by Dale, Lindy
“Why not?” Nicholas says. “I think Joel and I have proven ourselves honest and trustworthy.”
My head swivels to face him. He’s been quiet up until now, which is his way. But I know there’s been plenty going on in that handsome head. He thinks more, he’s more considered than Joel.
“I hardly know you—”
Discounting the fact you’ve been inside me. A lot.
“—If you take out the six months we were apart, our relationship has been a total of like two weeks. I can’t move in with you after two weeks.”
“Sure you can. And you know tonnes about us. You’ve been quizzing Jill for the past week.”
Eek. Busted.
Nicholas chuckles at my reddening face.
“I meant about your private lives,” I say. “You could be cross dressers or into leather or something. You could be those freaks who wear cow suits when you have sex and moo when you come.”
“You think so?” His left eyebrow lifts in amusement. He looks incredibly hot when he does that.
“Well, no but—”
“Then stay. I don’t mind. I want you to.”
Okay. I’m out of reasons to say no.
Without another thought, I agree and we clink glasses to seal the deal. It crosses my mind briefly as I sip, that only last week I was reluctant to move in with Mason, yet here I am shacking up with Nicholas and Joel like I’ve known them my entire life. Living with Mason would have been a mistake. I know that. Sharing my life with these two, on the other hand, seems like the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s right. And Mum always told me I should go with my gut because intuition is a powerful thing. I just have to quell that niggly voice inside my head that’s telling me we’re gonna be in deep shit if wind of this gets out.
We sit for a bit, discussing the moving of the rest of my stuff and the logistics of bedrooms — because they may be my lovers but I need my girl space. Then Nicholas says, “We’re going to have to keep this quiet. I think we have to come and go at separate times, live our usual single lives outside the house. So if anyone does say something we can stress you’re our housemate, especially if we have separate bedrooms. Who’s to know what we do when we’re alone?”
He slides his hand along the sofa. His long fingers caress my neck and I feel that tingling sensation of excitement. I suck in a breath as he gazes deep into my eyes, his own piercing my soul in their intensity. Suddenly, the world and its problems are insignificant. If I can have him and Joel everything is as it should be. Sure, nobody will ever understand but I don’t care. I don’t. I’ll do whatever he wants, as long as he looks at me like that. Like he loves me.
Nicholas shuffles closer. He bends his forehead to mine. “I can’t be without you again, Sadie,” he whispers into my cheek. “I’ve been thinking about it constantly since the other night, mulling scenarios to make this happen in my head. I know we agreed on how this thing would work but you landing here changes everything. I don’t want just sex. I want more. Need more. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you. I want to take you out and hold your hand and go to movies. I want to see you in your little white knickers making my morning coffee and curl up with you on the sofa every night. I want a proper relationship.”
Wow. Um, like wow.
Nicholas I-am-the-hottest-dude-on-the-planet Lawson wants to be my boyfriend. I consider this idea for a minute, trying to keep a lid on the elation that’s exploding in my brain. I consider the proposal logically.
Well, as logically as a girl can when the person making it is sweeter than a truck full of chocolate and hotter than Hades to boot.
The concept isn’t entirely heinous. I could so be Nicholas’ girlfriend. If there wasn’t another person in this equation.
“What about Joel? He’s in this with us. What about our agreement?” I pull back slightly and my hand reaches behind me, finding Joel’s on his knee. He takes it and mover closer on the other side of me. His chest leans into my arm. He drops a kiss on my shoulder and rests his cheek on the spot. He’s like a lost little boy and I want to comfort him, to make it right. I need to let him know I’m not giving up on him, even if Nicholas wants me to. I want to be with Nicholas more than anything but I won’t take him at the expense of Joel. “I won’t choose if that’s what you’re asking. Joel is as important to me as you are. I’d rather go and stay in a hotel and just do the threesome thing. I won’t give Joel up.”
“I wasn’t asking you to choose,” Nicholas says quietly.
“It sounded like you were.”
“All I was doing was letting you know how I feel. I want us all to be happy. We shared before. I’m pretty sure we can do it again in the same house. We’re adults.”
“It sounds good in theory but I don’t see how we can.”
Nicholas groans. Then he shrugs and stands before heading to the kitchen. “This is doing my fucking head in. Stay if you want, go if you want. It’s up to you. I’m getting more wine. I’m going to become a fucking alcoholic at this rate.”
I’ve hurt him again. I don’t know how but I have. Shit.
“Nicholas—”
He ignores me and disappears under the counter, presumably into the wine fridge.
Joel pats his lap. “Poor Sadie. It’s been a rough night, yeah? Put your head down here for a bit and curl up. Let me make you all better.”
Oh for fuck’s sake.
“I’m not in the mood for sex, Joel.”
“Furthest thing from my mind, Ariel.”
I stare at him.
“Honest,” he says. “No funny business intended. I just thought you might be tired. Fighting can be exhausting. I know, first hand.”
Joel’s never given me a crumb about his personal life, other than the part I share. I don’t know if he has a family or what it is that makes him think it’s easier to be a playboy than to settle down. I know he’s been hurt, I got that a long while back, but other than that this statement is the first thing I know about his life.
I lower myself and snuggle into the spot between his hip and thigh. My body is heavy like I couldn’t move it if I tried. My head is suddenly pounding. I need to close my eyes and sleep for a very long time. I’m so tired, I just don’t care anymore. I just want to go to sleep, forget this night has happened.
Sometime after that, with Joel gently stroking my hair, I fall asleep. I don’t know for how long, but I wake to the motion of being carried. Joel is taking me into a darkened room. I cling to his neck as I feel him pull back the covers and his knee on the mattress as he lowers me to the bed. Through half-closed eyes I feel him extricate himself from my arms and slip off my shoes. I watch as he places them neatly at the foot of the bed. His fingers unbutton my jeans and slide them from my hips but it’s not in the way he normally does it. It’s like he’s caring for me because I’m incapable of doing for myself. Then he covers my body with the doona, pulling it as far up to my chin as it will go, just like Mum used to when I was little. He bends to kiss the tip of my nose; his fingers trace the side of my face and over my lips. His face is close to mine. “Goodnight, sleepyhead. Sleep well. Tomorrow’s another day.”
I roll over and lock my arms around his neck again. “Don’t go.”
His look is quizzical.
“Stay.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“No funny business, just sleep. I need you to stay,” I mumble, and a drowsy smile graces my face as I hear him take off his track pants and slip into the bed beside me.
“You’ll be the death of me,” he replies.
“I hope not.”
Joel wraps his arms around me and we lay spooning, his body cradling mine as we drift into unconsciousness. Then as I fall into slumber for the second time, I feel the movement of the bed on the other side. “Room for another?”
Behind me, Joel is breathing the rhythmical breath of sleep so I pull back the covers, allowing Nicholas in.
He cuddles close to me, kissing me goodnight. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I was being annoying.”
“Sweet dreams, baby.”
“You too.”
“I’m glad you’re here. It feels right.”
“I’m glad too,” I whisper.
And it does feel right. More right than I want to admit.
CHAPTER TWO
I’m disoriented the next morning when I wake up so I lay on my back in the empty bed, trying to remember where I am and how the hell I got here. It only takes seconds before the events of last night come rushing back and I’m overcome with waves of conflicting emotions. I’m elated and happy. Nicholas wants me, like really wants me. And Joel, for all his joking, is tenderer and more caring than most of the guys I’ve ever been with. He mightn’t be as verbal about emotions as Nicholas but actions speak louder than words. He wants me, too. It felt like love between the three of us last night. Like we are meant to be.
So why do I have these feelings of guilt and sadness when I should be happy? Of course, I know why. I’ve hurt the person who’s my one true friend. I’ve lost her possibly forever over the very thing we swore would never come between us — a man. Well, men.
I roll to my side and pick up my phone where Joel put it on the bedside table last night. I stare at the screen deciding I may as well have one last go at explaining. I don’t want to fight with Emily. I want us to be friends again. I love her.
I press the dial button and wait.
As expected, it goes to message bank. Her cheery Emily voice is telling me to leave a message which can mean one of two things — either she’s still asleep or she’s ignoring me and after last night my money is firmly on the latter. Emily likes to get up with the sparrows. She’s an early morning gym junkie. I try again, this time leaving a message that I’m sorry if I’ve hurt her and I’ll call again later. I barely hang up before my phone vibrates in reply.
She sounds pretty pissed off with me. I guess I’ll have to wear it but I can talk her round. I know I can. Emily always comes round. Her anger is swift but never deep.
The phone is silent for a minute after that. Then, as I’m still lying there staring at it, wondering how I can make this right, it vibrates again, scaring the crap out of me.
Right. So she’s a little more than pissed off. This is not something I can get around with a hug; she’s cutting me off altogether. I have no idea how to cope with this new Emily. Give her time, I guess. I certainly can’t cry any more. I’ve cried so much my tear ducts have begun to protest.
I get up and sit on the side of the bed to pull my hair up into a messy bun. It’s early, and I have no idea where the boys are but I’m guessing by the silence they’ve already gone to work. I figure I have about an hour if I’m to get the bus on time, so I collect my toiletry bag and a fresh towel I’ve found hanging over a chair and go in search of the bathroom.
The shower is hot. I switch the knobs to massage and stand under it, letting the fierceness of the water pummel my shoulders, relieving the tension. It feels good. Relaxing. I put my face into the stream, allowing the water to soak my hair, feeling it flow in rivulets over my breasts and down my belly. I squirt some body wash into my palm and lather it over my body, moving in circles lower and lower, stopping when my hand is between my legs. I touch myself and think of Nicholas. I think of Joel and I can’t help but wish they were in here with me, using their hands and lips to make me clean. I bite my lip as I come and try not to cry out.
After I finish, I realise I’ve left my shampoo at home — my old home — so I scour the shower caddy for something that looks like it won’t make my hair fall out. The boys have an awful lot of shampoo for men, well, for anyone really. Mason had a bottle of Pantene and no conditioner. I wouldn’t use that on my head if I were dead. Nicholas and Joel, however, seem to be collectors of every expensive shampoo known to man. I settle on a label I recognise and am about to squirt a blob into my palm when a hand removes the bottle from my hand.
“Allow me.”
I jump so high I almost hit my head on the showerhead before I slip and bang my knee into the wall tiles.
“Ouch. Bum. Fuck!”
Somehow I manage to avoid landing on the floor of the shower by clutching at the edge of the screen in what must look like a crazy sort of mating dance. I end up with one foot in opposite corners of the stall, bracing myself to regain my balance. My skin is burning with embarrassment and I think I’ve pulled a muscle in my neck from the jerking motion. My knee stings. Boy, it hurts.
“Geez, Joel. You scared the crap out of me.” I glower at him, standing there in his board shorts and bare chest, the shampoo bottle in his hand. He’s smirking. It’s a dirty sort of smirk. So Joel.
“Sorry. I didn’t realise you were in here.”
As if. Even if he hadn’t heard the shower running he would have seen the steam when he opened the door, right?
He pulls a blob of silicone from each ear and puts them on the vanity. “That’s better. I hate those things. Can’t hear a thing unless I’m up in your face.”
Damn him. How is he always the winner?
“I’ve had an ear thing,” he continues. “The doctor suggested I wear the plugs for a few weeks to keep the water out while I surf.”
“What’s the deal with sneaking up on me like that?” It doesn’t appear to cross my mind that I’m having a conversation with him while I’m naked and he’s not. But then it’s not the first time. This scenario seems to be repeating itself more than Groundhog Day.
“I thought you were still in bed. I was going to jump in the shower before I came in to wake you up. You don’t want to be late for those tyrant bosses of yours.”
“How long have you been standing there?”
He glances down at the major tenting that’s happening in his shorts. “Long enough.”
Great.
“You saw—”
“Sure did.”
Oh god, the mortification.
“You made my morning. Now how about you let me finish you off properly before we get dressed for work?” He slips out of his thongs and steps into the shower stall, the shampoo bottle in his hand. The water splashes over us, soaking into his shorts. They cling to his body in a way that’s possibly considered indecent in a number of states and I find I can’t peel my eyes away.
“How about not. Nicholas as already left, I take it.”
“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
“Maybe not now, but it will one day down the track and you know it.” I shiver and wrap my arms about myself. It’s cold standing half in, half out of the water.
Joel reaches his arms around me, circling my body. “You’re cold. Get back under the water. Let me wash your hair.”
“You won’t try anything?”
He turns me around and I hear him squeeze a handful of shampoo which he commences rubbing into my scalp. His fingers work the lather and I close my eyes letting him do his job, enjoying the sensation of his fingers. I like being cared for. I never thought I’d be one to say that but I do.
“What is it with you lately?” he asks while he massages. “Once you would have leapt at the offer for any kind of sex.”
“That was before. I want this to work, Joel. I can’t cheat on Nicholas with you, just like I can’t cheat on you with him.”
“I’m glad to hear it,” he says at last.
“Why? Was this some kind of test? Were you hoping I’d cave so you could gloat to Nicholas?”
“Never. He’s my mate, Sadie, and I’d never do anything to hurt him. Especiall
y with you. I came in and saw you there playing with yourself and I have no idea why but it got me to thinking what it would be like if it was just you and me. You wouldn’t have stood a chance if that were the case. I would have been in this shower with you faster than you could say “please”. I’m actually being rather gentlemanly at the moment.”
My lips bend in a smile. “In your slutty, manwhore, Joel way.”
One hand leaves my scalp to nip at my bottom. “Exactly.”
Joel adjusts my head under the shower, running his fingers through the strands of wet hair, rinsing them. Then, his lips dip into the curve of my neck and I bend my head so he can have better access. His mouth is cool on my skin, yet I’m hot from his touch. His hands move to cup my breasts, sliding over them, tugging gently at my nipples as I lay my head back into his shoulder. He has to stop. He has to. I can’t say no. He knows that.
Joel drops his hands to my hips. “I’ve never met a girl like you. Not one I want to make myself exclusive for. I can’t explain it. I want to be near you all the time. I hated the last six months without you. It felt weird, like something was missing.”
“Really?” I turn into his embrace and wrap my arms around his neck sculpting myself to him. The water is running between us and even though he’s still wearing his shorts and I’m naked, I feel closer to him than ever. I put my lips to his. The water runs down our faces. It makes his lips feel even softer. “I’m flattered.”
He moves his hands to cup my face. “You should be. It’s not every day I give up great waves to come home to the girl I love, so I could kiss her good morning.”
I look up into his eyes. I swallow because if I don’t I think I’m going to cry. At least I’m still in the shower so any tears will be covered by water. “You love me?”
“I do. I’ve never been in love and I’ve never felt this way, so I’m guessing that’s what it is. I think I loved you from the first minute I met you. I’ve had a hard time admitting it to myself.”