by Roxanne Lee
"Smell good."
I waited for a full sentence and was left disappointed. I assumed the new bond with my wolf had also increased my scent and I stood waiting for him to compose himself. I watched the struggle as he forced the animal down and was grudgingly impressed at his success. His face became a smoother version of itself, a release of the wolf to human control. He lost the calm instantly though as it changed to violent when he took in the smell from the room.
"Why do I smell your blood Arya?"
I winced a little and stepped forward, my hand reaching without instruction to his bare arm. "It's fine, I bonded with my wolf, we didn't have a proper connection."
He stared at me, black eyes turning into swirling masses of promised judgement and verdict. I saw the creepy smile as it slid it's way across his face and his expression change from rage to condemnation. I concluded he was having a few words with Lane.
"Carver, " I interrupted their conversation."I needed this, he was helping."
He lost his smile and focused back on me, penetrating my words with emotions I couldn't quite decipher.
"Yes I agree he was helping. That will allow him to keep his head." His knuckles cracked as he fisted his hands and I glanced at the stark white bloodless skin stretched around solid bone and cartilage.
I rolled my eyes and let him have his moment, I don't know why I was even bothering, no doubt Lane would enjoy whatever Carver had planned anyway. "I like that wolf. Just so you know, I would like to see him again in one piece."
Carver cocked his head and grinned at me,"You not worried about me cherry?"
I snorted at him, "please, don't fish for compliments, it's beneath you."
He laughed, huskiness wrapped in hardness, and took my hand brushing a kiss over my fingers. He led me to the door and refused to release my hand when I tried pulling it back. I scowled at him and kicked his shin as we exited the training room. He raised a brow and grinned at my expression, "You can kick me all the way home as long as I get to hold your hand."
I peered at him and debated my options. In the end I gave into his hand on mine, it didn't seem worth the fight, after all his touch didn't so much make me revolted, more uneasy in a way I couldn't begin to understand. Something I would never admit to out loud. I imagine it was somewhat connected to the trust I placed in him not to hurt me.
I ignored Carver's satisfied grin and turned my attention to Duncan and a new guard making their way towards us. Carver nodded at them as they drew close and I looked up at the Scot as he waved a hand at me. "Alright lass? Ready for me tomorrow?" He grinned at me, even white teeth flashing between deep red lips.
I nodded at him and smiled at his easy going nature, his personality was the exact opposite of what I had expected from these men, "I will be, if I can deal with Lane I can deal with you."
He laughed, a deep booming burst of noise that only increased at Carver's snarling face at the mention of Lane. The new guard next to Duncan was obvious in his greenness, his face a pale image when looking at Carver's wolf trying to force it's way out. The Scot noticed his gulp and laughed again, bringing up a huge hand that clapped the recruit on his back.
Unfortunately the new guard was not paying attention to the force from Duncan’s hand coming his way, too caught up in watching the struggle the Captain was going through. He lost his balance quickly in the wake of Duncan connecting with his back, forcing his body forward without consent. My eyes had flicked to Carver, interested in working out how he pulled that animal back, thinking I could maybe apply it to myself.
I saw the body flying at me only from the corner of my eye. My wolf flew to the surface, her intentions clear and flowing smoothly though my head. I was wrong, we had never been separate, at least not in thought. There was no her and me. Her thoughts were mine and mine were hers. We both had a simultaneous reaction to the large man flying on a crash course in our direction. I felt the searing heat of her pushing against my human skin, trying to force her way out and take action for both of us. A red haze fell over my eyes, glinting gold flashing in the deepest pits.
I called for the claws that she had already sent to me. We were one in our savage delusion.
Diamond hard and razor sharp claws slid through my finger tips and I snarled at the figure quaking in my grip. One grave tipped hand had appeared around his throat, my other had its claws buried deep in his stomach. Blood trickled over my skin and pulled him further towards me, growling at the wolf in his weak eyes begging to come out.
A hand touched my shoulder and I snapped at it, human teeth not exactly having the same effect as a wolf's but getting the point across nonetheless. I saw Duncan to the side of me talking calmly to the guard but no words made it through my ears, just jumbles of tenor and bass, a beat in my brain. I saw Carver appear behind the guard and grab a hold of his arm tugging him away from me.
I growled at him for taking my prey, the blood a calling I couldn't ignore, the wolf with my mark in him an easy kill in his deficiency. He handed the wounded guard off to Duncan and covered my vision with his large frame, letting me see nothing but massive shoulders crowding around me. He lent close and rumbled vibrations in my ear, over and over until his words cleared the block on my hearing.
"Breathe cherry, breathe me in."
I took deep greedy pulls of cinnamon and found it relaxed the storm inside, pulling both me and my wolf further away from violence. Overpowering the blood and replacing it with sweet spice.
I came down from my high and kept my eyes locked on Carver, refusing to look at the blood I knew would be pouring from the guard's stomach. My hands were shaking at my sides, an over abundance of lactic acid. Carver held my stare with his own whispering low meaningless words as Duncan hauled the guard over his shoulder and trudged heavily in what I figured was the doctors direction. It seemed I was going to be sending a lot of custom their way.
"Shit."
He chuckled at me, "it's alright cherry, he'll live."
I sighed and nodded, I would have to put more distance between myself and others, this was becoming a problem. I looked down at the redness covering my hands,"Can we go? This is going to stain my shirt."
Carver grinned at me, "No problem my little killer, I think Sam will be more than willing to help."
I scowled at his amused face,"Shit."
Chapter 27.
"Wha'? Ya can' go one day withou' killin' someone?"
I looked at Sam and rolled my eyes, I could see his point though, it was becoming a normal occurrence to see blood on my hands.
He huffed and grabbed onto my wrist, "Come on crazy, better get all tha' off b'fore ya even think of sittin' at tha table."
I followed him without comment and for a confusing moment felt relief at the sight of the hot running water and soap. What I had done didn't sit quite right with me, he was a wolf and luckily would heal quick enough but still I felt this sinking, a heated lurch that dropped my stomach to my knees. Maybe this was guilt. Maybe this was understanding that not all my actions should be without consequence. That blame could go many ways, including in my direction. A little bit of conscience seeping it's way passed the smothering self importance and recrimination of others.
I looked at myself in the mirror, a vision of soulless green eyes and pallid skin, an outer image of the inner turmoil. Sam was pictured behind me, a towel in his hands staring at my face in curiosity.
"Watcha thinkin' 'bout girlie?"
I shook my head at his question, I didn't want to voice my thoughts, not quite ready to face myself.
"Oh dun ya worry, one day all tha blood get cleaned righ' off."
He grabbed my wet hands and wrapped them in the soft towel, drying them with gentle pats. His eyes met mine and those deep brown ones stared right through my icy green. "Lotta things get washed away, jus' gotta give it time." The soft towel and light rubbing over my skin was hypnotising where my scrubbing had been harsh. "One day even tha bad stuff be gone, swept away. Ya jus' gotta allow it an' not hold on ta
all tha' pain inside."
He finished his drying and threw the towel over a nearby railing."Course Ya know wha' else helps righ'?.. "
I waited with pretend baited breath, already knowing what was coming.
".. That's righ' girlie...whiskey."
I followed Sam into the kitchen, the smell of slow cooked ribs distracting enough to clear my thoughts. Carver had already dished up the food and it sat waiting, placed on the table. He pulled a chair out and pushed it in when I sat, a small hidden smile gracing my lips. It was a small show of courtesy, a throwback to older times when men were gentlemen and women were ladies. I couldn't help the tug in my chest at the action though, I couldn't remember another time I had been treated so attentively and it did speak to the female within, the one I wished I'd been.
His gravelly voice shook my attention away from the steaming plate in front of me, piled high with meat and potatoes, a sure fire way to feed me up.
"You're with Duncan tomorrow, fight techniques. I walk into the same smell of your blood again, I'll kill them all. You understand, cherry?"
"It's fighting Carver, what exactly do you expect?"
His face darkened and his voice deepened further still, his breathing increasing and expanding his chest until my eyes were drawn to it. "I expect you to come back in the same condition I left you in."
I stared at the stupid man, It was all to help me, why couldn't he see that?
"I'm not in the same condition, I'm better."
His black eyes softened from the invading harshness and his fisted hand straightened where it lay on the table. "I know Arya just, never like that again...Okay?"
I sighed at him. His mask coming away and allowing me little glimpses of the man beneath. A helpless expression disguised within, vulnerable and exposed. This Captain of guards and leader of men shouldn't feel helpless, I couldn't let this strong wolf feel that way it didn't seem right.
"Okay, I'll be more careful."
I looked back at my food and started in on the mountain before me. My appetite gleeful at the never ending supply I now received. I caught Sam’s shocked expression from the corner of my eye and decided my best option was to ignore it, it'd only encourage the old man.
In the evening that followed I became once again comfortable with these people in my life. I had decided that Carver was mine. Wholly mine. My wolf had become weirdly possessive over these people. Sam was also mine, that old, annoying man who'd worked his way into my very soul and who'd impacted the animal within.
The dogs laying under the table while the three of us sipped at brand new tumblers of whiskey, were mine. I had discovered an acquisitiveness about my personality that was new. Like a child with shiny toys I was claiming these people and I was not sharing. And however it turned out they would be mine to cherish or mine to punish.
In the morning I was yet again taken to the gym and left outside with soft kisses to my head. Yet another thing I was allowing and I found, now that I'd claimed this man, it wasn't as hard to just let it happen.
Duncan was sitting on the bench, red hair slicked back, a darker image than he'd previously been. His brawn strained at the t-shirt he wore. He was larger than Lane, on par with Charlie, perhaps even large enough to compete with Carver. "Alright lass? Ready for me then?" His chuckle echoed in the room.
I stared at him for a moment, my face twitching unconsciously. I sighed deeply, "Will you tell that guard that I apologise. I shouldn't have done that."
Duncan grinned, a wide smile that stretched his worn and rugged face into a caricature of the rough Scotsman."Ah not ta worry lass, if the man can't take a few scratches from you he donae deserve ta be here."
I nodded at him and sat on the bench half a foot away from him. He unnerved me slightly, maybe because I'd seen him naturally touch many people without thought, I didn't want an innocent tap to turn out badly. "What are we doing today?"
He grinned wider still and I couldn't imagine that was a good thing for me right now. "Techniques, includes some martial arts, knife throwing even a little swordplay."
I rolled my eyes at his suggestive wink, the martial art part sounded interesting though."What kind of fighting do you use then?"
"We use a lot of kick boxing, some Muay Thai and grappling thrown in for good measure, helps if you end up on the floor."
I hummed in response, if nothing else I'd learn a few new tricks to my advantage.
"Come on we'll start stretching, more flexible you are the better."
I joined him on the mat, facing the red head and realising just how much mass he had on me. My Wolf rumbled within, glaring at him through golden eyes, a little warning to stay his distance.
Duncan shook his head at me and laughed, "Donae take much does it?"
I shrugged, I knew we both had a hair trigger, I hope he realised that too. I started following his lead and copied every stretch he contorted himself into. It was rather amusing to see the shapes such a large man managed to make with his body. I found myself sweating within minutes, the work my muscles were put under showing the strain. He started talking some, all while twisting into more elaborate positions, especially when I'd squeaked a little at the pressure my legs were enduring.
"You have a good talk with Lane yesterday right?"
I panted out in the affirmative and he continued, maybe to get my mind off the current stretch.
"He tell you what happened ta him?"
I nodded frantically again, too invested in making sure I didn't keel over.
"Good, he needs ta let it out some, maybe you'll be good for him ta talk ta sometimes."
His worried expression made me pause for a moment. "You two are close then?"
He smiled at memories I couldn't see and nodded, "like family, known each other a long time."
I peered at him, a man still deep within his own memories."You were here when Carver found him?"
Duncan nodded again, the first truly sad smile I'd ever seen from him cross his face. "Talked ta him when he didn't want anyone near, helped him learn ta fight, found those damn empaths for him."
I turned shocked eyes his way,"You found them?"
His eyes cleared of deep thought and he met mine, "Every one. Have some connections back home, don't regret a thing about it."
His face was completely calm and open, he truly did not regret any of the empaths he'd turned over to Lane, feeding his habit with these people. I don't begrudge him this though, I've never heard of a nice empath, one with morals and values.
"It's a good thing he's getting that Pack, that Alpha was an arrogant Son of a bitch. Stupid with it too, easily controlled by others."
I cocked my head at him, "what like the governors?"
He smiled, "Yeah something like that."
He stood from the mat and started throwing his leg up and around to the side, turning his hip in clockwise motions. I copied his movements,"I guess most around here aren't too worried that I killed him then?"
He smirked again, "Not at all lass, most of us guards had ta deal with him enough ta know he's no great loss. What'd he do anyway that got you so worked up?"
I shrugged beside him my leg elevation nowhere near his and I shook my head at my own inadequacy. "He was arrogant, showed no remorse about the things he'd done. Didn't care that his secretary was found dead on his land."
Duncan nodded,"Yeah donae surprise me, he never did know his own faults."
He swapped legs and I followed his stance, "Should never have allowed humans anywhere near his pack. They too easy ta Kill, easy ta get information out of. It was a real stupid move on his part."
I nodded my agreement, caught up in the new stretch he was showing, throwing my elbows back and fore in a weirdly satisfying motion. After a few minutes more he seemed content in my slightly more limber figure and bent at the edge of the mat picking up wraps and boxing pads. He threw the wraps my way, once again long enough to cover the available skin on my forearm. He put his hands inside the pads and strapped them down befo
re lowering his stance enough so I would be able to reach. I think I got a little frustrated at that, how obvious his grin was at my height.
"Come on then lass, show me what you got."
I took deep breaths and lined him up in my sight. In the end very little will count, it'll be either them or me. But I'll always appreciate this time, the moments that made me stronger. The gifts of knowledge and training, all working towards something I'd come to precariously believe in.
My own twisted future.
Chapter 28.
"You know I knew your granddad lass?"
I was heaving out breaths, keeled over while trying to draw enough oxygen in to fill my lungs. Duncan had been calling out hits for two hours now, two hours of using muscles I'd never even thought I'd had. I was left with limbs so heavy it was agonising to lift them.
"What?" I managed to puff out.
He grinned at me, "Donae look that old huh? I'm older than Sam if you want the truth, old enough ta have met him."
I couldn't fathom how Duncan would have known a grandfather I'd never met."How?"
He chuckled at my panting, "He was a guard way back when, knew you were something ta do with him when I saw your wolf. Only a few family lines have that kind in their genetics."
"I don't understand." I'd never heard much about the man, my father had never spoken about the rift that had been between them.
"Oh he was a proud man, too proud some say. Didn't like that your da' couldn't shift ta the same kind of wolf. Thought less of us primitive beings." Duncan smiled in a way that showed no animosity at his words, just amusement. "It was a different time back then, a lot of bigotry in variety," he shrugged a little, "'spose there still is in some places."
I looked at him stunned,"I didn't know. When I shifted I didn't know what I was."
Duncan cocked his head at me," Yeah, guess it makes sense that your da' wouldn't tell you about him. They didn't leave things on the best of terms, course he still followed in his footsteps didn't he? Joined the guard, just made sure your grandpa was long dead first." His booming chuckle was an echo in the otherwise silent room.