by Honeymoon Their Way [Dreamspinner, States of Love MM] (retail) (epub)
Chad jerked away from Raudel’s soft touch, the feel of him too much of a tease.
Raudel dropped his hand but stood close enough that all it would take was the barest movement of his fingers and they would be in contact with Chad’s skin. “I understand, Chad. I suppose I’m being selfish. But I can’t lie. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to spend the week with you. Be together as adults instead of when we were all struggling to figure out life back in high school. Maybe once Lindsey is married and her time is done, maybe it can be our time. I studied for hours and hours before I left so I could devote myself to discovering whether or not the fantasy I’ve held of you for all these years is real.” He sighed. “I know it must sound crazy that I’m still thinking about you after so long, but I can’t help what I feel. And I don’t really have to be back in LA for two weeks, so I was wondering… um. What I mean is… well, would you consider it?”
What the actual fuck?
Chad held his breath, head lowered as he stared at his hands. He’d obviously lost his mind. Completely, utterly, and wholly lost his mind.
Finally he couldn’t hold in the enormity of it any longer. The stress building up from the whole week, waiting to be exposed, terrified of what would happen when he finally saw Raudel again for the first time in years—it was too much. His jumbled emotions exploded out of him in a snorting chuckle before it turned into a flood of laughter that had tears spilling down his cheeks for a much different reason than wishing that Raudel would like him.
Nothing Raudel had said was funny. It was fucking tragic. So unbelievably ridiculous, Chad wondered if the sanest thing for him to do at that moment would be to nab a bus ticket, then get the fuck out of there. It wasn’t as if he’d be able to function like a normal human being for the rest of the week, anyway.
Raudel toying with his emotions was beyond evil. So much worse than if he’d simply made fun of and mocked him. It occurred to Chad that maybe the wondrous attributes he’d attached to Raudel over the years had all been false. Maybe his seemingly gracious behavior had been nothing but a big part of his act. Because the load of horseshit that Raudel had just shoveled his way had been done with such genuine sincerity, Chad could almost believe it.
Almost. He wiped his eyes, his stomach still cramping from his sudden outburst.
Raudel remained quiet, and Chad assumed it was because Raudel hadn’t expected him to collapse into hysterical laughter. He’d probably hoped that Chad would get all excited and confess his love too—right before Raudel told him it was all a big joke.
A well of hurt replaced the unexpected laughter of only a couple of minutes before.
He still wanted him. Still fucking wanted him anyway. Something deep inside, where the hurt had embedded itself, made him wonder. He’d been so stupid to tell Lindsey that he’d had a crush on Raudel, but he’d ached to have her intercede on his behalf in the hope that Raudel might’ve been able to see beyond the awkward geek Chad was back then. Then, after Raudel had walked in on him that horrible day, Chad had begged her not to say a word about his childish feelings after all because he was mortified that Raudel might find out how Chad felt about him. But had she done it anyway? Had it been too late to take it back?
“I’m sorry, Chad.” Raudel’s voice held none of the smooth, assured tone it always did. The sound of loss and sadness had replaced it. “Forget I said anything. I knew it was a long shot. We’ll help out your mom, then I’ll bring you right back.” Raudel moved away from him, idly playing with another price tag. “I’ll stay out of your way the rest of the week. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable because of me.”
Chad shot out his hand, grabbing Raudel’s arm to keep him from retreating any farther. “Wait. What? I don’t get it.” Chad’s heart pounded an out-of-control rhythm that threatened dizziness. “Is all…? What you said, all that stuff about wanting to spend the week with me… I mean, you were just messing with me, right?”
Raudel let go of the tag and Chad loosened his hold on Raudel’s arm. But he didn’t remove it, didn’t want to let go.
Just in case….
“No, Chad.” Raudel’s expression still radiated pain. “I meant every word. I’d always believed you were into me in high school. I was ashamed because I was almost eighteen and you were only fifteen, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted you. Then, when Lindsey told me that you thought I was a stud….” He quirked up one corner of his mouth. “I thought there was hope. But after I caught you that day—”
“Whoa!” Chad snatched his hand away as if he’d been stung. “No. Nope. Not talking about that.”
“Why?” To his credit, Raudel appeared genuinely confused.
“Really? You’re asking why?” Chad huffed, then fixed his gaze on a fountain edged in butterflies.
“Chad, I don’t understand. I assumed what you were doing was for my benefit, but then you got scared when the reality of me being there became too much, and it was why you ran away. It was my fault. I expected too much when you were still so young. I’m hoping you can forgive me.”
Chad whipped his body around to face him. “I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about, Raudel. I ran out of there because I had a dildo shoved up my ass and I was embarrassed as fuck.” Chad gasped, rising on his tiptoes as he jerked his head around to verify that no one had heard him.
Cruella De Vil didn’t appear as if she’d even twitched since they arrived, so he assumed he was safe. He regarded Raudel again. “And I guarantee you it wasn’t for your benefit, even if….” Chad cleared his throat. “Well, in some ways it was.” He placed a hand to his forehead. “Never mind.”
Raudel leaned closer, enough that Chad could sense his heat, smell the clean soapy aroma of the only man he’d ever wanted to have more with than just sex. But none of what was happening made any sense, and he needed it to.
“Yeah? In what way, Chad? Did you hope I’d catch you?”
“Oh God.” Chad’s knees wobbled and he latched onto a white, wrought iron arch draped in fake ivy. He shook his head. “No. No way. I was….”
I can’t tell him this. Then he’ll know for sure what a weirdo I am.
“It’s okay. You can say it. And just so you know? It was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. You gave me a gift that day. Whenever I’m alone and need to get off, that memory is right there.”
Chad slowly turned his head to verify Raudel was being serious. The expression Raudel radiated back at him, with his pupils blown wide, told him all he needed to know. Raudel was telling the truth.
Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.
“I was… getting myself ready to have sex, you know? So I’d know what to expect and wouldn’t be scared when it happened for real.”
“Oh man. Really? I wish….” Raudel shook his head. “No. I believe things happen for a reason. It wasn’t the right time yet.”
Yet? “So what made you burst into my bedroom unannounced?”
They both laughed shakily. So much of his tension had been released that Chad felt a bit off-kilter, kind of like he needed to take a nap or something.
“Lindsey said you were waiting for me in your room, that I should go over there while your parents were out so we could be alone. She left the front door unlocked so I could sneak in and go to you. Be with you.”
Chad gaped at Raudel, his jaw going slack. He had the horrible feeling that Raudel was telling the truth, in which case, he wanted to destroy Lindsey’s fucking wedding fountain all over again.
She never told me that. “But…. She acted like she never knew what’d happened.”
“She didn’t. I didn’t want to embarrass you, so I told her I chickened out and never went over. I wanted it to be something we dealt with between us.” Raudel stroked his cheek before dropping his hand, then gathering up one of Chad’s. “But you wouldn’t let me talk to you. Then you ran away whenever I was near. Six months later I left for college and realized you were too young. Like I said, the timing wasn’t right yet.”
Raudel laughed, his eyes bright, the melancholy driven away by something else.
Something like hope.
“I didn’t assume. As a matter of fact, I figured I needed to move on, convinced myself that high school stuff never lasts anyway. I even lived with a boyfriend for two years, but it didn’t work out. I dated lots of men. Some were unbelievably handsome, a couple were very rich and wanted to take care of me. One even declared he was irretrievably in love with me. Then there was this famous actor who—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get the picture.” Chad groaned. It could’ve all been so different if only he hadn’t been such a total wimp that day.
It could’ve been Raudel instead of a dildo.
“Chad?”
He lolled his head to the side, Raudel only inches from him. He’d never been this close to the man he’d dreamed of over and over for so long. The man with whom he’d believed he could have something special. Yeah, he’d been young. But he’d also known how he felt. There wasn’t anything wrong with falling in love before he’d even hit sixteen. Nothing wrong with it at all—except for the part where his heart had been broken into a million pieces. “Yeah?”
“I’m telling the truth. I never stopped thinking about you. That’s why I couldn’t love those other men. I only wanted you.”
“No shit?” Chad swallowed hard. “Sorry. Still processing. Then what—I mean, what is it that you want from me now?”
Raudel caressed his face again, but this time he didn’t stop. “I won’t ruin Lindsey’s special week, Chad. I promise. But can I still have a chance with you?”
Holy Jesus. The man wasn’t kidding.
“A chance?” Chad grunted. “Shit, Raudel. You can have whatever the fuck you want from me.”
Raudel barked out a laugh. “Then how about I start with this?”
The first press of Raudel’s soft lips against his own was so much better than the fantasy. Chad’s body responded as if it’d been meant to belong to Raudel all along. He relaxed into his touch, opened up to the kiss. Stirrings of arousal awoke within, his desire freed once all the scariness had disappeared. Even if Raudel never caressed his cheek or gently explored his mouth again, he’d still have this one time. He’d have the memory that Raudel was even more amazing than he ever could’ve imagined.
As Raudel dropped his hand from Chad’s face to wrap it around his neck, as he pushed the kiss deeper into his mouth, the stirrings in Chad’s groin bloomed into raging lust. His cock pushed insistently at the rigid zipper of his jeans, the throbbing a warning that he could easily lose control. That wasn’t something he was prepared to handle in public at a decrepit party store with the Crypt Keeper nearby.
Aaaaand erection officially killed.
As if sensing the change in Chad’s reaction to their clinch, Raudel broke their connection. He pulled back enough to search Chad’s face but still held on to his nape. “Is this too much for you right now?”
Chad locked gazes with him. He couldn’t fuck up again. It was time to grow a pair and take what was being offered. A chance. “Not even close.”
Raudel licked his lips, his crooked smile enticing Chad’s cock back to attention. “Then let’s have some fun.”
Chad arched his eyebrows. “Deciding on a chocolate fountain?”
Raudel lowered his hand, then squeezed Chad’s fingers. “Deciding on a chocolate fountain with you. That’s what makes it fun.”
Chad’s heart stuttered. “Then fountains it is.”
Raudel grinned, squeezing him one more time before letting go. “We’ve got the rest of the day, Chad. Let’s get started on making up for all that lost time.”
Chad laughed, an almost giddy sound. “Cool. Sounds pretty fucking awesome to me.”
Chapter Three
CHAD WANDERED around in a daze at the third enormous warehouse-o’-party-shit they’d scoured so far. The first house of horrors hadn’t worked out. The only fountain she’d actually had in stock was the gigantic one that would never fit in Raudel’s Honda. The rest of them had apparently only been on display to tease them. After the second option had proved futile as well, they decided to grab some coffee to fortify them on their search.
As they’d sat on a bench outside, gazing at the crystalline lake, Chad had been struck by how startlingly clear it was, how the brilliant blue and green tones of the huge body of water were hypnotizing in their beauty. Plenty of snow still clung to both the Carson Range as well as the Sierra Nevada that rose to the left of them. The occasional kayak drifted by, but it was still too early in the season for much in the way of water activities, especially since most of the ski resorts were still open.
Despite the sun, it’d been damn cold sitting so close to the lake, so Raudel fetched an extra sweatshirt out of his car for Chad to wear. Chad wrapped his arms around himself as if he could contain the aroma of Raudel that still clung to it. A rich, male scent so alluring that he’d wanted to roll around in it like catnip. He hadn’t stopped jabbering like a loon the whole time. He’d filled Raudel in on what’d happened to a lot of the kids from high school—who’d married whom, who’d left town, who’d ended up in jail. In the back of his mind, he knew there were much more important discussions to have, but he needed mundane first. His emotions had already been so beaten up that recovery time was essential before he could throw the poor guys back into the ring.
Raudel hadn’t seemed to mind, and Chad wondered if maybe he was going through the same struggle. It’d been the most surprising event of Chad’s life to discover that Raudel had carried a torch for him the way he’d carried one for Raudel.
Crazy.
His cheeks ached from all the goofy grins. There’d been the briefest of twinges when a stray thought tried to shoulder its way in, whispering that all Raudel had promised was a couple of weeks.
They hadn’t known each other very well in school, and they’d spent all of a couple hours actually getting to know each other for the first time that day. Of course Raudel wouldn’t make long-term promises—Chad was being ridiculous. It wasn’t as if he expected anything more either. He couldn’t possibly be sure of Raudel yet, had no idea whether he’d ever want anything beyond a fling.
Chad winced at yet another ridiculous price tag. He hoped his mom’s credit limit was high enough to buy the only decent fountain they’d been able to find. He glanced up to see Raudel in deep concentration as he pondered an intricately designed, gold-embellished fountain option, rubbing his forefinger and thumb over his stubbled chin, his prominent eyebrows pulled together, full lips pursed as he considered it. Then he bit at the pad of his thumb, and a wavy lock of hair drifted across his forehead.
Oh, who am I fucking kidding? Of course I want more than a fling with him.
Chad let out one of the sighs that had almost made his mother take him to the emergency room on the drive up to the lake house.
“Too expensive?” Raudel regarded him with the same smile he’d been flashing ever since their first kiss.
Our first kiss.
Chad unconsciously touched his bottom lip before yanking his hand away. “Uh, I’m not sure any price is too high for Mom to fork over right now. It’s how much I’ll be stuck paying her back that concerns me the most.”
Raudel sidled over to him. He slipped an arm around his waist, never taking his eyes off Chad’s. “I’ve been thinking. It’s partly my fault that the fountain got broken.” He briefly pressed their mouths together before pulling back. “I’ll pay half. Let’s get this fountain thing over with, then go grab some dinner.”
Chad blinked repeatedly, lost in the spell of Raudel’s sultry gaze. As far as he was concerned, standing in the Party Solutions Outlet store staring into each other’s eyes all night was just as cool an idea as getting something to eat.
Raudel pulled him closer, his hold tighter.
“My treat. Where do you want to go, mijo?”
“I, uh, wherever is fine.”
Jesus. How would he survive so much awesomeness?
Raudel brushed his lips against Chad’s temple, the scrape of his stubble sparking the nerves under his skin. “Tell me what you like. I’m going to find out as much as I can about you in the next two weeks. It’ll be like we’ve known each other our whole lives.”
“Wow.”
Chad had never been the most eloquent thing on two legs, and he’d certainly never been wooed before. As much as he was reveling in it, he wanted to tell Raudel to save his energy. It wasn’t as if he had to worry about whether or not he’d score. He’d give it up for Raudel anytime, anywhere.
Raudel chuckled, and for once it belonged only to Chad. For however long Raudel wanted him near, he’d take it. It had nothing to do with being needy or due to some vague unhappiness he wished to be distracted from temporarily. Being with Raudel was all about being unafraid to take what he deserved, to believe he deserved it, and to enjoy whatever might come from their time together.
“I like Italian. You know, the ‘old-fashioned, giant meatball, heavy tomato sauce with a mountain of powdered cheese on top’ Italian.”
Raudel nodded. “Hmm. Sounds good. What about lasagna? I like lasagna.”
“Rad. I’ll google it.”
“I’ll go see if Bozo the Clown over there can ring up the fountain.”
Chad snorted. “Good luck with that. Clown-boy could be dangerous. He’s hated us ever since we set foot in here.”
Raudel rolled his eyes. “I’ve got news for you, honey. I’m willing to bet he hates everybody.”
Chad scrolled through the listings. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He frowned at the screen. “This place looks good. Oh, wait… it’s on the California side of Tahoe. Is that a deal-breaker since we had to drive all the way up to this store?”
Raudel got close to Chad’s ear, the heat of his breath tickling the little hairs in the canal. “If it makes you happy, that’s all that matters.”