Silver Edge

by Ciara Knight

  “Listen, I’ve got to go. Remember, I got that wedding in Savannah tomorrow for my cousin. I’ll be back on Tuesday.” Hawaiian held up his cell phone. “You guys need somethin’, call me. Oh, I forgot, Ton wanted me to tell you he called.”

  “Thanks.”

  Drake tossed his phone onto the pile in front of me. “Here, call him. I’ll walk Walter out and lock up.”

  I fell back in the chair and dialed Ton’s number. It rang once, and he answered. “Hey, that you, Scarlet?”

  “Yeah, it’s me. How are ya?”

  “Good. You sound tired.”

  I sighed. “I am. I’m working on this big event here.”

  “What kind of event?” Concern etched his voice. “You need to be careful about taking on too much.”

  “I’m fine. The event is an Edge Fest here in Atlanta. I’m trying to save the music venue I’m working at. We’ve got groups sending in CDs from all over the world. It’s amazing.”

  “You’re doing that on your own?” Ton asked, that overprotective tone in his voice.

  I slid the letter opener through the top of a bubble envelope. “Not alone, but I came up with the idea and I’m booking the bands and creating the set schedule. Drake is doing all the media stuff, though. Radio and TV interviews aren’t my thing.”

  He chuckled. “No, I don’t think they are. So, tell me about this Drake.”

  I concentrated on keeping my tone light, not giving any indication of our continuing drama. “He owns the place we’re trying to save.”

  “Is that all he is to you? Your boss?”

  “Yes. He’s my boss, nothing more,” I snapped.

  “I see. Have you had sex with him?” Ton was the only other person I knew in the world who was more blunt than I was.

  “No, I didn’t fuck my boss to get the job.” I fought the rising anger inside me, but I was losing.

  “I didn’t say you had. How’s your desire to get high?”

  I clutched my knee, forcing my voice to calm. “I’m not high, I didn’t fuck anyone I met on the street, and I haven’t touched a sip of alcohol. I’ve remained committed to my promise.”

  There was silence for a moment. “You’re doing well, Scarlet. I’m proud of you.”

  A peculiar feeling, a kind of lightness lifted me. That was the first time he’d praised me since the night I’d made the promise to commit to this lifestyle. He didn’t give compliments easily. “Thank you.”

  “But there’s something else bothering you, isn’t there? You can ask me anything, Scarlet. I’m not here to judge you. I want to help prevent you from making mistakes, not condemn you when you do.”

  My mind spun out of control with the thought of someone helping me decipher Drake. “I do have a question, but you won’t like it, and I’m not sure I want to ask you.”

  “Whether I like it or not, you want an answer or you wouldn’t have brought it up. Instead, you would’ve made a quick excuse to get off the phone.” Ton was right. He knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

  “Fine. How do you know when it’s okay to sleep with someone and not consider it promiscuous sex?”

  A long silence filled the phone line.

  “Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “Don’t hang up, Scarlet. It’s not that. The fact you said sleep instead of fuck or sex means something. You’ve never used the term sleep with anyone. It shows you’re thinking in a different way. As far as an answer to your question goes, a committed relationship where you love each other is the best way to remain straight.”

  I sighed. “How do you know when it’s love and not lust?”

  He cleared his throat. “You’ll know, Scarlet, but don’t rush into anything. If you want me to talk to this guy, I will.”

  “No, please. I don’t want that. Don’t worry. He’s not pressuring me or anything, so you have nothing to worry about. Don’t go showing up here with a golf club to beat him up.”

  Ton laughed. “That only happened once.”

  Out of all the forced conversations between us, this one was the strangest. Ton sounded different. “Are you okay?”

  “You asking because I’m not yelling at you to come home?” Ton asked.

  “Um, yeah. Actually, you’re not lecturing, ordering, or even Ton-threatening.”

  “Ton-threatening? Really?” Ton tried to sound annoyed, but there was a hint of happiness to his voice.

  “Are you high?” I blurted.

  “No, Scarlet, I’m not high. I’m thankful. You’re doing well. I’ll admit, Walter kept me from racing to Atlanta to bring you home.”

  I huffed. “You’ve been talking to Hawaiian? So you didn’t trust me.”

  There was a moment of silence, and I knew he was choosing his words carefully. “No, I didn’t, but I’m starting to. It takes a while. I’ve been burned by people in the Straight Edge community before. I’ve seen too many fall back into their old ways.”

  “That girl you brought in the day I left?” I asked, guilt slapping me in the face for abandoning her and Ton.

  “She ran off, but she’s back now. I’m not sure she’s committed enough to make it, though.”

  I had an urge to reach through the phone and hug him. Odd. “You can’t save everyone.”

  “I can try.”

  I heard Drake’s footsteps sound outside the door. “Thanks, Ton. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Bye, Scarlet. Take care.”

  I hit end and eyed the mound of work in front of me.

  Drake leaned against the doorjamb. “Go get some sleep.”

  I shook my head and ripped open the next envelope. “If you’re staying up, I can, too.”

  He sighed. “No. I’ll come to bed soon. You go ahead.”

  “What? Like three nights ago when I woke up and you weren’t there? No thanks. I’m fine. That bed is too big to be in alone.” I returned to ripping envelopes open until Drake’s hand appeared in front of me.

  “We’ll go together. I think we’re both tired enough we can behave ourselves.”

  I stood but didn’t take his hand. The thought of touching him then letting him go angered me, so I sauntered past him. I removed my bra and jeans and sank into the bed, curling into a fetal position on the edge of the mattress.

  The light flicked off and the bed dipped under his weight. Drake wrapped his arm around me. I stiffened. After several heartbeats, I relaxed, allowing him to gently tug me to the center of the bed. His arms wrapped tighter around me and I returned to the safe cocoon from the first night we slept in his room.

  “Try to sleep. We have to get up in the morning and hit the road.”

  “To where?” I asked, curiosity breaking my will not to speak to him.

  “To visit my grandmother.”

  My body tensed. “I’ll stay and work. You go visit your grandmother.”

  Drake sat up on his elbow and brushed the hair from my forehead. “Scarlet, I want you to go with me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to spend time with you, get to know you better. When the Battle of the Bands is over, I want to go on dates and have a relationship. I want you to be as much a part of my life as my grandmother is.”

  I thought about his words for a moment; all we’d done was ignore each other the last week. I didn’t want another afternoon of awkward silence. “I’ve got all those CDs to listen to so I can finish the lineup.”

  “We’ll take them with us and listen in the car. I’d like to hear some of them, too. I’ll make sure we go early and come back early, okay? Please say you’ll go with me. Grandmother asked specifically if you’d be going.”

  “She did? Why?”

  Drake tucked a stray hair behind my ear then cuddled into my side again. “Because she knows you’re important to me and she said I haven’t shut up about you since we met.”

  “Drake?”

  “Yes?”

  I wanted to ask him if he felt different yet, but it didn’t seem right. Asking someone
if they were ready to sleep with you. “Never mind.”

  Drake squeezed me tighter against him. “Talk to me. I know I screwed up, but I want to fix this. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to be hurt, but most of all I don’t want to lose you.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to figure out what to say or what to ask without sounding like a child. I had no real knowledge of trying to date someone, so I couldn’t grasp anything. “You said you didn’t want to be with me because you didn’t want to rush me, but really you don’t want to be with me because you’re scared I can’t handle it?”

  “Yes, and no. I know you can handle it. When the time is right, when you trust me, and you are ready and I am ready.”

  I feathered my fingers over his shoulder, longing to feel close to him again. “When will that be?”

  He sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “I wish I understood.”

  His eyelashes fluttered against my cheeks. “I’m trying to understand myself.”

  “So, I’m not the only one lost here? At times, I feel trapped and want to run from all this. Other times, I want to stay and feel the way I do right now. This safe warmth with a hint of excitement. It sounds stupid, but I’ve never felt this before and I like it.”

  “Me, too.” He rubbed his thumb up and down my arm, leaving a trail of tingles behind. “Is this okay?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, then closed my eyes. The warmth on my back and around my body lulled me to sleep, but this time I didn’t make it all night in his arms.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  My head thundered with a deep pulse. My body shook wilder than a bass speaker at full volume. I swung, kicking and screaming, but I couldn’t move.

  “Scarlet!” A deep voice broke through, but I couldn’t see where it came from in the darkness.

  “Wake up. I’m here. Open your eyes.”

  I forced my eyes open and light flooded into my vision. Drake straddled my waist, holding my arms down by my sides. It took a moment for my brain to register it was him, but my body kept thrashing against the current of energy and pain shooting through my body. “Get off,” I ordered. “Let go.”

  I couldn’t breathe. I gulped and sputtered and, finally, he released me. Piercing light shot to the back of my eyes through my skull into my brain. I closed my eyes and rolled onto my side.

  A hand touched my shoulder and I flung myself off the bed onto the floor. Tucking my knees into my chest, I rocked through the terror attacking every nerve in my body. Panting, I glanced up and saw Drake dabbing at his bloodied lip.

  Oh, God. What had I done? “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

  Drake slid from the bed and stepped softly around the footboard, his eyes wide and his hands up as if in surrender. “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.”

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “I’m fine.” Drake dropped to his knees and I retreated back into the corner, unable to accept a connection with anything in the world right then. He scooted away and leaned his back against the wall.

  “Go. Don’t look at me.” I buried my face into my knees.

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  I continued rocking, fighting to regain control, but the more I tried the more my ribs tightened like a vice around my middle, squeezing every last drop of air from my lungs.

  “Breathe. Don’t think about anything but breathing. Listen to me.” He inhaled long and deep then exhaled in the same slow pattern.

  I followed his lead, but all I could think about was the fact I’d hit him. “Go. Just go.”

  “No.” His voice sounded stern. “Now, shut up and listen to my breathing.”

  I did as he said and the bone-crunching pain subsided to a dull ache after about twenty breaths. The room spun, and I lifted my head up.

  “That’s it. You’re doing it.” Drake scooted a little closer. This time I didn’t shrink away, but my breathing quickened again.

  He stopped and leaned against the bed. “It’s okay. I won’t touch you.”

  I nodded and kept rocking until my heart stopped giving my insides a beat down. Each breath came a little easier until I managed to sink back against the wall, exhausted. My hands trembled and my arms and legs felt like Gumby.

  Drake rubbed his hands over his bare knees. “What happened? Bad dream?”

  I managed a mini shrug. “Think so, but I don’t remember. I never remember.”

  “I’m going to get up. Stay here.”

  “I should go,” I said through trembling lips.

  He glowered down at me but then swaggered away. The faucet turning on in the bathroom sounded over the thudding in my ears, then Drake shut the curtains before returning. “Let’s get you in a warm tub and you can relax for a bit.”

  The thought of a warm bath sounded like a good idea. It would ease the aching in my joints and muscles that were still struggling to return to full function. I pushed from the floor, but my arms felt like I’d been doing chin-ups for an hour.

  Drake squatted in front of me. “I’m going to help you.”

  He waited until I nodded before he reached for my shirt and tugged it over my head, his skin never making contact with mine. I sat there in my thong and utter embarrassment.

  “Can you stand?” Drake asked.

  I clutched the side of the bed and made it to one knee, then up on two, my legs feeling more like numb stumps. They wobbled beneath me.

  “I’m going to carry you to the bathroom.” He stood and opened his arms around me. Slowly, his skin made contact with mine. He paused for a second, then lifted me, and my head fell to the side against his shoulder.

  Steam already covered the mirror and the room smelled of fresh lilac. He lowered me to the floor and slipped my thong down before holding my hand to assist me as I climbed into the tub. The warm water welcomed me, the soothing liquid rippling along my skin.

  Drake knelt by the tub. “I bought some different shampoo and soap this morning when I went out. This was the mildest scent I could find. I knew you didn’t like mine.”

  “It’s perfect.” I straightened my legs, and the trembling subsided. “I like your scents, on you. It’s wrong on me.”

  “Have you had an attack this bad before? Is there something else I can do for you?”

  “Don’t know. I usually just sit in a corner alone until it passes.”

  Drake took a handful of water and dribbled it down my back. “You don’t have to go through this alone anymore,” he said in the raspy tone he usually got when he was upset or worried.

  “It’s fine. I’ve been alone a long time. I’m used to it.” My heart told me to send him away. That having someone tend to my needs was a bad idea. I’d either feel smothered, or they’d inevitably get sick of me and leave. Eventually, everyone left, so it would be stupid to get used to anyone being around. “It’s all good now. You can go.”

  The water stopped and I assumed he was leaving until the faucet cut back on. “I’m not leaving you. Trust me, I’m not like the guys you used to know. I’m not the guy I used to know. Now, lean back.”

  I closed my eyes and arched back until the water poured over my head. It warmed the cold piercing in between my eyes and eased the ache in my neck. His hand slipped under my head, but he was careful where he touched it.

  “I want to help you, the way you’ve helped me.” The knobs squealed and the water stopped behind me. “I’m going to shampoo your hair.” He squeezed pale-blue liquid into his hands and rubbed it between his palms. “It might be a little cold.” The lukewarm liquid fell in droplets onto my head, and he massaged my scalp. I sat rigid in the tub, but the rhythmic swirls and perfect pressure of his fingers eased the burning on my scalp.

  A small moan fell from my lips, and he continued for several minutes until my body relaxed into the steamy warmth.

  “The marks on the back of your neck. They are burns?”

  I nodded.

  “I would kiss them all away if I could. I would kiss all your troubles away,” Dra
ke said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

  I stiffened, feeling exposed and vulnerable in this man’s hands.

  “I’m going to rinse your hair now.” His fingers were gone, and I wanted them to return.

  The water cut on with a chill to my spine before it heated again. “Sorry, pipes are old.” He leaned me back, holding my head with tender care with one hand and running his fingers through the long strands with the other.

  He repeated with conditioner and by the end I was putty in his arms. I leaned into him and he sat cross-legged by the tub and held my head to his chest. Lips pressed to my head, he held me tight. “You’re safe now.”

  His phone rang in the bedroom, jolting me back to reality.

  I bolted upright and crossed my arms over my chest. “You should get that.”

  “In a minute.” He sat for a moment, stroking my hair.

  “I’m fine now. Promise.” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince him or myself.

  He handed me the soap and pushed from the ground to stand over me. “I’ll let you do the rest, but don’t stand up until I’m back.” He left me in the tub with a bar of soap, warm water, and a thousand racing thoughts.

  I pushed them to the side and finished bathing. The warm water melted the remaining tension from my limbs, and I laid back in the tub. When I lowered my head beneath the surface, Drake’s voice sounded far away instead of in the next room. I closed my eyes and wished we were back in bed with his arms wrapped around me, no more freak-out sessions to interrupt us.

  I opened my eyes to find Drake standing next to the tub with a towel in hand. “We need to get on the road. I’ve got to be back here by four o’clock for an interview. I promise to give you more time tonight if you want another hot bath.”

  A fluffy brown towel welcomed me from the tub. “I’m going back to the warehouse tonight.”

  “Why?”

  “You don’t need this right now. There’s too much going on. Besides, you need sleep more than playing doctor to a freak.”