I wasn’t sure if I should call Maggie to check on Lexi, or if I should ignore the whole thing. If he was the guy Lexi had been dating, this was a sure way to find out. It’d be pretty hard for her to ignore the death of a man she loved. I cringed at the thought.
I tossed the newspaper onto my desk and rested my head in my hands. I wasn’t sure what had happened to Seth, and not knowing made my stomach feel hollow. The day played on repeat in my head. The image of his dead body sitting in his chair wouldn’t leave my mind. The terror that encased me at that moment came back.
What if the person who did this to him was there? I didn’t see them, but maybe they saw me. Maybe they’re going to go to the police and pin this on me. I don’t own a gun, but I’m sure it’s an overused excuse. There are ways to get guns and dispose of them. My heart dropped to the pit of my empty stomach. What if they took pictures of me at the crime scene? How would I explain that?
My thoughts took me deeper into the rabbit hole of what-ifs. The worst part was there was no one I could talk to about it. Even a hypothetical conversation could backfire. The cruelest part of this whole thing was I didn’t even do it. Not this time. If I’m going to be held responsible for something, I at least want the pleasure of doing it.
I shook the thought out of my head. No. I didn’t want to do it. I’m grateful I didn’t have to. The rush of feeling in control was more addicting than the drugs Seth was selling. It wasn’t something I wanted to taste again, at least that was what I had to remind myself.
The ring of the phone brought me back to my office. Norma’s name was displayed across my caller ID. “Hey, Norma.”
“It’s Maggie. Is this Val?”
“Oh, sorry, yeah. Hey Maggie, how are you doing?”
“Did you see the newspaper?”
“I did. Is everyone alright?”
“I… ah… I don’t know.”
“Is it Lexi?”
“Well, I haven’t told her yet… I don’t know what to say.”
“Is she at school today?”
“No, I didn’t wake her up. I didn’t want her to find out from friends or try to go to his apartment. She’s been acting funny.”
“Like how?”
“She’s been glued to her phone… and agitated.”
“Do you want me to stop over?”
“Really? You’d do that?”
“Of course, I’ll be right over.”
The thought of Lexi looking at her phone at unanswered texts left me sad and relieved. I didn’t want to see her in pain, but I was glad she hadn’t arrived in the middle of a crime scene. As gross as Seth was, it was still a loss for her. And, she had already lost so much. There were always so many layers… to everything.
At Norma’s, Maggie greeted me at the door, her voice in a whisper. “She’s still sleeping.”
“Is Norma here?”
“No, she had some errands to run. She was the one who showed me the paper, though.”
At the dining room table, we sat at the end furthest from the hall. “Did Sammy go to school?”
Maggie nodded her head.
“What are your plans when Lexi wakes up?”
Maggie’s body trembled. “I… I’m not really sure.” She picked at her fingernail. “I was hoping you could tell her.”
A sigh escaped before I could pull it back in. “Me? Lexi doesn’t even know me.” Maggie’s head dropped. “I’m sorry, Maggie. I’m just not good with kids. If you think it’d help, I’ll do it.”
Maggie lifted her head up, tears streaming down her face. “I just don’t think I can. I can’t keep it together.”
“It’s fine, I’ll tell her.” I placed my hand on Maggie’s shoulder. “Should we wait for her to wake up, or do you think we should tell her now, you know, to get it over with?”
“I guess we should do it now… you probably have to get back to work.” Maggie stood up and straightened her bathrobe, reaching back to the table to steady herself. She walked down the hall and went into Lexi’s room. I scanned my surroundings to try and find something to focus on to channel some calmness. I knew I would be doing all of the talking. Maggie was in no shape for the conversation we were about to have.
I heard some grumbling and then saw Lexi and Maggie emerge from the darkened room. Lexi rubbed the sleep from her eyes and complained about being woken up when she saw me.
“Good morning, Lexi.” I smiled as convincingly as possible.
“What is she doing here?” Lexi asked her mother.
Maggie sat back down and lifted her eyes at me, speaking without words. “Lexi, why don’t you have a seat? I have something I need to talk to you about.” The tension in the room was thicker than a bowl of oatmeal. I tapped my hand on the table, trying to keep a smile on my face.
Lexi crossed her arms and shot daggers at me. The upcoming news was not going to sit well. “I’d rather stand.”
“Oh, I think sitting is a better idea, come on, just take a seat. Please?”
“Lexi, just sit.” Maggie closed her eyes as she waited for Lexi to comply.
“This isn’t one of those stupid interventions, is it?” Lexi pulled out the chair and dropped her butt into it, keeping her arms crossed.
“No, I’m afraid it’s not.” I twisted my neck around to bump out any lingering tension. “Lexi… I have some hard news to share.”
She rolled her eyes and stared straight ahead. “Okay.”
“Your mom mentioned you are dating a boy… named Seth. Is that correct?”
Her head whipped around to face me. “Why do you want to know?”
“Well, Lexi, is she right?”
“Maybe.”
“Was he… I mean… is he older than you?”
She turned her head to look at her mom. “Maybe… but only a little bit.”
“And do you know where he lives?”
“Just tell me what you really want to know.” She looked at her mom, then back at me.
“Lexi…” I paused while I searched for the right words. “There’s been a murder in town and…”
“No… no, he’s not like that. He would never hurt anyone.”
“No, Lexi… a man named Seth was murdered, and we wanted to make sure it’s not the same person.”
“No… no… there’s no way.”
“Maggie, do you have the paper?”
Maggie got up and walked into the living room. She returned and handed me the paper. I placed it in front of Lexi. “Is this your Seth?”
Lexi let out a gasp and covered her mouth. “Oh my god. This can’t be real.” She pushed the paper away from her.
“Lexi, it’s real. Seth was found dead at his apartment. When was the last time you talked to him?” I took the paper away and folded it up, hiding Seth’s face.
“I don’t know… it’s been a few days since he answered my text.”
“He was found on Wednesday.”
“That explains why.” She paused as tears streamed down her cheeks. “He didn’t respond… I just thought he was mad at me.”
“Lexi, he was thirty-two years old. Did you know that?”
“What does it matter?”
“I guess it doesn’t… did he hurt you?”
“Jesus. He’s fucken dead, and you want to make him into a monster? You’re sick.”
“Lexi, that’s enough.” Maggie scolded her. “He’s a grown man, Lexi. What were you thinking?”
“He’s dead. Why does it matter? You and your sick friend should throw a party.”
“That’s enough, Lexi.” Maggie hit her fisted hand on the table.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know losing someone you love is never easy…”
“You want to give me a lecture about dating a grown-ass man, but where were you when dad was raping me? Huh? Why do you care now?”
“Lexi. That’s not fair. Your mom did her best. She…”
“How the fuck would you know? You only know what she told you.” Lexi got up and ran
down the hall, slamming her bedroom door behind her.
“Maggie… she doesn’t mean what she said… she’s just hurting.”
“No, she’s right. I didn’t protect her.”
“Maggie, you didn’t know. You protected her as soon as you did know. Don’t let her make you question yourself. If it’s anyone’s fault she was dating an older man, it’s Hank’s. Let that piece of shit take the blame.”
Maggie hung her head and shook it. “No, I should have known. What kind of mother doesn’t know?”
“You and I both know they’re good at covering their tracks. Lexi is angry and sad. She said things she didn’t mean. You know she can only talk to you like that because she feels safe with you, right? Isn’t it great? You get to be her punching bag because she loves you.” I elbowed Maggie’s arm to try to make her smile.
She rubbed her eyes with her hands and blinked. “You think so?”
“I do, and by the sounds of things, she really loves you.” I pushed Maggie’s messy hair behind her ear and smiled.
Maggie laughed and leaned closer to me. “She’s right about one thing… I think we should throw a party.”
“Yeah. It’s awful, but think about what could have happened if Seth hadn’t been killed?” I closed my eyes and shook the thoughts out of my head. “I know Lexi’s heart is broken right now, but this was probably the best thing that could have happened to her.”
“I don’t want to imagine what could have happened.”
“You’re right, you don’t.” Carmen’s face flashed before my closed eyes. “She’ll get through this, and so will you.”
“Thanks, Val, for coming by and helping me tell her.”
“I’m glad I could help, call me anytime. I mean that.”
On my way back to the hospital, I thought about the damage Seth could have done to Lexi if he were still alive. It was evident Lexi was looking for an escape, and Seth had all the right stuff to get her mind off all the hard things she’d had to face over the last few months. His death made sure Lexi wouldn’t be the next Carmen. I’ll never understand what those girls found so attractive. He made my skin crawl.
Chapter Eleven
“I called Ginger like you suggested. She has an airtight alibi. There’s no way she could have been in Lawrenceville the day Seth was murdered.”
“And you confirmed this?”
“Yeah. She was at a dinner party with her husband and about a hundred other affluent people in Boston. She had no reason to kill him. She did say Seth reached out to her about Jane’s death just a couple days before he died. He told her he knew who killed Jane.”
I picked up my necklace and rubbed it between my fingers. “He did? Did he tell her who?”
“No, she was planning to come by next weekend and talk with him. He told her he was waiting for someone to do the right thing, but he didn’t elaborate. So now she’s not a suspect, but she is positive we dropped the ball on Jane’s death. She’s sure it was a murder, but without the information Seth was going to give her, that’s a dead end.”
“Like Jane.” I covered my mouth to mute the laugh. “Sorry, I do that when I’m nervous.”
“Why are you nervous?”
“Nervous? I mean, sad. I’m not even sure what I feel anymore. It’s like I’ve been in the middle of that whole family since I walked into Carmen’s room that day. You know? They’ve kind of consumed my whole brain the last few months. I guess I’m just tired. I’m tired of not knowing what to think or who to trust, and now Ginger is in the mix. I don’t think I have it in me to get involved with one more person from that family.”
“I get it, Val. It has been a lot, but this isn’t about you. You don’t have to get involved anymore. Carmen got the justice you wanted for her, and now, Jane got hers, too, if Seth really was abusing her. If not, well, I guess it was just his time. You’re not responsible for any of it. You did so much for Jane, but your part is over now. Now, it’s up to me to put Ginger’s mind to rest and figure out what happened to Seth.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. You taking care of Ginger.” I crossed my arms.
“Hold on… I didn’t say take care of Ginger, I said, put her mind to rest. You have nothing to worry about. It’s strictly professional.” Tim walked over and uncrossed my arms and wrapped me in a hug. “I love you, Valerie Williamson, soon to be Mrs. Phillips.” His kiss erased some of my worries. But he didn’t know what I knew, and he never could. If he did, there would never be a Mrs. Timothy Philips. And, orange is not my color.
“Is Ginger coming to see you? Or are you done with her?”
“No, she’s not planning on coming back. She did say she’d have her attorney contact us if she changed her mind.”
“Changed her mind about what?”
“If she changes her mind about having Jane’s body exhumed.”
“What? Are you kidding me? That lady is as crazy as her daughter. The dirt just hit the top of her coffin. The grass hasn’t even had time to grow back in.”
“Whoa, that’s harsh. Let’s change the subject. How about we talk about the wedding?”
The sigh I released said more than I could.
“I’m starting to take this personal. I know we are taking it slow, and I’m fine with that, but can we just talk about it? Share our hopes and dreams?”
“Have you picked out your dress yet?” I regretted my attempt at a joke when Tim walked into the living room. “Hey, Tim. I’m sorry. It’s just hard for me. I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“It’s fine. I get it.”
I brought in two Sam Adams and handed him one. “I love you, Tim. I do want to marry you, I guess it’s hard for me to believe you actually love me. I’m a master at sabotaging all the good things in my life.” I tipped the bottle to my lips and let the cold liquid fill my stomach. “I think it’s cute you’re excited.”
Tim picked at the label on the bottle. “Val, I do want to marry you. I want to be your husband, have a family with you, grow old with you, and get matching gravestones.”
“Definitely couple goals.” I took another drink of my liquid courage and let it slide down my throat. “I want that. I want to believe I deserve it. I’m just worried you’ll leave me, and I’ll just be old and alone.”
“I don’t know what I can say to make you believe me. All I can do is prove it to you. Give me that chance.”
“Okay. I’ll try.” I took the last swig of my beer. “You know what would make our wedding perfect? If Gabriel and my gram were there.”
“That seems doable.” Tim set his untouched beer on the coffee table. “I wanted to tell you I think I found the adoption agency your mom worked with. I wanted to surprise you, but I wanted to get more details first.”
“You did? How’d you do that?” I picked up Tim’s beer and took a sip.
“Go ahead, you can drink it. I’m on call tonight.”
“Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t…”
“No, it’s okay, it seems like you need it more than me.” Tim rubbed his hands on his pant legs. “So, I looked up Sawyer’s Home for Unwed Girls again and dug a little deeper. I found a message board where other girls who stayed there reconnected.”
“Wait… that’s a thing?”
“Yeah, a lot of the girls who stayed there were unhappy. It seems like you weren’t the only one who had your baby taken from them. The deeper I read in the thread, the more information I got. I sent a message to a few girls, and they said Love’s Adoption Agency was who their parents worked with. I saw their name in the chat, too. It seems like the only one that was mentioned.”
“Love’s adoption agency? That’s a shitty name for a place who rips babies from mother’s arms. Are they still open?”
“Yeah, I looked them up, too, and they are still in business. They have great reviews, so I can only hope they do good work.”
“They’re probably fake. I’d never leave them a good review.”
“Maybe they are, bu
t it’s not really their fault. Your mom signed the rights away. All they did was find your baby a loving home.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“I called them and asked them how long they keep their records.”
I felt my heart do a somersault in my chest. “And?”
“And, they destroy the records when the baby turns eighteen.”
“Just my luck. I’m late for everything.”
“Hang on, don’t get upset yet. They aren’t always on top of their shredding, so there is a possibility they still have your records there. They wouldn’t tell me any more information, they’ll need to talk to you.”
Afraid to get too excited, I didn’t know how to react. “Okay.”
“Aren’t you happy? This could be what you need to find Gabriel.”
“I’m scared. Scared they got rid of the records. Scared we’ll find him, and he’ll hate me. Scared he had an unhappy life. Terrified, actually.”
“It’s okay to be scared, Val. I’ll be right by your side if you want me to be. I have a really good feeling about this.”
“It’s hard to believe it’s so close. I just assumed it’d never happen.”
“Your wish is my command.” He took my hand in his. The weight and warmth made me feel safe. I had to trust him.
The two beers and being in Tim’s arms helped me drift off to sleep without thinking. The reoccurring dream that usually leaves me feeling empty came. The one where my baby is crying, and he is nowhere to be found. But in this one, I found him. I felt the warmth of his little body next to mine, and I told him I loved him. My lips kissed the top of his warm, tiny head, and as I held him tight, I knew we wouldn’t have to say goodbye. I rocked him to sleep and told him I would keep him safe. I wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. His cries stopped, and I felt our hearts connect.
When I woke up, I was cradling a pillow. The empty parts of me felt whole. I knew we would find Gabriel, and I knew he would forgive me. I watched Tim sleep as I tried to will him awake. I didn’t want to wait any longer to call the adoption agency. I didn’t think I could wait one more day without my son in my life.
“Hey, buddy,” I whispered to Gabe as he jumped on the bed. I was sure his purring would be enough to wake Tim. I fell back asleep with Gabe in my arms. I needed to be a mother, it was a desire I didn’t know I had, but now, the urge was all I could focus on.
Confidentiality Page 6