As Young As We Feel

by Melody Carlson

"Nothing." Marley frowned. "I just can't believe Abby would do something like this."

  "I can't either." Janie just shook her head.

  "She was depressed," Caroline reminded them.

  "That's true," Marley agreed. "She was fairly sure that Paul is having an affair, and it was tearing her up."

  "Poor Abby." The three of them walked out toward the beach.

  "I have to admit that Paul has done some suspicious things lately," Caroline told them.

  Marley told Janie about Diamond Lil. And Caroline filled her in on Bonnie the brunette.

  "Even so," Janie said, "I can't imagine Abby taking her own life."

  "Paul said she was hormonal," Caroline told them.

  "And that's what every woman wants to hear from her husband," Marley said bitterly.

  They walked in silence for a while, looking up each time the Coast Guard helicopter made a pass overhead. Meanwhile a cutter was out in the ocean, also searching. It didn't help that the sky was gray with a band of fog hanging out on the horizon.

  "I assume Abby's mom hasn't heard from her," Janie said.

  "No. She's on her way to Abby's house, where she plans to look for clues."

  "Clues?" queried Janie.

  "Like a note or something," Caroline explained.

  "Oh, right."

  "And I'm sure you've tried her cell phone," Janie asked.

  "It's in her purse."

  Janie took a deep breath. "Do you think this is the end of the Four Lindas?"

  "Before we even really began." Marley sniffed loudly.

  Caroline handed her a tissue and then gave one to Janie. "We need to think positively," she told them. "I mean, really, Abby is not the type to commit suicide."

  "But she was hurting," Marley reminded them. "She and Paul have been together since high school. It would be hard to see that all fall apart."

  "She has her daughters," Janie pointed out. "And her granddaughter."

  "And she has us," offered Caroline.

  Suddenly Marley stopped walking. "I have an idea!"

  "What?" Caroline and Janie asked simultaneously.

  "My beach house. What if she's there?"

  "Wouldn't her mom have noticed?"

  "I don't know, but I'm going to find out." Marley had turned around, and Janie and Caroline followed. Soon they were in their cars, and Janie followed Marley up the beach road, going north, until they finally reached Abby's mom's house.

  They all got out and ran to the door, where Marley picked up a flowerpot. "The key isn't here," she said as she began pounding on the door. "Abby!" she cried. "If you're in there, open up!"

  Caroline knocked on the window, yelling for Abby to come out. Janie just stood there watching, wondering if she'd made the mistake of her life to relocate to a place where a good friend would run off and drown herself in the ocean.

  The door opened, and sleepy-looking Abby blinked at them. "What are you doing-

  All three of them nearly tackled her with hugs.

  "We thought you were dead!" Caroline cried.

  "That you'd drowned yourself in the ocean," Janie added.

  "The Coast Guard is out there looking for you," Marley told her.

  "Oh dear." Abby's hand flew to her mouth. "I never considered any of that. I just wanted to teach Paul a lesson."

  "By faking your suicide?" demanded Caroline.

  "That's not what I was trying to do." Abby's forehead creased. "But I can see how it might've looked like that. The truth is, I wasn't in my right mind last night." She actually smiled. "But I feel much better now."

  Marley was already on the phone. "I'm going to let everyone know you're okay, Abby."

  "Thanks," Abby told her. "And I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare everyone."

  "We love you, Abby," Caroline said. "We couldn't bear to lose you."

  "We wouldn't be the Four Lindas anymore," Janie added.

  Abby sighed. "I'm truly sorry that I upset everyone. But at the same time, I'm glad I ran away from home."

  "Why?" demanded Caroline.

  "Because in a weird way, it showed me that I have some control over my life. I don't have to settle for being a little house frau, cooking and cleaning and catering to my husband while he's off doing only God knows what." Abby led them around to the beach side of the house, where they sat down on the rustic wooden benches that flanked the deck.

  "Is that how you really feel?" Janie asked her.

  "A lot of the time."

  "Paul's on his way here," Marley informed them. "He's letting the Coast Guard know that you're okay."

  Abby scowled. "I'm not sure I want to see Paul."

  "But you need to talk to him," Caroline urged.

  "Yes," agreed Janie. "You need to tell him how you feel."

  "I tried to do that last night." Abby sighed. "But it just turned into a big fight."

  "I'm sure he's sorry about that now," Marley told her.

  "Don't be so sure." Abby leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. "He's probably mad that the Coast Guard got involved. This is so embarrassing! I'll bet the Coast Guard is mad too."

  "They'll be relieved that you're okay," Marley told her.

  Abby's head was hanging down. "I don't want to talk to Paul."

  "Come on, Abby." Janie put her arm around Abby's shoulders. "You need to tell Paul how you feel. And you need him to be honest with you. Don't keep running from this."

  Abby turned and looked at Janie hopefully. "You're a lawyer. Would you sit with me and sort of act like a mediator?"

  "If you want me to."

  "That's a great idea," Caroline told them.

  "I think I hear Paul's truck now," Marley said. "Maybe we should split, Caroline."

  While Marley and Caroline made their getaway, Janie explained a few things to Abby. "As a mediator I can't take sides. My purpose will be to facilitate discussion and negotiate some kind of settlement."

  "Wow." Abby looked impressed. "You really do know how to do this."

  They could hear Marley and Caroline talking to Paul. He sounded agitated.

  Janie thought for a moment. "I think I should speak to Paul first."

  "Go right ahead," Abby told her. "I'll be right here."

  So Janie went around the house, meeting Paul halfway. "I need to talk to you," she said.

  "Why?"

  "Abby has asked me to act as a mediator."

  "Are you going to be her lawyer?" He looked concerned.

  "I just want to help facilitate an open discussion between the two of you. From what I've heard, you guys can use some help in that area."

  "No kidding."

  "So are you willing to do this?" she asked.

  "If you think it will help."

  "I don't think it could hurt."

  So they returned to Abby. Paul sat on the bench opposite her, and Janie took the one beside them. "Okay," Janie began, "here are my ground rules. Questions must be answered honestly. Accusations will only be addressed if they are made reasonably. No name calling or mudslinging. Only one person is allowed to speak at a time. And I'm in charge. Do you agree to that?"

  "I do," Abby said.

  "Of course you would." Paul looked angry. "She's your friend."

  "I thought I was your friend too," Janie said.

  He shrugged, then let out a long sigh.

  "Like I told Abby, as a mediator I won't take sides. I'm impartial."

  He didn't look convinced. "So when do we start our little kangaroo court?"

  "See?" Abby said. "He's not going to cooperate."

  "Sorry." He pulled off his ball cap and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's just that I still feel angry."

  "Why do you feel angry?" Janie asked.

  "Because of what Abby put me and everyone else through. I called out the Coast Guard and everything. We thought you'd drowned."

  Janie turned to Abby. "Do you have a response?"

  Abby told Paul the exact same story she'd already told her friends. "It's not like I
planned it all out," she said finally. "I was so emotionally spent that I fell asleep and didn't wake up until they knocked on the door."

  "Why didn't you go to your mom's house?" Paul asked.

  "I didn't want to disturb her."

  "Yeah right."

  "I think you'd be happier right now if they were pulling my cold, lifeless body out of the ocean!" she said loudly.

  "Abby," Janie warned, "remember the rules."

  "I'm just being honest. That's how I feel."

  "Do you have a response to that, Paul?"

  His expression was a mix of anger and sadness. "That's ridiculous."

  "What is ridiculous?" Janie prodded.

  "That I'd be happy if she were dead." He looked at his wife. "I was worried sick, Abby."

  "I find that hard to believe."

  "Why?" he demanded. "I'm your husband. I love you. Why would I want you to be dead?"

  "Because of Bonnie Boxwell."

  He smacked his forehead. "Oh, so that's where we're going again." He turned to Janie. "Abby has this crazy obsession that I'm cheating on her with a client."

  "Are you?" Janie asked.

  "No, of course not."

  "Then why do you think Abby feels the way she feels?" Janie persisted.

  "Because she's insecure and has too much time on her hands."

  "Are you saying that you've done nothing to make Abby feel the way she does? You bear no responsibility?"

  "Okay, she saw me with Bonnie. But I explained that to her already."

  "Not really," Abby jumped back in. "You mostly swept it under the rug."

  "How so?" he demanded.

  "For starters you tried to deny it at first. Like you didn't want me to know."

  "I didn't want you to know. I knew you'd be jealous."

  "How did you know that, Paul?" Janie asked.

  "Because that's how she is."

  "I am not," Abby burst out. "He's always-"

  "Stop!" Janie held up her hands. "Let's start over. Paul, I want you to honestly describe your relationship with Bonnie Boxwell."

  "Like I said, she's a client. She wants me to build a house for her."

  "And how many times have you met with her?"

  "I don't know."

  "More than once or twice?"

  "Yeah."

  "Did you tell Abby you were meeting with Bonnie?"

  "No. She'd just get mad."

  "So you kept that information from her?"

  "I suppose so." He looked helplessly at Abby now. "But only because I knew you wouldn't like it."

  "Why do you think it bothers her so much?" Janie asked.

  "Because she's insecure and jealous."

  "Has this happened before?" Janie persisted. "Has Abby been jealous of other female clients?"

  He seemed to consider this. "Not that I can remember."

  "That's true," Abby agreed. "This is a first."

  "So, Abby, why are you jealous of Bonnie?"

  Abby bit her lip as if she was thinking hard. "Well, to start with, it was shocking to see him with a strange woman in another town, especially considering that he'd told me he was doing something else. Plus he was driving his Corvette in the rain. He never drives his Corvette in the rain."

  Janie turned to Paul. "Your response."

  "I drove my Corvette to play golf. It was sunny and-"

  "But the forecast was for rain," Abby interrupted. "You knew that."

  He shrugged. "Anyway, Rob introduced me to Bonnie."

  "She was at the golf course?"

  He nodded.

  "Why was she at the golf course?" Abby asked.

  "Because she's a golfer."

  "Does she golf with you?" asked Janie. "Honest answer, please."

  Paul looked uncomfortable. "Sometimes. We'll invite her to play if she's there alone. There's no law against that."

  Abby stood up now. "Paul, why don't you just come out with it?"

  "What?" He held his hands up.

  "Tell us what's going on between you and Bonnie," Abby said calmly. "Just get it out in the open, once and for all. Please!"

  "Abby's right, Paul. Let's quit playing twenty questions. What exactly is going on between you and Bonnie?"

  "I don't know." He looked like he felt cornered, but Janie didn't really care. All she wanted was for the truth to surface.

  "How can you possibly not know?" Abby demanded. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that?"

  "Paul, you do know," Janie pressed. "Abby is begging you to tell her the truth. Last night was a desperate move on her part, because she's almost certain you are cheating on her. She has the right to know the truth."

  "Okay. This is the truth: Bonnie is a nice woman. She's fun to be with. She likes to play golf. She's very appreciative of anything I do for her."

  "What do you do for her?" Abby's face looked pale.

  "You know, I help with planning her house. Sometimes she calls with a question. Sometimes she calls because she's lonely. We're just friends, Abby. I swear that's all there is to it."

  "So you've never considered taking it to the next stage?" Janie locked eyes with Paul.

  He just shrugged.

  "Of course he's considered it." Abby sat back down, dejected.

  "I suppose it's crossed my mind. Sometimes Bonnie says little things ... you know ... that make it sound like she's thinking about it.

  "And yet you continue to be in relationship with her?" Janie asked.

  "She wants me to build her house."

  "Would you build her house at the risk of losing your marriage?" Janie asked.

  Paul didn't respond.

  "I can't take this." Abby stood up.

  "Wait, Abby." Janie reached for her hand. "Don't you want to know the truth?"

  Abby sat back down and nodded.

  "Do I need to repeat the question, Paul?"

  "No. And the answer is no." He looked at Janie. "I don't want my marriage to end. I love Abby. But sometimes it's not much fun being married. Abby takes me for granted. She's never happy. And sometimes it's tempting to look beyond my marriage."

  Abby was crying now, quietly, with her head hanging low.

  "I don't love Bonnie," he said to Abby. "But I'm not happy about how our marriage is. I mean sometimes it's great. And other times it feels like you don't even know I'm alive."

  Abby looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I'm not happy about how our marriage is either. And that's how I feel too, like you don't even know I'm alive."

  "But you both want your marriage to work?" Janie asked.

  "I do." Paul went over and sat by Abby now, wrapping an arm around her. "I do love you, Abby. I always have. I always will. But sometimes it feels like you're pushing me away."

  Abby sniffed. "I love you too, Paul."

  Janie sighed in relief. "Okay. Here's what I recommend."

  They both looked at her.

  "You continue to talk this out, keep these rules in mind, and go to some marriage counseling sessions. Can you do that?"

  "I'm willing," Paul said.

  "Me, too."

  "Great. Because I want to come to your fiftieth wedding anniversary." Janie smiled at them. "And now I'm going to leave you guys to make up. Paul, I expect you to tell Abby how you felt when you thought she had drowned. And Abby, you need to tell Paul how it felt to run away from home."

  Janie felt a real sense of accomplishment as she drove back to her hotel. Negotiation wasn't something she'd done much of in the past, but she thought it might be something she'd enjoy doing in the future.

  For the first time since Phil had died, she thought perhaps she really did have a future!

  Chapter 33

  MARLEY

  "Thanks for coming to the concert, Mom." Ashton told Marley on Monday morning. They'd just finished a late brunch, and she was getting ready to head back to Clifden.

  "I thoroughly enjoyed it," she told him. "Let me know if you have another one, and maybe I'll bring my friends." She wasn't sure tha
t the other Lindas would appreciate a drumming concert, but it might be fun to see their reaction to the colorful drummers, dreadlocks, tie-dye, and all.

  "I'm really glad you decided to relocate to Clifden. I can't tell you how cool it is to have my mom only ninety minutes away."

  "You wouldn't have said that ten years ago," she teased.

  "Yeah, well, I've grown up some."

  She smiled and ran her fingers though his curly hair, just like she used to do when he was small. "Yes, you have."

  "And now you don't have any excuses for not coming to visit." Ashton opened the car door for her.

  "That works both ways. You'll have to come see me too. I want you to come over as soon as I get my little beach house ready." She reached out to give him a hug, asking him to tell Leo good-bye for her.

  Soon she was on the highway, and she couldn't believe how good it felt to be going home-home to Clifden. Oh, sure, the beach bungalow wasn't ready for her to move in. In fact it wouldn't officially be hers until she signed papers tomorrow morning. But in her heart it already belonged to her. It was home, and she couldn't wait to start fixing it up. She knew it wasn't going to be as easy as she'd originally hoped. Paul had made that crystal clear. Even so, she could imagine it all finished. Her plan was to go shabby chic with pizzazz. She just hoped she had enough elbow grease and finances to bring her dream into the realm of reality. Really, what other choice would she have once she signed the papers and handed over her money?

  What if she was in over her head? What if everything went wrong? What if she was about to waste her nest egg on something totally hopeless? As she drove along the winding coastal highway, her emotions felt like a ping-pong ball being smacked back and forth. First, she'd feel elated and excited to think about how well this new adventure might go for her. She could imagine herself living out her dreams in her charming beach bungalow, creating wonderful art that surpassed everything she'd done before. Maybe she'd get better acquainted with Jack. Yes, she couldn't quit thinking about Jack. In fact she'd even mentioned to Janie that she wanted to invite Jack to today's Labor Day picnic at Victor's house. Janie had said, "Why not?" but Marley had chickened out. No need to push things.

  About halfway home more doubts began to set in. In her mind she'd just painted the old kitchen cabinets a bright coral shade, only to see them falling off the wall. And suddenly she was imagining her bungalow being in such disrepair that it would be condemned and bulldozed, and all she'd have left was a small patch of sand. To make matters worse, her artwork would be criticized as amateurish and not fit to sell, and Jack would be so disappointed that he'd never want to speak to her again.