Torn: I Dont Need You, But I Want You

by Latoya Chandler

  “Lord, in advance, I ask that You forgive me for I know not what I do or what I’m getting myself into.”

  Checking the time, it dawns on me that Bernard is a little off-schedule coming home this evening. ‘I wonder what’s keeping him. I pray he is all right,’ I think, then startled when I hear footsteps behind me.

  “You’re going to give me a heart attack! I didn’t hear you come in,” I say, turning around, placing soft, wet kisses to Bernard on the lips.

  “Good; I like sneaking up on you,” he replies.

  “Why is that?” I question.

  “Why not?” he replies.

  The tone of his voice changes as he says, “I need you to do me a huge favor, baby doll.”

  “Whatever you need, baby.”

  Bernard proceeds to brief me on his task over the past two weeks. He says he found Braxton’s house in Hartford, and Latavia was shacking up there with him. I am not sure if I am upset or happy right now. The ultimate kicker is when he asks me if I feel comfortable assisting in taking turns with him and Officer Martinez in keeping an eye on the little home wrecker.

  A few months back, this would have been the best thing that could have happened to me, but considering I no longer want to be married to Braxton, it’s not as exciting. However it doesn’t mean I have to be nice to her. Yes, the Bible says vengeance is Mine, but God would not have opened this door if He didn’t want me to walk on through it.

  Chapter Sixty ~ Latavia and Nariah

  Making a million friends is not a miracle. The miracle is to make a friend

  who will stand by you when millions are against you.

  — Author Unknown

  

  I’m not sure how to feel being back at the place I used to call home. I will say I am a little more comfortable here than I was at BK’s. Not being familiar with my surroundings caused me to feel a little out of place there; it was all him and nothing that represented me. When I leave the next time, it will be for good, and I will make sure to take my belongings with me.

  Bernard and Officer Martinez must be out of their minds if they think they’re going to keep waving a gun to keep me locked up in this house against my will. There’s no way I can feel free or comfortable with them taking turns sleeping on my sofa and making themselves at home in my living room. All of this is out of control, and I know Darnell’s overprotective, controlling behind put them up to this. Then, to make matter worse, I’ve been playing phone tag with BK, sending him countless text messages and phone calls. The only response I received from him was the other day when he claimed he needs time to clear his head, and I need to check on my husband; he believes I am confused about what I really want.

  I can’t believe he had the audacity to say something like that to me. Was I confused when I left the hospital with him, or while I was having sex with him over and over again? He’s the one confused or playing games with me. To add fuel to the fire, when I went to respond to him I received a return message saying failure to deliver. I also tried calling him after that and the voice recording said the number I reached is no longer in service. None of this is making any sense at all; I know he’s not afraid of Bernard. He has never come across as a punk, so I am extremely lost on this one; however, I will get to the bottom of it one way or the other.

  “It sounds like they’re changing shifts,” I laugh to myself, walking down the stairs, when I am greeted by Bernard and some woman as I approached the living room.

  “Look, Bernard, I have played along with your little charade long enough. You will not continue to come and go out of my house as you please and keep me here against my will.”

  “Your house? Now you remember where the fuck you live?” he spits.

  “You know what? I don’t have to take this! What you’re doing is against the law, making me stay here against my will, and also the way you’ve been pulling your gun out on me,” I cry.

  “The law? I am the law. What you’re going to do is sit your tired ass down, shut the fuck up, and do as I say. Oh yeah, by the way, this is Sharon, your new babysitter.”

  Before anyone can respond, Nae bolts through the door without saying a word and begins beating the dog crap out of Bernard’s Sharon.

  “Here we go again,” Bernard spits, grabbing Nae off Sharon.

  Without thinking twice about it, I jump on Bernard’s back, punching and screaming for him to get his hands off Nae.

  “Get your hands off him, you no-good home wrecker,” this Sharon-person yells.

  “What, bitch?!” Nae says, sneaking in another punch, sending Sharon back down to the floor.

  “Hold the fuck up!” Bernard spits from the top of his lungs, startling everyone.

  “No, you hold the fuck up, bitch!” Nae screams.

  “Enough is enough!” Martinez interjects. “All of this has spiraled out of control. We are all adults and really need to start acting like it. Bernard, you know you and Officer Carter are like brothers to me, but I am not about to lose my badge behind any of this. The primary focus was to bring justice for Carter, and it appears that is no longer the objective; therefore, I can no longer be a part of any of this,” he says before walking out of the house.

  Now all eyes are on me like this is my fault. “Why are you all looking at me? I’m the victim here!” I cry.

  “You weren’t the victim when you were sleeping with my husband—well ex-husband—while your husband’s in the hospital fighting for his life,” Sharon says.

  “What, hoe?!” Nae yells, socking her in the mouth.

  “Husband? Bernard, what is she talking about?” I ask.

  After placing himself between Golden-Gloves-Nae and Sharon, Bernard proceeds to inform me that the accident he feels I mysteriously forgot about was life threatening and Darnell has been in Intensive Care in a coma fighting for his life.

  “You would have known this if you weren’t shacking up with Braxton,” Sharon says accusingly.

  “All right, I am sick of you wench,” I yell, leaping at Sharon.

  “If another person swings, I’m swinging!” Bernard threatens.

  “You have got to be kidding me!” Nae says, shaking her head before continuing to speak. “It all makes sense now you trifling, pussy-eating, dick-sucking bitch! You did all of this over BK and now you’re fucking Bernard’s dumb ass!” she spits.

  Nae and I take one look at each other, disregard Bernard’s threats, and attack Sharon like two bats out of hell. We take it back to grade school and try to beat her like she stole our lunch money. We are so out of control swinging, punching, and kicking on Sharon that Bernard struggles, trying to pry us off her and get us under control, until Martinez walks back in the door to assist him.

  Chapter Sixty-One ~ Sharon Is Humiliated

  I stand up for what I believe. I don’t know if it’s always paid off for me,

  because I’ve been ridiculed and humiliated.

  — Kevin Costner

  

  “I will be pressing charges on the both of you little bitches,” I spit as Bernard drags me to his car.

  Once in the car, I silently pray to myself, “Lord, please forgive me for the use of profanity. I am mortified they repeatedly put their hands on me.”

  “Bernard, why did you set me up to get assaulted like that and not arrest those hoes,” I cry.

  “Sharon, right now it would be best if you didn’t speak,” he replies coldly.

  “It would be best, Bernard? Now you’re taking their side?” I continue to cry.

  “Woman, please, with all the extra dramatics!” he spits.

  I refuse to allow anyone to keep putting their hands on me or to be spoken to in the manner Bernard is now speaking to me. Braxton did his share of verbally and mentally abusing me, and I refuse to add to the list. I am too old for this mess.

  “Bernard, we need to talk,” I say.

  “Not right now, Sharon,” he replies.

  “We can’t pretend none o
f this just happened. Do you realize what you’ve gotten me into Bernard?” I ask.

  He doesn’t respond; he just whips the car over to the side of the road into an empty parking lot.

  “What I got you into, Sharon? Do you hear yourself speaking? Better yet, do you even bother to think before you speak?” he asks sarcastically.

  “Yes, I do, and yes, you did bring me into this mess. Had you not asked me to help you keep an eye on a grown woman, I wouldn’t have all of these scratches and bruises to my face, neck, and arms right now!”

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me! I have been trying to be patient and show your needy ass some muthafuckin respect, but you can’t give me a minute? If you weren’t so hung up on the dick you complained about not getting, you never would have had me, or any of us for that matter. So the way I see it, your desperate ass got what you deserved! Now get the fuck out of my car, bitch!” he spits.

  Bernard gets out of the car to help me out, but I won’t budge, so he takes it upon himself to pick me up and sit me on the ground before returning to his car and driving off.

  “Looks like he had a change of heart,” I say to myself through tears when I notice his car in backing up towards me.

  “You forgot your shit,” he says, tossing my purse at me and peeling off.

  Chapter Sixty-Two ~ Braxton Wants It All

  It isn’t sufficient just to want; you’ve got to ask yourself

  what are you going to do to get the things you want.

  — Franklin D. Roosevelt

  

  The last thing I want to do is ignore my baby girl Tae, but a brother’s got to do what a brother’s got to do. I have to play this shit real smart so things can work out smooth as a baby’s ass. Tae is probably writing me off right about now, but I know the same way I got her to come running back to me is the same way she’s going to be back with big daddy—bent over, face down, ass up, grabbing on them ankles. Everybody knows the ladies love BK; there’s no denying that. However, right now, the task at hand is to get Sharon’s ass caught up so she can lead me straight to that little bitch Bernard.

  “Oh shit, speaking of Sharon, this is her calling me now,” I say to myself.

  “What’s up,” I answer nonchalantly.

  “Braxton, he left me in a parking lot,” she cries into the phone.

  “Slow down; who left you where and what?” I yell.

  “Bernard did; they attacked me and he threw me out of his car,’ she continues, crying.

  “Where the fuck are you? Text me the address; I am on my way.”

  “Sending it now, Braxton,” she says before disconnecting the phone call.

  This muthafucka has just signed his death warrant; he’s nothing more than a coward with a badge. How the fuck is he going to put his hands on a woman then flat out leave her in a parking lot. I see he must be one of those dudes who gets off putting his hands on women. We’ll see how much he likes to hit when I get finished with his ass.

  “Hold up . . . Did she say they?” I ask myself, accelerating the speed, pushing the petal to the metal, trying to get to the other side of town as fast as I can.

  I have circled this parking lot twice already in the five minutes I’ve been here. Where the hell is Sharon’s ass? “Shit!” I yell, slamming on the brakes.

  “Why the hell are you sitting on the ground? I could have killed your ass!”

  “I’m sorry, Braxton,” she replies in a little over a whisper, staring at the ground.

  “Come on, let’s go,” I say, trying to help her to her feet.

  “You can’t look at me, Sharon? Don’t be embarrassed now; you weren’t ashamed when you were fucking him!” I scold.

  “Braxton, are you serious?” she whines.

  When she looks up at me, I almost flip the fuck out. Her face is all scratched up, and her eye is a little puffy and swollen. ‘This little bitch of a man is hiding behind a badge, scratching up broads’ faces? What part of the academy did he learn that shit at? He’d better not put his hands on Tae again either,’ I think, getting even madder.

  “Braxton, I need to get my car, but I don’t want to see Bernard’s face tonight,” she cries.

  “Yo, fuck him; we’re going to pick up your car!” I spit.

  “Please, can we go in the morning? I have had enough for today.”

  Short of thinking twice or responding, I take off driving, not sure where we’re headed. I’m damn sure not taking her to the Bronx with me. That’s not part of the plan. Since Tavia is back here in New York, I have been staying back at my spot in the Bronx.

  “You want me to get a room at the Comfort Inn?”

  “Sure that’s fine; I just can’t go back to Bernard’s,” she says as she starts crying me a river.

  ‘Damn, what have I gotten myself into? This is the side of Sharon that irks-the-fuck out of me. All of that crying bullshit with that long-face shit is for the birds, but I know I have to play it cool. She has the means to get me closer to that punk faster than I can by myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a selfish bastard. I just don’t have love for her like that. Pussy is one thing, but all that intimate shit with her is a negative. She ain’t Tavia. No doubt, I will hold her down and not allow anyone to disrespect her by putting their hands on her. No real man puts his hands on a woman anyway, but a real man will stomp-the-fuck out of a punk who does while hiding behind a badge.

  Chapter Sixty-Three ~ Nariah Clears the Air

  Sometimes you have to be mean and hurt someone’s feelings

  to help save their heart. Because the truth hurts, but lies kill.

  — Author Unknown

  

  “We worked that hussy overtime,” I brag, hugging Tae.

  “Yes, we did; we took it back to the old school,” she replies.

  “I can’t believe your stuck-up ass knuckled up,” I say jokingly.

  “Shut up, Nae,” she laughs.

  Tae quickly becomes silent, pulling away from me. “What’s wrong?” I question.

  “I’m not going to sit back and allow anyone to put their hands on you, that’s not how I get down, but what you and I had no longer exists,” she explains.

  “What? How do you throw away a friendship like ours? A sisterhood? Just like that?” I ask, disappointed.

  “The day you started screwing my husband is how you threw it away, hoe!”

  “I’m not going to be too many more hoes, Tae.”

  “I don’t think you have a choice; it’s in your blood!” she says, slapping me across my face.

  “Tae, if you hit me again, I am going to forget who you are and hurt you. I’m not playing with you either.”

  “Nae, get your nasty, lonely, dike-ass out of my house!”

  Before I land myself on the cover of Newsday, I escort myself out of her house. I can’t believe she is still on that mess when nothing happened. “You know what? I am tired of being nice,” I say to myself, turning around, walking back into her house.

  “Didn’t I just ask you to leave,” she scolds.

  “You know what, Tae? If you weren’t so far up your own ass, you wouldn’t be in the predicament you’re in now. For your information, Black Hammer—the guy I met on the website, which I told you about—turned out to be Darnell, the same guy you met six months later. I didn’t want to ruin your happiness, so when I saw him at your dinner party, I left well enough alone. He meant nothing to me, and I had no intentions of ever seeing or being with him again. You have no idea what I sacrificed for your trifling, selfish ass.”

  “Sacrificed?! What could you possibly have sacrificed other than your worn-out coochie?” she spits.

  “My fucking unborn child! Don’t get quiet now, smart ass. The evening I met Darnell, I had just found out that morning I was pregnant from my one-night stand. I was going to keep the baby and raise it by myself; however, after meeting him at your party, I knew it wasn’t a good idea, so I terminated the pregnancy. Had you stuc
k around, instead of running off into the sunset with BK’s ass, you would have known. Now who’s the selfish bitch?” I ask, walking out and slamming the door behind me, leaving her standing there dumbfounded.

  Chapter Sixty-Four ~ Bernard’s Revelation

  When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

  — Maya Angelou

  

  Trying to hold my boy D down has me out here caught up. Every last one of them broads is crazy, and I am done trying to be Captain Save-A-Hoe. D will have to deal with Tae’s sneaky ass when he’s better. The only thing that Sharon can do for me right about now is put this fat mushroom head in her mouth until she can taste the sex of all of my unborn seed. Nae, on the other hand, might be the only one in the camp who has kept it real from the jump.

  They were really whipping Sharon’s ass, and I felt a little bad for her, but she showed what she was really up to the moment she laid her eyes on Tae. Nothing but pure hate and envy in her eyes, letting us all know she was out for revenge and would stop at nothing until she got what she wanted.

  ‘Hold the fuck up! That devious little bitch thinks she’s slick. She threw that ass at me to try to push me away from seeing the truth. Sharon had to have something to do with fucking with those brakes. Who else would have a reason or motive to do that shit? I have no clue what she would have gained from hurting Nae but, now that I think about it, I bet they were together before the accident,’ I think, retrieving my phone from my pocket.

  “Nae, this is Bernard. I know I’m the last person you want to hear from right now, but you’re going to need to cancel all that. We need to talk ASAP!” I spit into her voicemail.