Confidentiality

by Jessica Aiken-Hall

  "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." The small crowd of fifty cheered as Tim bent down to kiss me. When his lips touched mine, I knew everything was going to be alright. I would figure out a way to make it work. I would do my best to never tell another lie to him.

  When we walked back down the aisle covered in rose petals, I was able to see the people we shared this day with. Before they were just a blur. These were the people who mattered in our world, and I was grateful to share this memory with them.

  Tim and I spent time with the photographer. The wedding party joined us, completing the necessary photos to immortalize the day. When we were finished, it was time to enter the reception tent and start the party. Norma offered to take Gram back home and left before it started. The excitement of the day wore Gram out. I was just glad she stayed long enough to join our family photo. It was one that would make the living room wall.

  Tim and I took our seats and continued on with all the traditional parts of the reception. We danced our first dance to Come to Me by the Goo Goo Dolls. It wasn't Tom Petty, but it was the perfect song for us. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion started to play, and Gabe tapped Tim on the shoulder.

  "Excuse me, can I have this dance?" Tim nodded as he placed my hand in Gabe's.

  He wrapped me in a hug and then took a step back. "When I heard this song as a little boy, I always thought about you. I knew if it wasn't for your love, I would never have ended up with the life I had. The only thing missing in it was you, but I always knew we'd be together again."

  "Aww, Gabe. That means so much to me. I only wanted the best for you. I'm grateful it worked out the way it did. I had no idea the letter I wrote as a heartbroken fifteen-year-old would have given you so much love and comfort. I guess I was wiser than I knew."

  "It must be where I get it from."

  "I'll gladly take credit for that, but the real credit goes to Beth and Paul. They are such nice people. I couldn't have hand-picked better parents for you. I guess the angels were watching over you."

  "And, you, too. I always asked them to take care of you in my prayers."

  "What a sweet boy you were. You're going to make some woman very happy."

  When Tim and I were done doing all the things expected of us, we joined Sonya and the ladies at their table. Andrew was Sonya's guest, and I was anxious to talk with him. He didn't look like anything I expected. He looked like he was at least ten years older than Sonya and looked like he just walked off the cover of a GQ magazine. He had a thick mane of grey hair and a goatee to match. His eyes looked like a stormy summer sky. He appeared to be much more sophisticated than I anticipated. He was the total opposite of Jimmy.

  "You must be Andrew." I held my hand out for him.

  "Yes. Congrats."

  "Thanks. It's so good to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you."

  He raised his eyebrows and looked at Sonya. "That can't be good." His tone was hard to tell if he was sarcastic or serious.

  Sonya sent me daggers and grit her teeth. "Valerie."

  "Don't worry, it was all good. You're a great guy. I'm glad you have each other."

  "Well, that's a relief." He pretended to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

  "She didn't tell me you were funny."

  "No, she doesn't appreciate my humor." He took a drink of scotch. "She's told me a lot about you, too. You sound like a pretty great friend."

  "Thanks. I knew I liked you." I clicked my beer against his glass. After taking a drink, I had enough liquid courage to continue the conversation. "I'm so glad you've been there for her… you know… since the whole thing with Jimmy." I felt Tim's hand on my back.

  Andrew took a slow drink, set his glass down, and furrowed his brows.

  "Crazy, though, don't you think… that they found out he was killed by the serial killer." I took another sip of beer and let the cold liquid slide down my throat.

  "How so?" He tilted his head, his hand on his hip.

  "Just that he's one of the unsolved murders… but the same person killed four other guys. I just think it’s… interesting. That's all." I held his gaze until he looked away.

  "Yeah, I guess you could say that." He nodded and turned his attention to Tim. "You're a detective, right?"

  Tim cleared his throat. "Yup, that's right."

  "And? Do you have any leads? Any idea who it could be?"

  "I really can't say much about the case. And I really should go mingle with some of the other guests." He extended his hand. "It was great to meet you." Tim stood up and reached for my hand. "Let's go see how my mom's doing."

  Frustration kept me from moving. I wanted to keep talking and asking questions. I had a list as long as the table I wanted answers to. I also knew my timing was off. It wasn't the night for it. I stood up and took my husband's hand. "It was very nice to meet you. I look forward to seeing you again."

  "What the hell was that, Val?"

  "What? I was just making small talk." I shrugged my shoulders and drank the rest of my drink.

  "But… it was awkward. You're cut off." He pulled me into a kiss. "Let's get out of here and get some rest before we head out tomorrow.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  "Good morning, Mrs. Philips." Tim rolled over and kissed me.

  My hand went to my head. "Ugh. I think I drank too much."

  "You think?" With a wink he laughed and pulled me close to him. "That just means we'll have to make it official tonight."

  "Oh, man. I'm so sorry. The beers just went down so smoothly… and it helped give me enough nerve to socialize. Did I mention I'm socially awkward?"

  "Hmmm… well, not in those words." He brushed the hair off my face. "But it did get a little… uncomfortable with Andrew."

  I pulled the blanket over my head. "I really did that, didn't I? He'll probably never want to talk to me again."

  "Nah, it wasn't that bad. Close, but I think you have a chance to redeem yourself. Don't give it a second thought, just blame the alcohol."

  "I'm sorry I embarrassed you."

  "Don't ever say that. You could never embarrass me. I'm the luckiest man alive that I get to call you my wife."

  I picked up his phone on the nightstand and saw we had slept in. "Shit, we have to get on the road."

  "We have some time. You're not excited, are you?"

  "Who, me? No… it's just not every day I get to be inches away from the hottest… I mean… my favorite singer of all time."

  "I get it… tonight will be just you and Tom Petty, and me and fifty thousand other people." He laughed as he pulled on his jeans.

  "You really do make all of my dreams come true."

  "That sounds like the slogan to Disney or something. But I don't plan to stop. Get ready for a lifetime of awesomeness."

  "I can't wait…. it goes both ways, too. I want to start our family. I can't wait to create a perfect little human with you."

  "For real? When are we talking… no rush… well… unless…"

  "Well, if we have time, we can start now."

  "You don't know how happy this makes me." He held out his fingers and started counting. "So… that means maybe by Easter…"

  "Maybe… but it might not be that quick. But I'm up for trying. I stopped taking my pills a couple weeks ago."

  "So, you've had this up your sleeve that long and didn't tell me?"

  "It was a surprise. Hell, I might already be pregnant. We'll just have to wait and see now."

  We piled our luggage into the back of Tim's Touareg and hit the road. New York City was the destination set in the GPS. I'd never been to the city, and if it were for any other reason, I might have opted for a different destination. It was a six-hour drive unless we hit traffic. Lawrenceville didn't have traffic until the cows escaped from their field. I couldn't focus on the number of people I would be around, or the fear would have paralyzed me.

  "Can we make a deal?" Tim rested his hand on my thigh.

  "Maybe? What do you have
in mind?"

  "Don't get mad at me… but… can we not talk about work for the next few days? Yours or mine? I just don't want to have to think about the case or about anything like that. I want this to be our time."

  "That's fair. I guess I have been a little… obsessed with the case… I guess I get that way a lot."

  "Passionate. You're not obsessed… just passionate. See, it just sounds better."

  "Always looking out for me, huh?" I nodded as I looked out the window. "I love that about you."

  "Oh, yeah, it's only going to get worse when you get pregnant… then I'll be protecting two… or three of you."

  "Three?"

  "Yeah… twins." He laughed. "I guess it's not a good time to tell you they run in my family."

  "I guess that just means we'd get it over with faster." I didn't want him to know the thought of multiple babies terrified me. I was just getting comfortable with the idea of one… I knew if I fixated on more, I'd change my mind.

  Since I wasn't able to ask the questions burning a hole inside my head, we filled the ride with music and talked about our future. It was fun to plan for the days ahead when I had someone I was looking forward to sharing it with.

  After we checked into the hotel, we changed into our Tom Petty t-shirts and headed for Madison Square Garden. Tim purchased fan club tickets, and we were able to bypass the line. Inside we made our way to the front of the stage and found our seats; dead center. Tom's microphone would be right in front of me.

  The room went dark, and The Wallflowers took the stage. I looked around the stadium as they performed, unable to hear the words they sang as the excitement flooded me. This was my first time in a crowd this size, my first concert… the first time sharing the same air as the man whose music got me through so many difficult times in my life. There was a song for everything; the soundtrack to my life.

  When the band was done, the lights came back on, and a crew got the stage ready for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Tim put his arm around me and pulled me close. He bent down to get close to my ear. "Are you having fun?"

  I nodded. My eyes unable to leave the stage, in anticipation, I might catch a glimpse of Tom. When the room went dark, the crowd began to scream. My heart danced in my chest as I heard the guitar start to strum. I Won't Back Down blasted out of the speakers. A smile spread across my face as I looked up and saw him standing there. Maybe it was the exhilaration, but I could have sworn he winked at me. Stuck in a trance, I sang along to every song. Unable to move more than my lips, I soaked up each and every word.

  After the final cord filled the stadium, Tom and the band took a bow, nodding and waving to every corner. As he walked off stage, he blew me a kiss and tossed me a guitar pic.

  Tim caught it before it fell to the floor. "Oh, my god, Val. That's awesome."

  It was beyond awesome, beyond anything I could have imagined. For the first time in my life, I was able to show my appreciation and he saw me. The adrenaline from the night would be enough to sustain me for the next week. The smile I walked out of the building with permeated my soul. This was something I would never forget.

  "I'm not sure how much more of this I can take," I shouted as we waited to exit the parking garage.

  "What's that?"

  "Everything being so… perfect… magical. I'm afraid I'm going to wake up and find out it's all been a dream."

  Tim squeezed my hand. "Did you feel that?"

  "Yeah."

  "Okay then. There's proof you're not dreaming… and I'll give you something better to prove it once we make it back to the hotel."

  And just like that, the storybook ending to a storybook day. The thoughts from the day before started to creep in, but I closed my eyes and pictured Norma reminding me it was my day. Good people can do things they're not proud of and still be good. The problem I was having was believing what I did was bad. It was for the greater good. There was at least one other person out there that could agree with me. The only thing left was for me to figure out who it was.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  My time off from work was coming to an end, after returning from our trip to the city, I had three days left to enjoy the solitude. Having the time off made me realize it may be time for a career change. Tim and I talked about being a stay-at-home mom once we started a family, but I wasn’t sure that was the path I wanted to take. The more I worked with the group, the more I had seen how great it felt to work with people who had suffered at the hands of someone else.

  Working with the dead and their families was good before. It gave me the chance to not get connected to my clients, but now, I ached for that connection. After hearing what the ladies thought about me, I wanted to be able to offer that to others. If I could turn my suffering into someone else's healing, then all that pain would have been worth something.

  With the steam circling out of my coffee mug, I picked up my iPad and slid open the door to the deck. I closed my eyes as the smell of fresh-cut grass filled my nose. The warmth of the sun offered just the right amount of comfort as I sat down in the lawn chair facing the fire pit Tim and Gabe had built. I took a sip of coffee, the bitterness biting my tongue, reminding me I forgot to add the sweetener and cream. I placed the cup in the grass, still wet from the morning dew, and watched it topple over, spilling the black coffee. "I wasn't going to drink it anyway."

  I let the serenity and safety of my backyard bring me back to the Zen I had channeled when I first stepped outside. I opened my iPad and adjusted the brightness settings so I could see the screen and logged onto the Indeed app. It'd been a while since I searched for a new job, but it was time. I knew I had to challenge myself in ways that used to be uncomfortable to have my best life.

  As always, Lawrenceville didn't have a lot to offer. I toyed with the idea of starting a private practice, but that would require more responsibility than I was up for. I clicked out of the app and closed my eyes, letting the golden rays of the sun encase me. The melody of the birds lulled me to sleep.

  My hand on the doorknob, I opened Gram's door, but she wasn't in her recliner. The bracelet I had given her was resting in the middle of her chair. I picked it up to notice the inscription had been scratched off. The clink of the metal echoed throughout the room as it dropped to the floor. "Gram!" I raced down the hall to her bedroom. Her bed was empty. "Gram, where are you?" I pulled open the drawers; they were empty. All of them. Her closet, too. The walls of her apartment began closing in around me, suffocating me. I wasn't able to leave. My mouth opened, but no words came.

  A jolt woke me up, my eyes shot open. My heart raced as the images from the dream wouldn't leave my head. I opened the nanny cam app… Gram's chair was empty. My heart dropped. My eyes glued to the screen, I watched and waited for her to return. The minutes passed like molasses. No movement at all.

  I rewound the video feed. A day earlier, the same image was displayed on the screen. Two days, still nothing. Three days… there she was. Not Gram, but Mom. I took a screenshot and zoomed in. This was the first time I'd seen my mother in over sixteen years. Everything remained the same, it looked like she had a way to make time stand still. The hair on the back of my neck stood up.

  I returned to the video feed and saw her going through Gram's things. It looked like she was going through her mail… no… her purse. She took something out and brought it under the lamp. It looked like her eyes were squinting… my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. It had to be the bracelet. The one that tied me to Gram, the one that would let her know I had been around. She put the item in her back pocket and went back to the purse. When she had her wallet, I saw her tear off a check and tucked it into the pile of papers she had already collected.

  But where was Gram? What was she doing in Gram's house without her? Gram never left her apartment. I felt the warm liquid turn cold as it fell on my arm. What if she were dead? What if she died, and I didn't get to say goodbye? What if… how would I find out?

  I got out of the chair and started pacing
the lawn, unable to get out of my own way. I had to go find out. I raced back into the house, grabbed my keys, and got in the car. My hands tapped against the steering wheel as I tried to fight off the tears. The worst-case scenarios played on repeat in my mind. At the stoplight, I knew I couldn't go. I knew I couldn't risk seeing Mom.

  I changed the directional signal to turn the other way and followed the road to the only place I knew I could find the comfort I craved. I pounded on the door, no longer able to keep the emotions buried.

  The door opened. "Oh, my goodness, Val, what's the matter?" Norma ushered me in and hugged me before I could answer.

  "It's… it's…" The sobs wouldn't let me spit the rest of the words out.

  "Take a deep breath." She took both of my hands in hers and took one with me. "Now, slow down, dear." She pushed the hair out of my face.

  "It's… Gram… I think she's… gone."

  "Gone? Why do you think that? What happened?" She led me to the living room and sat next to me on the couch.

  "I was checking the app… and she wasn't there… but my mom was. She probably killed her… she probably found out we were seeing each other."

  "App? What do you mean?"

  "I put a camera in Gram's place, so I could keep an eye on her… I had a dream… nightmare actually, and something told me to check it… but she wasn't there… and then Mom was…"

  "But you don't know for sure. Have you called anyone?"

  "No, I don't know who to call. I was on my way there, but I knew I couldn't face her… not yet… not alone."

  She stood up and got the copy of an old phonebook. “What's the name of the hospital down there? We can call them to see if maybe she's there."

  "Umm… I think it's Saint Mary's."

  Norma flipped through the pages and ran her finger down the page. "Oh, here it is." She picked up the phone and dialed the number. "Hello, I'd like to talk with my sister, Marianne Cooper." She winked at me as she waited. "Yes, I'll hold." She handed me the phone. "She's there."