Intentional

by MK Harkins

  We continue chatting throughout the afternoon. I really like Kaye. She’s smart and funny. We talk at length about her ten years in an orphanage in China. She’s really an incredible person. Like Jeremy, she’s well adjusted and happy. Their parents must be amazing.

  Chapter 8

  March

  Mattie

  I’m being stood up—again. I look over at Sarah after I end my call with Jeremy. She has that I told you so look on her face. I shake my head. “It’s not what you’re thinking, Sarah. Jeremy’s court date has been moved up.” She continues to stare at me. I need to get out of here.

  I get into my car and head out to the Oak Canyon Creek trailhead. It’s a good place for me to think. I park my car and head out to the place where Jeremy and I had our first date. I lie down on the grass so I can stare at the blue sky.

  Its four thirty on a Saturday afternoon, and Jeremy is still working. He is going to continue to work until he’s finished with his case—God knows when that will be.

  This is starting to become a pattern with Jeremy. Kaye warned me about this last month. It seems to be getting worse as time goes by. He feels like he has to personally handle everything that comes into his firm, whether on a small or a large scale. He has his fingers in almost every case. It must be so exhausting. I know his work ethic is tied to his issues with control and perfectionism. I understand it, but I don’t condone it.

  I know he wants to prove something—either to the world or to himself. I would like to shake him and scream, “You’ve already done it—now relax!”

  I know that I’m in love with Jeremy. I have never loved anyone like this. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by him, by how much I feel for him. I’m scared, though. I don’t know if he’ll be able to put me first, before his career. I need to come first in his life. I’m not going to settle for number two.

  In the past, this type of relationship might have been good enough, but not now. I see so much potential for something great, I can’t settle for anything less.

  I stand up suddenly. If Jeremy wants to be with me, he is going to need to find some balance.

  I make my way quickly back to the car. I am going to Jeremy’s office to talk to him. I call Sarah to let her know where I’m going, so she won’t worry. This is going to take a while.

  I pull up and park in front of Jeremy’s law firm. It’s already starting to get dark. I see one light glowing in his office. I still have the determination that I felt back at the creek, but now I’m starting to feel apprehensive. I don’t like confrontations, but this is important.

  I go to the front door, expecting it to be locked, but it isn’t. Should I just go in? This is a public building—it’s not like I’m walking into someone’s house.

  I step inside the building quietly. The small light at the reception desk helps guide my way to Jeremy’s office. I can feel myself getting emotional. I don’t want to end things with Jeremy, but I do know that I can’t sit by and watch him work himself to death. I can’t see a future in that. I take a deep breath and enter his office.

  The sight makes me stop in my tracks. Oh my. I look closely at Jeremy. He looks like the quintessential overworked attorney. His shirtsleeves are rolled up; his arms are placed haphazardly, one on his desk, the other dangling next to his side. His beautiful hair is sticking up in every direction. His gorgeous face is lying uncomfortably on a stack of papers spread out on his desk. He’s asleep. I let out the breath I’ve been holding. I feel my eyes tear up. What am I going to do with him?

  Jeremy

  I look up with bleary eyes to see Mattie standing over my desk. She has her shoulders pulled back bravely and tears rimming her eyes.

  “What’s the matter?” I ask. I see a tear fall, then two. I get up suddenly and make my way around the desk. I start to panic. I grab her and hold her close. I can’t let her go. I’ll never let her go. “What’s wrong, Mattie? I can fix it—just tell me what’s wrong.”

  Mattie laughs gently. “You’ve got it wrong—I’m the fixer in this relationship.”

  I feel momentarily relieved. “So, it’s not me? You aren’t upset with me?”

  I must look terrified, because Mattie places her hand gently on my face. “This has to stop.”

  It hits me. I know what it is. It’s what has broken up every relationship I’ve had in my adult life. I’ve done it again. Damn. “Mattie, I know why you’re upset. I’m so sorry. I got wrapped up in this case. I won’t let it happen again.”

  She looks at me and asks, “How are you going to prevent it? Every case is important to you.”

  I know what I need to do. “I’m cutting my hours back, starting right now. This is the most important relationship I’ve ever had in my life. I promise you, I’m not going to blow this.”

  She looks at me skeptically. I know I’ve made these proclamations before. “I mean it. I’m going to hire another attorney. From now on, I am going to work normal hours. Fifty.”

  Mattie

  Did he really just say that? I laugh. “You really thought you could get that by me, huh?” “What?” he asks, looking confused.

  “Try forty hours. That’s a normal workweek,” I reply.

  He responds, “Really? That almost seems like I’d be on vacation.” I take him by the hand and place him back in his chair. I sit down and settle comfortably in his lap. I try to put his hair back in order, but it’s useless. I keep doing it, though; I’m having fun playing with it.

  “Jeremy, wouldn’t you like to be on vacation with me every week? That’s what it would be like. Think of all the things we could do together.”

  He lifts his eyebrows. “Promise?”

  Oh yes, we are just about there. “Yes, I promise.” I put my arms around him and give him a light, teasing kiss. “Soon,” I whisper. “Very soon.” Jeremy grabs me and pulls me down so we tumble to the floor. He’s on top; I’m laughing, hard. I love his playful side.

  “You said soon!” Jeremy is tickling me.

  “Not now! I didn’t say now!” I can tell he’s just joking with me, but I’m actually starting to think about it.

  I reach up to unbutton his shirt. He gives me a serious look. “No way, Mattie. When we’re finally together, it’s going to be wine and roses. I want it to be special. Not like this!”

  I pull him down on me. “But this is passionate and spontaneous. You want me, right?”

  Jeremy studies me intently. “Mattie, you are going to be the death of me, you know that?”

  I ask, “Why?”

  He shakes his head in wonderment. “I’m so in love with you. I don’t know what to do with all of these feelings. I’ve never experienced anything like this in my life.” He looks panicked for a moment. “You’re not going to break my heart, are you?”

  I whisper, “Please don’t make me.”

  He pulls back to look at me. “I won’t ruin this, Mattie. I love you too much. We’ll always be together. You know why?” I shake my head no. “I’ll do anything for you. I’ll give up anything to be with you. You are perfect for me, Mattie. I love that you came here tonight, that you care enough about me to demand that I take care of myself, and you.” He kisses me gently. The kiss starts to get passionate.

  Jeremy groans and changes our positions so we are side by side, looking at each other. He kisses my nose. “I am not taking your virginity on the floor of my office.” I give him my best pouty face.

  He continues, “It would be nice, though, another time. I can guarantee that my fifty—I mean forty—hours working in here would be much more enjoyable with that memory etched into my brain. Maybe we can visit again for number three, four, or five?”

  I laugh and nod my head yes. I look around his office. Everything screams masculinity in here. He has an oversize wood desk with leather chairs, and I notice for the first time that he has golf clubs sitting in the corner. Maybe with his new “vacation” work schedule, he’ll have more time for playing.

  I lean back down and put my nose into his neck. I b
reathe in deeply. He always smells so good, like clean laundry and leather. Yes, I wouldn’t mind spending much more time in his office.

  He says, “I want you in my bed, all night, our first time together. I want it to be special and also memorable.”

  I laugh. “No pressure at all, is there?”

  Jeremy leans down and kisses the part of my neck that connects with my shoulder. I shiver. “Mattie, it will be great no matter what. I just want to be with you. That’s all I care about. You aren’t worried, are you?”

  My face almost always shows what I’m thinking. I can’t help it. I’m worried that I’m going to let him down and he’ll go running for the hills, or the closest blonde. Either way, the fact remains that I don’t know what I’m doing.

  My guess is that Jeremy will be a good teacher, but I don’t want to fail at this. I wonder if I can have retakes, or if I’m really bad, will he flunk me and send me home? I contemplate all of this as I look over at Jeremy.

  He has a full-out grin on his face. “What’s so funny?” I ask.

  He lets out the laugh he’s been holding. “Mattie, if you could see your face. I don’t want you to worry about anything. I’ll take care of everything.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks, Jeremy. I know you will.”

  He continues to nuzzle my neck. It’s starting to tickle again. I’m laughing so hard at first that I don’t hear Jeremy’s door open. We both jump up to a sitting position on the floor.

  I knew I should have reminded Jeremy that the outside doors weren’t locked. I look up and see a familiar face. “Evan?” I’m shocked.

  He responds, “It looks like I caught you at a bad time.”

  “Damn right.” Jeremy is glaring at him. He knows who Evan is, and he is not happy to see him. Our bonding moment is broken.

  Chapter 9

  March

  Mattie

  I haven’t seen Evan for years. He still looks great. He is as handsome as I remember. His hair remains short, with messy brown waves.

  He looks down at me. “Mattie, you look so beautiful.” He shakes his head. It looks like he’s feeling regret. Well, good.

  “Why are you here?” I ask.

  “I had a layover in Phoenix today. I talked to Sarah a couple weeks ago, and she gave me your address. I would have called, but I assumed you wouldn’t talk to me.”

  Jeremy stands up. “You were right. She won’t talk to you. Now leave.” I can feel the anger and possessiveness emanating from him. He knows Evan is the reason it’s taken me so long to commit to a physical relationship. I’ve worked hard to resolve my issues with trust. Now that I finally have, he shows up. This is the worse timing ever.

  “How did you know I was here?” He looks back over at me. “I went to your house first. Sarah told me she thought you would be here.”

  Why would Sarah do that? I’m frustrated. “Evan, we said everything we needed to say years ago. I don’t understand why you would go out of your way to rehash this.”

  He shakes his head. “No. You never would listen to me. You blocked my number. I never got the chance to explain. I want you to know the truth. It’s been driving me crazy. I need to clear this up, once and for all. When I found out I was going to be so close, I knew I needed to take this opportunity to clear the air. Everything you were told didn’t happen. Sarah was either lying or mistaken.”

  Jeremy has had enough. He walks over and stands toe to toe with Evan. “So you think you can come here and try to get Mattie back? It’s too late. She’s already taken. She’s mine.”

  Okay, here comes the controlling and jealous side of Jeremy. I need to stop this before Jeremy does something he regrets. “Jeremy, I’m going to talk to Evan in the hall for a few minutes.”

  He looks at me with panicked eyes. “No.”

  I walk over and put my hands on his chest. I stare directly into his eyes. “Jeremy, I am going to talk to Evan in the hall. You need to let me do this.” He continues to shake his head. I take his hand and lead him over to the corner of his office. “You can’t control this, Jeremy. You can’t control me, whom I talk to. You understand that, right?”

  Jeremy grabs me and holds me tight. “What if he convinces you? I can’t lose you, Mattie.”

  I tighten my grip on his waist and talk softly. “It’s too late for Evan. Even if he proved he didn’t cheat, which I already know he did, it wouldn’t matter now. You are my future, Jeremy. It doesn’t matter what he tells me. I won’t go back, no matter what. I never felt for him what I do for you.” This seems to calm him somewhat. He releases me and sits behind his desk, glaring at Evan.

  I take Evan out into the hall for our talk. He is resolute that I hear him out. I find out a few interesting things. He apparently hasn’t moved on and wants me back. That will never happen. He continues to deny that he cheated. I wish I could believe him. I know that he cheated—Sarah actually witnessed it. I don’t know why he bothered to come all this way just to recycle more lies.

  This was a waste of time for both of us. I could understand it if he just wanted to say he’s sorry. I would appreciate it if he did. It appears that he’s not ready for that yet.

  The most curious thing he told me was that Sarah contacted him first, a few weeks ago. I just assumed it was the other way around. Is he lying again? I can’t think of a reason on Earth that Sarah would have to contact Evan.

  Evan and I talk in the hallway for about half an hour. I think we reach a middle ground with some closure for both of us. We decide that the past is just that—the past. We can’t change it or our feelings. He accepts that I’m now with Jeremy. He looks disappointed as we say our good-byes.

  I walk back into Jeremy’s office. He’s pacing back and forth like a caged animal, running his hands through his hair. I ask, “Are you okay?”

  He turns and stares at me. “Is he gone? I mean, is he gone for good?” He looks so worried.

  I nod. “Yes. He’s headed back home. Without me.” I smile.

  Jeremy walks over to me and hugs me gently. We stay like this for at least ten minutes. I start to wonder if he’s going to let me go. I move back and look into his eyes. I’ve never seen his past reflected there before. I do now. I see a fear of abandonment. I see heartbreak. I see yearning and hope. “Don’t worry, you’re not getting rid of me that easily,” I say.

  I hear him whisper, “Thank God.”

  Later that night, I asked Sarah about Evan. She admitted to giving him Jeremy’s address, but she adamantly denied that she called him weeks ago. Why would she lie? I guess Evan must have been embarrassed about coming to see me; he must have made it up. He needs to learn to tell the truth. He had so much potential. I hope he learns from this experience.

  Chapter 10

  June

  Jeremy

  I hug Mattie closely. “Are you nervous?”

  She laughs. “Of course I am! What if they don’t like me? Will you break up with me?”

  She’s still smiling, so I know she’s joking. I tell her, “I’m nervous too.”

  She looks at me with surprise. “What do you have to be nervous about? They’re your parents!”

  “Well, what if you don’t like them? Will you break up with me?”

  She looks over at me with love. “Thank you, Jeremy.”

  I laugh innocently. “What?”

  She shakes her head and stands up. “Okay, let’s get this party started!”

  It’s taken a while, but we were all able to work out our schedules so everyone could meet. My parents, Bill and Cindy Harkins, have been either out of the country or piled up with work. They live a few hours away in Phoenix, where I grew up.

  I was only kidding with Mattie—I’m not nervous at all. My parents are the warmest, kindest people I’ve ever met. They are going to love Mattie, and Mattie will love them. I have no doubt.

  We decide to meet at my parents’ home. They are going to be flying out of the country tomorrow (again!), so I wanted to make it easier on them. They co
ntinue to run their large chain of antique stores, which are scattered across the United States and Europe, even though they are past retirement age. I loved traveling with my family when I was young. I was able to experience different types of people and their cultures around the world. It was a great childhood.

  My mom tried for years to conceive but was never successful. Most parents who go through the adoption process want an infant. Not my parents. They went out of their way to find an older child. I was about to be put in a foster-care program when my parents rescued me. They heard about my story from a caseworker and set up a meeting, and the rest is history. I once asked why they picked me: they both told me that they loved me the minute they saw me. I’ve had the best life because of them. I couldn’t love them more.

  When we pull up to the gate, I see Mattie’s eyes widen. She says quietly, “This is even bigger than your house.” When we first started dating, I could tell that money, or an abundance thereof, was an issue with her. That makes me smile, because it was usually the opposite problem with the previous women whom I’ve dated—it was all they cared about.

  I grab her hand. “I promise they’re not snobs. You will never meet more normal, down-to-earth people in your life.”

  She laughs. “Of course I don’t think they’ll be snobs. They raised you! I just don’t want them to think I’m some gold digger after their son’s money. I’m not rich like this, Jeremy.” I can see her point. Once she meets my parents, though, she won’t worry about it anymore.

  I take her hand as we approach the front door. She’s so nervous, her palms are sweating. I take the flowers that she’s brought for my mom out of her hands, grab her, and give her a passionate kiss, hoping to distract her.