Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You

by Latoya Chandler

  Chapter Twenty-Two ~ BK Is on a Mission

  I feel completely at peace wrapped around you. Your heartbeat is all I care to listen to. Your face is all I want to look at. Your scent fills me with inescapable bliss. Your touch is what makes my body and mind come to life. I love you

  — Delaney Ridnour

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  A few days have gone by and I haven’t heard shit from Tavia. I’ve shot her a couple of text messages and called a few times, but she ain’t even trying to communicate with a brother. She can’t be having second thoughts; that shit was too good for her to be having second thoughts all of a sudden. Truth is, I’m tired of playing Mr. Fucking-Nice-Guy.

  ‘Tavia belongs to me, so whatever she has going on over there with Officer Bitch Ass is about to come to a screeching halt,’ I think, lacing up my Timberlands. I keep them on deck just in case I gotta stomp a muthafucka out.

  The first time I ran into baby girl at Duane Reade, I followed her home. I’ve been keeping a close watch, making sure this clown is treating her right until I come in and take my rightful place. Little does she know, daddy will be coming to the rescue real soon. The way she was throwing that pussy at me displayed just how unhappy she is with homeboy. Instead of wasting any more time, I’ve decided to head over to the love nest to see why my baby ain’t reaching out to her first love.

  As soon as I turn down her street, a truck comes flying out of the driveway, almost backing into my car. I quickly maneuver to my left to avoid a collision, and off to the right, I see Special Officer Dick-Ass running towards the truck yelling something, but I can’t make out what he’s saying. The look on his face tell me exactly what is going on: My baby girl has decided to leave his bitch-ass and come home to daddy. With that, I put my car in drive and head in the same direction as Tavia.

  Shit went from zero to a hundred real quick, and I lie low to scope shit out when I see dude’s ass come flying down the road. He loses control of his car, hitting Tavia’s car, swerving every which way, before smashing into my shit and flipping his car-the-fuck-over. He is on some Action Jackson-movie-type shit, I can’t believe any of it, but this is playing out lovely right before my very eyes. Thank God, my car only has minor damage, and I am able to be on my way. The way things look, Tavia will be crying in daddy’s arms in no time. Damn, God answered a brother’s prayer! It looks like the non-driving police officer will be out of the picture for good.

  Chapter Twenty-Three ~ Nard’s Jammed Up

  When a secret is revealed, it is the fault of the man who confided it.

  — French Proverb

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  Today is a horrible-ass-day on the job. D’s ass didn’t come in because he is home trying to fix things with his simple-ass wife, and I am now stuck with this clown who is afraid to walk on the same side of the street as the civilians. Somebody please tell me how the fuck is he a cop with a gun and scared to walk down the goddamn street?

  “Officer Cooper, why are you walking in the middle of the street?” I ask, walking in his direction. Locking eyes with him, I can see fear in his eyes as I grab my gun to turn around slowly to see what has him shook. I see two people yelling and running towards us, and one of them has something in his hands that resembles the Glock forty-caliber handgun we carry.

  “Drop your weapon!” I yell as the armed suspect runs in our direction. “Please drop your weapon!” I shout again before letting off two shots, hitting the armed suspect in the arm and leg.

  Not realizing until after the shooting, what appeared to be an armed suspect was a twelve-year-old boy with a toy gun. He was playing cops and robbers with his friends, and he was so caught up in his make-believe street chase that he didn’t hear or see me and Cooper, according to one of the witnesses. All I want to know is why the hell are these kids out playing at nine in the morning on a school day? Now I’m jammed up; my commanding officer has placed me on modified duty until the investigation is concluded.

  Chapter Twenty-Four ~ Latavia’s Nagging Past

  If you want to live and enjoy the present fully,

  you must burn everything of the past!

  If you don’t, everything of the past will burn you.

  — Prem Tihan

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  I can’t believe Darnell has the audacity to come chasing behind me in Nae’s hoe-mobile, flying down the road in that piece of shit like a bat out of hell, running right into me. The crazy thing about it is I can see him in my rearview mirror, swerving from left to right, trying to avoid a collision, but to no avail. Without warning, before I can react, he smacks into the back of the truck, pushing me into oncoming traffic, causing the airbags to deploy right in my face. Thank God, I have my seat belt on! I am so furious right now I could scream. The paramedics are insisting I allow them to escort me to urgent care to get checked out due to the impact although I feel just fine.

  Clearly Darnell and Nae have me confused. ‘I am so tired of playing Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, having everyone take my kindness for weakness,’ I angrily think, lying on the stretcher. Darnell looks pretty banged up; they have to use the jaws-of-life to remove him from the car. I pray he is all right. I can’t take any more heartache; I’ve had more than enough. Growing up, Mommy always said, “God won’t put any more on us than we can bear.” I wonder if she really knew what she was talking about because I am at my breaking point.

  After a full examination, I learn that I was eight weeks pregnant and had a miscarriage. I am hurt and in shock; I didn’t see or feel any blood or discharge, and after my forced abortions, I was informed that there was a ninety-nine-point-nine-percent chance that I wouldn’t be able to conceive or carry a child to full term.

  “I have the worst freaking luck! The two people I loved the most have betrayed me and killed my unborn child!” I scream through my tears, snatching the IV out my arm, tossing it and jumping out of the bed. I start tossing and throwing any and everything in arms’ reach. Feeling dizzy, I can’t keep my balance. The room begins to spin around me, and my eyes become heavy before everything around me darkens.

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  ‘It has been three months that Mommy’s been picking me and Nae, my new bestie, up after school every single day. Now that her hours have changed, she’s around a lot more and my father has been a real father to me,’ I smile, thinking as we wait.

  “She’s never this late,” Nae says, looking at her watch.

  “I don’t know what can be taking her so long,” I reply dryly, noticing my father’s car pulling up.

  “Hey, princess and Nariah. Mom was called in to do some overtime, so look who got stuck picking your lazy behinds up,” he says jokingly. “Honestly, both of you are too damn old to be getting picked up from school every day. Your grown asses need to start walking home instead of wasting gas,” he spat.

  Neither Nae nor I reply; we both knew if we do, he will take his anger out on me. I’ve recently shared with her the horrible things he’s done to me over the past few years, so she is fully aware of how this could play out. Remaining quiet until we reach our desired destination is really our only option. Happy that it’s Friday and because Nae’s sleeping over for the weekend, we excitedly jump out of the car as soon as he parks and run straight upstairs to my room.

  “I’d better not hear none of that loud-ass music up there either,” daddy yells as I slam my door shut, ignoring his complaints.

  We polish each other’s nails and talk for hours, catching up on the latest music videos on BET. “I’m starving, Tae. Do you have any snacks in this place to eat?” Nae questions.

  “I have no idea; let’s go downstairs and check.” In our own little world, we never notice my father on the sofa until we reach the bottom of the steps.

  “Who the fuck told your nosy little asses to come down here without making sure it was okay with me?” my father scolds, zipping his pants before turning off that nasty mess he’s always watching.

  Embarrassed and no lon
ger hungry, Nae and I run back upstairs as fast as we can, trying our hardest to get as far away from him as we can.

  “Not so fast, hot asses. I know exactly what you be doing up here in this room with the door closed. I’m not stupid,” he says sarcastically when he reaches my room. “Since you ruined my happy hour, you’ll have to make it up to me. You both know good and well what will happen to Latavia if you disobey me,” he says as a smirk creeps across his face. “Nariah, take off all of your clothes, and Latavia, you will do what I instruct you to do,” he says, removing his jeans.

  Nae and I close our tear-filled eyes as my father-the-monster forces me to kiss and touch my best friend in every forbidden place Mommy said was off limits until marriage. Once he reaches a climax, he throws two fifty-dollar bills at us and leaves the room.

  “Nae, I am so sorry; please forgive me. Please don’t hate me! I never meant for you to get dragged into this crazy mess. I’m begging you, please don’t tell anyone about this ever! He will be mad at me if anyone finds out,” I plead.

  “Tae, you don’t have to apologize, and you have nothing to worry about. We will get that bastard; sooner or later, he will pay!” she cries.

  Sweating and full of anxiety, with my heart racing a mile a minute, I begin to panic, completely unaware of my surroundings until I locked eyes with BK.

  “You all right, baby girl? That must have been a hell of a nightmare you were having. Don’t worry, big daddy’s here now to make it all better,” he says. “The nurses came in while you were asleep. They have to keep you a couple more days for observation, but all you have to do is say the word and I will get you out of this hellhole,” he consoles.

  “I can’t stay here. I don’t want to see any of them; I hate them. Please get me out of here,” I whimper.

  Chapter Twenty-Five ~ Nae’s Chocolate Delight

  All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!

  — Lucy Van Pelt in Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz

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  The past four days have been emotionally draining. Nard and Black, I mean Darnell’s ugly ass, will pay for their actions—trust and believe that shit. I don’t know when and how—it may cost them a little; it may cost them a lot—but it will cost them. There’s no way in hell I’m going to allow either of them to get away with how they’ve disrespected me. Now that I think about it, I haven’t heard from any of them since Tae’s ass ran off all dramatic into the sunset with Darnell running after her funky ass. I’m sick of all of them muthafuckas right about now. They have me so fucked-up in the head that I’ve been in the house drinking and depressed for the past three days. No phone, television, or company—just me and Jack Daniels.

  “Walter’s been missing for a few days now; I have no idea what’s crawled up his old ass,” I say to myself, waiting for my cellphone to power back up. Purposely, I ignore all of my missed calls, text messages, and voicemails. I just can’t deal with any of the bullshit right now. I am on a mission in search of that one person who has the skills and talent to satisfy my yearning sweet tooth. After locating my problem solver, I send a brief text message requesting some company. I can use an ear to get all this shit off my chest, plus a mind-blowing orgasm to take my stress away.

  Before ascending to my bath that awaits me, I make sure to leave the door unlocked for my guest. The last thing I want is to do is interrupt my bath to open the door. ‘The water is nice and hot, just the way I like it,’ I think, admiring the scene I’ve created. Candles and rose petals adorn throughout the bathroom. ‘I refuse to wait for anyone else to be good to me when I can be good to myself,’ I think, closing my eyes as I lie back on my bath pillow, trying to allow the stresses of the past few days to evacuate my mind.

  Feeling someone standing over me, I open my eyes to a Kool-Aid smile invading my vision. Lost in my thoughts, I never even heard Mahogany bring her sexy, thick ass in the house. I can’t stop smiling as I admire my hot lover for the night.

  “Good evening, sweetness. I’m overjoyed you remembered my number; however, you can’t keep doing me like this. Momma has a problem when she has to go too long without tasting her sweetness,” my chocolate delight retorts, seductively removing her clothes to join me in my bath.

  Climbing behind me, she pulls me closer to her so my head can rest on those perky double-D’s. While she bathes me, I unload my woes from the last few days on her, and it feels good to get it off my chest. Mahogany has become a good friend since our Dunkin Donuts’ meet-and-greet. She is an excellent listener and non-judgmental. I can, and have, talked to her about any and everything—more so than I ever have with Tae. Mahogany and I just have a different kind of connection.

  “Let momma take your troubles away, sweetness,” she says, extending her hand to assist me out of the once-scalding-hot bath.

  Mahogany must have been a magician in her former life because she works magic with that long, thick tongue of hers and those soft, gentle hands. She is a masseuse by profession and owns one of the best spas, located near Queens on the border of the Island, which is how I ended up running into her a couple days after our first meeting. Tae and I were having our monthly divas’ day, and we decided we were in need of a massage after being referred to Massage Envy. Guess who happened to be my masseuse for the day because she was short-staffed? My Mahogany-chocolate-drop. She had no idea, but I was really feeling her.

  “Sweetness, whatever it is that’s occupying your mind, I need you to release it, so you can enjoy what momma has in store for you,” she says.

  As we enter my bedroom, I am blown away. She’s come with her own personal bag of tricks. There are tea-light candles and purple rose petals (my favorite color) scattered around the room, along with soft music playing in the background—the sounds of nature or maybe ambient noises; whatever it is, it is hypnotizing. My emotions are now all over the place. ‘No one has ever done anything like this for me,’ I think as tears threaten to run down my face.

  “When in God’s name did you do this?” I ask.

  “All I need you to do is trust me and relax. I know what you need and deserve, and I am going to give you just that,” she replies, placing soft delicate kisses on my forehead.

  Mahogany starts out with light, long strokes from my head to my toes before turning me over to lie me facedown. Positioning herself behind my head, kneading the muscles around my shoulders and neck using her thumb and forefingers, turns me on like crazy. Massaging my wrists, fingers, ears, back, and neck, she relaxes my mind, body, and soul. She then allows her succulent lips to trade places with her fingers as she kisses, licks, and nibbles on every neglected region of my body, sending chills up and down my spine. I am on the verge of reaching euphoria as she allows her mouth to massage my honey love, licking my swollen clitoris and the surrounding area teasingly, and most important, pleasingly. Mahogany makes out with my box, slipping her snakelike tongue in and out, as if it was her manhood. I can’t hold back any longer; she senses it and accelerates her pace, driving me straight to my intended destination of orgasmic pleasure, causing my body to tremble violently.

  Chapter Twenty-Six ~ Bernard’s Day From Hell

  Pressure is something you feel when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.

  — Peyton Manning

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  “Can this fucking day get any fouler?” I ask myself. Now I can’t find my phone; the last place I recall having it was at O’Neill’s, before heading over to Nae’s place. Speaking of Nae, that chick was on some extra shit tonight. I’m not sure what her pops did to her and her mother, but that bitch needs to be in a straitjacket. She blacked out for a minute on a brother. If her pussy wasn’t first class, I would drop her paranoid schizophrenic ass like a bad habit. Quiet as it’s kept, the problem is she’s my drug of choice. Nonetheless, she might consider taking up permanent residence at a psychiatric facility.

  Re-tracing my steps, I return to O’Neill’s in hopes of finding my
phone. However, I find melancholy instead as it embraces me with open arms as soon as I step out the car.

  “Hey, there comrade. I’m sorry to hear about your partner,” Officer Martinez says solemnly.

  “I’m sorry, Martinez, my partner? What are you talking about?” I question.

  “You didn’t hear about Carter? It’s all over the news.”

  “No, I haven’t been watching the fucking news or heard shit! Now spit it out and tell me what the fuck happened!” I bark irritably as fear overwhelms me.

  “Maybe you should have a seat,” he suggests.

  “No, maybe you need to sit the fuck down and tell me. I am really getting tired of playing games!”

  “Carter was in a severe car accident early this evening, and he is now in Winthrop Hospital in critical condition.”

  Before Martinez can utter another word, I bolt out the door into the parking lot in search of my car. “Where did I park? Is this happening right now?” I ask myself. Relief consumes me, as opposed to frustration, when Martinez pulls up alongside me. He must be on some Knight Rider or superhero-type shit out this bitch, just magically appearing.

  “Good looking out,” I say, jumping in the car.

  “No problem, my man,” he replies.

  “Did you move my car on purpose or something? You showed up out of nowhere like a Power Ranger,” I say and we erupt in laughter. I am trying to defuse the situation and calm down to brace myself for whatever it is I have to face at the hospital.

  I’m not sure if time stands still on our ride over to the hospital, but it feels as if I have just gotten in the car and we are now pulling up to the emergency entrance. When we get inside, I notice most of our fellow officers from the seventh precinct in attendance, but I don’t want to see any of them. I just need to make sure my boy D is good.