Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

  “It does make sense. I like Marco a lot, but you’re right, I don’t really know him the way I need to yet. I will take it slow, I promise. Anyway, I don’t even know if he likes me that way. He hasn’t dropped any hints or whatever you’re supposed to do. And I don’t know how to let him know that I like him, let alone ask him on a date. I have zero experience in the dating world.”

  A mischievous grin began to appear on David’s face, and his father noticed. “What are you smiling about?”

  David could feel his face getting hot. “Well, actually, I kind of lied. I did go on a date a couple of months ago.”

  “You did? Who with?” his father asked, with a surprised look.

  “Tyler. He asked me if I would be his date for one of Melissa’s movie nights, and I said yes. Honestly, I don’t think it qualifies as a real date, but we hung out together the entire night.”

  “Wow. I would have never guessed. Is Tyler gay?”

  “Will you promise to keep what I’m about to say just between you and I?”

  “Of course.”

  “That means you can’t say anything to mom, ok?”

  “I promise.”

  “Well, I definitely think he’s questioning. I’ve suspected it for a couple of years. If he is gay I want to be there for him when he comes out, like he was for me.”

  “I’m glad. I don’t know how your mom and I would have handled things if Tyler hadn’t been there for you, and for us.” David’s face went ashen at the thought. “I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for him. Gay or straight, I want to be there for him. I want him to be happy.”

  At that point David decided to tell his father everything because his emotions were getting the best of him just thinking about it. “Tyler kissed me twice that night.”

  “Oh,” his dad said, slightly shocked. “Were you expecting that to happen?”

  “No, but he shared something personal with me, so I asked him to kiss me, and he did, and it felt perfect. It was like I knew we were made for each other.”

  “So, I take it you like Tyler too?”

  “Yeah. I’ve had a crush on him since 8th grade. I never seriously thought for even a second that he might feel the same way about me. So, as you can see, this whole situation has become rather complicated.”

  “I can see that. Just know that you have plenty of time to work this out. Be patient.”

  Twenty minutes later they watched Marco’s plane land. David breathed a sigh of relief as it taxied safely down the runway, its lights blinking triumphantly as remnants of the snowstorm continued to gently fall.

  David was standing next to his father just beyond the waiting area when Marco finally walked out of the jetway in a sea of people. His heart went into hyperdrive as soon as their eyes met. Marco was trying to politely maneuver his way through as quickly as possible while David walked towards him. As soon as they were face to face, Marco put his backpack on the floor and gave David a lingering hug. “It’s good to see you again.”

  “Same here. I’m really happy that you’re here. I’m sorry about all the snow, but this is typical Michigan weather. How was your flight?”

  “The flight was good. I apologize for the delay. I hope you and your father weren’t too bored waiting around.”

  “No, not at all. I’m just glad you’re here safe and sound.”

  David’s father hung back just long enough to give them a few moments alone. “Marco, you remember my dad.”

  “Of course.” They shook hands. “It’s nice to see you again Mr. Emerson. Thank you for extending the invitation to visit David.”

  “I’m happy that you could make it. And congratulations on your acceptance to Columbia. Your parents must be very proud of you.”

  “Thanks. They are. I’m sure you and Mrs. Emerson feel the same way about David.”

  “We definitely do. I’m sure it is an exciting time for everyone.”

  While Marco skillfully exchanged pleasantries, his thoughts remained focused on David. He couldn’t believe that he was finally standing next to him. Underneath his skin, Marco’s veins were pulsing wildly knowing his heart was feeling something real for the first time in years. And his eyes reaffirmed that David was an angel sent just for him. Marco loved how his shy smile and confident words revealed that timeless paradox of innocence and knowledge. It shook Marco to his very core knowing David possessed both attributes.

  “I hope you’re hungry,” David said, skillfully interrupting the parental twenty question game.

  “I am a bit hungry as a matter of fact.”

  “Good. My mom is making roast beef for dinner.”

  Marco’s face lit up. “Actually, I’m starving. I love roast beef.”

  “I remember you telling me, so my mom is making it just for you.”

  “That is so nice of her.”

  “Let’s head to the baggage claim and get your luggage and get out of here.”

  Marco made a request while they waited for his luggage. “Will you take me for a ride on your snowmobile after dinner?”

  “I was planning on it. The trails are unbelievable right now.”

  “Cool, I can’t wait see what it is all about.”

  The ride back to Harbor Springs gave Marco a chance to see some of the vast Michigan wilderness. Marco’s favorite writer came to mind while absorbing his new surroundings.

  With each mile further into the forest, he began to feel the quietude, the isolation, the loneliness one must come to know and embrace, that solitary rite of passage through fear, through loss, through self-destructive doubt, through near-death, in order to find some sliver of truth. Hemingway almost succeeded. Marco was determined to.

  A half hour later the road began snaking through the forest in roller coaster-esque fashion as they got closer to Harbor springs. It twisted around hill after hill, rising and falling like an age old fairy tale before making the final ascent to the crest, revealing a deep blue expanse pristinely wedged between the forest and sky. “Is that Lake Michigan?” asked Marco, eyes wide.

  “Yeah. What do you think?”

  “It’s so blue. So alive. I thought it would be frozen solid. It is the second time today that I have seen what perfection looks like.”

  “Yeah, I never get tired of the view.”

  A couple of minutes later they turned onto Tamarac Trail and then finally into David’s driveway. It had been freshly plowed, adding at least two more feet of snow, making the snow banks close to seven feet high. No one said a word as the house came into view. The Christmas lights were twinkling soft and warm all across the front porch, and on seven pine trees adjacent to the house, giving it an enchanted look. “Your home is beautiful,” Marco said. “It looks just like a Christmas card.”

  “Thanks. My dad and uncles built it.” David was proud of that fact.

  “I am truly amazed. You have an artistic eye Mr. Emerson.”

  “Thanks. It was definitely a labor of love.”

  David’s mother opened the door and greeted them as they walked up the front steps.

  “How were the roads? I was starting to get a little worried about you guys.”

  “They were fine.” David’s father said, giving her a ‘look what I brought home’ smile.

  He gave her a kiss and then moved to the side. David was all smiles as he gave his mom a hug. “Mom, this is Marco.” She shook his hand. “Marco, I am happy that you could come for a visit.”

  “It is very nice to meet you in person Mrs. Emerson. Your home is breathtaking.”

  “Thank you. Come in out of the cold you two.” David gave his mom a shy smile as he followed Marco inside. She gave him the mom look of approval.

  “Well Marco, as you can see, we are a little off the beaten path,” she said, with a slight laugh.

  “I love it. I feel like I’ve stepped into another world.” While Marco was taking off his leather jacket he noticed David’s sister staring at him from the kitchen entryway. He gave her his tried and true smile and said
hello. David took his jacket and introduced her. “Marco, this is my sister Audrey.”

  “It is nice to meet you Audrey. You have a beautiful name.” She blushed ten shades of red. “H-hi,” she stuttered with an enamored gaze. “I like your name too.”

  “Why don’t you guys go to the great room and relax. Dinner is almost ready. I’m sure you boys are starving,” said David’s mom.

  “That’s for sure. Dinner smells delicious Mrs. Emerson.”

  “I made Roast Beef. David told me it was a favorite of yours.”

  “It definitely is. Thank you for making it.”

  “I’ll call you guys when it’s ready.”

  Marco couldn’t believe what he saw when he followed David through the entryway into the great room. He looked around in quiet awe at the twenty-five foot vaulted ceiling, the post and beam construction, the hand hued logs, the fieldstone fireplace blazing away, and a Christmas tree at least twenty feet tall, decorated with hand-made ornaments, tinsel, and vintage multi-colored Christmas lights. Everything about the room reflected warmth, family, and love. It wasn’t pretentious, or staged, like most aspects of his world.

  “David, this room makes me feel like I belong here.”

  “I know what you mean. I love to sneak in here after everyone has gone to sleep. I like to cuddle up by the fire and read, or play guitar, or think about crazy theories.”

  During dinner David and his family enjoyed Marco’s stories about growing up in New York City, and all of the places he had traveled. The conversation gave David a chance to know more about him without having to ask a million questions himself. The tension that was evident when they first sat down had all but disappeared when the conversation became more animated. Everyone started sharing funny stories about their past. Marco couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed so hard and felt so normal. For David, his worries about their different upbringings were slowly being laid to rest.

  When dinner and the stories finally ended, David and Marco helped clear the dishes from the table, rinsed them, and put them in the dishwasher. This was a first for Marco. Everyone pitched in, which made him feel like one of the family.

  “David, why don’t you help Marco take his suitcases to the den and get settled,” his dad suggested, knowing they probably wanted some privacy. David’s smile confirmed that observation. “Come on Marco, I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping and then I’ll take you on a quick tour of my bedroom and give you your Christmas present and then I’ll take you snowmobiling through the woods,” he said, all in one excited breath.

  “Cool. I need to give you your gift too.” Marco put the dish towel on the counter and thanked David’s parents for the excellent dinner, and for making him feel so welcome. They got the suitcases from the foyer and made a quick beeline to the den. “I love the rustic ambiance,” Marco said, when they walked in.

  “I hope this will be comfortable enough for you. The pullout couch has a pretty firm mattress, and there are sheets, pillows, and blankets in the closet. I’ll help you set everything up.”

  “Thanks. This den has a cozy feel. I’m sure I’ll sleep well.” Marco began to scan the bookshelves, which were methodically arranged into areas of fiction, non-fiction, history by centuries, and of course math and science. “This is an awesome library.”

  “As you can see, my family likes to read.”

  Marco took the suitcase he was holding and laid it on the floor. He opened it and took out David’s present. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Thank you so much. Let’s go to my room so I can give you your present. We can open them together.” Marco’s enjoyed looking at David’s cute little tush as he followed him down the hall. He wanted to kiss David. He wanted to feel David’s slender body against his, and… Marco realized that he needed to slow his mind down before he completely lost it.

  David, on the other hand, was nervous about revealing his entire life to someone he liked, but barely knew. He held his breath when they walked in to his bedroom, hoping for the best.

  Marco didn’t say anything for a few seconds as he took it all in. The small intimate space revealed what David was all about. “Your bedroom is awesome. It is you without a doubt.”

  “Thanks. I didn’t have any grand plan or anything as you can probably tell. Everything in here is what I’m passionate about,” David said, beaming with pride. He walked over to his desk and got Marco’s present. “Merry Christmas. I’m happy that you came to visit me.”

  Marco looked at the vintage Santa wrapping paper and smiled. “Thank you for inviting me. And thank you for the gift.” He wanted to hug David but resisted the urge. “I want you to open your gift first if you don’t mind.”

  “Ok.” David could tell it was a book. He carefully unwrapped it and smiled when he saw the title. It was Benjamin Eldridge’s latest book, Beyond our own Universe: New Theories in Dimensional Planes. “Thank you so much. This is one of my favorite books.”

  “You’re welcome. I assumed that you already had a copy, but I don’t think you have a copy like this one. Open it to the title page.” David couldn’t believe his eyes. It was signed by Professor Eldridge, along with a personal message.

  To David,

  Congratulations on your matriculation to Columbia University. I look forward to having you as a student in the near future.

  Benjamin Eldridge

  David was stunned. “Oh my god. I don’t know what to say.” Marco was grinning ear to ear. “Do you like it?”

  “I love it. How did you get this?”

  “Oh, I have my ways. You told me how he has inspired you, and he is the head of the math and physics departments, so I paid him a little visit.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything.”

  “C-can I, uh, can I give you a hug?” David asked, hoping he wasn’t being too forward.

  “I’d love a hug.” Shyly, awkwardly, David put his arms around Marco and gave him a quick squeeze and started to let go, but Marco wouldn’t let him. Without saying a word Marco pulled David close and began to rub the small of his back hoping it would relax him. Within seconds Marco could feel the tension disappear. “This feels nice,” he whispered.

  “Yeah, it feels….” David whispered back, his words disappearing.

  Marco moved his head closer to David’s until they were cheek to cheek. Then his hands made their way to those sexy slender hips, which made David’s body tense up again. “Are you ok with this?” Marco asked. David didn’t answer. Marco pulled away a little hoping he hadn’t blown it. He could see conflict and a quiet sadness in David’s eyes, like he was trying to figure something out. A moment later, a slight smile appeared on David’s face as he moved his body closer. “This feels perfect. Thank you for the gift.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it.” At that point Marco decided to go for it. He looked into David’s blue eyes, feeling vulnerable, feeling alive for the first time in years. Then he slowly leaned in until their lips met. The kiss was soft, almost hesitant at first, until Marco’s tongue began to move slow and sexy all over David’s slightly open lips. David reciprocated a moment later, sending shivers down both of their spines.

  David gently pulled away after a minute or so because he was trying to stay in control of his emotions. Marco acquiesced even though he wanted to take it to the next level.

  David gave Marco a shy glance and said, “That was really nice.” Then he leaned close and kissed Marco on the cheek. “You have to open your present now.” Marco picked it up and read the attached note. “I know you are going to change the world with your words. Merry Christmas.”

  “That is so nice of you to say.” When he unwrapped it, two books by Earnest Hemingway were staring back at him. In Our Time and The Nick Adams Stories. “I love these books. Thank you so much.”

  “I figured you probably had copies already, so I talked to a friend of mine who owns the bookstore in town to see if I could get special additions
, and she came through for me. In Our Time is a third addition, and The Nick Adams Stories is a first addition.”

  Marco looked concerned. “David, you shouldn’t have spent your money on me like that.”

  “I wanted to get you something special, and besides, I got a nice discount.”

  “Well, ok then. This is the best gift I’ve ever received.”

  “Awe, I’m glad you like them.”

  Marco kissed David on the cheek and whispered, “I’ve never met anyone like you.”

  David didn’t respond right away because he was trying to see the real person behind that perfect face. He was trying to see into those dark haunting eyes that were magnifying his conflicted emotions and making his heart fall in love. “Marco, I don’t have any experience with any of this, but I want to let you know that I really like you. I wanted to tell you that a month ago, but I was petrified.”

  “I really like you too. You’re all I’ve thought about, and I couldn’t get here fast enough to be with you.” David’s eyes started to sting as his guilty feelings began to overwhelm him.

  “I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I’ll do anything you want me to.” Marco gave David a hug hoping it would calm him down.

  “You didn’t do anything to make me cry. It’s me. I need a little time to figure some things out.” Marco understood. “David, we have lots of time.”

  They put their arms around each other and held on for dear life.

  Marco followed David to the utility room where they stored the snowmobile gear. He laughed while slipping into one of David’s snowmobile suits. “I feel like I’m wearing one of those NASA space suits.”

  “Yeah, they feel bulky and weird at first, but you’ll get used to it.”

  Big Christmassy snowflakes were falling as they walked across the driveway to where the snow machines were parked. David gave Marco some safety tips about riding and then checked to make sure the survival kit was under the seat. He also checked to make sure they had a full tank of gas. “We don’t want to get stuck twenty miles in the woods without the essentials,” David said.