by Ciara Knight
“So, how long you two been shagging?” Linda asked.
Drake scooted forward in his seat and narrowed his gaze. “Nana, you promised to behave. And we are not shagging, as you so eloquently put it.”
“Well, why not? It’s obvious you want to.” She smiled. “Oh, stop acting so innocent. We both know your past,” she said to Drake before redirecting her gaze at me. “Now, tell me a little more about this touching thing.”
Drake stood and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. “Scarlet, would you do me a favor? Would you go back to the dining hall and get a coffee for me, and one for you if you’d like? Nana, do you want one?”
She shook her head. “Not unless it has bourbon in it.”
Drake handed me some bills and I’d never been so happy to have an excuse to leave, to take a moment to regroup and prepare for her questions. I took the money, and before I knew what I was doing, I kissed his cheek. It wasn’t something I planned, or decided to do, but I wanted to thank him. When I sat back, feeling my eyes grow wide, he smiled, then leaned down and kissed my cheek.
“Thanks.”
“Oh, you two are definitely going to shag,” Linda mumbled under her breath. Her hands shot up in surrender. “Hey, us old people have to live vicariously through the young.”
I scooted out the door, hastily making my retreat.
“Leave the door open, but close the screen, would ya, darling? That way all the old bats know my handsome grandson is here and they can be jealous.”
I did as she said then hurried to the path that led back to the dining hall. Walking back through the colorful fall leaves, I took my time to clear my head. To my relief, there were only a few people still there, and none seemed to pay any attention to me. There was a kitchen toward the back and I found a service counter with a lady behind it. “Is this where I get coffee?”
“Yes, ma’am.” She poured two cups then directed me to the table with the sugar and cream. I’d seen Drake add one sugar and a dash of cream to his coffee, so I fixed it the way I thought he liked it then headed back to Linda’s apartment.
Rounding the corner, I heard them speaking. Not wanting to interrupt, I sat on a bench outside and sipped my coffee for a moment.
“She’s so different from anyone I’ve ever known,” Drake was saying. “Well, except for Devon.”
“Devon?”
Drake’s voice deepened. “Yes, she’s so talented and great with numbers, but has issues with certain senses. Like Devon did.”
“That’s why you brought her to meet me. Because you want me to help you understand her better,” Linda said.
Drake sighed. “Yes, but I also wanted you to meet her.”
“I see. Are you with her to make up for not being there for your brother?” Linda asked.
“No. I mean, she’s intriguing. Special.”
I knew I shouldn’t listen in, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to know, to confirm that Drake’s words to me were how he really felt, not pity for the poor girl I feared he saw me as.
“If you haven’t shagged her, then she must be special.”
“Why are you so obsessed with sex all the time?” Drake chuckled.
“Because I don’t get any. Anyway, I like her. Thank the Lord, you finally found a girl worth meeting. I mean, she’s got character and originality, not some cookie-cutter socialite like you usually go for.”
“Why don’t you tell me how you really feel,” Drake said drily.
Linda coughed a few times then cleared her throat. “So, tell me about this touching issue.”
Drake didn’t speak for a moment. “I don’t know how much she’d feel comfortable with me sharing. I won’t betray her trust. But I will say, she’s been through hell. Most girls wouldn’t survive. Heck, some men I know wouldn’t, either. She not only made it out of the insanity of her youth, she’s optimistic of the future. On top of that, she’s a math genius, musically gifted, independent, and pure at heart.”
“You’ve changed.”
I heard heavy steps and I pressed back against the bench, hoping he couldn’t see me through the window.
“In what way?”
“You’re not such a superficial ass. It’s not all about you.”
I heard nothing for a moment, then Drake said, “Maybe she does bring out a softer side of me, I don’t know. But maybe it’s because there’s no head games with her. She’s just who she is, and I can be me.”
Linda chuckled. “Oh, you got it bad. I think this is the first time you’ve ever opened your heart to someone.”
Breath caught in my lungs, but not the usual way where it felt like it was holding me hostage. More like screaming at me that I needed to listen carefully to what he said in response.
“I think you’re jumping ahead. We just met a few weeks ago. I mean, I definitely feel something.”
“Drake, darlin’, it can take one look to know when you’ve found a good match. You’re just male and it takes your brain longer to process. Give it time. You’re young, but don’t let this one go.”
Two ladies walked up. “Hello. Are you the young lady I heard was visiting Linda?”
Busted. I knew Drake and his grandmother heard them. I quickly stood, the plastic cups shaking in my hands. I didn’t want to leave that moment. I wanted to think about what they had said. No one had taken the time to get to know me since my mother. Collecting myself as quickly as I could manage I smiled at the ladies. “Yes, I was just walking back with some coffee.”
“Looked more like eavesdropping to me,” the silver-haired lady said as loud as she could.
Heat radiated over my skin. What was it with the women in this place? Without another word, I walked up to the door. “Hey, can you open the screen, my hands are full.”
Drake shot up and crossed the room. “Get lost out there?” He winked.
I sipped my coffee and sat quietly as Linda and Drake caught up on his business and how things had been going lately. There were stories shared about his childhood and I felt like I got to know his brother and parents a little. The sad draw of his mouth each time they were mentioned did something inside me. A twinge of something not good, but I’d never felt it before.
Drake set his empty coffee cup on the small wooden table. “Do you remember when you caught Devon with Mom’s Victoria’s Secret catalog in the garage?”
Linda roared with laughter. “Yes, I thought the kid was gonna wet himself.”
Drake rubbed his forehead. “I was hiding behind Dad’s workbench when you came in. I was the one who handed him the magazine and then hid. He sat there, looking like taxidermy mounted on a wall. I still don’t know why he took the fall for me.”
“Because he was your little brother and he adored you,” Linda said softly. “What are you thinking about over there, Scarlet?”
Linda’s words drew me from my self-reflecting haze. “I was just thinking about family.”
Linda leaned forward on her cane. Her perfectly manicured nails dangled over the handle. “Do you know where your family is, hon?”
I traced the rim of the lid on my coffee cup. “Don’t know. I mean, when my mother died the social workers called some distant relatives. They were supposed to collect me from some courthouse, but they didn’t show. The social workers tried to call again but could never reach them.”
“You were just left?”
I nodded.
“Where did they take you?”
“An orphanage for the first few nights, but with the noises and such I ended up running away. I slept better on the streets.”
“You were only nine? How long did you live on the streets?”
“A few days, then to foster care for two years until I ran away again. Made it about eight months that time. I would have managed to stay out of the system, too, but I passed out from pneumonia and they placed me in a foster home outside the city.”
Drake looked at his grandmother then back at me. “How long did you live there?”
“Too
long.” I chuckled. “The police didn’t show up for about a year. At that point I was transferred to another orphanage for a while.”
This time Linda asked the question. “Why did the police show up?”
My hands trembled and I set my cup on the table. “They said it was because the foster parents weren’t allowed to beat us, or burn us with cigarettes, or lock us in closets.”
Chapter Sixteen
The return trip down the winding road through the mountains was quiet. It was as if we both had a lot to think about. Something told me his grandmother had that effect on people.
Unable to bear it any longer, I finally broke the silence. “I liked your grandmother. She doesn’t hold any punches and says what’s on her mind.”
Drake merged onto the highway. “She liked you, too. Actually, I think you even helped us get a little closer.”
“Me? How did I do that?”
“She’s always thought of me as a rich asshole who doesn’t care about anyone but myself. My brother was the one she admired. Not that she didn’t love us both, but they connected in a different way, both being creative types. Grandmother was on the stage for years. She was a talented singer and dancer. My father was the man of the house and I was more like him. I think he took on the role of protector and provider because my grandmother was a free spirit, but she loved him. After my parents and brother died, I started visiting her. I’d been so busy with my job, I’d never made it up here before that.”
I watched his smooth movements as he switched lanes and adjusted his broad shoulders in the seat, but I didn’t speak.
“In the last year, I started visiting more often. Now I go up every Sunday for a couple of hours. She likes it. The manager of the facility says she starts getting ready for my visits the minute she wakes up Sunday morning. In the beginning, I went because I felt like it was the right thing to do. Now I look forward to seeing her.” He glanced over at me with a strange twinkle in his eye. “I’m glad I met you now and not a year ago. You would’ve hated me. Heck, I hated myself.”
“When you had everything? Nice clothes, a roof over your head? You were succeeding.” I couldn’t comprehend not being happy when you didn’t have to scrap for food or hide from authorities.
He drove in silence for a minute before answering. “I can see why you’d think that, but sometimes having money doesn’t make you happy. I was empty inside. Although, I’m not sure I knew it at the time. I’ve been sitting on the fence, waffling between making this place work and returning to my old life. I didn’t want to fail my brother, but now I don’t want to fail myself, either.” He sighed. “I’m not sure I’m making any sense.”
I thought about all I’d done wrong in my life and what I could change and learn from. “I’m not good at sharing, but I’ve done things, too.” I took a long breath and watched the buildings come into view ahead.
“You can trust me. I won’t judge. I have no room for judging. I’ve cost people their jobs so I could rise to the top.”
I slid my hand from his, knowing I couldn’t speak of things while touching him. I didn’t know why. I just couldn’t. He didn’t stop me, or give me a strange look. Instead, he placed his hand back on the steering wheel and his other on the turn signal as if nothing happened. “Remember I told you about the foster parents I lived with?”
Drake gripped the wheel tight. “Yes.”
“I did things there. There were so many of us and so little food. At the time, I told myself I did what had to be done, but because of me a boy almost died.” Memories of Scott, a boy living at the same foster home, pleading and bleeding because of me, strangled my insides. “I stole food from the kitchen then blamed a boy. As reward for telling, they strapped him to the barn door and everyone watched while I beat him. He cried and begged for me to tell the truth, but I didn’t listen.”
Drake pulled off the interstate into a gas station. Was he going to tell me to get out of his car? That he never wanted to see me again?
He turned into a parking space and shoved the gearshift into park. Leaning over the steering wheel, he closed his eyes. I held my breath. It was better this all ended now. This was just a dream that would never happen. People like me didn’t end up with guys like him.
He let go of the wheel and turned to me. I shrunk back against the door. His face softened. “You were a little girl then. You’re not responsible for what those monsters made you do. I’m not sure I could control myself if I ever found those people. I hope they’re locked away in jail.”
I swallowed the large rock in my throat and focused on chipping my nail polish. “You don’t hate me?”
“Scarlet, I could never hate you.” He lowered his hand to his side. “Can I touch your arm?”
I nodded, but my body tensed until his fingers grazed my wrist then moved to my shoulder. He squeezed, and I thought he’d kiss me, I hoped he’d kiss me, but instead he sat back and held my fingers in his hand. He sat silent for a moment and I wanted to know what he was thinking. But I didn’t know what to do. How was I supposed to understand his thoughts without just outright asking him? I scanned my memory for any social cues I’d picked up on but couldn’t find anything.
“Drake?” I whispered.
He shook his head as if to clear it. “Yes?”
“This might be one of those moments I don’t understand. Am I supposed to do something?”
One eyebrow rose. “Do you want to do something?”
“Yes,” I mumbled under my breath.
“What?”
I swallowed and watched his thumb move back and forth over my hand. “I-I don’t know if it’s what I should do, or if it’s the right time. I’m not good at knowing those kind of things.” He sat in silence, so I continued. “I want to kiss you.” His shoulders relaxed and I realized I’d kept him in suspense with my words. “Sorry, I just thought I was supposed to do something else, but I didn’t know what.”
Drake tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. I knew he was careful not to touch my neck. “Kiss me anytime you want. There’s never a wrong time.”
A flutter in my belly tickled me, but I ignored it and cupped his face. His hint of stubble felt rough under my fingers, but I liked it. I nibbled at his lower lip, like he’d done to mine the other day. He tasted like the coffee we’d had at his grandmother’s, one of my favorite flavors.
A vibration in my belly surged outward and covered my spine, ribs, and shoulders. When our kiss deepened, the hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up. My breath caught, and I had to break the kiss to fill my lungs, but I didn’t want to give up my exploration. I’d never taken time to learn how to kiss, or taste, or smell someone. And this was Drake, eye candy of epic proportions that any girl with eyeballs would fall for. Yet he sat here in the car, allowing me the time to see him in another way.
I lingered at his collar, enjoying a hint of earthy scent on his shirt. I paused, circling my nose around a button before I pressed my lips to his neck. His head tilted back as I rounded to his ear. Moving my hands through his soft hair, I nibbled on his earlobe and his hands clutched my arms tight. It startled me and I jerked away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to stop.”
Drake gasped. “I got a little too excited. I’m trying to control myself, but you make it tough.” He lowered his head to my shoulder and I ran my nails up and down the back of his neck, wishing I could handle the same touch done to me. “I’ve never been so excited by a kiss. You’ve got me all turned around.”
“I’ll stop.” I turned in my seat to face forward and dropped my hands to my side.
“No, don’t ever stop. I just need to learn to control myself. I don’t want to take things too far, too fast. This is new to me. I’m used to having sex five minutes after I meet a girl that I’m interested in, but that’s not what I want with you. I want more.”
This time it was my turn to quirk an eyebrow at him. “I don’t understand. You don’t want to have sex with me?”
“Oh, I want to have sex
with you.” He blew air out through his lips and gripped the steering wheel again. “It’s taking everything I have not to take you right here and now without a care of who could see us.”
I tried to follow his words, but it didn’t make sense. “You want to have sex with me a lot, but you won’t?”
“Right.”
“I thought women were supposed to be the complicated ones.” I sighed.
Drake put the car in gear. “Let’s get back to the club. It’s getting late. I’ll try to explain myself better along the way.” He maneuvered the car back up the interstate. “You mentioned something today and I want to know if you’re willing to try it with me.”
“Sexual?” I asked.
Drake laughed. “Intimate, yes. Sexual, no. You know how you mentioned your mother did something called cuddle therapy?”
“Yes,” I answered, ignoring the nervous twitch in my leg.
“How did she do that?”
I clutched my knee to try to still the uncontrollable shaking in my leg. “She just held me all night. Why?”
Drake took a long breath, his chest rising and falling. “I have a theory, so I want to try something.”
“Like a hypothesis?” I finally stretched my leg out to make it stop bouncing.
“Yes, like a hypothesis. You’re so tense when I first touch you, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I know you’ve had sex for what you consider to be some sort of chemical release, and that you’ve never been with a guy that’s taken his time for you to get familiar with his touch. To get used to holding you before he moved to other areas of your body, right?”
I shrugged, pulling my hoodie sleeves over my hands. “No, like I told you before, the only sex I’ve had, when I wasn’t high, was quick and over.”
His face tightened, in that stressed way again. What was I saying that was making him upset? “Is that wrong?”
He lowered his hand to the center console, palm up and I thought for a second then took it.
“See? You can respond.” Drake changed lanes then glanced at me before he continued. “I want you to know what it’s like to be with someone who takes your needs into consideration. I’ve never been a selfish lover, but more for the sake of saving face when girls gossip. I cared more about wanting to maintain my reputation. I know it’s sad. Don’t ever repeat that. I’ll deny it even if you do.”