Confidentiality

by Jessica Aiken-Hall

  “You really think it would be enough to make someone kill him? I mean, I think about it, but I’d never act on it.” Another lie added to the vault.

  “The world is a crazy place. Anything is possible these days.” He pulled me tighter. “Enough about work, let’s talk about our new life together.”

  “I can’t believe we found the perfect place so quickly… and then Gabriel… or... whatever his name is now.”

  “Things do seem to be falling into place nicely. See, you ask, and you shall receive.” His eyes lifted with his smile.

  “I wished I knew it was that simple ages ago, it would have saved so many problems.”

  “Just think of it this way, life can only improve from here.” He came behind me and hugged me around my waist. “I can’t wait to come home to you every day and wake up next to you every morning… for the rest of my life.” He gave me a little squeeze as he kissed my neck.

  “I’m looking forward to that, too. Everything is happening so fast. I don’t even dare to blink.”

  “Just savor it. Let every ounce of joy seep in. You deserve it, more than anyone I know.”

  “I think I’m most nervous about tomorrow. I can’t believe Gabriel wanted to meet me so soon.”

  “I’m excited for you, too. I can’t wait to meet your son. I’m sure he’s amazing.”

  I closed my eyes and rubbed my necklace. “I just hope he’ll want me in his life.”

  “I’m sure he will. He’s a man now, I bet he’d love to have a cool mom to run things by.”

  “A cool mom, huh?”

  “Sure, think about it, you’re only fifteen years older than him. I think it’d be rad to have a young, hot mom…”

  “Rad… who are you?”

  “What? I’m auditioning for the hip stepdad.”

  “You’re such a dork.” I laughed as I tried to picture how the meeting was going to go. I’ve rehearsed what I would say to him for the last twenty years. I hoped I wouldn’t screw it up.

  “Hey, I take offense to that.” He winked at me. “You’re going to be married to a dork… so take that.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  “Mr. and Mrs. Dork. It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

  I rolled my eyes and tapped the back of my hand against his chest. “It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

  “I can’t wait to have a house full of little dorks and dorkettes running around.”

  “Hold on there stud, how many babies do you think I’m going to have?”

  “Enough for a baseball team, with fans in the stands.”

  “Definitely not. I was thinking… oh… maybe two.”

  “Two of each? Well, maybe…”

  “No. Two in total.”

  “Ah, where is your sense of adventure?”

  “Not in the delivery room.” I crossed my arms with a laugh. “You might be able to talk me into one more… but let’s start with one and see how it goes.”

  “Fair enough.”

  The thought of having a baby left me equally terrified and excited. I knew I never wanted to be like my mom, but I didn’t have any other example to follow. Before Chad, my mom was someone I wanted to be with. She was stern, but she also knew how to have fun. Maybe it was the drinking that changed her, or perhaps it only took Chad’s attention to shake her up. Before him, I would have considered her my friend. It was almost as though a switch flipped and I became yesterday’s news. She stopped spending time with me and would never listen to me. If drinking Kool-Aid is a thing, she was swimming in his.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Today was the day I had been waiting for since they ripped my baby boy out of my arms twenty excruciating years ago. The beat of my heart echoed in my ears as I searched my closet. “I never have anything to wear.” I tossed sweaters of different shades of black, brown, and gray on to the bed. Gabriel perched on the top of the pile and tilted his head as he listened to me complain. “Don’t judge me… you don’t have to worry about clothes.” A muffled shriek followed. “I hate that nothing ever looks good on me.”

  I stood in the closet with tears streaming down my cheeks when Tim walked in from the shower. “Hey, Val, relax.” With the towel tied around his waist, he took my hands in his. “Take a deep breath.” He mirrored my breathing, rising and falling with me. “You’re beautiful in anything you wear or don’t.” He winked. “Your son is not going to care what you have on. I guarantee it won’t be the first thing on his mind today.”

  “I just want this to be perfect. I’ve waited so long for this.”

  “I know, Val. And it will be.” He reached into the closet and pulled out a long sleeve blouse and handed it to me. “Here, wear this with a nice pair of jeans. It’s going to be too warm for a sweater today, anyway.”

  I held up the top he chose and wrinkled my nose. “Ugh, this thing?”

  “Put it on, I bet you’ll look stunning.” He held his hand out with his palm facing up.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m so glad I get to share this with you. Thank you… for everything.” The tears returned, but this time from joy.

  “I’m excited for you, Val. I know how badly you’ve wanted this.”

  The place we were meeting him was an hour away. I couldn’t believe he had been this close the whole time. The idea brought comfort and frustration. He was so close but lightyears away. I could have passed him on the street and not known it. I reached for my necklace and felt it at the opening of my shirt. Soon, I’d have my son and not just this necklace.

  “Why don’t you think they’ll tell me his new name yet? They keep calling him Gabriel.”

  “Maybe they didn’t change his name when they adopted him.” Tim reached over and turned down the radio. “Could you enter the address in the GPS? I want to see the arrival time.”

  I entered the address and waited for it to calculate. “Only forty more minutes.”

  “Remember to breathe.” He turned his head to give me a smile and returned his eyes to the road.

  “I’m thinking about taking some time off work. Jeanine mentioned it… well, suggested it.”

  “She did? Why?”

  “She just thinks I’ve been a little… off. But now is the perfect time with our move and planning a wedding.”

  “Oh, I like where this is going. Maybe I should take some time off, too.”

  “Or, maybe you should wait and we can go on an epic honeymoon.”

  “Epic, huh?”

  I laughed. “I guess I’ve been spending too much time with Sonya.”

  “An epic honeymoon sounds like something I can’t wait for. You’re going to be a beautiful bride… but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to tearing your dress off of you.”

  “You do have a way with words, Mr. Phillips.”

  “Hey, honesty is the best policy, right?” He shrugged his shoulders as a smirk spread across his face.

  I pushed the comment out of my head. Today was not a day to feel guilty. Today was a day to celebrate. I didn’t want anything to take away from this moment. I watched the trees pass by as we inched closer to our destination. I’d spent a lifetime of rushing through everything to just get to the next day, now it was time to slow down and savor the moments.

  I took Tim’s hand and laced my fingers with his. The warmth of his skin on mine chased out the lingering anxiety. I closed my eyes and focused on the rhythm of the tires against the pavement.

  I felt Tim give my hand a light squeeze before he pulled out of my grip. I opened my eyes to see we had arrived at our destination. Tim had arranged to meet Gabriel and his adoptive parents in Newport. It was an hour from us, and only thirty minutes from them. As I scanned the parking lot, I noticed all of the cars. “I don’t think meeting at 10:00a.m. on a Saturday at a diner was a great plan.” I felt the palms of my hands start to sweat.

  “You’re probably right, but I wanted to accommodate them, to make it so irresistible they couldn’t say no. Beth suggested this pla
ce.”

  “I’m sorry… I’m just nervous. I’d have gone anywhere to meet him. Thank you for coordinating everything.”

  “It’s okay, Val, I understand.” With his hand on the door handle, he looked over at me. “Are you ready?”

  I closed my eyes, rubbed my necklace, and exhaled. “I am.” The flutter of butterflies filled my stomach.

  “Breathe,” he whispered.

  When we entered the restaurant, my heart dropped when I saw the back of his head. I knew right away it was him. I pulled Tim’s hand and led him to their table.

  “Hi, Beth?” Tim smiled as he waited for her reply.

  “You must be Tim and Valerie.” She stood up and shook my hand, her other hand holding mine as our eyes met. “It’s so good to finally meet you.”

  While she was talking, the two men at the table stood up. “This is Paul.” She pointed to the older man with thinning gray hair and a short beard to match. “And this,” she pushed the younger man by his shoulders over to me, “is Gabriel.”

  “Gabriel?” My hand went to my necklace as I felt my eyes start to burn. “You kept his name?”

  “We did.” Beth smiled as she held her husband’s hand.

  The tall, young man standing in front of me was my son. My Gabriel. His blue eyes sparkled. He ran his hand through his short, clean-cut brown hair. “Hi.” He reached his hand out for me to shake. “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve been waiting for this day since Mom… ah… since they told me I was adopted.”

  “Oh my gosh, you’re so handsome.” I felt the eyes of a hundred diners pierce into my back, but I didn’t care. I had my baby back. “I’ve been waiting for this day since they took you.” I covered my mouth, not knowing what he had been told. I looked to Beth to see if I had already messed up.

  We all sat down to cause less of a scene. My feet tapped under the table, vibrating the water glasses. Tim put his hand on my knee to slow it down. “Valerie, I want you to know how much your letter touched us.” Beth looked over at Paul before she continued. “When we read it, I knew… we knew we would never be able to change Gabriel’s name. The love you had for him seeped off those pages. It broke my heart when I noticed the words had been smudged with your tears.” She placed her hand to her heart, the sparkle of her three-karat diamond ring caught my eye.

  “They actually gave that to you?”

  “Yes, and the necklace. I knew you must have been a sweet girl to think of something so clever.” She smiled. “We told Gabe he was adopted as soon as we brought him home. We didn’t want him to think it was something to be ashamed of. We read him stories about adoption as he grew up, so he would know how loved he was. When he was sixteen, we gave him your letter and the necklace you sent for him.”

  Gabe pulled half of a broken heart out of his t-shirt and smiled. “I’ve been wearing this thing ever since.”

  Goosebumps grew over my body as I held the other half of the broken heart between my fingers. “I’ve been wearing this since they took you.”

  “I wanted Gabe to know how much you loved him, I didn’t want to keep that from him. We’ve been looking for you since we gave him your letter, but we kept hitting a wall.”

  “You’ve been looking for me for that long?”

  “We have. The adoption agency said they had strict orders not to release any information. I figured it wasn’t something you would have asked for after reading your letter so many times. I knew you would want to be found. So, we kept looking. We didn’t have your last name, so we searched for all of the Valeries we could find. It was like a needle in a haystack, but I didn’t want to stop until we got the two of you back together.”

  “That must have been something my mom did.” I turned my head to look at Tim and forced a smile to bury the anger. “I can’t believe you wanted to find me. I didn’t even know where to start. I’ve thought about you every single day for the past twenty years. I was so worried you’d be mad at me.” I wiped away the fallen tears off my cheek.

  “Why would I be mad at you?” Gabriel tilted his head.

  “Because I…”

  “Honey, you were a child. We knew this wasn’t something you would have done on your own.” Beth dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

  “Besides, I had a great life. My parents gave me everything I ever wanted.”

  “And he was loved. By us, and our whole family. Gabriel was a gift from God.”

  “I named him after the archangel, Gabriel, because he’s the angel of strength and protection.”

  “That’s beautiful, Valerie.”

  “I’m so happy you let him keep his name. What’s your middle name?” I turned my attention to my son.

  “Jonathan.”

  “It means gift from God.” Beth smiled. “I guess we were on the same wavelength.”

  “That’s such a beautiful name.” I felt my face flush. “I mean, handsome.”

  Gabe laughed. “It’s cool, I’m manly enough to be beautiful.” He held up the broken heart. “It does a lot for a guy to wear a BFF necklace.”

  Tim elbowed me. “Looks like I’m not the only comedian here.”

  The table erupted in laughter. “Yes, he comes by that honestly.” Beth pointed at Paul.

  “Guilty.” Paul raised his hand. “You’ve got to find humor when you can, or the world will eat you alive.”

  “Ain’t that the truth?” Tim raised his coffee cup.

  We continued to get to know each other over breakfast. The longer we were together, the more comfortable I became. Twenty agonizing years of longing to see my baby were over. He was right in front of me, and I knew I would never let life take him from me again.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I couldn’t wait to share my news with the ladies in the group. So much had happened in just a week. The spark of excitement I held was extinguished when Sonya walked through the door. She was the first to arrive.

  “What’s wrong, Sonya?”

  “I don’t even know where to start.” She blew her nose and tossed the tissue into the garbage can next to the door, pulling the next one out before she sat down.

  “Do you want to talk before the others get here?”

  “Yeah… I really don’t want to say this twice. Don’t really even want to say it once… but I know I have to get it off my chest.”

  “Can I get you anything? Something to drink or a snack?”

  She let out a sob. “I can’t drink… not anymore.” She blew her nose again. “And God knows I’m going to get such a fat ass.”

  My imagination filled in the gaps as we waited for the rest of the ladies to show up. I got up and made myself a cup of tea to kill some of the time. The peppermint hit my nose as I tore open the tea bag envelope, I let out a sigh of relief when I heard the chatter of Maggie, Norma, and Lily. Sonya blew her nose extra loud as the others settled into their seats.

  “Oh, dear, what’s the matter?” Norma put her purse down and reached for Sonya’s hand.

  “It’s Jimmy. He’s after me again.”

  “What do you mean after you?” Norma’s eyes widened.

  “After the last time we met, I called Jimmy and told him he raped me and I never wanted to see him again.” Sonya sucked in air as the tears fell. “It turned into a screaming match. He said I was a stupid bitch and told me to tell my cunt friends to stay out of our business.” She blew her nose before she continued. “The minute he started talking shit about you all, I lost my mind. I got so angry, everything turned red. Has that ever happened to you before? You just get so pissed off you can’t even see straight? I just wanted to kill him.” Sonya grit her teeth.

  I nodded my head. “A few times.”

  “Well… I jumped on him and started punching him. I think I even bit him. I was so mad, it was like someone else took over.”

  “Has that ever happened to you before?” I regretted the question as soon as I heard it leave my mouth.

  “Yeah, I have a habit of turning into a lunatic.” The look of disgust covered
Sonya’s face.

  “I’m not calling you a lunatic; I’m just asking you a question. This kind of thing happens to people sometimes, especially ones who have been through a traumatic event.”

  She sighed. “Hmmm. Well, anyway, he threw me off and told me if I ever accused him of raping me again, he’d make sure there was no mistake next time. The motherfucker threatened to rape me after telling me he never did. What kind of bullshit is that?”

  “Did you call the police?” Maggie looked over at me to avoid eye contact with Sonya.

  “No. I told him if he ever came near me again, I’d blow his brains out.”

  “Oh my.” Norma shifted in her seat.

  “Do you have a gun?” Maggie turned her attention to Sonya.

  “I do now.” Sonya reached into her purse.

  My eyes focused on her hand, and my body jumped back as she pulled her phone out. She started flipping through pictures. I looked around the circle to see if anyone had noticed. It seemed everyone else trusted Sonya a lot more than I did.

  “Isn’t she beautiful?” Sonya’s mood shifted as she held up the photo. A small, pink handgun displayed on the screen.

  “What kind of gun is it?” I asked, trying to rejoin the conversation.

  “It’s a nine-millimeter something or other.”

  “Oh, dear. That looks dangerous.” Norma licked her dry lips.

  “If I use it right.” Sonya laughed. “This is the best I’ve felt in years. I actually feel in control of things for once.”

  “Just be safe… and don’t do anything…”

  Sonya’s interruption saved me from saying it. “Stupid? Don’t worry. I’m signed up for a self-defense class. There is part of the lesson where we learn how to shoot and stuff. You all should join me.”

  “I don’t really like guns. They kind of scare me.” I pushed the loose hair out of my face.

  “Yeah, I have to agree with Val, I wouldn’t want my girls finding a gun.” Maggie looked down at her dirty tennis shoes.

  “You guys are no fun. You never wanted to pull the trigger? And POP?” Sonya laughed. “No, but really, there’s more to the class than that.”