The Devil Inside (Wolf Guard Book 1)

by Roxanne Lee

  His eyebrows crinkled into a frown. "Arya?"

  My own crinkled in return as I felt my claws recede and my Wolf waver and stumble inside me, a fumbling animal that rolled around as if drunk. I forced my focus on those black eyes, once so perfect to me, now hidden behind an act of villainy that I would not absolve.

  "Never," my voice faltered as my brain shut down, whispered words on the quiet wind. "Never forgive you this."

  His voice was broken in its reply, it failed to move my shattered heart."I'm sorry cherry, so sorry."

  My eyes shut on his crumpled face. This would be the face I dreamed about, the face that haunted me even in my restful sleep of mated female.

  I returned to consciousness somewhere near the farmhouse. I could smell Sam’s cooking and hear the dogs claws clipping on the tiled flooring. I was in Carver's arms being carried as if I were a child. I felt the normal tingles I knew were only from his touch, I felt the strength contained so precariously in his human skin and I felt the fuzzy, lingering tug of anger and betrayal that was beginning to fester in my chest. I heard Sam’s footsteps as he descended the porch and two unhappy growls from the mastiffs that followed. I heard a third person somewhere behind Sam but I didn't recognise the tread. I tried so hard to open my eyes but they refused to obey my commands.

  "Ahh boy, watcha done?" Sam’s voice was a soothing balm in my melancholic state.

  Carver's rumble disturbed any comfort I found in the old man's presence. "Don’t Sam. I made her mine, she ran from me."

  I heard Sam’s exasperated huff."Did ya think ta ask? 'cos I can' imagine she be happy' bout it."

  Carver growled again,"She. Ran."

  "Dun ya talk ta me like tha' boy, ya done wrong and ya know ya have. You be lucky she forgive ya, and it be all ya own fault."

  A deep tenor broke through Sam’s melody and I startled slightly at the voice. "What have you done son?"

  Carver growled once more, I was happy with how irate he sounded. "Please don't start father, she ran from me."

  I heard Sam step forward and a rustle as his clothes moved."Give her ta me."

  Carver only clenched me tighter in his arms."Dun pretend like she goin' ta wanna wake up ta your face, ya made ya bed now suffer in it."

  I felt a sigh as he forced his arms to give my body up. My muscles instantly relaxed as I felt Sam’s arms take over from Carver.

  "I'll stay wit' her, suggest ya make yourself scarce for a while, give me a chance ta hide her knife."

  Fraser huffed a laugh and stepped towards Carver. "Come on we'll go on a run."

  I felt Sam’s easy sway as he carried me into the house and up the stairs. The bed in the room was soft and comfortable and smelt like Sam. I appreciated him not taking me to the room I'd been in, it was too close to Carver's room and too many memories of how relaxed I had been and how much of that fragile trust he'd ploughed through.

  "Know ya can hear me girlie." Sam’s sigh was full of words I wish I could say if only my voice would return.

  "I'm sorry he did tha', he shoulda never done it withou' ya agreement. Ya wan', I can get my gun and blow a hole righ' through tha' Captain?"

  My lips twitched at his words and I heard his deep chuckle, a sound that, here in my own private little world that shut out all the people I couldn't deal with at the moment, was a touch that made my heart thump again, that forced that deadened organ to pump and show its still living state.

  Sam’s soft steps whispered towards the doorway once more. "I'll go get sum whiskey for when ya wake up. Dun go anywhere now...."

  His little chuckle made me frown, even in my half sleep, drifting along on a cloud of mistrust and burning anger, I managed to find his jokes somewhat lacking, but comforting nonetheless.

  Chapter 32.

  The scent of whiskey woke me. A smell that both burnt my throat when I breathed deeply and brought a thousand images of liquid gold soothing the rawness that had been left in Carver's wake. I opened my eyes to changes.

  The sun had long since set and shadows darkened the room. A lamp illuminated the corner, throwing a circle of burnished amber arching to the ceiling. My bed was draped in cloaks of night. Heavy in its Darkness, smothered in midnights silent oblivion.

  I saw this in even sharper vision than I'd already known. A crystal clear picture of the room around me, perfect clarity in the world outside. I felt stronger, as if I could bench press Lane if I felt so inclined.

  I felt a searching emotion taking over me. A cloud of confidence and vitality; some kind of pride in myself. This, I could only attribute to Carver. This new emotion that was trying to take over, trying to wipe out all that worthless insignificance and wretched inferiority. His centuries of bravery and leadership which had created that proud wolf were leaking into my very soul, a connection that not only brought me increased strength and ability, but a sense of self that was eclipsing all that I'd been before. I was eternally conflicted about how that made me feel.

  My wolf's vanity had grown in abundance while I'd been sleeping. She now pranced around my head as if she were Queen of all she surveyed. Once again I tried to remind her that she was not, that she was only stronger now because of Carver and she still, would not be able to beat that Captain. She huffed inside me and continued to ignore my words, we both may not like Carver right now but she for one, certainly appreciated his gifts.

  I on the other hand, wanted to burn his house down.

  Muffled snores came from the armchair at the side of the bed, I turned to look at the figure bent in an awkward shape. One that would prove hell on old bones when he woke up. Two lumps of tan and black on the floor added to the symphony of snores periodically and I smiled at their twitching legs as they dreamed.

  I heard muffled voices from the floor below and I made out Carver and Fraser’s tone as they whispered to one another. I screwed my face up in a scowl; I could not wait to see that wolf, see him wither beneath my glare.

  I twisted in the sheets and Sam grunted from his armchair. I reached for the whiskey on the side table and took a long gulp that washed over the delightful burn it produced as it hit the back of my throat. Sam moved in his chair and blinked his eyes open, grumbling incoherent words as his eyes met mine and he stretched his limbs, wincing at the ache that must have followed. He yawned widely and spied the glass in my hand. His beady eyes quickly caught on to the second glass and he grabbed it as if I was going to steal it right from under his nose. I rolled my eyes and took another sip as he gradually woke up.

  "Mornin' girlie," he sighed.

  I glanced at him, "it's night-time Sam."

  He chuckled, his voice rough from sleep,"I'm awake, therefore it's mornin'."

  I sighed and clinked my glass with his, he'd argue the sea was pink if it made him right and I wasn't in the mood for arguing.

  "Ya been up long?"

  "No, just before you."

  Sam hummed as he drank, pure appreciation in the sound. "Figure it 'bout time we had tha' talk girlie."

  I peered at him,"What talk?"

  He grinned, "Tha one we shoulda had long ago. Watcha been dyin' ta know, tha one 'bout me."

  I winced a little. He was too observant sometimes and although I felt justified in my suspicions I also couldn't help but feel guilt with it.

  He turned a little in his chair to face me properly and slouched until he relaxed against the overstuffed back.

  "I knew Clara." His confession was blunt and a shock to my system. I stared at him and felt water gather in my eyes that I didn't have a hope of stopping.

  "Ah dun worry girlie, no' your fault. She knew wha' she was doin', she knew tha risk."

  I shook my head at him, it was my fault. I'd underestimated him and she'd paid the price.

  Sam returned the head shake, "Won't hear no more 'bout it ya hear? His fault, no one else's." He sighed and took another sip as he continued, "knew her from b'fore, she been tha' Alpha's secretary fo' years. I used ta be a governor ya see..."

  I snapped my
head to him and he chuckled at my expression. ".. Yeah, yeah. I know. Thing is, it weren't always like this, use ta be 'bout furtherin' all wolves, improvin' things no' 'bout power for greedy men. My Amelia always said they were gettin' too full of themselves."

  He grinned at memories I couldn't see, "Shoulda listened ta her sooner I 'spose, woman always was smarter then me. I left when she died, didn' wanna be no wolf, didn' wanna see anyone, jus' wanted ta be left alone."

  Sam picked up a bottle from the floor, apparently he'd forgone the glasses and just brought the whole bottle upstairs. He refilled both our tumblers as he spoke.

  "Eventually I was more human than wolf and those governors more corrupt from greed. I'd known Clara sum twenty five years by then, she made a habit of stoppin' by ta talk. One day she say she found sum papers, sum stuff 'bout you. There was sumthin' wrong wit' it...tha Alpha jus' leavin' ya there." He caught my shocked face that hadn’t changed expression throughout his little speech. Sam laughed at my face and raised his eyebrows.

  "Wha'? Couldn' ignore ya could I? Clara said he weren't righ', said sumthin' wrong wit' tha' man you were livin' wit'. She found a way in an' I was meant ta meet tha both of ya in tha woods..." he smiled at me, "...You were always 'spose ta come ta me crazy, I was jus' waitin' on you."

  Tears flowed freely. I couldn't speak over the heavy block in my throat.

  "I'm sorry it took so long," he looked down at his glass as if ashamed. "We couldn' get close at first, then we didn' understand wha' was goin' on till it was too late and I'm sorry for tha' girlie."

  I managed a whisper through my tears,"No, I'm sorry for Clara."

  Sam took a large gulp again."She was happy she got ta ya, you jus' remember tha'."

  A bubble of laughter broke through my throat and the tears finally stopped. "I was so worried Sam. That I'd been wrong about you."

  He chuckled back at me, that glorious deep southern sound."ain't nuthin' suspect 'bout an ol' black man livin' alone in tha woods," his wink at the end had me laughing again.

  I was full of the beautiful sound of Sam. Gorged on the light he emitted. Overflowing with relief at his part in my life so far. Those tricky feelings of trust were finally put to rest when it came to this man, no swirling conflicting whispers that broke my heart and turned my ear. At this moment I knew, without a doubt, if nothing else made sense, this one thing would remain; Sam was mine and I could trust him.

  "Ya know tha' Captain goin' ta find out now too."

  I stared at the old man, "What do you mean?"

  He grinned, "well, watcha think tha bond do? It gives ya both a connection to each other..."

  I remained clueless.

  Sam huffed and rolled his eyes,".. Ya get each others strengths and weaknesses. Ya know sharin' tha load an all tha'."

  I felt a true moment of panic, that heated wave that washes over your skin as your heart starts pounding harder in reaction to the sudden anxiety.

  "You're stronger righ'?"

  I nodded mechanically.

  "So will he be. Soon you'll be dreamin' of all tha things he's done, all those wars he fought. Watcha think he'll be dreamin' 'bout?"

  Full. Fledged. Panic.

  "No...."

  Sam moved to sit on the bed with me and refilled my glass yet again. "He was always goin' ta find ou' eventually. How long ya think ya coulda kept it secret?"

  I frowned at the old man, "forever obviously."

  He grinned at me,"girlie, tha' were nuthin' bu' wishful thinkin'."

  I grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed lightly,"I need out Sam. I left him locked in that room, I need to go back and finish."

  Sam’s hand stroked the hair back from my face, "He be jus' fine waitin'. He ain't goin' nowhere righ'?"

  I replied with a stiff nod, as long as no one else entered that house he'd remained locked in that room.

  “Now Watcha goin' ta do 'bout ya Captain?”

  "I don't want him interfering in what's mine. It's mine to finish do you see? He won't let me if he knows."

  Sam nodded and sighed,"Well, guess tha' means I be gettin' myself in trouble again."

  I frowned at him.

  He sighed again and his shoulders moved up with his breaths. "Guess I need ta go shoot me sum wolves."

  I shook my head slightly, "And you call me crazy."

  He chuckled and drank some more,"it ain't crazy if there's a plan involved."

  I shrugged at him and raised my glass, "I'm thinking we should forget problems for one night and do our best to get as drunk as possible, you think a new wolf can out drink you old man?"

  Sam chuckled, "Ya serious? I got sum four hundre' odd years on you, I may be more human now bu' I can damn sure out drink a little thing like you."

  I looked at the bottle on the side table, "we're going to need a hell of a lot more."

  Sam raised his tumbler and nodded,"I got me a secret stash, dun you worry."

  We sat quietly for some time. I think I was the most relaxed I'd ever been. It was a false feeling though. A small amount came from Sam and the talk we'd had tonight. But the largest piece, the part that turned my muscles to limp and brought a calmness only Charlie could produce previously, came from Carver. He was at ease in his claiming. As angry as I was at the moment, his wolf was content in the knowledge that I was now irrevocably his.

  I liked the relaxation. It was certainly a nice break from the usual frantic changes within me. I was able to push passed the usual crowded world that was my mind and focus only on the thought of this new bond. A bond that pulled at me already. I'd been slowly accepting Carver, maybe I would have eventually fallen wholeheartedly into the idea of us. But now there was a time limit, I was on a countdown of acceptance that I would ultimately lose.

  What I could not forgive is not the mark itself, not the wolf that pushed too hard but the knowledge that yet again I'd allowed things out of my control. My fear that he would take over and I'd be left with nothing that was me. And now the knowledge that all my secrets would be spread out, wide open and unlocked, all for him to see and flick through.

  I wonder if now he'd be sorry. If he'd read through all my nightmares and realise finally what he'd been given, realise just what he'd claimed.

  Maybe now he'd know. That I was fallen. And now that I'm all the way down here, relishing in the blazing fires that stoke my vengeance and primitive nature, that not only can he not save me....I don't want him to.

  Chapter 33.

  He was an animal in a fragile constraint of human. A mockery made of refinement and fallibility. I don't know why I ever thought him anything else but pure wolf. The beast was constantly pacing just below that superficial covering, a flash in his eyes, a movement under the skin, all signs pointing to the creature one step from breaking free. He sat with his father at the table, guilt and pride warring for position on his face. The night would turn out much better for him if he stuck with guilt.

  Sam followed behind me and placed our two glasses on the table in the empty places left for us. The dogs sat at my feet and I coveted the warmth and safety they provided. I glared into those black eyes before finding a spot on the wall to settle on, refusing childishly to share my obvious feelings with the man and felt my own war within. A struggle of rage and redemption, my very own salvation in the same man that brought me such bitterness. I was not one to let things go easily, I could admit that, I would allow these feelings of blame to fester and grow black with decay until they withered away to dust leaving only resentment behind. All those platitudes of forgive and forget; a nice thought meant for those not drowning in rivers of hate.

  "Would you look at me Arya...please?"

  His voice stoked only my burning need to destroy all that he'd built. I snapped my eyes to his and let him see. I let the Captain see exactly what he'd done, driven back all those steps we'd taken, wiped away the progression. He put his head in his hands and swiped those large fingers angrily through the strands of ebony hair.

  Frustration. I smirked at
this, he only had himself to blame.

  Fraser’s voice cut through the mounting tension, "It's nice to meet you properly Arya, after that débâcle of a meeting we had." His words were quiet and soft, as if he spoke to a timid animal.

  I peered at him curiously and wondered about the man so alike my own apparent mate. "Why were you there?" I decided it was time for a few answers, Carver owed me that much.

  Fraser frowned at me, "I head the governors for the moment."

  I shook my head,"No, why. Why is Carver's father the head of the same organisation that he openly defies?"

  Fraser smiled at me while Carver's hands clenched. He spoke up from the end of the table, the space between us now obvious in my chosen seat. "This is not the time Arya."

  I scowled at the Captain, sitting in his throne, deciding for me what I needed to know. "I disagree, it's exactly the right time..." I stared into his black eyes, "...in fact I'd say it's now or never."

  I gave him a moment to understand the full extent of my words. Never, was a very real possibility at the moment. He nodded at his father and that same feral grin that would always cross Carver's face now stretched his father's smile.

  "It's a placement, I'll be in the right place at the right time."

  His answer was only one sentence but in that I gleaned everything he failed to say. He was Carver's plant, a man loyal to the Captain who would play games from the inside, twist and test those governors and sort the rats from the pack wolves. Pawns on his tangled chess board, players in his favourite game. I wondered what my role was to be.

  "Am I to be part of your plan Carver?" I looked at the wolf perched on the end chair, his gaze never once leaving my face. "Do I have have a role to play?"

  His face fell, full of sorrow creased at my question, a look of utter devastation in his eyes. "Never," he whispered to me, "Just mine cherry, that's all you have to be."

  I scoffed at his pretty words,"You're reaching, if you think I'll be yours any time soon."

  He winced before he gathered his confidence again and straightened his shoulders." Doesn't have to be soon, just someday."