Diary Of An Occult Resolution Assistant

by Chris Norgate

  "Well, we can stay here and die. We can barricade the doors so whoever is out there doesn't come in....and die. We could sit here crying for our Mums and die. We could on the other hand have one hell of a going away party and throw off our inhibitions in carnal lust and debauchery for all of our last 90 seconds, and die. Or....." he pulled the door open and stepped out into the well lit store room. "walk head on into the shadow of the valley of Death and fear no evil because it can't be worse than what will inevitably happen in a few moments anyway. I prefer this plan because if I am going to go out then I sure as Hell and all its lands, islands and portals want to be kicking someone as hard as I can in the head as I go."

  I walked past the bashful Adym and huddling girls and out after Xanthic. O.K it was a terrible plan but it was the best we had, I wasn't feeling very debauchic and my choice of debauching partners was severely and abysmally limited.

  I didn't take in much of the room, what I concentrated on were three big men who entered down steps at the far end.

  "Behind them is the way up to the kitchens." whispered Adym who drew up beside me. "Do you think he can get past them in less than a minute?"

  I didn't answer but I hoped he could.

  The lead man, heavy built and obviously muscular even in a thick black jacket on, led the others into the room. He had sunglasses on even down here below ground and his voluptuous dark hair which was slicked back with far too much gel. The other two could have been his younger brothers copying his style.

  "Posers." said Xanthic in a stage whisper loud enough for everyone to clearly hear - he was stood in his long black jacket, blacked out glasses and slick hair: Pot and kettle both being dark came to mind.

  "You have caused the proprietor of this establishment no end of problems you have." the heavy man barked. The other two fanned out along the walls flanking our position.

  "Well, if it makes any difference, all his problems will be over in less than a minute." cooed Xanthic back as if he were talking to a complaining customer in his shop. Xanthic believed that the customer was always right, as long as he paid for what he wanted and got out of his shop as soon as the coins hit the cash tray; other than that they were completely wrong and should curl up and die for being so useless at their earliest possible convenience. His customer support and after sales service did not score well on review sites.

  "Yeah, but you're problems will have only just begun." This voice came from the side of the room I knew well. A fourth man, not as big built but slim and covered in exposed scaring across his face and bare arms was stood by the turned over table of the fairy. He had with him the thermos flask with the fuse still burning about an inch from the top. He put two fingers over the fuse and pulled it out with a sizzle and smell of burning flesh. He threw it to the floor at our feet where it fizzed brightly as particles of magnesium that had become attached to it briefly burnt with purest light.

  "Would you gentlemen kindly tell us how to get back to our room on the third floor. I believe we may have taken the wrong turn looking for the swimming pool and sauna." this was Xanthic at his best. Unfortunately his best was when he was upsetting people.

  "I think you've taken more than just a wrong turn. What have you done with poor Sandy in there; she was the Master's favourite and first success." The thermos holding man said sitting down on the side of the turned table. "He won't be happy at all when he finds out."

  "We don't have to tell him right away do we, and you could always move to the side and let us walk out of here and take away with us a lot of extra worry he doesn't need right now. Give you all a chance to run a hoover around and find a mop." Xanthic replied holding his hands out to the sides as if he were parting the Red Sea.

  "Or we can skin your hides and get you ready for the Master's experiments, having a very low class of demon on his slab would please him immensely I'm sure. And the humans there will make up for the set back in the plan with Sandy."

  My guts were screwing about inside me but I felt surprisingly calm otherwise. Does the knowledge of certain death take something away from a person? Does the deadening of feelings come from some prehistoric herd survival mentality of taking one for the team?

  Weapons were pulled out, some recognisable as long sharp knives, others were more imaginative with wicked curved cutting edges and yes, the fourth man, the light heavy with the wife beater vest, had a gun. It wasn't particularly large but it had the whole gun quality you don't really want pointing at you in situations like this.

  "O.K, you've got us fair and square, we are all at your mercy. So, just to put our minds at rest, you can just fill us in on your plans and impress us with your genius before we all go off to face our makers. We are obviously not intelligent enough to work it out for ourselves." Xanthic shrugged and staggered around acting the fool, something he could do very well when he wanted and rather well at all other times.

  Everyone drew quite as a deep clapping sound slowly descended the stairs and its maker came into view. He was a man of normal height, normal appearance, so much so I wouldn't have been able to identify him from a line up of two even if the other had been an African tribeswoman in animal furs. He was exceptionally normal. But he stank of death and I knew by the way I felt small and insignificant in his presence that he was the vampire we had come to hunt.

  "No opera cloak and evening suit? I am disappointed." Xanthic called to the newcomer which confirmed my supposition.

  "And you expect me to tell you all about my plans? I am also disappointed at how inferior you have been in all of your activities. I thought more of you and your intellect but I can see it’s all been a great act to impress the mortals." the vampire sat down on the third step from the bottom of the staircase. I felt worthless, there was an urge to get down on my knees and crawl to him to offer my worthless blood to this creature so he can take my pitiful life away from this world. I believe I would have done just this if the solidity of Xanthic hadn't been stood like a continent sized iceberg in Atlantic ocean between us and he held me back.

  "Well let me guess. Let me try and impress you with what I can scratch from the available evidence before I turn your over confident arse into a pile of ash."

  The vampire waved an arm indicating Xanthic had the floor. I watched this show but kept one eye on the men slowly seeping around the room.

  "I see you have taken a special interest in the eternal struggle between the light and the dark; but that’s no hardship knowing where you came from. And I know that you know how the tally is marked. You're trying to upset that score and either hasten the time for the final count or drive a wedge between the players to show their hands. It’s a small fry operation you understand, the other side didn't even feel you important enough to send one of their number to investigate. All you have is me, out looking to give someone a punch to the ear for interrupting my reading. That or it’s a cry for help that calls 'look at me Daddy' I crave your attention. It’s all so small."

  "Ah, small is not how I would describe it and you'll appreciate that if you for once opened your eyes to something other than your own stunted pleasures. This is such a pleasure, no, it is so much more delightful than that. I do not simply want to knock a few points off of a score numbering in multiple infinities. No, I have something much more interesting in mind; but as much as I know you of all Demons would appreciate the humour in it, alas you will not be around to witness it first hand. Rudolph, if you would care to do the honours."

  Rudolph, the vest wearing individual with the burnt fingertips gave a sloppy salute to the seated vampire and pulled from the floor a black well used candle of three inch diameter and about the same in height and from a pocket a disposable lighter. Holding the candle on its side with the wick over the cheap plastic lighter, he thumbed the wheel and a tiny yellow flame sprang forth and soon ignited the wick. He let the wax melt and drop down onto his skin almost taking pleasure in the fact he did not flinch as the molten wax made contact with his skin but I did. After a brief while he bent and as i
f he were bowling on a fine green, rolled the candle on its side towards the group of girls who still huddled on the other side of the door.

  "I would have liked a little more ceremony you understand," said the vampire as a thick dark smoke began to lift from the candle when it stopped rolling. The girls pulled back into the room away from the acrid smell it gave off and started to scream once more. "but when you actually get right down to it, other than a bit of a show to impress the watchers it’s not really needed. But do please turn around and observe for yourself, the results are really rather impressive."

  I turned but Xanthic did not. His aura-sonus melody had turned into something akin to a cat fight with shrill high-pitched notes drawn out and laboured, it sounded like he was preparing to fight. Adym was transfixed by the view on offer as was I and I tugged on Xanthic's sleeve until he also, reluctantly, turned his gaze away from the vampire onto the group of now silent young women.

  Within the previous room the smoke level had built but instead of rising high to the ceiling it hung heavily on the floor drifting like a lazy cloud. Of the girls, there was little sound other than stifled coughing but they were no longer huddled together and now stood gently swaying as if bulrushes by a pond being stimulated by a mild breeze. Their eyes seemed to go dull as a dark liquid flowed from their nose and mouth, condensing there as they respired within the gaseous cloud, along the contours of their faces until deep black rings circled their eyes. Colour evaporated from their bodies as if a drain had opened and all their blood had run free. Lips now as black as pitch, as black as the furthest space between stars. Only in their eyes remained a meager particle of colour remained upon their features. I would have laughed if it had not been so chilling, it was like an army in goth war-paint had risen fluidly across them. They looked puzzled as if they were seeing all of this for the first time, as if they were unsure of the situation or location they were in.

  They looked at me like a lost child away from their parents, then slowly at Xanthic, Adym and the men who had crept almost the entirety of the walls and were now within reaching distance of us. Finally they looked upon the visage of the vampire and he was please.

  From his position on the stairs he spoke. "Welcome my children, my saviours, my Gods. You are weak, so now you must feed."

  At first the girls came forward like new born deer, knees bent under their weight and limbs were uncoordinated and movement confused and laboured but their desire to progress towards us drove them on, movements became easier and single steps turned into paces and one started to run.

  "Run!" bellowed Xanthic as he grabbed my shoulder and made for the kennel filled room opposite with great haste so much so my body tried to outrun my feet and I overbalanced falling forward. With his hand still on my shoulder Xanthic had to slow as he pulled me bodily across the floor.

  Adym was left to fend for himself as one of the heavy men made a grab at him. At first he eluded them but the second was on him in an instant and held him up like a trophy. We soon succumbed to, the men that were on our side came in a coordinated movement with one getting a grip on each of Xanthic's wrists. He windmilled his arms round and pushed down forcing the man to let go and then he continued the rotation so he could raise his arms once more and bring his forearms down onto the man's shoulders. He sagged instantly and Xanthic kicked him hard in the torso as he dropped. Rudolph had me by the neck and hair, a big handful of which was being pulled hard as he tipped me backwards by exerting a force to the back of my knee causing it to bend and keeping me off balance and unable to kick backwards at his shins - I tried anyway and painfully landed on the still bending joint.

  "Get off me." I spat at him, it did no good and he only pulled harder enjoying himself.

  "Don't you hurt a hair on her head." demanded Xanthic raising his fists. I felt him trying to raise 'the grey' which failed under the confusion infused into the room by the vampire.

  "You mean anymore than I already have?" Rudolph showed his confidence by pulling again only this time some hair gave and I cried out.

  Xanthic lowered his arms showing if not surrender then at least a temporary cessation to hostilities and stepped away. I sobbed as he backed down looking small, even his ever present melody dimmed to the point of inaudibility.

  "Now you get it big boy. Now back away and Danny will get you a nice new coat with a rear facing zip with matching bracelets." Rudolph relaxed his pressure on me as he spoke with his position of authority.

  "Ha, I don't follow the orders of streaks of reindeer excrement." Xanthic responded and I heard the pace of his aura-sonus start to pick up again.

  Rudolph pulled tighter again as he worked though this slight to his name. "Ha yourself, you're soon to be the one dissected on the table with your organs popped into little jars. And if you beg real nicely we may just kill you before we begin."

  Xanthic pointed over the man’s shoulder, a simple point with no theatrics or pomp. It did its job as Rudolph tugged me round to see the scene unfolding behind us.

  The horde of young women had moved forward and had grabbed hold of the man holding Adym who had got free as their teeth bit into his assailant and with the weight of their attack they pulled great lumps of flesh off the howling man.

  "Don't just cringe down there man, get up and get over here." Xanthic called to Adym who was squatting hugging himself.

  "Danny, Mickey do something." Rudolph called as he got his weapon in his hands, he slashed out with a heavy blow against the nearest girl stumbling towards our group and although it cut deeply across her chest exposing a wound several inches deep she showed no signs of slowing in her advance. She reached out and before Rudolph could retract his arm to follow up his attack she had got her arms on him and pulled them together ripping his throat open with her teeth. Blood spurted from the fresh wound and it poured across the face of the girl and down both their bodies.

  "Run."

  It was a simple command and one of Xanthic's best as far as I was concerned. Adym and I got to him and we flung ourselves into the side room containing the wrecked dumb-waiter and slammed the door shut as bullets sang out from the two remaining henchmen. Through all of this and even though the thick door I could hear the vampire clapping and laughing as the events unfolded before him.

  There was precious little with which to barricade the door, but Xanthic managed to rip some of the framework structure of the kennel type cages off the wall and we pushed then hard against the door. Then there was peace, the only sound was the beating of my heart, then the thuds started.

  They were soft at first, building in repetition rate and number of strikes and I could imagine all eight.....whatever they were now because girls, young women or even humans didn't seem the right way to think of them anymore, hands beating down on the door to get to us inside.

  "What are they?" shrieked Adym. "What under God's Heaven has happened to them?" He was near snapping point and I felt for him, I was too. After the couple of weeks I have had I still found it hard to believe all that I remember and I wondered how much Harahel had told him of this before he left his gleaming white house to come with us here.

  "They can't be zombies, can they?" I uttered putting my back to the makeshift barricade and exerting force to keep it against the door.

  "We've covered this before. A zombie, traditionally speaking, is the trapped soul within a dead body. I want to state this without sounding impressed at all, but these are live bodies devoid of souls. I am impressed, a complete removal of a human soul without ceremony or exorcism. I can't recount a case where anyone has tried this without extensive invasive surgery or the summoning of some fairly big players in the eternal game. But now we have a problem." He said this as a huge thud shuddered the door and we all felt our flimsy protection shift under the constant pressure by at least an inch. We quickly redoubled our efforts and pushed everything back.

  "Fortunately there appears to be a passage to freedom, or a freedom of sorts. There before us lies, or climbs, a shaft away from alm
ost certain death slowly dissolving inside the gut of......for arguments sake, a zombie."

  "But still in the same building as the undead." said Adym in strange tones of absolute calm.

  "Not the undead per say, they are at the moment at least, alive. But I wouldn't call them living. Unalive maybe as a title. Harahel would probably have something written down with his preferred name for them I am sure but right now we have one issue outstanding."

  "Stop talking and get us out of here." I added really not in the mood for a general discussion on terms for things that want to eat me raw.

  An electronic female voice carried into the roof loud but muffled as if speaking behind layers of fabric.

  "Who's an incredible rogue with fantastic hair and an incoming call?" she said before repeating herself.

  Xanthic grinned and dipped a hand into his pocket. "The answer is me." he raised it to his ear and said. "Not a good time"

  The voice on the other side sounded strange and feminine and then it struck me.

  "Not good for me either." the other me said. "Small case of demon feeding in a children's ward here." God I sounded shrill on the phone.

  I knew the response before Xanthic said it. "Big case of zombie infestation here."

  "Are they eating kids?"

  "No, locked in the basement of an abandoned building." he said this into phone just as a big crash on the other side of the door moved us all forward and I dug my heels in to keep the door closed.

  "Well I think I win this time. Stop playing with your friends and get here quick, we need to stop him." I could remember saying this and I knew the worry and stress she, I, was under and I instantly felt afraid for her and her position. Crazy I know as she was me or will be and I am in a much more precarious situation. I wanted to reach out and tell her it'll be O.K.

  "Him? Who's 'him'?" Xanthic asked looking at me and I replied it was Ludo, a flash of recognition passed over his features at the name.

  "I don't know just a demon, I ran without stopping to ask for his calling card.... we need to stop that thing."