The Peculiars

by Jen Thorpe

  Simon shuffled in his seat and held onto his cane tightly, his knuckles whitening. He looked around at the faces staring at him. His hand was shaking, and they could see he was becoming agitated. Watching him squirm made Ruby nervous and she scratched her head until it stung.

  ‘Simon, what if you give it today, and then from the next session on we’ll be sitting in spots we can choose. Even today we’ll do a bit of breakaway work and you won’t be stuck in the same spot. Do you think you can last the session?’ she asked.

  Simon looked at her and nodded quietly. The room released a collective sigh. Ruby seized the opportunity to continue with her speech.

  ‘Right, so let’s get started with a few introductions. We’ll do it like speed dating: we’ll all say our names, our ages, what our favourite thing to do is, and where our favourite place in the world is. Try to keep it short, so that we can get moving with the morning’s proceedings. When everyone says their name, I want everyone else to say “hi”, like we’re in Alcoholics Anonymous. So, I’m Ruby Bates, I’m thirty-five, my favourite thing to do is have a glass of wine after a long swim in the pool, my favourite place in the world is Clarens.’

  ‘I’m Fairouz Parker, I’m thirty-eight, my favourite thing to do is walk along the promenade with my kids, and my favourite place in the world is Kirstenbosch Gardens.’

  And so they continued, listing and categorising their lives into bite-sized chunks. Most gave perfectly normal answers, people listened, and some made notes.

  ‘I’m Nazma Matthews, I’m twenty-seven, my favourite thing to do is bake, my favourite place in the world is the Durban beachfront during the Gunston 500, or the Mr Price Pro surfing contest.’

  As Nazma spoke Ruby remembered a beach holiday when she’d been halfway through matric. It was the Gunston 500 and the whole holiday had been beach-sand textured and sun-cream scented. Focusing on the room again, she noticed Sam watching Nazma.

  When it came to him he said, ‘My name is Sam Edwards, I’m thirty, my favourite thing to do is walk in Newlands Forest, my favourite place in the world is the circular picnic spot at the top of the contour path.’

  Ruby and Fairouz went through the basics of fears and phobias next, and handed each person a questionnaire to complete that assessed their personal history, family history, and type of fear. While the others filled in the forms, the two of them stepped into Ruby’s office and began to whisper.

  ‘How do you think it’s going, Fay?’

  ‘Okay. I think we can already see who the problem people are going to be.’ They both looked at Simon. ‘He’s so old, why must he complain? Does he think someone wants to sit next to him and his boep and liver spots?’

  ‘Ja. Old white dudes, hey – they make their problems everyone’s problems. But shame, it can’t be easy to do something like this so late in life.’

  ‘Ja, I suppose.’ Fay didn’t sound convinced.

  ‘Should we get a coffee while they write?’

  ‘Let’s phone Mel for one. Then we don’t have to go downstairs right away.’

  Ruby dialled Mel downstairs and listened to the phone ring. When Mel answered, Ruby whispered, ‘Mel. It’s Ruby. We need you to phone out for coffee – two double shot cappuccinos. Then, we need you to come and knock on the door to call us downstairs when they’re ready. Say it’s urgent. Don’t bring them up. We’ll come down.’

  ‘I can’t hear you properly, Ruby. Is the phone okay?’

  ‘Yes. Just call the café and order two cappuccinos, double shot. And then phone us back when they’re here. Okay?’

  ‘Cool.’

  The participants were still filling in their long forms. Fairouz and Ruby stood in silence, examining them as though they were rats in a cage.

  ‘Which ones do you think will sleep together?’ Ruby asked. ‘My money’s on Nomboniso and Simon.’ They stifled their laughter.

  ‘Hah! Fat chance. What about Nazma? She’s beautiful, if she’d just stop biting her nails the whole time.’

  Ruby watched Nazma again. She was diligently filling in the form, with her right thumbnail in her mouth. Sam sat back in his chair, finished with his form already, watching Nazma. As Ruby was about to suggest they go back in, the phone rang.

  ‘Ruby. The cappuccinos are here. I’ll come up now and knock on the door. I just wanted to give you some warning.’

  ‘Thanks, Mel. We’re coming down.’

  They watched people’s heads turn as Mel knocked and stuck her head through the door. They stepped back into the room and announced they needed to go downstairs for ten minutes for a quick staff matter, and that when they were back everyone should be done, and they would choose partners. Downstairs, Ruby smiled as she sipped her cappuccino, imagining Nomboniso and Simon pairing up.

  10

  Nazma

  Ophthalmophobia: Fear of being stared at

  Nazma finished the personal history questionnaire just as Ruby and Fairouz came back in. She blew on her thumbnail to relieve the burn where she’d bitten too close to the edges. She knew it would sting that evening when she repainted her nails, especially when she took this layer of polish off.

  Based on everyone’s introductions she reckoned either Nomboniso or the guy who was afraid of spiders whose name she couldn’t remember would be a good fit for her. They both seemed interesting, but not in an intimidating way. She hoped that one of them chose her. There was nothing worse than being the person not picked for a team. If she got Simon, she might just have to quit.

  She reached for a Sparkle, choosing her favourite flavour and popping the green sweet into her mouth. When she looked up from the table, Sam was looking at her. It wasn’t the first time she’d noticed him staring, and she thought she recognised him as one of the customers from the kiosk. In the stress and shame of the registration process she hadn’t placed him, but now she was fairly certain.

  They were told to turn over their forms and to think of one thing that was surprising about themselves. This round of discussions went much quicker and people seemed more relaxed, with a few exceptions. Nazma told everyone she had a tattoo, which raised a few eyebrows. She understood their shock – she had surprised herself by getting the tiny tattoo of a tree frog on her lower back the year before because she liked the way their feet looked, but you couldn’t just get a tattoo of a frog’s foot, and so she got the whole thing. She loved it, and loved the way she felt when she said she had one. Her parents didn’t have a clue yet. She planned to keep it that way.

  When it got to Sam’s turn he told everyone that he’d registered as a volunteer wildfire fighter. Nazma imagined him, firefighting suit on, hosing down a fire and rescuing a puppy. Enjoying the daydream, she let it run to its natural conclusion with him bursting through the flames towards her and handing her the adorable puppy with a grin. They finished with Nomboniso, who said she’d once walked the Great Wall of China with her mother. Nazma was glad that Nomboniso hadn’t gone first. Circles like these tended to become competitive, and her tattoo just didn’t cut it.

  The room got louder as people started to talk to those next to them. Before it became unruly Ruby announced that it was time to choose a partner. She asked everyone to stand, and walk to the person they wanted to partner with. Nazma pushed out her chair and felt her hands begin to shake. She decided to hold back so that she didn’t make a move towards anyone in case they walked towards someone else. Everyone else had the same idea, and stood right behind their chairs without moving. After a few silent seconds in which nobody moved, people laughed and, with Ruby’s encouragement, began to walk towards someone. Before Nazma plucked up enough courage to walk over to Nomboniso, Sam walked over to her.

  ‘Hi,’ he said, smelling more like cigarettes than pine needles. ‘Good to see you again.’

  ‘Hey.’

  ‘So I hope you don’t mind, but I’d like to work with you.’

  ‘No … that’s okay … I don’t mind going with you.’

  She couldn’t say no, and looked ar
ound, realising there wasn’t an alternative anyway. She saw from his face that he realised she’d had someone else in mind. Everyone else had followed his lead and paired up. Johnson and Nomboniso had begun to chat.

  ‘But really, I mean, if you’d like to go with someone else, that’s cool. I’ll choose someone else.’

  Uncharacteristically, she reached out to touch his arm. The flannel of his shirt was soft. She lingered longer than appropriate, enjoying the feeling of the soft shirt and remembering how his chest had felt against her cheek.

  ‘Sam, it’s okay.’ She drew back. ‘I’m looking forward to it.’

  ‘Great.’

  He smiled and she noticed the small gap between his teeth again. You could hardly see it unless you were up close. Most people their age had already worn braces to remove their imperfections. Maybe he liked the gap. The tiny space made him more interesting. Trying to think of something else to say but coming up short, she was relieved when Ruby interrupted.

  ‘Now that you all have your pairs, I’d like you to reintroduce yourselves to each other. Collect your things from the table, grab your chairs, and place them somewhere around the room, facing your partners. We’ll do a trust exercise now, where you’ll need to sit with your knees touching and look straight into each other’s eyes. This might feel really intimate at first, but we need to begin to establish a strong relationship of trust between the two of you. So bear with me. Everyone, let’s sit in our new places.’

  Nazma and Sam moved to collect their papers and chairs. They carried them close to the window and waited while the others shifted their chairs around. Nazma took the chance to look out the window. The grey stone of the mountain bulged against the sky, and from the way the trees were blowing on the slopes, Nazma could tell it was going to get colder later. The mist often came down over the mountain, enveloping the Southern Suburbs in its chilly embrace.

  ‘So now that you’re opposite each other, put your knees together and look into each other’s eyes.’

  Their knees connected, and Nazma looked up. Sam’s eyes were dark brown, so that the pupils were almost invisible, with a light fleck of green at the edge of the right iris. His eyelashes were long, and he hardly blinked while looking at her. Her heart started to race and her mouth became dry. She licked her lips, watching his eyes watching her mouth. It sent a rush of nerves to her stomach.

  Ruby began to speak again. ‘So you’re going to have to repeat what I say to each other, looking into each other’s eyes. Everyone ready?’

  They all nodded and repeated Ruby’s words.

  ‘I’m going to work with you to try and lessen or relieve your fear. I commit to listening to you. I’ll support you. Eventually we will trust one another.’

  The air around them was muggy with expectation. The others turned away from one another but Sam and Nazma’s knees stayed locked, and they continued to look at each other, his head cocked like a crow’s. She wondered what he was thinking and whether he could also feel the tiny spark of something other than trust between them.

  ‘I’ve got it! You’re from the train station,’ Sam said suddenly. He looked pleased with himself.

  ‘Yes.’ She tried not to sound disappointed.

  ‘I’m so glad I finally realised where I know you from. I’ve been trying to work it out all morning.’

  ‘I noticed you staring.’

  He looked embarrassed but didn’t look away. Instead he examined her even more closely, as though she were a specimen at an archaeological dig.

  ‘Nazma, Sam, could you lend us your attention for two more minutes?’

  They unlocked their knees and turned reluctantly away from one another towards Ruby’s voice.

  11

  Sam

  Autophobia: Fear of being alone

  When the session was over, Sam walked down the stairs with Nazma behind him. At the bottom, he paused.

  ‘So how should we do this thing?’

  ‘What?’ She looked up at him and he felt sucked into her gaze. He wanted to keep her talking just so she’d keep looking at him. Her hair sported wild curls where it had been tucked behind an ear and sprung loose.

  ‘Decide where to go for our activity.’

  ‘Oh …’

  ‘We could draw straws?’

  ‘I’m not sure where my straw would be for yet. I guess I need to think about it some more. Plus, who carries around straws?’

  ‘I guess …’ He felt stupid.

  ‘It’s kind of high pressure to make all these decisions on the first day. I mean what if we don’t get along or something? What if one of us chickens out?’

  ‘I think we will.’

  ‘What? Chicken out?’

  ‘Get along. I mean I like you already.’

  The silence became strange again, and he suddenly became aware of his mouth, which was open, as if to say more. He felt a desperate need to lick his lips, but she was still looking at him, too closely. He was scared to speak in case his lips didn’t form words properly.

  ‘Um, good … So what if we just swap numbers and go from there?’

  ‘Wow. First meeting and I’ve already got her number.’ He tried for what he hoped was a natural yet enticing smile. ‘Just kidding. Let’s not make this any more high pressure than it already is.’

  She paused uncertainly for a while but finally laughed, and they exchanged numbers.

  On the street the long grass was blowing in the breeze, and Sam breathed in the sound. Mist was starting to form behind the mountain, but over the peaks he could see it was a sunnier day on the other side. Although the day was ending in the Southern Suburbs, it was continuing in town. Sam wished he could time travel and always live in the safety of daylight. He imagined a move to the poles but decided against it on account of the language barrier. He didn’t speak Eskimo.

  ‘Inuit,’ he corrected himself aloud.

  ‘What?’

  He turned to Nazma to ask where she was going, and saw she was digging in her bag. She pulled out her earphones and an MP3 player.

  ‘What?’ he asked

  ‘I think you just said Inuit.’

  ‘Nope.’

  ‘Okay, but I’m pretty sure …’

  ‘What are you listening to?’ he interrupted.

  ‘The Cranberries.’

  ‘As in “Zombie”?’

  ‘Yes … Why?’

  ‘No reason, just not a big fan of theirs. Are you heading down to the train?’

  ‘What do you mean you’re not a fan of The Cranberries?’

  ‘I’m just not, they seem a bit emo to me.’

  Nazma rolled her eyes as though he was showing his age. She nodded her head, one earphone already in place.

  ‘What do you listen to then?’

  ‘Oh, this and that.’

  ‘Maybe you’ll have to recommend something less emo. I’m a big fan of the nineties.’

  ‘Maybe I will …’

  ‘Maybe you’ll have to tell me about your recommendations when we meet.’

  ‘Damn straight I will.’

  ‘I’ll SMS you when I think of somewhere and you SMS me. We can do your favourite place first, and mine next week. How’s that?’

  He nodded in agreement. He didn’t want to stop talking to her, but she obviously wanted to listen to her music or leave. He noticed her hair again. Her foot was already tapping. He tried to think of ways to keep talking to her, and eventually gave up.

  ‘Well, for what it’s worth, Nazma, I’m looking forward to it.’

  He thought he saw her eyes crease with an undefined emotion, but she quickly put in her other earphone and gave him a wave as she turned down the hill. He reached into his pocket for the box of cigarettes he’d bought earlier that morning. Lighting one felt just as comfortable and right as it always had. He inhaled deeply and moved towards the wall to lean against it. It smelled faintly of urine, so he stood back up again. He looked up at the mountain, and caught Ruby looking down on him from her office. He waved, an
d she gestured that she was coming down. She made a sign with her fingers and mouthed ‘two minutes’.

  Sam watched as the other participants chatted and made plans to meet. He wondered whether they were all as nervous about it as he was. He really hoped the study worked. He was tired of being afraid to walk outside his house, or to sleep in his security-guarded complex without an alarm on in the flat. It was all crazy and he just wanted to be free of it.

  Ruby appeared in the foyer, saying something to Mel, and came out to meet him. He shook a cigarette loose so that the end just stuck out the top of his soft pack. Ruby took it and put it between her lips. He lit it for her as she cupped her hands and the end burned red with her inhalation. She blew smoke out the side of her mouth as she exhaled her question.

  ‘So how did you find today?’

  ‘I think it was good. I’m looking forward to the whole thing.’

  They smoked for a little while, watching people move up and down the street to their cars. Students were milling on Main Road, drinking beer or arguing about sport or social justice or Justin Bieber.

  ‘Do you really think there’s hope for all of us?’

  She laughed, and took another drag.

  ‘I’m sure I’m not supposed to answer questions like that this early on, Sam. Sort of backs me into a corner, don’t you think? You’re young – there is hope for you yet.’

  She toyed with the cigarette like an unfamiliar smoker, or one who was trying to forget how good it was. She was incredibly sexy, but she was supposed to be his teacher, or therapist. He watched her lips hold the cigarette between them, sucking. They were so red.

  ‘I’m going to head home, got some work to do before tomorrow,’ Sam said. ‘Will both you and Fairouz be here next week?’

  He was surprised by the tremor in his voice. She nodded.

  ‘Yes, definitely. Good luck with your individual session.’

  He took one last drag of the cigarette and looked around for somewhere to stow it. He put it out on the ground, then picked it up again. He’d have to put it in his already overflowing car ashtray. The flotsam in the rest of the car didn’t help the stale smell. That’s why he’d bought an air freshener. It was shaped like a flip-flop but smelled horribly like Pine Nut.