Seven Days: The Complete Story

by Dale, Lindy

  Like most things, I’ve prepared for this seduction to the enth degree. I figure, if every contingency is considered, nothing can go wrong. Nicky sleeps for four hour stretches now he’s older, so I feed and bath him, then settle him for the night before Joel arrives home from work. I shower and change, putting on new lacy underwear I know he’ll like. Joel loves sexy things. He likes the anticipation and excitement involved in removing them. I’ve put on my favourite white maxi dress too, the one Emily loathes but Joel loves because it’s slightly see-through. I hope I’m good enough. I hope I’m still everything he loves and adores.

  By the time Joel walks in the door, I’ve set the table and have the dinner I ordered keeping warm in the oven. I greet him with a glass of champagne and a smile.

  “What’s all this about?” Joel dumps his work stuff on the chair and flips off his shoes. He pads into the kitchen and takes the glass I offer.

  “Nothing. I just thought we might have a romantic night together. We never do romance.”

  “That’s because I suck at romance.”

  “I think you’re quite good… as long as you keep the sarcasm out of it.”

  “May as well not talk at all, then.” He gives a chuckle and takes a slug of wine. “What’s for dinner? It smells good.”

  “That’s because I didn’t cook it.”

  “Didn’t you? I’d never have guessed.” He nods to the empty cartons on the bench. Dead give away.

  “We’re having oysters in champagne for starters, lasagna, crusty bread and salad.”

  “My favourites. You know the way to a guy’s heart, Ariel. Dessert?”

  “Me.”

  Joel puts down his glass. He turns to face me. Suddenly his eyes are brimming with lust, his pupils molten, liquid desire. He stares down at me and my heart leaps in my chest. “You got the all clear?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh, baby.” He doesn’t need to say anything else. I understand perfectly what this means to him, me letting him back in after all this time.

  Joel moves closer. His strong hands splay over my waist as he pulls me roughly to him.

  “You’ve no idea how happy I am to hear that. I’m going to fuck you so good you’ll never want me to stop, baby. I’m going to show you the things you missed out on for the last seven or so months.” He lifts me onto the kitchen bench, his hips press between my knees, spreading my legs. His mouth finds mine and he kisses me. I wind my hands around his neck and through his hair and I hear him sigh and suck in a breath as he deepens the kiss. He’s drinking in every part of me, taking me into his body. His hands slide slowly up my sides and come to a stop near my shoulders. He lowers one strap of my dress and bra and kisses the naked skin. Then he cups my breasts through the fabric. His thumbs graze my nipples. They’re fuller and bigger than ever and as he carefully releases one and presses his lips to it, I almost come. My breathing escalates. My lungs are about to explode. Geez, I’m so close I might do it.

  “Stop!” I push him back.

  He raises his head, his eyes are drunk with wanting. “What?”

  I adjust my straps. I’m shaking from the intensity of the kiss, from the blatant wanting coursing through me. This isn’t right. How can I be so fickle?

  “I put a lot of effort into buying this dinner, the least we can do is eat it. And I’ve expressed a crap load of milk so I can have a couple of drinks with you. We need to take this slow, we don’t have to fuck over the kitchen bench just because we can.”

  He gives me that sultry, dirty look. “But it sounds like such a good idea.”

  I ignore him and slip from the bench to turn to the grill. The oysters need a few minutes to heat and let the cheese melt through the champagne. I need a few minutes to get my shit together. I was totally about to lose it then. If Joel had thrown me on the floor and asked to fuck me into oblivion I would have let him. And I can’t do that yet. I can’t. It’s not the time for abandon.

  “Sit down,” I say, making my voice ultra bright. “The first course is ready.”

  I plate up the oysters and turn to the table. Joel has moved the cutlery and placemats onto the kitchen bench. He’s refilled our glasses.

  He looks at me as I place a plate of oysters in front of him. “Looks great. You don’t mind that I moved over here do you? I just want to be close to you. Being at the table is too formal. I can’t play handsy with your knee.” He reaches under the bench and gives my knee a gentle squeeze.

  “I don’t mind.”

  We eat our oysters mostly in silence. I think we’re both wondering what exactly happened just then, how I could push him away when it’s so clear that I want him. But as I tidy away the dishes, Joel begins to tell me about the progress on Iris and the mood lightens. We’re back to our banter. The awkwardness is forgotten.

  The rest of the meal is much the same. Though things appear to be normal, we carefully avoid talking about anything more personal than the baby, my ideas on a car — Joel has offered to help me pick something, he loves cars — and whether or not the water is still too cold for a surf without a wetsuit. I tell him how weird it feels to know that I have enough money that I’ll never have to work if I choose not to and my idea of starting my own small landscaping business so I can stay at home with Nicky.

  “You should come and work at the office,” Joel says. “Martina left the other week. Jill’s looking for a replacement.”

  “I don’t think so,” I say. “It would be strange me being there. It’s crazy enough you and me living together now. I don’t want the world thinking I jumped from the bed of one multi-millionaire to another. It would create problems for you.”

  “Yeah, I never thought of it like that.”

  After dinner, we sit on the sofa staring into the fire. It’s romantic and I feel very close to Joel but there’s something missing.

  “Penny for them?” Joel asks.

  Like he doesn’t know what’s going on in my head.

  I stare down at Joel’s fingers, softly caressing the stem of the glass. I’m reminded of the nights Nicholas and I sat in this very position, doing this very thing without Joel.

  Oh shit, please don’t let me ruin this night talking about him. I don’t want to do that. I want one night where I don’t think about him, dream about him, wish he was here with us.

  “I miss him so much.”

  Fuck. I totally was NOT going to say that.

  “Me too. I miss him every day but I’m trying not to.”

  Fuck, fuck, fuck. Now I’m crying.

  “Oh Joel, what did we do to make this happen? Is this some sort of punishment because we loved each other when we knew it was wrong?”

  “What we had could never be wrong, Ariel. We’re just did it different to the way other people do it. That doesn’t make it wrong. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way, except maybe the pregnancy part and you bastards dumping my arse.” He gives a little chuckle.

  “We did not dump your arse, you left us!” I bury my face in his chest. “Why can’t we have him back? I want him back. Why did he have to die?”

  Joel puts his glass on the table. He swivels to face me and gathers me closer into his body. He rocks me while I sob into his chest. I make his t-shirt soggy with snot and tears and he doesn’t say a thing other than soothing me.

  “Maybe Nicholas’ death happened for a reason,” he says when I’ve calmed down. “Did you ever think that he had his time with you, gave you a baby and the only way he would ever step aside would be in death? Nicholas knew how much I loved you. His going could have been his way of allowing us to be together.”

  I sit up, frowning. As demented as the notion sounds, it’s something that Nicholas would do. Knowing he had a choice between life and death, he would absolutely choose death so Joel and I could have a chance at life with his baby.

  “You’re very deep for a man who says he never thinks about anything other than boobs,” I say, with one last sniff.

  “One of my
many talents.”

  “Do you have any others I don’t know about?”

  “Plenty, Ariel. Plenty. Now let me take that delightful dress off you so I can demonstrate just how many I have.”

  “But I’m naked under this dress…”

  Apart from my sexy underwear.

  “Exactly.”

  “I might get cold.”

  I, literally, love this playing hard to get thing.

  “By the time I’m finished with you, you’re going to be more on fire than every beautiful red hair on your head. We’ve got months to make up for, and I intend to savour every minute while we do it. Now get that pretty arse naked and sit on my dick.”

  If you insist Joel. If you insist.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  My life feels like I’m in a DVD permanently stuck replaying that same awkward scene. For some reason, I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I don’t seem to learn. And being with Joel last night was one big fat mistake.

  I look over to where Joel lays beside me in the kingsized bed, a sheet draped over his perfectly sculpted body and I wonder what I’ve done to feel this way. It’s four in the morning. I’ve just finished feeding the baby and I’m back here because I feel too guilty to leave and sleep in my own bed, the one I shared with Nicholas until a little over a month ago. Joel is sleeping soundly, a slight smile curving his face. I should be ecstatic but all I can think is that this is a replay of that night in the lighthouse. Being with Joel and Nicholas was a mistake then and sleeping with Joel last night was the biggest mistake ever.

  I feel like shit.

  I am an awful, horrid excuse for a human being. I should not be doing this to Joel.

  Last night, I let him make love to me. Yes, I enjoyed it, I came like three freaking times so there’s no denying that, but whenever I closed my eyes Nicholas was there. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because Joel wasn’t totally awesome, he was. Joel was so awesome I began to picture Nicholas watching us have sex; me sucking Joel; Joel licking my body from top to bottom. I could see the look on Nicholas’ face and I feel as if I’ve disappointed him somehow because I gave in so soon after he’d gone. Yes, I know he wanted me to and he’d never be jealous, he never was. But I feel like I’ve betrayed him. It was too soon and it can’t go on.

  Quietly, I slip from the bed and tiptoe from Joel’s room into my room. It’s a cowardly thing to do but I need time, I need to be alone with my baby to make sense of what’s happening. I need time to grieve the loss of a man I loved alone. I dress quickly and shove clothes and toiletries into a bag. I don’t take a lot of time to consider what I pack, I’m so concerned with being free. Besides, the Internet is a wonderful thing, I can buy new stuff. Everything I need can be delivered to my door. I can do what Joel did and disappear into thin air if that’s what I choose. I have the resources now.

  In the baby’s room, I bustle quietly. Nicky needs more than me and it takes me some time to organise everything, especially when my eyes are constantly trained on the open door, listening for Joel to stir. At last, I have the baby ready, so I ring a taxi and carry my things to the door. While the driver is attempting to squash the pram into the boot of the car — it’s enormous even when collapsed — I leave Joel a note. I tell him I love him but I need time. I tell him I’m sorry, so very sorry.

  By seven I’ve reached the cottage. The driver helps me to unload and I stand for a minute after he’s left, cradling Nicky in my arms and watching the early morning waves lapping onto the sand. This is where it began. Down there on the beach I see the very spot where I met Nicholas, just to the left of the bench. I can see him sitting there on the sand, his forearms resting on his knees, my red sunhat loosely held in his hand. He’s looking at me and he’s smiling. The vision is so real, so full of life I almost believe it’s him; that he’s going to get up and walk into the cottage. He’s going to take me in his arms and tell me he loves me; that he’s sorry for staying away for so long.

  But that won’t happen.

  The apparition isn’t real, a ghost maybe but not something I can ever touch. This is not a rerun of Ghost.

  Wiping a wayward tear that’s slipped down my cheek away, I head for the bedroom. The bed isn’t made but I couldn’t care less. I turn my phone off and snuggle under the covers with Nicky. I intend to sleep for a very long time. In sleep, everything is how it should be.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  It’s two weeks before I turn my phone on again. The screen goes mental with messages from Joel and Emily. There’s even one from Jill. Clearly, Joel believes I’m ignoring him so he’s enlisted Jill to see if she can get a result. I don’t ring either of them back. Instead I send a text letting them know Nicky and I are safe and well; that we are at The Bay. I ask him to please stay away for the time being and I tell him I love him. Because I do. I love Joel more than life itself and that’s what makes this so hard. Finally, I prepare myself for the barrage of questions and recriminations as I ring Emily. It’s only a couple of months now till her wedding and I want to find out if she’s okay. I hope she’s not freaking out over me and letting my actions ruin what should be the time of her life. I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for my bestie.

  “Hi.” My voice is tentative when Emily answers the phone. She’s going to lay into me but I’m prepared for that.

  “Where the hell are you? Joel is out of his mind with worry. He’s rung me like two million times. The last time I was in the throes of the best orgasm of my life. Hashtag awkward.”

  “I’m at the cottage. I had to get away.”

  “What happened? Last time I talked to you, you were all set to give Joel the night of his life. Didn’t he like the sexy underwear? Has he lost his prowess in the bedroom or something?”

  “It’s nothing like that. The sex was awesome, better than ever actually.”

  “Then what the hell are you running from? Geez Sadie, your constant switching of moods and ideas must be driving him insane. I know I’m a little psycho with it and I don’t even live with you.”

  Thank God. Emily and I have changed a lot since we shared out little two bed flat. She’s way more bossy and opinionated. If that’s possible.

  “I just kept seeing Nicholas and I felt so guilty. It was too soon. I should have waited. I should have let Joel woo me.”

  “This isn’t the eighteenth century, Sadie. He’s not Mr. freaking Darcy.”

  “I know but I need time to grieve. Think about it. I went straight from the hospital to you and then the house. Nicholas was instantly replaced by Joel. I’ve never had time to process and neither has he. It has to be affecting him, too. Deep down, there has to be some part of him that feels like a replacement. If our relationship is going to bury the ghost of Nicholas we have to start again. We have to make a new and different relationship.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “More than ever. I’m very clear on that. But I don’t know if I can live with him again. I don’t know if we can be together. I don’t want either of us to hurt anymore.”

  Emily sighs rather loudly. “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to stay here. The cottage is mine and The Bay is peaceful and quiet, it’s a good place to get my head clear. It’s a good place for Nicky. Plus, Nicholas’ house is here and the Constance. I need to decide what I’m going to do with them. I also need to take a few sailing lessons.”

  “You’re joking, right?”

  “Nope. Nicholas wanted me to learn, so I will. I have a yacht now so I should make use of it. And when Nicky is big enough he can have lessons too. I’ll give the Constance to him. Nicholas would have liked that.”

  We talk for a while longer. Emily tells me her plans for the wedding weekend and I promise her I’ll come to town for the wedding. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m even going to look for a part time nanny for Nicky so I can do things like that. I want to spend every minute I can with him of course, but I need a life too. I’m not going to live like a hermit, the
way Mum did.

  “What do I tell Joel if he calls again?” Emily asks.

  “You can tell him everything I’ve told you. I don’t mind, it’s the truth. I’ve texted him so hopefully he won’t hassle you too much.”

  “Will you bring him to the wedding?”

  “I’ll ask him. I’m not ready to hear his voice yet, though. He messes with my head. He makes me want him.”

  Emily hangs up after extracting a promise from me that I’ll call her every two days. I agree readily. I like to be alone but I don’t want to be lonely.

  *****

  Later in the day, I take Nicky for a walk in his pram. We head west along the bay road towards the address given to me by the lawyers of the second house I now own in The Bay. The road inclines steeply for a while and I find myself puffing while pushing the pram but finally we reach the top, so I stop to catch my breath before heading down the other side of the knoll into a more secluded section of The Bay. The view is breathtaking. A small enclave of houses is dotted along the coastline, each of them with large yards and fences to delineate their space. It’s nothing like the spot my little shack sits on. Over my side of the hill people don’t give a crap if someone puts their towel on the grass in front of your gate or a dog runs through the front garden. People look like they give a lot of a shit on this side of the hill, though. The lawns are green and manicured, even though water restrictions are in place for most of the year. The drives are curved and bitumen, not gravel. Every house is perfectly painted and maintained. I set off down the road, curious now to see what my other house is like. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do with it yet but I think I want to keep it for Nicky. It can’t stay empty until such a time comes, though. Twenty years is a long time. Maybe I could rent it out?

  At the bottom of the hill a white timber letterbox, in the shape of a Cape Cod house, announces my arrival at the place Nicholas called Gull’s Nest. The house is obscured from the road by a white picket fence and a number of mature bushes forming a high hedge, but I can see the roof, mirroring the letterbox, on the other side. And from what I spy this is no cottage. This is a full-blown house. Digging the keys from my pocket I push the pram down the driveway and into the yard.