Intentional

by MK Harkins

  Jeremy

  I look down at the engagement ring in my hand. I take a deep breath. The weekend is all set. Mattie has been talking about this Cannon Beach place ever since we first met. I want everything just right for the proposal. I want it perfect for Mattie. The stage is set. I’ve never felt so certain about anything in my life. Mattie means everything to me. I feel almost consumed by my love for her. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she’s my soul mate. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way.

  We fly into Portland, Oregon and pick up our rental car for the one and a half hour drive. As we approach Cannon Beach, Mattie takes on the characteristics of a child. She is adorable! She’s talking a mile a minute—calling to my attention the places she visited with her family. She points over to her favorite pizza place, her favorite store, a place where we can buy kites, and so on. She’s so excited, she’s practically hyperventilating. I love seeing her so carefree and happy. I think this place brings back a lot of good childhood memories for her.

  I know it was hard for her to lose her parents like she did. She doesn’t talk about it very much, but when she does, I can see the pain that fills her eyes. She always tells me, “I’m just glad I got to experience them for as long as I did.” Mattie sees the good in everything and everyone. She’s brought so much warmth and happiness to my life, I can’t imagine living without her.

  Once we get to the house I rented, I start to unpack. Mattie wants to go on a beach walk. I make an excuse about needing to do some other things so I can put my plan into action. Mattie doesn’t mind and heads for the beach.

  First, I need to find a shell where I can hide the ring. I look around the house; these rental places usually have decorative shells lying around. As I search, I start to worry about the time. I don’t want Mattie to come back before I can get everything together.

  I look down the beach and try to find her. I can’t see her, so I must have more time. I decide to head into the town. One of those shops should have a shell to purchase. As I’m walking down the street, looking for a store that might possibly sell shells, I see Mattie! I dart into the closest store and peer out the window. I wonder what she’s up to. She goes right into Pizza a’fetta, the pizza place she pointed out earlier. I laugh to myself. Mattie—she thinks of everything.

  I look around the store, and lo and behold, I find the perfect shell. It’s the right size and shape; it will work just right for my plan. I pay for it and quickly make my way back to the house.

  I’m back at the house ten minutes before Mattie comes back, holding her precious pizza. She has a huge smile when she sees me relaxing on the chaise lounge on the sundeck. We talk and laugh; we’re having such a great time. I look at Mattie. “You’re right about this place.” I can tell she’s happy that I like it.

  I placed the shell with the ring inside it on the beach, behind some rocks, before Mattie came home. I’m getting a little worried about someone else finding it. I wonder if she’s getting suspicious about my glancing at the beach every few seconds. I’m so excited about this—nothing could feel better, or more natural, than to make Mattie mine in every way. I ask her to take a sunset walk, and she agrees immediately.

  In my head, I keep repeating over and over what I want to say. My thoughts are getting jumbled. I’m nervous. I look at Mattie. The wind is blowing her hair back; her cheeks are rosy. At this moment, I have never seen her look more beautiful. My eyes start to well up. I look away for a moment. It’s time.

  I’m about to point out the shell, but Mattie spots it first. Mattie is an experienced beach girl. The first thing she notices is that the shell is not beach worn. Why didn’t I think of that? She picks up the shell, and, just as planned, the ring falls out.

  I kneel down and start the proposal. I tell Mattie how I feel. I let it all out. I want her to know how much she’s changed me, how she’s changed everything for me. I tell her that I will love her forever, that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Within minutes, we are both laughing and crying, hugging and kissing. It’s perfect. She’s perfect.

  I hold Mattie in my arms. She whispers, “I told you this place was magical.” I couldn’t agree more. We promise to be together for always.

  Chapter 42

  Saturday

  Sarah

  I’m getting ready to leave the Walgreens parking lot, when I notice a car pulling into the Mercer. It looks like two men. One of the men actually looks like Jeremy. Shit. He couldn’t have found her already! This will ruin everything! Wait a minute—maybe not. First, I have to see if I’m right. I could just be feeling paranoid because my plans for revenge will be set in motion tonight.

  I put on the hat that I purchased just for an occasion such as this. I tuck in my hair and make my way into the parking garage for the Mercer’s residents. Good—it’s nice and dark in here. The car is parked over by the elevator. If it is Jeremy, he won’t be long, because Mattie left about an hour ago.

  I look around and find a good place to hide, from which I can view the car. I have to wait only ten minutes until I hear the elevator ping. Out walk two men. I take a quick look. My heart sinks. It is Jeremy. I can’t make out other guy who is with him; he has his back to me. What the hell? Why is Jeremy coming to visit Mattie with some other guy? I know he doesn’t have a brother. Maybe he brought a friend? This doesn’t make sense.

  I’m going to have to revamp my plans for tonight. This might even be better. I can make Mattie look like the whore she is. Jeremy thinks she’s so perfect. Wait until he finds out she’s been sleeping with Tattoo Boy. That should be a show.

  I think I’ll bring my gun tonight. I’m going to be the one with all the answers—and power.

  Chapter 43

  Saturday

  Jeremy

  Will this day ever end? I was able to ditch Jimmy for a few hours, but walking around and trying to distract myself has only caused more stress. My thoughts of Mattie and how happy we were less than a year ago keep tracking through my brain.

  My life depends on tonight. If she rejects me, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. I’m only now entertaining the thought that maybe she’s moved on. The thought of that sends me into an emotional tailspin. No. Mattie loved me. She wouldn’t just move on so easily. The thought of it makes me ache. I don’t know if I can keep up this waiting. I am literally going crazy.

  I collect Jimmy from his room, and we head out around 9:30 p.m. I look up, and it appears the heavens are going to open up. Dark, tumultuous clouds are moving in, obscuring the entire area to the west. I can feel the heaviness in the air, which is thick with moisture. A gigantic storm is brewing. I hope we’re able to get inside before it hits.

  Luckily, we find parking close to the nightclub. It hasn’t started raining yet—maybe that’s a good sign. I am strung so tight, I feel like I could snap. I don’t like feeling like this. I’m typically a calm person.

  I take a deep breath as I enter the front door. I immediately look for Mattie. I see her! Dear God, she’s more beautiful than I remember. She’s wearing a dress that makes her look like a goddess. She’s sitting on a stool next to the bar. She’s alone! I feel relief surge through my body. That’s when I notice something. She’s smiling, she has her hand on her chest, she looks emotional.

  I turn to see what she’s looking at. It’s some guy onstage. He’s singing to her. No, he’s serenading her. I can’t believe my eyes. Who is this guy, and why is he looking at her like that?

  Chapter 44

  Saturday

  Mattie

  Cade stops to pick me up outside my apartment, as usual. His mouth drops open when he sees me. Good—that was just the reaction I was hoping for. I give him an innocent smile. “What?” I ask.

  He says, “Oh, Mattie, I can’t help myself—you look hot!”

  I laugh and say, “Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

  Something just occurred to me. “Hey, I just remembered—you owe me the entire history of your tattoos. Remember the fir
st night we met? You were supposed to give me the history of one tattoo per week.”

  Cade laughs. “It looks like I didn’t have to bribe you after all!” He adds, “How about after the show? I’ll take off my shirt, and you can ask away.”

  I know he just needs to roll up his sleeves, but I say, “Sure.” Things are moving along with us. I can feel it. I can feel that I’m finally ready to move on. It’s been hard, but I’ve finally shoved Jeremy out of my heart. There is now a place for Cade. I’m going to tell him tonight.

  We arrive at the nightclub a little before nine. The guys start preparing for their set, which starts just after nine thirty. I order a glass of champagne. I feel like celebrating. I look around the nightclub. I can feel the excited energy whenever the band starts setting up.

  The Hard Reign really have a loyal following. Most of their fans are pretty respectful, but there is a group of women who just won’t give up. They are always trying to get Cade’s attention. They wear practically no clothes and a ton of makeup, and scream and wave at every opportunity. He always smiles at the crowd, but he never encourages anyone in particular. Won’t they take the hint? They are relentless.

  I love watching Cade in action. I can feel my face blush and my body warm. Is it possible to be too good-looking? I decide no. I love the way he looks and moves. I really hope he decides to pursue a career in music. He is made for this stuff. Every time I see him and the band, they seem to keep getting better. They sing the cover songs better than the original bands, and Cade’s song writing ability is fantastic. He is a talented musician.

  I’m enjoying the music when I hear, “This song is for Mattie.” He looks over at me and smiles. He actually turns his body around so he can see me clearly. Oh, I wasn’t expecting this! He starts singing the “Ho Hey” song. I love this song! As he starts to sing the lyrics, I’m beginning to understand why he picked this song. He is telling me something. I feel my breathing start to increase as I put my hand on my chest. I’m listening to the words, my heart is pounding, and I feel my eyes start to well with tears.

  Cade is singing this beautiful song for me. He looks at me intensely as he sings, “I don’t think you’re right for him.” Oh, Cade. I have my hand over my mouth. He doesn’t sing the last line of the song. Instead he just says, “You’re my sweetheart.”

  After Cade sings the last note, he pulls his guitar off quickly. I wonder where he’s going. He’s leaving the stage. Everyone is looking around, first at me, then at Cade. Is he taking a break? He’s walking over to me with purpose. Once he reaches me, he grabs me suddenly. There isn’t one second of hesitation.

  I’m so shocked, I can’t speak. I want to ask him what’s going on, when he suddenly kisses me. Everything around me goes dark. All I can see or feel is Cade. He has one hand on the back of my head, grasping my hair; the other is squeezing the back of my dress. He presses his full lips on mine. It feels so good! I move my arms around his neck and press in closer. I hear him moan and deepen the kiss. I can’t believe that we are totally making out in front of a room of people! I hear clapping, whistling, and a few catcalls, but they are distant noises. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything except for this kiss.

  Suddenly, his lips are ripped from mine. I open my eyes to see a fist hitting Cade right in the face. I look over to see what in the world is going on. Who would hit Cade? I blink my eyes to make sure I’m not hallucinating. I sway and feel close to fainting. Standing in front of me, rubbing his hand, is Jeremy.

  Chapter 45

  Saturday

  Jeremy

  This is my worst nightmare. Some asshole singer is trying to take Mattie away from me. No freaking way! I watch in horror as he sings a love song to Mattie. She looks like she’s going to cry. What the hell has been going on? I can’t believe my eyes. I have to do something. I have to stop this.

  After he finishes his song, everything seems to be moving in slow motion. I watch in disbelief as he takes off his guitar and heads for Mattie. Mattie looks almost as surprised as I am. He grabs her suddenly and starts to kiss her.

  I need to move to stop this—right now. I make my way across the dance floor. I hear people whooping and hollering. I look up at the band, and they’re all clapping and celebrating. I can’t move fast enough. They are still kissing by the time I make my way across the room. I am so unbelievably mad that I can’t control myself. I grab the guy by his T-shirt, pull my arm back, and let it rip. The guy falls to the floor. Mattie looks up at me. She doesn’t look good. She looks at me like she’s seeing a ghost. I wonder, Is that the way she thinks of me?

  Another person enters the fray. It’s Sarah. Can this night get any worse or any weirder? I don’t even want to know why she’s here. All I know is that she is the cause of all of this. I look at her with hatred in my eyes. I hear Jimmy say, “Hey, there she is! She’s the one who bought the drugs from me.”

  I look at Jimmy. “Not now. We’ll get this cleared up later.”

  Sarah takes a step back. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a gun. Is she joking? Is that gun real?

  Chapter 46

  Saturday

  Sarah

  I watch the farce unfold. I am no longer able to control the anger that has been building inside me. Mattie has not one, but two, men fighting over her. Everything is coming back to me in a rush of memories. I hate her so much. She has taken everything from me. What do I have? Nothing! I don’t have a job because of her. I don’t have Jeremy because of her. I don’t have anyone or anything because of her! I’m so much better than Mattie. What do I have to do to make people see that?

  The feelings of rage are taking over. I don’t want to stop them. I want to embrace the feelings so I can go through with what I really want. I want Mattie gone. Forever.

  I pull out the gun that I have hidden in my purse. I have an idea. I shout to Mattie, “You have a choice: I’m going to kill either Jeremy or your little tattoo boy over here. You’d better choose one right now, or I’ll just shoot them both.”

  I am moving the gun from Mattie to Jeremy to the tattoo guy, back and forth. I don’t want them to get any ideas about trying to grab the gun from me. Mattie is looking at me in shock. I’ve seen that expression on her face before—it was the last time I saw her, when she discovered Jeremy and me in bed.

  Chapter 47

  Saturday

  Mattie

  Everything is moving at such a fast pace, my mind is having trouble taking it all in. Jeremy is here. Cade is hurt. Sarah is here. Is she with Jeremy? I’m looking back and forth between Sarah and Jeremy. He is looking at her with disgust. I wonder what happened. Some guy starts talking about drugs; Jeremy tells him to wait.

  Oh, Jeremy. He’s looking at me like his heart is breaking. Why is he looking at me like that? I feel momentarily ashamed that he saw Cade and me kissing. I stop myself. I can kiss whomever I want! Jeremy slept with Sarah. He broke all his promises—I didn’t.

  Sarah doesn’t look right. I start to ask her if she’s okay, when she pulls a gun from her purse. Is this really happening? She looks over at me with such hatred that I lose my breath for a moment. Where did that come from? Why is she looking at me like that?

  She asks me a question. A question that I can’t fathom. She wants me to choose whom she’ll kill. My mind won’t accept this reality as it’s laid before me. She can’t honestly believe that I’ll choose.

  What’s happened to Sarah? Has she totally lost her mind? I look at her and shake my head no. She looks ready to pull the trigger. Will she really kill both of them?

  I make the only decision I can. I’m going to tell her whom I choose. “Okay, okay. I’ve made a choice, Sarah.”

  She gives me a sinister smile. “I thought you would. You’re too greedy to lose both of them.”

  I answer her: “My choice is you, Sarah.” I can feel the hatred coming from every inch of her being.

  She answers, “Wrong choice.” She lifts the gun, I hear a loud noise, and the world goes
black.

  Chapter 48

  Two Years Later

  Mattie

  I let the warm sunshine wash over me. I love sitting on our deck overlooking Lake Washington. We were so lucky to find this house on Mercer Island. The market here is tight, so to find such a beautiful home right on the water was beyond lucky.

  My mind drifts back to the fateful day two years ago. I still can’t believe that it happened. Death. My eyes fill with tears. I have been going to counseling for the past two years to try to come to terms with all that’s happened. How does anyone ever recover from something like that? I remember going to the funerals in a daze. I was numb, in shock. All I remember are the tears, the sadness. My counselor, Cheryl, keeps telling me that none of it was my fault. A part of me knows that she’s right, but the other part feels tremendous guilt. Could I have done something different? Could I have stopped Sarah?

  Cheryl has also tried to explain Sarah’s mental condition. She told me that Sarah would have focused her hatred on someone else if it hadn’t been me. Sarah had an undiagnosed severe personality disorder and IED (intermittent explosive disorder). Even though she hid her illness well, I continue to question myself. How did I miss it?

  I let the sun continue to warm my skin on this beautiful August day. Part of my healing process is to let the memories come and to deal with them. In the past, I always wanted to shut out unpleasant memories. Now I think about them, process them, and put them away. I have a wonderful life now. I have a lot to be thankful for.

  I look over at Colton. He’s asleep on the chaise next to me. I can’t believe all that’s happened in the past two years. I can’t believe I have Colton. I lean over to kiss him. I push my hands through his curly blond hair. He is beautiful, and he is mine.