by K. A. Linde
I wouldn’t. But I wanted to.
With a breath, I turned back to face the screen. The previews went by in a zip, and the movie began. I’d missed the last couple of movies before this one. But, even if I’d been following it closely, I’d have found it difficult to concentrate with Sutton sitting so close.
When we had sat down, the armrest between our seats was up. I didn’t adjust it, and I waited to see if she would. But it stayed up the entire time. I didn’t know if it was a clue, but fuck, it was hard, sitting here with her like this in a darkened room.
I could feel her presence so acutely next to me. As if we were both reactors with electricity tethered between us. Every time she shifted her body and leaned closer, I felt the zap.
Maybe it was elementary to be this intensely aware of her in a movie theater. To be fair, I’d never gone to the movies on a date before. It wasn’t really something we did where I grew up. So…this was my first non-date movie moment. And I suddenly understood why kids all over the world were sneaking into movie theaters to make out. There was something genuinely tense, charged, and thrilling about this.
I inched a bit closer. She inched a bit closer. Our knees almost touched. I could feel the heat from her arm. My stomach knotted as I forced myself not to move. I wouldn’t make the first move. That could shatter everything like a hammer to a mirror, followed by seven years of bad luck.
Sutton turned her head to look at me. I shifted my eyes to meet her gaze. Her mouth was open slightly, as if she had a question that she couldn’t quite answer. She drew her bottom lip in between her teeth, and I couldn’t help it; I glanced down at her lips.
I swallowed hard at the slight widening in her gaze. Then, I quickly looked away. If I kept watching her…if she kept observing me like that…I was going to kiss her. No doubt.
Then, I felt an even smaller shift, and then her pinkie was touching mine in the space between our bodies. She looped her pinkie over mine, and a shuddering exhale left her body. Something exploded in my chest at that one touch. That one move changed the entire dynamic of us forever.
I’d been wrong when I said I hadn’t been aware there was an us.
There was definitely an us.
Eight
Sutton
“That was so excellent,” I gushed as we exited the movie theater.
My heart was in a puddle on the floor next to me. It felt so exposed at the moment that it practically had its own zip code. I couldn’t look directly at David. I couldn’t do much more than bounce from foot to foot with excitement as we meandered back to his car.
“Better than the last one I saw.”
I puffed out a breath. “I don’t even want to know the last one you saw. They’re all spectacular.”
“I didn’t know you were that into comics.”
“I read them when I was a kid. I love the movies now. I’m a big X-Men girl. I always wanted to be Phoenix.”
He clicked the Ferrari open and shot me an exasperated look. “Phoenix?”
“Oh, come on,” I groaned. “Jean Grey? Telepath and telekinetic?” I rolled my eyes and waved him away when it was clear there was no recognition. “Hopeless. What did you do as a kid?”
He shrugged. “My parents were kind of strict. They wanted Katherine and me to grow up into version 2.0 of them, which basically meant that, when we were still in diapers, we had expectations about what Ivy we were going to attend. Not much room for comics and such.”
“That sucks,” I said, slinking into the passenger seat. “Did you end up going to an Ivy?”
“Yale.”
I whistled. “Fancy.”
He grinned as his eyes met mine, and I remembered then why I wasn’t looking at him. Those eyes. Hazel. Sometimes green, sometimes blue, sometimes gold. They were molten right now, eyeing me like he wanted to devour me alive.
I quickly faced forward.
Something had changed in that movie theater. With the lights off and no room left between us, I’d let my guard down. I’d just enjoyed our time together. Sat through the movie and felt his presence, solid and whole next to me. Then, I’d done the unthinkable…
I’d reached out for his hand.
What had I been thinking?
No. The truth was…I hadn’t been thinking.
For once in a year, everything had completely slipped away. All thoughts and feelings and guilt and fear had vanished. I’d been there, watching my most anticipated movie of the year, with a great guy, and it hadn’t mattered then that I’d told him it wasn’t a date.
The stars had aligned.
And it had felt right to bridge that distance.
My stomach had fluttered. My heart had leaped in my chest. My mouth had gone dry. But my hands had been steady, and I’d wanted it to happen. We hadn’t moved the rest of the movie. Somehow, reality hadn’t crashed back in until the final credits had rolled, the sneak peek of the next movie had finished, and we’d had to disentangle ourselves. Then, I’d gotten self-conscious again. I was already missing those couple of hours of surety.
I cleared my thoughts and went back to the matter at hand. “Did you major in business?”
“Of course,” he said with a sigh. “My parents wouldn’t have paid for anything else.”
“Seriously?” I gasped.
“Yep. The only practical degree for taking over…” He paused. “They wanted me to work with them.”
“Why aren’t you?”
His hands clenched the steering wheel. “Wanted to make a name for myself on my own.”
“I know what that’s like.”
“I suppose you do.” He relaxed at that and then zipped out of the parking lot and back toward my house. “Why haven’t you ever wanted to work for Wright?”
“Oh no, not you, too.”
“I’m not recruiting you. I promise.”
“It’s expected of me. It’s almost like I don’t even have a choice in the matter. It doesn’t matter that Landon went off and became a professional golfer; I’m still supposed to fall into line.”
“That feels very familiar.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know what anyone thinks about me working at the bakery, but it’s better than Wright. Nothing wrong with the company. I love it. But it’s not for me, and I never want to be forced to do something I don’t want to do. Plus, I guess I am a bit contrarian.”
“You?” he asked with a laugh.
“I have this habit of purposely doing the opposite of what people expect of me. The easiest way to make me do something is to tell me not to do it.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Noted. We are not going to see the next superhero movie that comes out.”
My eyes flashed in his direction. “What if I said I already had tickets for it?”
“No can do, Sut,” he said with a mischievous grin. “Not your kind of thing.”
“That’s it. We’re going.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “You have no choice in the matter.”
He chuckled. “Twist my arm already.”
“You’re going to regret this challenge.”
His eyes said he highly doubted it. And I didn’t mind that he’d effectively forced us into seeing him again.
Nerves hit me anew when we finally pulled up to my house. He parked his car out front, and before I could say anything, he dashed around the car to open my door. My breath stuttered as I allowed him to help me get out of the tiny sports car. He closed the door, and then there we were. Just casually standing together on the sidewalk. He gingerly reached forward and took my hand in his.
My eyes rounded, excitement and fear rippling through me. Our fingers laced together, and I reflexively took a step closer to him. His hand dwarfed mine, completely enveloping it. I liked the feel of my hand in his. His fingers were long, and his palm was hardened with calluses. It was warm and inviting against my soft, delicate hand, bitten-down fingernails and all.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn’t breathe. This was…too perfect.
<
br /> He slowly walked me forward to my front steps. Our hands clasped the entire time. I wasn’t ready to let go yet. This was a huge step, and I wanted to savor it.
“David,” I whispered softly.
He brushed a stray piece of my hair out of my face. Lubbock wind was relentless, even in the rainy season. His hand lingered on my cheek, and I finally found the courage to look up at him.
His eyes were bright gold in the porch light. They spoke of devotion and desire. His face was so near mine. His body so warm. It had been so long since I felt anything like this.
A dull buzz rang in my ears as everything else slipped away. I wanted to reach out, and I wanted to stay put. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. All I could do was stare up at him, wavering with what my body was telling me.
“I really want to kiss you,” he admitted.
I drew in a sharp breath. Those words shattered any illusion we’d put on this night.
“But this is all up to you.” His hand moved to my jaw, slipped down my neck and over my shoulder, and reached down to grasp my other hand. “This is whatever you want it to be. Ball is in your court.”
My body remained frozen as my heart melted at his words. I knew that I’d said this wasn’t a date. But it’d been so obvious from the start that it was. Merely proclaiming that it wasn’t hadn’t done anything.
But being with David was effortless. I didn’t have to think or agonize or freak out over anything. He just was, and we just were. That was enough.
I realized with a start that I didn’t feel bad about us going out tonight.
Maybe I should have had a lingering doubt, but in that moment, alone with him on my front porch, I had none.
“Yes,” I whispered. It was the only word I could manage, and it was enough.
David’s hand moved back to my cheek. He drew me in a step closer to him. Our bodies nearly touching, our lips so near, our breath mingling tantalizingly close. My hand twitched into his shirt as anticipation coursed through me.
Then, his mouth covered mine. Soft, tender, and not an ounce of tentativeness. His lips were perfect, and they fit to mine like a jigsaw puzzle. I closed my eyes and fireworks exploded in my vision, molten joy poured into my heart, and heat spread through my core. This wasn’t just a simple kiss. It was a totally new adventure. The start of something inconceivable and utterly unique. This was a new first kiss.
A new first.
As David pulled back, I ached for more. All I wanted to do was push back against him and demand more. Demand so much more. I had barely gotten a taste. I wanted this. It didn’t feel fair that it could end this soon.
“Good night, Sutton,” he whispered, pressing one more kiss to my lips.
“Good night,” I breathed.
Then, he smiled a golden smile that nearly undid me and walked away.
I watched him until he was back inside his car. Then, I turned the handle on my door and walked inside.
Jenny was seated on the couch, watching Netflix and eating a bag of popcorn. Her own movie night.
“Hey!” she said, brightening. “How did it go?”
I plopped down next to her. That was when everything that had happened crashed down on me. Holding hands and kissing and dating. Having feelings for David and wanting another date and wanting another man.
Oh fuck! Oh fuck, fuck!
Without warning, I burst into tears.
“Oh, Sutton! That bad?” Jenny asked. She pulled me into her arms and put her chin on the top of my head.
I shook my head, tears uncontrollably running down my cheeks. “That good. That very, very good.”
Nine
Sutton
“Why don’t you go open up the shop? I can finish up here,” Kimber said. With her back still to me, she pulled a selection of cupcakes out of the oven.
I carefully washed my hands and tried to smudge off a stray bit of flour from my cheek before making my way up to the front.
The weekend had been…quiet. After my breakdown with Jenny, I’d recovered and felt a smidgen better. Guilt still crept through me when I thought about what I’d done with David, but it had been nice. It had felt nice.
I shook my head as thoughts of David ran through my mind on repeat. We’d spoken a few times through text, but it was clear that he was giving me space to breathe. I appreciated it. Wrestling with my thoughts alone was hard enough.
Baking helped though. I had weekends off at Kimber’s, but I’d come in bright and early Monday morning to get started. When I started baking, everything would shut off. It was blissful.
My mind was so far gone already that I didn’t even notice that someone was standing outside the glass window until I flipped the Open sign over and unlocked the front door. Annie’s smiling face appeared as the bell dinged overhead, announcing her presence.
“Hey, Annie. Coming to get some treats for the office?”
Annie had been working as a receptionist for a dentist for the last year while applying to medical school. I was going to miss having her around all the time when she started at Texas Tech this fall.
“Yeah. Do you have any of those little cinnamon-sugar doughnuts? And coffee. Dear God, coffee.” Annie walked with me to the counter and propped her elbows on it to stare up at me. “I cannot wait to fucking quit.”
“Another month?” I asked as I poured her a coffee and passed it over before getting to work on the doughnuts.
“The longest month of my life.”
“Still going to be hooking up with your boss after this?”
She snorted. “Not bloody likely.” She blew on her coffee and then downed it like a life force. “I’ll probably get tired of him when he isn’t an authority figure over me.”
“You have such a problem with authority.”
“Duh. Daddy problems.”
I laughed. Because, by daddy problems, she meant she liked to date men old enough to be her father. Or really anyone she wasn’t supposed to date.
Annie set the coffee on the counter. “Okay. I’ve waited long enough. A little birdie told me you had a date. I waited all weekend, and no call, Sut.”
I blushed. Right. Of course Jenny had told her about it.
“It wasn’t a date.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Okay…it might have been a sort of date.”
“Spill.”
“Nothing. We went to the movies.”
“And…” Annie said, reaching across the counter to snag a doughnut.
“There was some hand-holding and one chaste kiss.”
Annie squealed. “A kiss! I’m so happy for you, Sutton.”
A smile grew on my face at her excitement. My stomach had been in such knots all weekend. Especially since Maverick’s parents had called.
“Wait…why do you suddenly look sad?”
“Maverick’s parents want to see me. I saw them after the anniversary, but I’ve kind of put them off since. I needed some separation.”
“Let’s not think about them right now. Let’s think about the fact that you went on a date and it went well and you’re happy about it. Is it going to happen again?”
“I don’t know,” I murmured.
“Well…do you want it to?”
I glanced down at the baked goods in my hands. My stomach fluttered at the thought of going on another date with David. With all the problems in my life, it was nice to think of having something that wasn’t tied to that. Maybe it was selfish to want that for myself. But I couldn’t deny that I did.
“Yes.”
Annie grinned wide. “Then, do it. I’m sure he’s nervous. If you want this, go for it. It’ll be good for you to at least try again.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “That’s what I told Maverick anyway. I want to try again. No one can fault me for that.”
“They really can’t.”
I pushed the box of doughnuts over to her. “Mission accomplished, Donoghue. Now, get out of here, and go see that hot dentist of yours
.”
“He just loves my sweet tooth,” she said with a wink as she hoisted the box in the air.
I laughed and shook my head at her. She was my best friend and nuts, but I loved her. I was glad to have someone to talk this out with because the ball was in my court. And I was ready to make a move.
My move had felt a lot stronger this morning when it was just a spark in my mind. Now that I was actually going through with it…I wasn’t sure about this whole thing. I held a mint-green box of Death by Chocolate pastries in my hand and stared up at the Wright Construction building.
Sure, it held my namesake on the building, and I’d been there a million times before, but that didn’t make it any easier. There were a million possibilities of someone I knew seeing me taking these upstairs. And I was suddenly nervous and self-conscious. Not about me or David, but about what other people would think. I wished I could tie up other people’s expectations in a bow, hide them away, and never consider them again, but that wasn’t me.
With a deep breath, I pushed through the front door. My black Nikes squeaked across the recently waxed floor as I moved toward the elevators. One was mercifully empty when it dinged open for me. I pressed the button for the second to top floor, as the top floor was occupied by a fancy restaurant Wright used for parties, and zipped upward.
I held my breath as I watched the numbers tick up steadily faster. And released it when it opened on David’s floor without a stop. Benefit of coming over before five. No one was trying to sneak out early quite yet.
David’s floor was reserved for senior faculty. Like Morgan and Austin. It was quieter than some of the lower floors, but I knew how much work got done up here. I scampered past Austin’s open office door. Then, I felt like an idiot when I realized it was empty. So was David’s and Morgan’s.
Oh…well, damn.
Guessed I should have called ahead to make sure he was even in the office. Though I didn’t know where else he would be. He was a workaholic, just like Morgan. They both stayed after hours and showed up on weekends and disappeared to offices all over the country to take care of matters. So…where were they now?