If I Forget You

by Michelle D. Argyle

  “But it’s your dad’s best friend,” her mom said as she stopped moving her brush across the canvas and looked hard into Avery’s eyes. “This is good for all of us to get together and talk about your father. It’s therapeutic. We need this, especially right now.”

  She meant because next week would be the third-year anniversary of her husband’s death—definitely one of those super glued memories for Avery. It was never an easy time to get through, and Avery was looking forward to the party to get her mind off it.

  Standing still, she felt her fingers twitch. She wanted to go to the party so badly her bones ached. Parties had never been her thing since there were so many people and events to remember afterward, but Tam loved them. Anything Tam loved, Avery loved.

  Her mom must have seen the battle reflected in Avery’s face. She set down her brush and stood. “All right, you can go to your party, but please help me with dinner. How late does the party start? Maybe you’ll have time to eat and socialize for a bit before you go.”

  In other words, do everything I want you to do, anyway. Avery could see the desperation in her eyes, the fact that she didn’t want to be stuck with Victor’s family all by herself. This was a hard time for both of them. Unfortunately, Avery wanted to deal with her loneliness and grief in different ways than her mother did.

  In the end, Avery decided to help her, of course. She drove to the store in the pounding rain to pick up groceries for dinner. When she got home, her mom pointed out a few things Avery had missed on the list and Avery had to go back to the store to pick them up. This was a regular occurrence when it came to Avery doing the shopping. By that time, Tam was calling Avery every thirty minutes from her home phone. Apparently, she had left her cell phone in the broken-down Gold Bug.

  “You’re supposed to be over at my place getting ready right now,” Tam complained as Avery pushed her shopping cart down the drink aisle looking for club soda. “I’ve got your outfit all ready to go, and I need those earrings you said you’d bring. Why did your mom spring this on you last-second?”

  “I don’t know. She probably told me ages ago and I forgot.” Avery rummaged around in her bag and pulled out a Post-it. “Yep, she wrote it down for me two days ago. ‘Remember the dinner party with the Royals Tuesday night at 7:00.’ I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “Of course,” Tam said, laughing. “Typical Ave.”

  “Oh, shut up.” Avery crumpled the Post-it and put it back in her purse just as her phone beeped through Tam’s babbling. She pulled it away to see a reminder about the dinner. Her mother must have put it into her phone weeks ago. Go figure. How could Avery manage to overlook such an event when it was recorded in two places? She felt like banging her head against the shelves of Coke she was walking past.

  “Well, can you get here soon, please?”

  Avery let out a heavy sigh as she found the club soda and put it in the cart. She still needed to find two other things, and she cursed herself for overlooking stuff the first time she was here. The clock was ticking and her mom needed her home fast. At last year’s dinner, they’d had dessert and coffee and looked at old pictures of her dad. They had all reminisced for hours. Avery hadn’t seen her mom smile like that in a long time.

  “You know, Tam,” Avery said, her voice deflating, “I don’t think I can come to the party tonight. This is just … it’s too important to Mom. I need to be there for her, and for Dad. This is as much for him as it is for us.”

  Silence.

  “I understand,” Tam said tenderly after the long silence. She knew how much Avery struggled with her father’s death. “I’ll miss you, though. Like, a lot.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. You’ll have to tell me everything tomorrow. Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  “Let’s have a sleepover tomorrow night,” Avery said in a lame effort to placate Tam as she turned a corner into the bakery. “My place or yours? I’ll bring mint brownies.”

  “Oh, good idea. Um, mine.”

  Avery grabbed a box of brownie mix and threw it into the cart. “Have fun tonight.” Heavy sigh. “Without me.”

  “I’ll try.”

  That night, Avery answered the door when the bell rang. She blinked twice as she looked at Victor and then at Ryan standing next to his mother. There he was, with his increasingly adorable crooked nose and looking a tad shorter than she’d imagined he would be—closer to her own five-foot four inches. That was when she realized why he had looked so confused in the car when Tam had announced she and Avery were going to a party tonight. Why would she go to a party when she was supposed to be at home entertaining him and his parents?

  But the Royals didn’t even live in Spokane. Last year they had flown from California. Hadn’t they? She put a hand to her forehead as Ryan gave her a soft smile and she opened the door wider for them all to enter.

  “So glad you’re here!” her mom said loudly from the kitchen. She poked her head into the room as Avery told the Royals to make themselves comfortable.

  “Lovely to be here,” Mrs. Royal called out as she sat next to Victor. Avery couldn’t remember her first name.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” Ryan said in a low voice as he passed Avery on his way to the living room.

  “I’ll, uh, get you all some drinks,” she said softly, giving Ryan a quick glance before leaving the room. She had to get out of there.

  “Mom,” she said as soon as she was in the kitchen and out of earshot. “Did the Royals move here recently?”

  Her mother turned around from whisking some hollandaise in a double boiler, her eyebrows knitted. “No, they haven’t moved here.” She turned back to the hollandaise, and Avery waited. She knew how important it was to get the sauce right at the perfect time. Finally, her mother lifted the top pan and set it aside. Then her eyes widened. “Oh, you mean Ryan?” she asked, turning back to Avery. “He doesn’t live with Victor and Amber, remember? He’s staying here with his grandparents until he graduates. We met them at the mall for dinner last Christmas. Ryan goes to Rogers. You still don’t remember after seeing him? You two talked all through dinner.”

  Avery tried not to let her eyes fill with tears. It was times like this that made her feel completely, one hundred percent stupid. She didn’t remember even one shred of that dinner. She dug and dug into her memories and came up with nothing. “What restaurant?”

  “Olivia’s—the steak place. You had the salmon.”

  Avery shook her head. How could her mother recall so many details? “I don’t remember,” she whispered so intensely it was almost a hiss. “What am I supposed to say to him?”

  Her mom tilted her head and rested a warm hand on Avery’s cheek. “Oh, sweetie, it’s okay. Just tell him the truth.”

  But she couldn’t. She’d never admitted to anyone except her mother and Tam the extent of her forgetfulness. She knew it would only sound like an excuse. She’d just have to flub her way through it, as usual.

  7

  After her shower, Avery pulled on the yellow dress and looked at herself in the mirror. Not bad. It was sexy, but comfortable enough she could fall asleep in it if she wanted to. Not that she was planning on falling asleep at the party.

  She dried her hair, put on a little makeup, and slipped on a pair of flats. Chloe had gone to bed an hour ago. She had probably stuck earplugs in so she could drown out the noise. It was only ten o’clock and Avery could already hear the bass thumping next door and more than the usual amount of traffic driving up and down the street.

  As she looked through the small stash of jewelry she’d brought from home, she realized she should probably double-check Jordan’s address against the address next door. Maybe it was only a coincidence Chloe’s neighbor threw parties. When she checked, she was glad to see she was right. It made her wonder if Jordan knew she was his neighbor. If he didn’t, he was about to find out.

  Avery’s stomach turned over when she stepped outside. She’d never been to a party by herself. She’d always gone wi
th Tam, and after the falling out, she had never gone to another one. Nobody would have let her into a party after all of that, anyway. She wouldn’t think about it now. Why couldn’t all of those memories flit away like most everything else?

  There was a little stone path through the trees and bushes between the two houses. Avery followed it through and gripped the strap of her clutch as she surveyed what she was about to walk into. It looked like a typical party. The weather was warm enough for people to hang out on the lawn and the front porch. Everyone had a beer can or bottle or a red plastic cup in their hand. Some girls were dressed skimpier than Avery, but some were in jeans. She walked around a group of guys smoking cigarettes. One of them turned around and winked at her as he looked her up and down, but she didn’t stop. Would she recognize Jordan when she saw him? She had looked at her notebook before she’d left, staring at the list she’d compiled of all the Jordan traits from her entries.

  Short, dark blond hair. Highlights—not sure if they’re fake. That might be weird …

  Light blue eyes.

  Chews fingernails, but files them for his dad.

  Dresses nice.

  Wears black Oxfords.

  Sharp features like Mom’s square sketches.

  Has a somewhat deep voice.

  Who was she kidding? None of that was going to help her recognize him in a crowd, but how hard could it be? She had seen him a few times now. She could form his face in her mind if she tried hard enough. Maybe. Why couldn’t she have inherited her mother’s artistic skills so she could draw pictures instead of write lists? She groaned to herself as she walked up the front steps and through the open door. Maybe he would recognize her. She could hope for that, at least.

  As she made her way through the entryway and the sitting room, she scanned every face, expecting to run into Tam any second. But there was no sign of her. Avery looked into green eyes, dark blue eyes, brown eyes, hazel eyes. No light blue eyes. Then she realized there was something different about the atmosphere at this party—different from all those high school parties she and Tam had gone to. There was always an air of nervousness at high school parties, no matter how slight, because hardly anyone was old enough to legally drink. There was always drinking, but a lot of times it was more discreet, and adults were rarely around. Avery thought it would be the same here, but as she looked from face to face, she realized everyone here was older than her. It didn’t look like any of them were freshmen. She spotted a few men who must be in their late twenties.

  “Ave!”

  Avery spun around, her clutch whacking a girl next to her. The girl gave her an evil glare and walked away. Tam, in all her glory, stepped through a pair of open French doors and squeezed past a bunch of people to get to Avery, who gritted her teeth. She was irritated that she hadn’t found Jordan before Tam found her.

  Tam’s hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, curls sticking out every which way. She was in a black camisole and pair of tight jeans. She gave Avery a loose, mint-scented hug.

  “Wow, you look great,” Tam said, breathless as she stepped back to look at Avery. “Did you drive here? Do you have a car now or are you on campus?”

  Avery opened her mouth to tell her she lived next door then decided that was probably not the best idea. “No,” she answered vaguely, looking Tam up and down. “You look good too. How’d you get here?”

  “Walked from my dorm.” She looked off to the side as she put a beer bottle to her lips and took a deep swig. Avery winced. In the past she and Tam had decided together not to drink before they were twenty-one. Apparently, that was out the window now.

  “So, have you seen Jordan?” Tam asked.

  Avery’s heart thumped. “No, I just got here. Where is he?”

  “Last I saw him, he was talking to the DJ somewhere over there.” Tam pointed to the other side of the room, but Avery couldn’t see anything past the sea of people. Before she headed over there, she turned back to Tam, who was watching her with hard green eyes. They softened after a moment.

  “How do you know him?” Avery asked. “Is he in one of your classes?”

  Tam smiled. “He’s my biology professor’s son. Funny, huh?” She took another swig of beer. “But that’s all I know, really. Guess I caught his eye when he came into class last week to bring her a bunch of papers. He came in again today and waited for me after class to invite me to the party.” She blushed.

  “Huh.” Avery shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “He invited me after we bumped into each other on the stairs.”

  Tam’s nose scrunched. “Just like we bumped into each other. You really haven’t changed, have you, Avery?”

  Her question was more of a statement. It felt like a slap across the face, especially since it was obvious how much Tam had changed. It was more than just the drinking. Everything about her felt shifted, even further from what she’d been in high school after the fallout. Avery wasn’t sure how to react.

  “I’m going to get a drink,” Avery muttered, and slipped past Tam into the crowd. She thought she could hear Tam calling after her, but the loud music made it easy to ignore her. Avery didn’t know what to do around Tam, or what to say to her. All that time together. All that friendship. She had no idea if Tam wanted it back, and if she did, Avery wasn’t sure she wanted to give it. Actually, she was pretty sure she didn’t.

  The kitchen was packed, just like the rest of the house. There was a table filled with drinks and she found a Coke in an ice chest filled with juice and soft drinks for mixers. She opened the can and sipped at it as she headed into the main part of the house again, looking for the DJ. Men bumped up against her, and when one wrapped his hands around her hips to pull her into his arms, she told him to get his hands off her.

  “Chill out, bitch,” he answered, letting her go. He looked about twenty-five. “Who you lookin’ for?”

  Was it that obvious she was on the hunt for someone? She gave the guy a faint smile. “Jordan, the guy who lives here.”

  “Oh, Jordan … well, yeah, good luck. Everybody’s lookin’ for him, aren’t they?”

  He turned away from Avery and she pushed onward, finally making her way to the DJ. He was a heavily tattooed man who looked like he didn’t want to be interrupted as he held one hand to his headphones and studied something on his computer at the table in front of him. Avery didn’t see Jordan anywhere near him, so she backtracked, catching a glimpse of Tam hanging on some guy’s arm, and then spun around to head in the other direction. She spun a little too fast and ran right into someone. Her Coke sloshed up the can and spilled across her hand and onto the gray button-up shirt of the guy in front of her.

  “I am so sorry,” she gasped, looking up into his face. Light blue eyes. Sharp features. She looked down at his shoes. Oxfords.

  “I’ve been looking for you,” he said, laughing. He brushed ineffectually at the Coke splattered across his shirt. “Guess we’re meant to slam into each other, right?”

  Her mouth dropped open at the blatant sexual suggestion. Slam in that context only meant one thing at Shadle High. “Um …”

  He laughed, cutting her off at the same time as a particularly loud song tore through the room. Nodding to the beat, he looked down at the Coke in her hands and bent down to her ear. “You’re a junior, right?”

  “Freshman,” she answered as something stirred in the back of her mind. She tried to push it forward, but no luck. She felt like he should already know she was a freshman. “My mom held me back a grade when I was little. I’m nineteen.”

  He stayed close to her ear. “Then thanks for not drinking. At least, I’m guessing there’s nothing but Coke in that can?”

  She looked down at the brown liquid fizzing on the lip of the can. She suddenly felt like a five-year-old being scolded. “Yeah, it’s just Coke. Why?”

  He stood straight. “This party is over twenty-one only. I didn’t think about that when I invited you … I guess I was a little fazed at the moment. You know,
knocking you down the stairs and all.”

  She was about to ask him why he’d invited Tam, but then he grabbed her free hand and led her into a dark room where everybody was sitting on chairs in front of a TV set tuned to a sports channel broadcasting a football game.

  “Quieter in here,” he said, leading her to an empty spot on a sofa in the corner. “I’m glad you came.” He sat close enough that Avery could feel his every movement. He looked her in the eyes, his face mostly in shadow.

  “I had to come from so far,” she said with a chuckle. “You realize I live next door, right?” She jerked her thumb in the direction of Chloe’s house.

  There was enough light for her to see his mouth drop open. “What? Some single lady lives over there. She complains about the noise sometimes. I didn’t think anyone else—”

  “I just moved in for school,” Avery interrupted. “From Spokane. She’s my aunt.”

  “Oh, well that’s …”

  He kept speaking, but a cheer from everyone in the room drowned him out.

  “… perfect, then, isn’t it?” he finished up as the commentator on the TV recapped the recent touchdown.

  She folded her arms and smirked. “Oh, is it?”

  She might look like she was handling this cool and easy on the outside, but her heart was chugging like a freight train.

  “C’mon, you know I’m interested, right?”

  She set her Coke can on the end table. “Do you always come on to girls this fast?”

  “Actually, I never do, but you’re different.”

  What a line.

  “I had to get you on my turf,” he continued, “so here we are.” He brushed a finger up her arm and every nerve in her body fluttered to life. She knew she had been attracted to him before, but now that he was touching her it was something completely new. Slowly, she curled her fingers over his. A light touch, but so deliberate she felt the attraction between them sparking like electricity—little points of heat jumping across her skin.