by Ruby Dixon
I do so automatically because I'm incredibly thirsty. As I do, I try to make sense of what he said. Blood transfusions. I vaguely remember talking to Liam while I was sick, and then him holding me down. And pain. Lots and lots of burning pain. I look down at my arm, and it's wrapped up in bandages. Once Gabe takes the water away from my lips, I pluck at the bandage on my arm and reveal severely reddened skin, and blisters. Lots of them. "He gave us his blood?"
"Yeah. Duh." Benny licks his fingers. "That's why our eyes are gold now, like his."
I blink in surprise at that, studying my brother. He's right. His normally dark eyes are now a bright gold. I look over at Gabe, and his are golden, too. "My eyes are gold?"
"Everyone that got his blood has gold eyes now," Gabe says, reaching over and rewrapping my arm. "And whatever is in his blood, it worked, because most of us that got transfused lived."
Incredible. "And he was able to switch to dragon form without it taking his mind?"
"Taking his mind? I don't know." Gabe puts a hand on my shoulder. "Rest, all right? Liam's a big boy. He can take care of himself."
I nod and close my eyes, trying to relax. Liam gave us his blood to try and save us, even though the transfusion was obviously a painful one on our side. Was it painful for him? Is he okay? Is he talking with Rast at Fort Shreveport even now? I can't wait to see him again. I want to see his gorgeous smile, hear his low, delicious chuckle.
I want to tell him how proud I am that he saved us.
How much I love him. I hope he's back soon.
The longest week of my life passes while I recover and wait for Liam’s return.
I spend the first few days doing nothing much but sleeping, recovering from my sickness. Benny's a surprisingly good nursemaid, hovering over me and shoving food into my hand every time I wake up. I can't even be mad at him for leaving, because how could he have possibly known he was walking into a plague situation? Those kinds of things aren't normal for us. So I don't even yell at him. I'm too tired and I'm just happy he's alive.
Other than Benny, myself, and Gabe, there are six people that survived. Two are a husband and wife from Fort Justice, but everyone else is New Fort. There's a teenage girl and her younger brother, a widow named Mikaela, and a man named Jeremy who lost everyone else in his family. It's horrible to think about everything they've lost, and most of them are in shock. I notice Benny's spending a lot of time nursing the teenage girl—Katrina. Good for him. Everyone needs someone.
I have Liam, after all.
He's still gone. I miss him in a painful way, but I'm content to wait, knowing that he went to Fort Shreveport to get help. I'm a little surprised no one flew in to help us, but I figure maybe they're going over land? Maybe Rast and Amy are needed at the fort for protection of some kind and anyone being sent is on foot. Even so, it's a little surprising that the days pass and no one comes to check on us.
About four days after I wake up, Lester, Major, Charlie and Scooter show up at the mall with the note Gabe sent. Gabe berates them for coming to a place infected with plague, but he shuts up when he finds out they ran out of food and it was stay and starve or take their chances meeting up with us.
Still no Liam, though.
Benny, Jeremy and Gabe take off for Fort Justice a day or two later and return at sundown with the chickens, a few carts full of food, and the cow led on a rope. It makes sense, because there's only two people left from Fort Justice and they're not all that interested in returning. Even the New Fort survivors talk about finding a new place to live, one without so much death.
I suggest Fort Shreveport.
It makes sense. We're open to all, welcoming, and as long as you work hard, you'll always have food in your belly and a safe roof over your head. The only part that makes it hard for them is the whole “dragon friendly” situation. They can't seem to grasp that dragons aren't always the enemies, but when they realize it's Liam's blood that saved them, they bitch a lot less.
Well, a lot less in my hearing, at least.
So the rest of the time in New Fort is spent preparing to leave. Everyone rests and gathers up their strength, and everything of use is packed up into a few shopping carts that can be pushed easily on the long walk there. The wobbly wheel on Lester's wheelchair is fixed, and the dead are memorialized with a spray-painted picture (courtesy of Katrina's tagging art) on the outside of the mall and a Viking funeral is held, complete with funeral pyre and lots and lots of tears.
And there's still no sign of Liam. Or anyone from Fort Shreveport.
After a week, I'm really worried. I think of my Liam, his laughing smile, and the way he struggled so hard to keep his mind under control. I don't like that there's no word from him. A thousand worrisome scenarios float through my mind—what if he got sick and brought it back to Fort Shreveport? What if a dragon attacked him and killed him? What if Rast challenged him and drove him off? What if the Rift sucked him back through again?
What if he lost his mind entirely the moment he changed?
There are no answers, though, so I try to stay busy. If I'm occupied, I won't worry as much. If I focus on everything that needs to be done to move the survivors to Fort Shreveport, I won't stare at the skies or fret over just how long it's been since I talked to the man I love.
He said he'd never leave me. He said he'd always come back for me. I have to trust in that.
It takes another week for our slow-moving party to go to Fort Shreveport. Every day that passes feels like eternity and a half, but I'm too weak after my sickness to speed things along. Our group is slow moving and burdened with a lot of things. Poor Mikaela nominated herself to be in charge of the chickens and they constantly fly out of her cart and wander away, and she has to stop and retrieve them. Eventually she finds a large piece of plastic and tapes it down over the top of the cart to keep them in, but then they squawk and flutter their wings so much that they give everyone a headache. The carts are laden with goods, and sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get one up the road, especially when things slope uphill. No one wants to leave anything behind, though, so we slow down when we have to, and we help each other.
Gabe is a great leader, I have to admit. He's patient with everyone, even the slowest, most distracted of us. He makes sure we're all keeping up, rations out food, and goes scouting for safe places for us to sleep at night. He seems to know when a dragon attack's going to occur before anyone else does, and we always manage to find shelter before it starts.
Benny's been great, too. I thought my little brother would return right to his old ways, causing problems and being his usual teenage self, but he's calmed down a lot. Perhaps striking out on his own made him realize how good we have it in Fort Shreveport. Or maybe it's Gabe's influence…or Katrina's. Either way, he's been exceedingly helpful and spends most of the time pushing Lester's wheelchair because Lester is too tired to push it himself.
Each day of travel is surprisingly exhausting. I'm used to having tons of energy, so I'm disappointed in my body when I'm the first one to collapse at each break. It's taking all my effort to keep up with the others.
"It's okay," Benny tells me at some point. "You and Katrina were two of the sickest. She's having a hard time, too."
It doesn't make me feel any better, though. I need to get back to Fort Shreveport. I need to find out what's keeping Liam. Every day that passes, I get a little more worried and anxious. My dreams are full of bad things, and I imagine the worst-case scenario every time I close my eyes. I'm half-convinced that we're going to get to Fort Shreveport only to find it full of dead bodies.
After all, maybe he caught the plague too but it just took a bit longer for it to show up in him. Who knows? I'm not a doctor.
I'm relieved and excited when I see familiar streets and scavenging grounds. We're within a few hours of the fort itself, even at our current pace, and I'm eager to get there. It's getting dark, and my feet ache, and I want to fling the shopping cart of goods away from me and never look at it again because i
t feels like I've pushed it over half of Louisiana's highways.
But I look at our group and know we won't make it there tonight. Lester looks half-asleep in his wheelchair. Benny's pushing it as gamely as before, but he's slowing down. Katrina looks exhausted, leaning heavily on her cart. Everyone looks wiped out. I'm feeling wobbly and weak myself, but I don't want to stop. I can keep going, if I have to, because I know what waits ahead for me—Liam.
"Dragon," Gabe says, rushing back through the group as we walk along the highway, pushing our shopping carts. "Everyone take cover!"
"Where?" someone asks. "I don't see anything!"
"Just trust me," Gabe says, grabbing Lester out of his wheelchair and pulling him toward the nearest vehicle.
I glance up at the skies, my heart hammering. Is it Liam? Somehow, though, I sense it's not. I don't know how I know that, I just do. So I park my cart next to an old pick-up and pull open the door, hiding inside with Benny and Katrina. "It's the wrong time of day for a dragon," Katrina cries, clinging to Benny. "He's wrong, isn't he?"
"No, he's good about sensing dragons," Benny reassures her, patting her arm. "If he says there's one, there's one."
I'm wondering about that, too. But as I watch, Gabe climbs into a nearby car, Scooter hopping in after him, and then we're all quiet, waiting for the inevitable attack. There was no time to hide the foodstuffs, and the chickens are squawking madly in their cart a few paces away. The cow tugs at her guide-rope, which someone tied to a car door mirror.
Then, a large shadow falls overhead.
I hold my breath. Please be Liam, please be Liam.
My heart races with excitement as the big golden body flicks its wings and then settles on its haunches a short distance away. The big dragon turns toward us, and I know instinctively that it's not Liam. There's something about it that just…doesn't seem like him. The dragon looks around, his nostrils flaring, then gently releases something in its claws.
A blonde woman in a fluttery blue dress.
Amy.
It's Amy and Rast.
I watch for a moment as Amy limps forward, and then I'm climbing out of the truck to greet her. "Amy! It's us!"
Her eyes widen with genuine pleasure. "Andi! Oh, wonderful! Rast said there were travelers, but I didn't realize it was you!" Her steps pick up and she looks around with curiosity. "Who all's with you? Rast says there's several. Did you find Benny?”
My little brother piles out of the truck after me, giving Amy a sheepish look. "Hey."
She smiles at him, still slowly moving forward until she reaches me, and impulsively gives me a hug. I'm surprised at the movement but hug her back. Rast remains in dragon form, waiting nearby, and I suspect it's so he can guard her in case anyone tries anything. The sight of him makes me ache, and I open my mouth to ask about Liam.
Amy stands back, studying me. "You're so thin. Benny, too. Are you guys all right?"
"You don't know?" My gut clenches.
"Know what?" She looks around, confused. No one else is getting out of the cars they're hiding in. Even Gabe's waiting, Scooter in his lap as the dog pants and drools all over the window of the car. She looks over at him, then pauses. I know that vague look—it's one when Rast is talking to her mentally. After a moment, she focuses in on me again. "Who are all these people, Andi?"
Dread is curling in my stomach, though. "Amy, this is what's left of Fort Justice and New Fort. These are the only survivors."
"Only…survivors?" She studies me a bit longer and then blinks. "Have…have your eyes always been gold? Rast says your scent is different, too." She looks over at Benny, then back at me.
"You haven't seen Liam?" I ask, knowing the answer before she speaks.
She seems surprised at my question. "I thought he went with you. Did he leave you?"
"When we all got sick, he went to Fort Shreveport to get help. That was over a week ago, almost two." I feel numb.
Amy's eyes widen and then she gives me a look of sorrow. "We haven't seen him. He…changed forms?"
I nod. "He had to. The sickness was taking everyone."
"What sickness?"
I look at her squarely. "Plague."
Her face pales. Rast makes an unhappy sound, moving forward as if he wants to scoop Amy up in his arms and steal her away from us.
"Tell me what's going on." Amy takes my hand and leads me over to the side of the car and leans against it, easing her weight off her bad leg.
So I tell her about everything I can. I tell her how Liam and I followed Benny's scent to Gabe's group of outcasts, and then we went on to Fort Justice. I tell her how we found the dead there, and then went on to New Fort, only to realize that everyone was dying. As I speak, Rast creeps up closer and closer, the massive dragon moving in and casting a shadow over our group until he's practically on Amy, his breath ruffling her shiny hair. He probably wants to snatch her away, but Amy keeps listening as I talk, her expression grave.
"His blood saved us," I tell her. "But he wasn't sure if it was enough, and then Gabe was sick and I guess he left. He was supposed to bring you guys a note…" I trail off, fighting back tears. I can fill in the blanks after that.
Amy shakes her head slowly. "I'm so sorry, Andi. We haven't seen him since you left with him."
"Then he's gone crazy. He shifted forms and lost his mind. I know he wouldn't leave me behind like that. Not when I needed him."
The words fall out of me brokenly. I feel dead inside. Liam’s gone. He’s utterly gone. I’ve lost him. Grief and horror choke me, and I wrap my arms tight around myself, because I feel as if I’m about to fall apart.
Liam’s…gone.
"Maybe…maybe it's not as bad as that?" Amy asks, a hopeful expression on her face. "He's lived in a lot of forts before he came to us. Maybe he decided to just move on?"
"He wouldn't," I say firmly. I have utter faith in Liam. That's not who he is. He loves me and I know he would never just move on. Never. "He knew I was sick. He was terrified for me. For Benny, too. He loves me, Amy. He wouldn't leave me behind."
She reaches out and touches my hand gently. "Of course not. Well, you're all welcome in Fort Shreveport." She smiles brightly at the others, still hiding in the other cars. "We have food and shelter for everyone. Just to be on the safe side, we'll keep you separate from the others for about a week or so to make sure no one catches anything, and then you're more than welcome to live with us. We have a wonderful fort and it's very family friendly." She gives Gabe and Lester a warm smile.
Gabe just nods, looking to me.
I nod, too. Everyone will be safe there. "Once everyone's settled in, I’m going to go after Liam. I have to find him." I bite my lip and look up at Rast, his golden eyes swirling. "You guys haven't seen any new dragons in the area, have you?"
"Just a red that's been hanging around recently," Amy begins.
That gets Gabe's attention. He opens the door to the car and steps out. "A red?" When Amy nods, he snorts. "That's my red. She follows me wherever I go."
Amy's delicate brows furrow. "I…see."
"Maybe I shouldn't go to the fort with everyone," Gabe says, rubbing his jaw.
"Nonsense," Amy says briskly. "Rast will protect us from anyone that comes through. And he can help us look for Liam." She touches my hand again. "If he's out there, we'll find him."
"I can go," I begin.
She cuts me off, a bit of steel entering her gentle voice. "You can, once you've rested up. You're weak and recovering from sickness. You need a few good nights’ rest and some meals in you—in all of you—before I'm letting you do anything."
I hate that she's right. Even now, standing here, I'm exhausted. But I can't abandon Liam. "Amy…"
She shakes her head again. "You don't understand, Andi. A few more days won't matter to him. If he's lost to the madness, there's no sense of time for him at all. He won't know anything. It truly is best if you're strong because if you're going to try and call him home, you're going to need everything you've g
ot."
She's right. It doesn't make it easy, but she's right.
25
ANDI
I dream about Liam every night.
I’m sandwiched into a small room at the far end of the Fort Shreveport compound with the other “survivors” as we keep separate to make sure we’re no longer contagious. Amy stays with us, because she’s been exposed, but after a few days, it’s clear no one’s sick, and Amy remains as healthy as ever. So do Major and Lester and Charlie, who never got sick in the first place. I spend my time in bed, pretending to nap and hugging my pillow. In reality, I’m thinking about my dragon-man.
Aka, cry time.
I miss Liam so much that I ache inside. I think of him and cry myself to sleep, hugging my pillow. Sometimes I wake up after dreaming about him, and it feels like he's right there with me, holding me close. When I open my eyes, though, I'm alone and miserable.
And horny.
I masturbate almost as much as I cry, which is new for me. I haven't felt particularly sexual ever since leaving Fort Tulsa—and I was happy not to be. I haven't had the slightest interest in anything sexy until Liam came into my life, and then all of that pent-up need seems to be roaring through me like a fireball. Touching myself doesn't help, though. It only reminds me how much I miss him, and it makes me cry even more.
It's not just the sex. I mean, it can't be—we never had official full-on sex. I just miss Liam. I'll take him back any way I can. If he can only be human and we can't touch, I'll take that, too. I can still be happy and complete with him in my life…just as long as he's in it.
Just as long as he's not lost.
I feel so fucking guilty, too. Days pass and I sleep and eat and regain my strength, and as I do, I can't help but think about how hard Liam worked to not turn into a mindless monster. How hard he worked at being human so he could blend in with us, start a new life.
And he gave it all up to try and save me. In the end, I didn't need the saving and he's the one that lost everything.