Winning Back Ryan

by S. L. Siwik

  Under the covers, we lay there, but not touching. Brian stared at me, his face unreadable. I finally felt my eyes flutter closed as I drifted off. I felt skin pressing against my forehead, and I realized that he kissed me.

  “I’ve waited over four long years to hear you say that you want me. I guess I can wait a little longer for you,” I heard him whisper.

  I pretended that I was sleeping as I felt his body turn towards me, his nose resting against my cheek. A few minutes later, I fell asleep.

  **

  “Alright, I cheated,” I said in between pants up against the lamp post at five thirty in the morning. “I had a caramel lite iced coffee yesterday, but it was a large. I did feel bad, though, so I walked around everywhere. I walked though, didn’t jog. My heels were way too high for running.”

  “Well, you’ll have to make up for it today then,” he said. I frowned, not liking whatever he had in mind. As though reading my mind, he said, “You’ll see.”

  An hour later I collapsed on Brian’s couch and my everything ached. I was fairly certain Brian added a little extra to the workout as punishment for the night before. All I knew was that the pain I felt wasn’t the nice kind of aching you feel after a night of sex. This was the ‘I feel like I’m gonna break apart I’m hurting so much’ kind of ache. And what was I rewarded with? Brian’s green shake. Oh joy of joys.

  I grimaced, trying to swallow it quickly, as he watched me amused. “What are you laughing at?” I asked him.

  “I’m just wondering. You changed into the clothes you had here this morning.” I nodded. “Did you change your underwear or are you still wearing those pink lacy ones from last night?”

  “Who says I’m wearing any underwear?” His eyes fluttered closed as a groan escaped his lips. “You started. Next time be sure you’re ready for the answer.”

  In actuality, I had on a pair of those boring, white, cotton ones. I jogged for God’s sake. Cotton is very breathable. Only men would imagine a woman running in lace and think it was practical.

  “By the way, if you knew I had clothes here why did you give me your jogging pants and shirt last night?” I asked.

  He smiled mischievously. “Just wanted to see you in my clothes.”

  “Naughty boy,” I said, placing my glass in the dishwasher. I turned back towards him.

  “Bye, Bri.” I had to get home and get ready for work.

  “So, you have your date with George tonight,” he said ignoring my goodbye. Shit. I had completely forgotten about that.

  “Yeah, I guess so,” I replied, frowning. I really didn’t want to attend the comedy club. I could use some humor in my life, though. I saw the silent question in Brian’s eyes. “Nothing will happen,” I told him. “Just two friends hanging out.”

  He sighed. “It’s your life, Annie. You do what you want.” I knew what he was trying to do, trying to tell me that he knew that he couldn’t control me. The best I could do was try to reassure him. “Nothing will happen. It’s George we’re talking about,” I repeated, kissing his cheek. ”I have to get ready for work.”

  He stepped back, allowing me to walk out. I paused at the door, turning towards him.

  “By the way, I hope you don’t mind that I left the lingerie in your closet. Thought I’d tell you in case you had a girl come over. Wouldn’t want her to find it and think that you’re cheating on someone.” I realized that my behavior was childish, marking my territory like a dog with feminine lingerie, but I didn’t want anyone else in his bed, even if I couldn’t expect Brian not to be with other women.

  He smiled widely. “Thanks for letting me know.” I winked before leaving.

  **

  After showering my lower half (my hair couldn’t get wet yet), I found a drunk Ryan in the kitchen with a bottle in hand. “Nice flowers,” he said to me, pointing to the vase on our dining room table.

  “Max gave them to me.”

  “So, I heard. You had a night with him it would seem.” I ignored his comment, walking into the bedroom to take dress clothes out of the closet. I was surprised to find Ryan up this early in the morning. My guess was that he still hadn’t gone to sleep from the night before. “Was he as good as me?” I heard Ryan asked me from the doorway.

  “We’re not having this conversation. I’m still pissed at you for showing up at Brian’s house. You need to get your act together, Ryan, because I’m not going to take care of you anymore.”

  I took the clothes off the hanger, moving towards the bathroom to change. Ryan stood there, reeking of alcohol. It seemed like he was sweating ale. He was, of course, dressed in his newest fashion, low slung shorts, no shirt. I could tell despite all of the alcohol he had been drinking that he had been hitting the gym hard lately. I forced myself not to think about how he felt and tasted when I ran my tongue over those muscles. “When are you going to stop playing games, Anne?”

  “What are you talking about?” I made sure my voice sounded as annoyed as I felt.

  “You didn’t sleep with Max.” I raised my brow, glaring defiantly. He chuckled in response. “Max is gay. I figured that out the first few times of meeting him.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I snapped. I would deny to the end.

  “So, unless you stooped so low to fuck a gay man, then it never happened.” He smirked.

  “Excuse me,” I said as he stood in the doorway refusing to let me pass.

  His face turned somber. “So, you’re gonna sleep with whomever now?”

  I stared at him, disbelieving the scene in front of me.

  “Yeah, I’m going to sleep with whomever I want. We’re over.”

  He charged past me, opening the dresser drawer.

  “So, they all get to see this?” He shouted, fisting my new lingerie in his hands.

  “You’ve been going through my drawers?” I couldn’t believe his audacity.

  “They get this and I got sweatpants! Does that seem fair?” he shouted.

  “You’re right,” I said my voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’re the victim, Ryan. I don’t really understand why you’d want to see me in skimpy outfits because according to you, I’m fat.” I turned around, walking out of the room into the bathroom to change.

  “You know I just said that to anger you. You know I love you. I was hurting so I said things to hurt you,” Ryan shouted from the other side of the door. I dressed, brushed my teeth, applied make-up, and walked out to find him standing there.

  “Ryan, it’s over,” I said to him before walking to the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water. He stood right behind me when I turned to leave the apartment. “Go to sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

  He picked up the vase of flowers.

  “So, I’m going to endure this? Flowers men have given to you cluttering up our home?”

  “This isn’t a home! It’s an apartment! It hasn’t been our home since you allowed fifty fucking strangers to do whatever they wanted in it! As far as us,” I grabbed the vase out of his hand. His mother had given it to me as a present. I threw it against the wall smashing it into pieces.

  “That’s an apt metaphor for us. We’re broken, done. Get over it.” I turned for the door, leaving him standing there as I left for the train station.

  **

  While at work, George canceled his date with me because he needed to do some research on a new company about to hit the market, and according to him, he was about to make me some more money. I sent Amanda a bouquet of flowers to her office as an apology. Amanda loved being the center of attention, so I knew she’d love having everyone talk about the flowers. Since I still didn’t know what to do with my extra time at lunch break, I called my parents, opting to talk to my father, since he’d understand when I said I had to get off the phone, I meant it.

  I had a good relationship with my mother despite her eccentric tendencies, but I was and always would be daddy’s girl. My father and I were close and he had this uncanny ability to just listen to my voice an
d know everything that I was not saying.

  “So you’re mother told me what Ryan did,” my father said.

  “Yeah,” I said my voice slightly above a whisper. It didn’t matter that I was an adult. I still wanted to run into his arms, crying, shouting, “Daddy, that boy hurt me!”

  “There’ll be another, Minnie. He’s clearly not worthy of you,” he replied.

  “Yeah,” I paused for a moment.

  “What’s on your mind, Minnie?” It was my father’s nickname for me, because when I was a child, I wanted to be Minnie Mouse…for a decade straight.

  “Dad, I think I’ve fallen for Brian,” I said, “And he’s apparently wanted a relationship since I met him.”

  “Well, that’s a given, Minnie.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “A man can just tell when another man loves a woman. I knew how Brian felt for you that first night we went out to dinner with him.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

  “It wasn’t my place to. I would have told you if you had caught feelings for him. But, you wanted him as a friend.” I didn’t like hearing my father’s logic. “Well, this is certainly going to make Fourth of July weekend more interesting.” I chuckled as I glance at my watch and then sighed. “You have to go.”

  “I love you, Daddy.”

  “And I love you, Minnie. So does your mother. We’ll see you soon.”

  I stood up from the park bench that I sat on, walking two blocks down to my office.

  **

  When I came home, I stood in the doorway floored. On the kitchen counter was the vase that I threw against the wall, glued back together. He must have spent hours fitting it right. Next to the vase was a note.

  Everything that’s been broken can be put together again.

  On the table where this vase had been sitting that morning was now a large vase with a bouquet of exotic flowers, especially my favorite flower, birds of paradise.

  I shook my head as I changed out of my clothes and into sweatpants and a tank top. If only he had put this much effort in when we were together. It was too little, too late, however. The problem with repaired vases was that they weren’t trustworthy. They’d always be weaker than they were originally. You never knew if they could be counted on, or if they’d fall apart the second you filled them with water. Repaired vases weren’t worth holding on to.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Since George canceled on me, I decided to stay in for the night. Despite it being a Friday night, I still ached from that workout Brian put me through. I hadn’t read the murder mystery book that I picked up from the library, so I relaxed on the couch after bringing the tub of rocky road in my freezer down to Chuck with a disposable spoon. I surely couldn’t eat it anymore, and I couldn’t look at it without thinking of the night Ryan cheated on me. Plus, it was a hundred degrees out.

  As I settled in with my book, a hundred pages later, Ryan came storming in the door.

  “Annie, were those my clothes on that bum downstairs?” he shouted.

  I glanced up, blinking my lashes, feigning innocence.

  “Those were your clothes in my laundry basket? Sorry, I didn’t know.”

  “Do you realize that he’s wearing like a three hundred dollar outfit right now?” he snapped.

  I glanced up.

  “In that case, you should have taken better care of your clothes.”

  “Is this what we’re reduced to?” he shouted.

  I glanced back up from the book.

  “He’s had those clothes for days now. Curious that you notice now.”

  “I bought you these flowers, I had a cleaning service come to take care of the apartment. I’m trying. You’re just being passive-aggressive.” He placed his hand on his hip, frowning. I glanced down quickly after realizing his shirt clung to his body in ways that should be illegal.

  “Ryan, I’m going to stay with Brian for a while. It’s clear we need some space apart to cool off and relax. It’ll be best this way.” I stood up, tossing the book onto the couch, grabbing my sneakers, keys, and cell phone.

  “Fine. Walk out!” he shouted. “You’re welcome for the flowers!” I shut the door on his words. In the hallway, I slid my sneakers on and headed for the door. The funny thing was that I never wanted Ryan’s flowers. I wanted the flowers from Max, but my guess was that my ex threw them away.

  **

  I aimlessly walked around until I saw a sign hanging in a window promoting self-defense classes. The picture was of a petite woman throwing a muscular man onto the ground. The classes were at the community center. I searched for the date and time. Every Friday. I knew where I was now headed towards.

  I didn’t want to call Brian to spend time, especially if I would be staying there a while. I didn’t want to seem needy. When I walked into the room, I stood surprised by what I saw: a sixty year old woman flipping a man onto his back.

  “Excellent Gertie,” he said from the mat below him. “You bent your knees this time.”

  The rest of the groups clapped for her, women ranging from their twenties to early sixties.

  “Hello,” the man greeted, standing up. He brushed off his pants, pulling back his long chocolate hair, and walked over bright green eyes shining. “I’m Jack.” My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I ignored it.

  “Anne,” I said, shaking his hand. “Pleasure to meet you.” I bit my lower lip. I was so horrible at introductions. “This…” I pointed towards the women. “Looks awesome.”

  “Welcome, Annie,” he said, smiling warmly. I returned the smile. “I’m just working with these ladies on self-defense moves. Why don’t you get in line here?” I nodded, stepping into line. “Ladies, this is Annie. Let’s say hi.”

  “Hi, Annie,” the group said to me. Smiling, I waved back at the line.

  “So, I’d like to work on a new move now. This is what you do when an attacker comes from behind throwing his arms around you. Any one of you ladies could come across this- an attacker at night, a man at a club who is not respecting your no, a man attacking you at a gym. Okay, so this is what you’d do. Annie, why don’t you come up here since you’re our newest member.”

  I walked up towards him, standing there. My phone buzzed again.

  “Now, Annie, step in front of me.” Jack stood behind me wrapping his arms around my body, as I felt the rest of him flush against my back. Oh, holy God. I blushed furiously. “Now this is how you get out of this move,” he said in a loud voice to the group. “First Annie, scream, ‘No!’ loudly as you pretend to stomp on my foot.” I did the move, shouting and pretending to stomp, as he said, “Good, now pretend to head butt me.” I threw my head back as though slamming into him. “Good. Now elbow to rib like this.” He gently pulled my arm back showing the women the place they should attack. “Now the second rib. You should now wiggle away like this. Annie, slide down my body and out of my hold.” I blushed brightly as I slid down his body wondering how I wound up in these positions in the first place. “Now you would run like heck, screaming, but you don’t have to for this demonstration.” he said. I stood there nodding, while Jack continued, “Alright, let’s do it again, but with all the steps together quickly. Can you remember them all, Annie?” I nodded, and rejoiced inside when Jack’s body pushed against me again. I did the whole routine again- shout, stomp, head butt, poke, poke, slide down his body. I learned this time around that Jack had very solid abs.