Parade at his expense, which he heard from Silver. Even though Eclipse told him he works slowly, he's embarrassed by the thought of him spending his money and everybody knowing it.

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  "Like I said," Eclipse continues calmly, understanding Smokes' frustrations, "I handle my business differently than Silver and the rest of them dudes you've dealt with. Let's not forget, you called me from Texas.

  I thought you hired me because you wanted shit done right."

  "I do, but -"

  "Well, let me handle my job," he interrupts.

  "Parade ain't like the other females I've met. She seems loyal to her friends and even though I've succeeded in convincing her that I care about her, she ain't saying shit. As a matter of fact, I'm sure she didn't have anything to do with what happened to your wife. I don't know about the others, but she's introducing me to the rest of them tomorrow, and if I don't get the answer I want from somebody, I'm killin' everybody."

  "That's what I want to hear," Smokes says and hangs up the phone.

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  Sky

  "I DIDN'T KNOW Y'ALL STILL wanted me to come."

  "Why wouldn't we, Sky? Stop acting like that," Miss Wayne says.

  "Well, did you tell Parade and Daffany I'm coming?" I ask.

  "Sky, we've been friends damn near all our lives.

  And no matter what, we've always gotten together on the last Friday of every month."

  "And your point?" I question.

  "And my point is, Miss Smarty-pants , that I don't have to tell them anything because we've always expected you to be there, and Miss Parade is bringing over her new boyfriend, so I figured you'd want to meet him."

  Since he put it like that, I know I have to be there.

  I want to show her exactly how quickly a man can lose focus. I'll be doing her a favor. There's no reason for her to get too attached. It'll never last anyway. Even though Jay isn't fucking with her, I want her to see that 194

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  most men will stray.

  "Of course I'll be there, baby," I say happily.

  "Okay," he responds, probably wondering what gave me a change of heart.

  "Well, let me go and throw something on."

  "Bye, chile," he says and he hangs up.

  The first thing I go for is my black Donna Karan dress that I will dress down a little with my custom-made jean jacket. I also grab my jewelry and jump in the shower.

  The moment I'm out of the bathroom, I call Jay to cancel our plans for the night. I intended to show him how sorry I am for not trusting him, but I can do that tomorrow.

  "Hey, baby."

  "Yeah." He pauses. "What?" he says real coldly.

  "What's wrong with you?" I ask, trying to soften him up.

  "Nothin'. We still on tonight or what?" I can definitely tell that he wants to get straight to the point.

  "Actually, that's what I want to talk to you about. I forgot our monthly thing is tonight, so I won't be able to come."

  "I thought you said you ain't fuck with them for whateva reason."

  "I did, but I realize I miss them now."

  "Yeah, whateva. Look. About us ... I ain't fuckin'

  wit' you no more. I was gonna tell you straight up tonight, but since we ain't meetin', I can tell you over T. Styles

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  the phone."

  I sit down on the sofa and ask him to repeat what he just said to me.

  "I don't understand, Jay," I say, scared he'll say the same thing. "Why are you doing this?"

  "'Cuz, Shawty, I'm tired of your fuckin' mouth. You act like a fuckin' kid. That shit you pulled the other day was bullshit. You played yourself."

  "Baby, please don't do this to me. Don't do this to us," I plead as I try not to beg but convince him that I need him.

  "Listen, you been crowdin' my style for a while now. So, for real, it was just a matter of time before I cut you off. Don't take it bad. What we had was cool while it lasted."

  "I been crowdin' your style for how long, Jay?" I inquire, starting to get mad. "I mean, how long have you felt this way?"

  "For the past year. I've been wantin' to cut you off for a minute, but I felt sorry for you. I just ain't know how to say it. Plus, I didn't feel like hearin' your fuckin' mouth."

  "So, if that's the case, you never really wanted to marry me, did you?"

  Silence.

  "Listen, it just ain't workin', a'ight?" he continues in a low voice.

  "Jay," I say as I brace myself for this question, "is it because of Parade?"

  "Yeah, I wish," he answers with a laugh. "Shawty 196

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  stopped takin' my calls ever since you did that shit to her. She ain't havin' nothing else to do with me." I'm trying to calm down, but he just admitted to sleeping with my friend and wanting her and not me.

  My world is slipping from underneath me.

  "Hey, baby," my moms says as she comes from her bedroom. "How you like this ad me and your father took for Sean John last weekend? It just printed today."

  "Not right now, Ma," I respond as I look up at her from the floor.

  "Okay," she says, seeing my tears but leaving the room.

  I need to be alone while I do somethin
g I've never done - beg a man to stay, beg him to give me another chance and pray that he will.

  "Is there anything," I ask real slowly, "anything at all that I can do to make you stay with me? I can be everything she was to you, baby. I know I have a problem with my mouth sometimes. I can work on that for you. Just don't do this."

  "Naw, man. It's ova," he insists and ends the call.

  I run into my room and immediately start crying.

  Who's gonna take care of me now? I spent so much time with Jay that I haven't even pursued anybody else.

  I hate that fuckin' bitch. She back-stabbed me in the worst way this time. And now she can have Jay any time she wants.

  I don't understand. I can't understand. What did she do that's so fucking special? Just a few weeks ago, T. Styles

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  she couldn't even dress. I bet he was giving her money, too. Maybe Miss Wayne's in on it as well. Probably Daffany, too. I can't stand none of them. They were probably laughing behind my back the whole time.

  I reach under my bed to grab the photo album of me, Miss Wayne, Daffany and Parade and rip up all the pictures. I finally realize that the only person I have in this world is me. I kick off my shoes, lie on my bed and cry my like there's no tomorrow.

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  31

  Daffany

  "JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH, Mamma. It's not like everybody don't know already. Do you know how embarrassing this is?" I say as I lean up against the bare wall in her apartment while she continues to pace the floor.

  She doesn't have one picture of me in her place and I'm her only child. This place is as ugly and gloomy as it was when I left it.

  "I don't know what you talking about, Daffany," my mother answers as she continuously rubs her arms

  - typical crackhead behavior. "They lyin' on me."

  "Ma," I say, trying not to be upset, "I don't care about my stuff no more. My friends brought me all new things. I just need to know why you stole from me.

  That's all I wanna know." I slump down on her mattress on the living room floor.

  She looks at me and tries to touch me. I pull away, not wanting to have any feelings for a woman who cares only for herself. All my life she's been addicted to T. Styles

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  someone or something. First it was men, then coke and now it's crack. I always had to fend for myself or I would've had nothing. And, on many nights, I had to take care of her, too.

  "Baby, I'm sorry. When Sky came and got me to look after the apartment while you were in the hospital," she said, continuously moving around, "I lost it." The idea of Sky getting her to watch my place bothers me. Sky knows my mother can't be trusted with a butter knife, let alone a fully furnished apartment. I try my hardest not to think that she did it on purpose, but I'm starting to believe she's just that conniving.

  "I tried to do what she wanted me to, baby," she continues, "but this shit got me all fucked up, real fucked up in the head, Daffany. I thought if I invited a few people over to take just a few things, they'd give me some money and that you wouldn't notice."

  "That I wouldn't notice? Are you that gone, Mamma? Why wouldn't I fuckin' notice?" I scream.

  "I mean, I thought it would be okay. But then they started taking everything ... I told them not to touch your clothes and stuff, but they took them, too."

  "So, you had strangers in my house?" I ask, inter-nalizing the concept of people entering my home to steal my things with my mother's help. "Do you realize how bad you make me look?"

  "I'm sorry, baby," she says as she tries to touch my left arm, but I snatch it back.

  "Who was it, Mamma? Who came in my place and stole my things? Huh? I don't want them back. I just 200

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  gotta know who witnessed a mother stealing from her daughter," I continue then stand.

  "It was a bunch of people," she says with her head hanging lower than Jay's chain.

  "A bunch of people like who, Mamma? Who came in my fucking house? I deserve for you to tell me that, at least!" I yell.

  "Umm ... that little boy Marcus, and ummmm, Karen ... and her oldest son, Keith. And, ummmmm ...

  the rest I can't remember. I'm sorry, Daffany, and I want you to know ... this is it for me. I ain't fuckin'

  with that shit no more. That shit has made me steal from my baby. This is it, for real. I'm gonna be a real mother to you, just wait and see." I look at my mother with disgust and pity. I can no longer count the number of times she's said that to me.

  I know that little boy Marcus she's talking about is nobody else but Markee. I'm afraid - afraid that she will not know the answer to the most important question I have to ask her. It's now obvious that she did this for profit, so what happened to my papers? They couldn't benefit her or any of them other rogues. Still, I have to ask.

  "Mamma, there were some very important papers under the bed. Where are they?" I question as I gently grab her arms and look at her face - a once beautiful face that now resembles one of a fifty-nine-year-old instead of a thirty-nine-year-old.

  She starts to scratch her hair then her arms. I can tell she is really thinking, but fifteen years of smoking T. Styles

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  crack has taken a toll. I decide to leave after realizing she doesn't know anything and if she did, she can't remember.

  "Nevermind, Mamma," I say as I head for the door then walk out.

  "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." 202

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  32

  Sky

  DESPITE WHAT HAPPENED, I DECIDE to come anyway.

  There is no way I will allow her to steal my man without a chance at stealing hers, too. I've been looking at him all night, and I have a feeling he wants me. They always do.

  "So, Parade tells me you live around here, too," he says.

  "Yes, Cannon," I answer seductively with a smile.

  "I've been living around here all my life."

  "It must be nice to have friends in your life you've known for so long," he continues as I turn to look at Miss Wayne and Parade who are still in the kitchen. I roll my eyes.

  "It's okay. I guess."

  "Oh, really?" he says as if he detects something in my voice. "I'm gonna leave that one alone." Oh! I feel we are starting to connect. Damn! The bitch calls me from the kitchen.

  "Sky! Did you want anything? We gonna start the T. Styles

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  game when Daffany gets here." Yes, bitch. I would like my man back. Can you do that? I wonder.

  Instead, I say, "No thank you, very good friend." I give them both my super fake-ass smile, the one that I had reserved for Jay's niece.

  I notice that Cannon appears to be staring at me, and not like he wants me, but more like he is trying to understand me.

  "Is everything okay?" I ask, trying to feel him out.

  "Yeah. Everything's cool."

  Just then, Parade and Miss Wayne come out of the kitchen holding a tray with a bunch of snacks - pigs in the blanket, cheese and crackers, potato chips and potato salad. I've never understood what's up with him and potato salad. He eats that shit every day.

  "Here you go, ladies and gentleman," he says in his usual gay manner. "Dinner is served." He's wearing a red spaghetti-strapped dress with his fuzzy red slippers since we're not going out and I think he looks ridiculous. If I were Parade, I would be embarrassed, but the two of them appear to be in another world. Her hair looks freshly done, so I can tell it's new. This time she has soft curls throughout her head and is wearing a Calvin Klein skirt set with a fresh pair of tennis shoes. Once again, she has a new bag and this one is by Marc Jacobs. Out of anger, I drop three pigs in a blanket on the floor.
They don't stain.

  Damn!

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  decide to remove my jean jacket, stand up and flaunt the form-fitting Donna Karan dress as if I were on a runway.

  "What you doin', girl? Giving us a fashion show?" Miss Wayne laughs.

  "No," I respond, feeling embarrassed. "I'm just going to get something to drink."

  "Damn it, I did forget the drinks, didn't I? Honey chile, bring me something, too. I want a Coke!" Miss Wayne yells. "And what y'all want?" he asks Parade and Cannon who appear to be on their own planet with all the kissing.

  "I want Coke, too, Sky. What you want, baby?" she asks as she reaches in for another kiss. He accepts.

  "Nothin'," he snaps, staring at me like he is looking straight through me instead of at me.

  I hate them bitches. Trying to carry me in front of company. Any other time, Parade would be waiting on me.

  I grab two glasses, move out of their view from the living room, turn around and dig my hands between my legs. Then, I stick my finger in my pussy and smear it on the inside of Miss Wayne and Parade's glasses. I'm getting ready to pour the soda. I turn back around and look Cannon dead in his eyes.

  "You need any help?" he asks.

  I'm so shaken by knowing he saw me that I drop one of the glasses on the kitchen floor.

  "Oh my goodness, is everything okay?" Miss Wayne asks as he runs in to help. "You okay, Sky?" he asks T. Styles

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  again as he checks my stiff body for any cuts. I can't respond at first because my eyes are still glued to Cannon's.

  "I'm okay," I say, putting the other glass on the counter.

  "Well, let me get the drinks. Go sit down, honey. I'll clean this mess. I should stop being so lazy and get it my damn self. After all, I am the hostess." Miss Wayne reaches into the cabinet, gets another glass and is about to pour the Coke in the one I smeared with pussy juice. Cannon snatches it from him.