by Dale, Lindy
“Everyone had gone home.” I sound like such a pathetic mess.
“You’ve been carrying on with them the whole time you were with Mason, haven’t you? The poor guy was a cover.”
Poor guy? “You hated his guts.”
She ignores me. “That was why you weren’t upset when he dumped you. You were never that into him to begin with. You were using him to hide your disgusting little affair.”
What the hell? Who is this girl? This is not my Emily. My Emily would be upset but she’d never jump to conclusions. And she’d never attack me like this. I swivel on the toilet floor, looking up at my friend. I wish she could understand. “That’s not how it was. I liked Mason till he did a three-sixty on me.”
“And who could blame him? You know, I don’t think you care that people get hurt. All you think about is how much dick you can get.”
“I never got with Nicholas and Joel till after Mason dumped me.”
“What, like twenty-four hours after?”
Ouch.
“I couldn’t help it, Emily,” I scream. “I tried everything I could think of to stay away but I can’t. I can’t.” I stare at my feet. A tear runs down the side of my nose and I smear it away. There are no words to take away the hideousness of this situation. I knew Emily would react this way if I told her. I’ve simply compounded it by lying. Emily’s lived through a childhood of affairs and lies by both of her parents. She doesn’t trust the way I do. She would never see what the boys and I have as more than sex with three people. And she’s stoic about being monogamous, even if you sleep with a different guy every night.
“You know, the thing that hurts the most—” she continues, “—Is the fact that you lied. I’m meant to be your best friend.”
“I couldn’t tell you. I knew you’d be like this.”
“Because you’re ashamed that you’re having an affair with two men at the same time? Or that you deliberately put me off by telling me Joel was gay. What sort of friend is that? You knew I liked him. Yet you were so selfish you wouldn’t share, even though you already had Nicholas. God, you must have been over the freakin’ moon when I hooked up with Alex. It left both of them free.”
I bite my lip. I’m choking. There’s a huge bubble of guilt and hurt in my throat and it’s killing me. Everything she’s saying is true. I’ve been a shit friend.
“It’s not the sex, Emily.”
“Spare me the details. I’m not interested.”
“I love them. You can’t help the people you love. You told me that yourself.”
“Oh, for God’s sake. You sound like my father. The first time you get a bit of dick that’s worth keeping and you imagine you’re in love because they can make you come? You can’t be in love with two men at the same time. Grow up, Sadie. This is a fling. It’s nothing. Those boys will drop you like a hot stone as soon as something with bigger tits comes along. They’re men, they know more about the world than you’ll ever know.”
I stand up. “It’s not like that. I don’t know how to explain it to you.”
“Then don’t. You’re not the friend I thought you were, Sadie. You deliberately misled me so you could get what you wanted, then you added lie upon lie to cover up the fact. It wouldn’t surprise me if you set that placement up months ago. I gather you were shagging them both while we were at the beach.”
I nod slowly.
“You suck, Sadie Cooper and you’re no friend of mine.” Emily thumps her way down the hall. I follow her, determined to make her hear my side but she picks up her keys from the hallstand, turning back as she does. Her face is filled with a type of hatred I’ve never seen from anyone in my life. “I’m going to Alex’s. When I get back tomorrow, I want you and your shit gone.”
I’ve stuffed up so bad.
“But where will I go?”
“Why don’t you try one of your boyfriends? Live-in whore is one step down the ladder from Queen of the Threesome. I’m sure you’ll cope.”
She leaves; slamming the door so hard it makes the window shake.
I sit on the couch in shock for some time after that. It’s cold but I can’t move to turn on the heater. I can’t think or make a plan. My mind is numb. All I know is, I’ve hurt Emily by lying to her and she will never forgive me. I’ve broken her trust the way I promised I would never do when we became friends. I’ve seen how she reacts to people who do this, how much hurt she carries, and yet I knowingly lied to her to get what I wanted.
After a while, I go to my room and pack a bag. I collect some toiletries from the bathroom, the slim hope that Emily will text me saying she’s made a mistake and will forgive me getting slimmer with every minute. Slowly, I lock the front door and tramp down the stairs and onto the street. I have no other friends. I have nowhere to go. Nowhere, except the place I want to be.
And I don’t know if Nicholas and Joel will have me. We are secret lovers, not friends.
SEVEN DAYS MORE
(Seven Days Part 3)
CHAPTER ONE
It’s strange, but the only thing I can think of as I approach the front door of Nicholas and Joel’s house is how pretty the Edison globe in the porch light looks. It’s throwing a golden hue over the doormat and out onto the path. The walls of the house are tinged with amber. The scene is almost magical and quite surreal.
Pity I feel like crap. It sort of dulls something that could be quite beautiful.
I stop at the front door and dump my bag on the step, taking in the glossy red colour of the timber.
So typical, I think, shaking my head. I bet Joel chose that shade. Nicholas would never be so flashy. He’s subtler, more sophisticated, less in your face. His brand of love is like that too. He’s slow and deliberate, building the fire until the embers explode. Joel’s the heat, the insistence. He’s the urgent passion I find myself more and more unable to do without. Together, they’re the perfect combination. I contemplate this, remembering the last time we were together and a smile tugs at the corner of my mouth despite myself.
The porch light flickers and I’m drawn back to the moment. I remember why I’m here. In my head, I can see the tears in Emily’s eyes. I can hear every single scathing word she uttered and feel the pain of each one cutting into my heart. My bottom lip trembles at the thought and I know I’m going to lose it. I can feel the lump of sadness building in my throat again.
Breathe, Sadie, just breathe, I think, trying to control the emotion. Breathe and everything will be okay.
Who am I trying to kid? It won’t be okay. This is a fucking disaster.
I stare at the door and after a bit, the hurt buries itself somewhere inside me. This is a real imposition me being here like this. I should have texted first, I know, but I was in such a state after Emily chucked me out of our flat I couldn’t think straight. I mean, she screeched at me for a full half hour, stopping one adjective short of calling me a whore. (Though a few other choice words were flung about). Her eyes were bulging worse than that time I put her merino sweater in the wash — thinking it was cotton — and turned it into a top only a Barbie could fit into.
Tonight, I’ve lost my best friend in the entire world. Emily’s the one who puts up with my quirks, who encourages me to try things when I’d rather stay home in my pyjamas and read a book. She’s my drinking pal, my defender when I need one, my shoulder to cry on. How can we not be friends? How can she cut me off without letting me explain? How can she discount the way I feel so easily? I feel like I’ve done ten rounds with a prizefighter and not been declared the winner. I ache all over.
Life fucking sucks.
I have literally nowhere to go, no close friends I can couch surf with for a few days. Nobody… other than Nicholas and Joel. And, as I so bluntly put it a week or so back — before I got myself into this mess — the boys and I are not friends. We are lovers. I don’t know them that well. Plus, I sort of work for them, so I can understand if they tell me I can’t crash on their sofa for a couple of days. That won’t make it any easier th
ough. Because I need them to need me right now. I need to feel loved and secure.
I raise my hand to knock.
What if they don’t want me?
What if they tell me to take a hike?
Shit, what if I’m at the wrong house?
Oh God. This is like, so bad. How the hell did I get myself into this mess?
Delaying, I slip my phone from my pocket. I check the time. Maybe I’m hoping there’ll be a message I missed, one that says the argument with Emily was a mistake and I can go home now. There’s nothing there though. Only the screensaver shot I took of us at the beach six months ago.
I wish I could go back six months.
I wish I’d never agreed to sleep with Nicholas and Joel.
I wish I had my boring life back. But as Mum used to say hindsight’s a wonderful thing. You can’t change the past but you can learn from it and move on.
Okay. So that’s what I’m going to do.
I hope.
Sucking in the biggest breath, I knock on the door. It opens so quickly I nearly jump out of my skin. It’s Joel. His hair is mussed and strands of blonde are sticking out like he’s just gotten out of the surf and shaken his head like a shaggy dog. He’s in a pair of faded grey track pants and a tight white t-shirt that shows every delicious muscle of his body. His feet are bare. I like his feet. He has sexy feet, if that’s even possible. I give him a limp sort of smile.
A look of confusion spreads across his face. “Sadie?”
“Sorry.” I bite my lip. “I know it’s late.”
“What’re you doing here?”
He glances toward the overnight bag at my feet and that’s when I collapse. The tears return, quickly turning to choking sobs. I throw myself toward the safety of his big strong chest. I cling to him. He’s warm and firm. I can feel his heart thumping gently as he cradles me, hugging me to him and stroking my hair. We stand that way for a good minute before I have the strength to pull away.
“What’s wrong?” He looks even more confused now. Understandable. It’s not every day he’d have a hysterical girl on his doorstep. Most of them would be begging, I guess.
“Emily found out about us. She knows everything. She kicked me out.”
He pushes a hand through his hair. “Fuck. I knew this would happen. This is the reason I don’t do relationships. Too much drama.”
Nice to know I’m merely another drama. Not.
“I have no where to go, Joel.”
“You better come in, then.”
I wish he sounded more enthusiastic about the invitation. “Are you sure?”
“Sorry. That was way off base, wasn’t it? Of course I want you to come in.” He picks up my bag and grins at me. “Besides, if you stand out there any longer the neighbours will start to talk. Your sobbing is loud enough to wake the dead.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Anytime. Now get in here before I give you something to wail about.” He takes my hand in his free one and with a masterful flick, yanks me into the house so that I’m standing chest to chest with him. He kicks the front door shut with his heel and it slams shut behind us. His hand moves to cup my bottom and he gives it a squeeze. “I didn’t mean to joke. Are you okay?”
“I’ll live. I hope.”
Joel drops a kiss on my forehead. I snuggle closer. He smells so good. He’s lemony and soapy fresh. Like the way the bathroom smells after I spend an hour soaking in the tub. Like coming home.
“It must be karma you’re here,” he says. “Nick and I were just discussing you.”
“Professionally or personally?”
“I don’t know. What category does that episode on the desk fall into exactly?”
I look up at him and roll my eyes. “Do you take anything seriously?”
He pauses and his eyes reveal a softness about them I’ve never seen before. It’s a look I’m positive boy-about-town Joel wouldn’t show his other girls. And I know he has other girls. Plenty of them. The queue for his bed stretches from one end of the city to the other. “Only you,” he replies. “I’m pretty serious about you. I thought you’d have realised by now.”
“Why Mr Hardwick, are you saying we’ve moved beyond a sex-only relationship?”
This is so weird that I’m standing in his hallway having this conversation. But then a lot of weird things have been happening lately.
“I’m not sure what I’m saying, Miss Cooper. I’m glad you’re here though. I’m glad you came to me. I mean, us.” His lips graze mine. The kiss is so tender I somehow know that everything is going to be fine. Joel will fix it. He can fix anything.
We break apart and Joel leads me into the living room where Nicholas is relaxing on the sofa, his feet crossed casually on an ottoman in front of him. He’s twirling a glass of red wine between his fingers, his head bent as he concentrates on something on his iPad.
“Who was at the door?” Nicholas looks up. “Sadie, love, what are you doing here?” He puts down his things, glancing quizzically at Joel and I.
“I think she needs a drink before we begin the interrogation.” Joel puts my bag on the floor and heads to the other end of the room where an expanse of marble bench longer than my entire bedroom marks the beginning of the kitchen. He bends under the counter and pulls out a bottle of tequila.
“If that’s for me,” I say, “I’ll have to decline.”
“But you like tequila.”
“Only when I don’t have to be on my A game the next day. I have these two bosses… they’re real tyrants.”
“Arseholes. You probably need to chuck a sickie tomorrow, just to get away from them. In fact, let’s all have a sick day and spend the day in bed.” He raises his eyebrows in question.
“How about not. I think our mutual sex life has caused enough problems for one night.”
I release a heavy sigh and sit on the couch with Nicholas. At least, I know he’ll take the situation seriously. I mean, I’m homeless. I’m having a not-so-secret sexual relationship with the two men in front of me. If the university finds out we are in deep shit. This is not a time to be getting smashed on tequila. Besides, tequila makes me flirty and Joel damn well knows it.
I sag into the back of the couch. God. Why is this happening to me? Things were so much easier before I let these two into my life. Now it’s a mess. A big, fat mess that I created because I have no willpower whatsoever. I should never have gone to Nicholas’ office after hours. I should never have let them do the things to me they did when I knew where it would end up. Yet, somehow, I find myself powerless to resist where these men are concerned. And I don’t understand why. It’s not the sex. It’s way beyond that. It always has been.
Joel arrives with a glass of red wine. He scrooches into a corner of the sofa so I have to shift along and end up between him and Nicholas. Not that I mind about that. Not at all. He hands me the glass. “Red okay?”
“Perfect. Thanks.” Discounting what I said about drinking, I take a glug so big the glass is nearly empty after I swallow.
“Steady on. You will be incapable of work in the morning if you keep that up.”
“It’s been a stressful few hours. What can I say?” I finish the wine and put the glass on the console table behind the sofa. I feel better now. Simply being in the near vicinity of the boys calms me. I don’t know how they do that. I read a study once that showed loved ones were able to relieve each other’s pain with a hug or a touch. Maybe that’s what happens? Maybe it’s a transference thing?
Nicholas swivels to face me. He bends his knee across the sofa cushion and slings his arm along the back. He takes a drink and eyes me like he’s trying to make sense of the fact that I am sitting on his couch. “So what happened?”
I tell him about the fight with Emily; how she got angry when she found out I’d been lying about being interested in Joel. About how livid she was that I told her he was gay to throw her off the scent because the three of us were sleeping together. I tell him everything and by the time I’ve finishe
d venting I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I’ve also got very swollen eyes from the tears I’ve shed in the process. I am such a girl sometimes.
“So basically, I’m homeless and friendless.” I conclude with another sniff.
“I told you, you could stay here. We have a spare room,” Joel says, gesturing to a closed door. “We never have overnight guests.” He chuckles dirtily. “Well, not the sort who want to use the spare room. Nick’s fine with it, right big fella?”
Nicholas nods his head. “Sure.”
“But the Uni. There have to be rules about fraternising with your boss. I’ll be kicked out of the course if they find out and you’ll be in massive trouble. Besides, I don’t want people to think I’m having sex with you so you’ll give me a good grade or a job.”
“Aren’t you?” Joel jokes again.
Honestly, his propensity for joking at inappropriate times is astounding. I give him the glare but it’s water off a duck’s back. “This isn’t the time to be funny, Joel.”
“You know me. Why be serious when you can make light of a problem?” He puts a hand on mine. “At least I made you smile.”
“Finding a place to stay pretty much trumps smiling at the moment. I can’t stay here indefinitely.”
“Why not? Nobody will find out.”
“It’ll take Emily about two seconds to figure out where I’ve gone. She knows I have no one else. And if she knows where I am, then Alex knows and probably Mason. The entire Uni could know by the weekend.”
“Calm down, Sadie. You’re stressing.”
I don’t think he understands the grimness of my situation. “Do you have a better suggestion?”
Joel pauses for a minute, thinking. “I think it might be best if you stay here. You don’t need the anxiety of house hunting when you should be studying for exams. Let’s work on getting you through this prac and to the end of the academic year so you can get a job. You can decide where you want to be after that.”
Okay. That was a fairly sensible response.
“Are you saying you want me to live here permanently? Like, move in?” I came here because I had nowhere else to go. I wasn’t gunning for a room with a view and built in lovers. I imagined a week tops till I found somewhere of my own. I mean, I like being independent. I’m not some useless girl who needs a guy to look after her. I have resources. I was lonely and sad, that’s all.