If I Forget You

by Michelle D. Argyle

  No. Kent deserved to be punished for this. He didn’t have to hurt her the way he did.

  Squeezing the sides of her head, she collapsed on Jordan’s bed and cried. She pressed her cheek against the sheets, balling her hands into fists. She had to blame someone, something. And she couldn’t just stand around and wait for things to happen.

  She sat up and wiped her face. She was such a mess. She had to get a hold of herself. Grabbing her phone, she dialed Jordan’s number. He didn’t answer. She tried three more times and then went down to the kitchen for a drink of water. She called Jordan’s mobile again as she filled a glass at the sink. No answer. She left a short voice message and a text and then tried Kent. No luck. She stared at her phone, deciding more needed to happen.

  “Hello?” Heaven answered when Avery dialed her number, not knowing what else to do.

  “Hey, Heaven, it’s Avery.”

  “Hey, where are you? Skipping out on work?”

  “I was with Jordan.”

  “Ah, I see.” A short snicker. “Ask him if he’s seen my copy of Jude the Obscure. I think I left it there a few weeks ago. I’ve looked for it every time I—”

  “He’s not here,” Avery said, trying very hard to keep the tremor out of her voice. “You know his friend Kent?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Do you know where he might be? Jordan went to find him. I think there might be trouble. Jordan’s pretty pissed off and I’m afraid he’s going to do something stupid.”

  There was a pause. “Why is Jordan angry with Kent?”

  “It’s a long story, but can you see if you can get a hold of him, or even Kent if you have his number?”

  “Yeah, of course. Are you all right?”

  Avery stared at a picture of Jordan and Callie on the wall and ran her finger across the top of the frame. “I’m fine,” she choked out. “What I really need is for you to help me get a hold of Jordan.”

  “Okay, I’ll do that right now. I’ll call you back.”

  Avery hung up, her hands trembling. She paced the kitchen, watching her blurred reflection slide across the stainless steel fridge over and over. She thought of Chloe next door, drinking tea by herself. Then she remembered Jordan telling her she should go home. He was right. She couldn’t just hang around here, waiting.

  With a heavy sigh, she tucked her phone in her back pocket and went through the house, turning off lights and snatching up her school bag. She’d left her other bag at Owen’s place. She didn’t have a key to Jordan’s front door, so she went out the back door and left it unlocked, hoping he’d return soon. She needed him to come home soon or she might explode.

  “Avery!” Chloe smiled as Avery walked in the front door, probably resembling a zombie more than anything else. Chloe stopped in the hallway. “You’re home early. Are you okay?”

  Avery shook her head and sniffed back a wave of tears. She had to get a freaking grip. When she looked into Chloe’s eyes, she knew it was going to be impossible to tell her about Kent. It would be like trying to tell her mother about it. Too embarrassing. Too painful.

  “Are you sick? Do you want a cup of tea? Or some soup?”

  Avery could feel Chloe’s desperation across the ten feet between them, but she had nothing left to give. She shook her head. “I’m just gonna sleep, if that’s okay. If Jordan comes over, will you come get me?”

  “Of course.”

  Once in her room, Avery looked around. Her bed was still a mess. When she looked at it, her stomach did a summersault. She couldn’t sleep there, not with memories of Kent swimming in her head, the way he’d pinned her down, the way her head had spun, the smell of him, the feel of him forcing himself inside her.

  With a shudder, she rushed to the bathroom and splashed water over her face. This wasn’t going to work. She’d have to go back to Owen’s place, but then she remembered him sleeping on the floor in the hallway. Both nights. She couldn’t make him do that again.

  She pulled out her phone again, dialing Jordan one more time. No answer. She tried Kent next, but he didn’t answer either. Her hands shook so much she had to set the phone on the counter. It rang a second later.

  “I can’t get a hold of him,” Heaven said, sounding worried. “It’s normal for him not to pick up, but he usually answers his texts right away and I’ve been waiting fifteen minutes for him to answer mine.”

  Avery pushed back images of Jordan getting arrested for attempted murder, Kent beaten to a bloody pulp at his feet. She was overreacting, but she couldn’t help it.

  “Keep trying,” she said after a long pause. “I will too.”

  “Okay, let me know if you hear from him.”

  “Yeah.”

  Avery hung up and looked at her phone. She wanted to call her mom and tell her everything, but what would she be able to do? Even if she dropped everything to come out here, Avery wasn’t sure what it would solve. She needed Jordan. Backing up until she reached the wall, she slid down to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. It was going to be a long night if she didn’t hear from him soon.

  * * *

  “Avery!”

  She opened her eyes, vaguely aware of pounding on the door. Had she locked the door? Where was she?

  The room came into focus and she realized she’d fallen asleep on the bathroom floor with her phone clutched in her hand. Scrambling to her feet, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The floor’s tile had left a square imprint on her cheek.

  “Avery, please open the door. Heaven’s here.”

  Heaven.

  Avery undid the lock and whipped the door open, her chest heaving as if she’d just finished a race. “Why is Heaven here? Where’s Jordan?”

  Chloe was dressed for bed. Avery rubbed her eyes, trying to get her mind to focus. “What time is it?”

  “9:30. Come on.”

  Avery followed Chloe through the house, finally stopping in the entryway where Heaven stood wringing her hands. Her hair was a mess, her clothes oddly normal—a pair of ripped jeans and a button-down men’s shirt.

  “You didn’t answer your phone,” Heaven said in a clipped voice as Avery stopped in front of her.

  “I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to. I was waiting for Jordan to come back.”

  Heaven shook her head, and it was then that Avery noticed her bloodshot eyes.

  “He’s not coming,” she said softly. “I got a call from my mom thirty minutes ago. He’s been in an accident.”

  Avery blinked.

  Then blinked again.

  “On his bike?” she whispered. “He’s okay, right? He always wears a helmet.”

  Heaven shook her head and sniffed. It was the first time Avery had ever seen her look so vulnerable. “My mom didn’t tell me any more—just that I needed to come to the hospital. All she said was he’s critical and I should get there soon.”

  “Critical?” Avery squeaked. She turned to Chloe for an explanation. After all, Chloe had dealt with this firsthand.

  Chloe took a step backward as her face drained of color. “That could mean anything.”

  Avery turned back to Heaven. “What can I do? What do you need me to do?”

  “You’re coming with me, that’s what.” Heaven grabbed her arm. “Chloe, you can meet us there if you want, but Avery has to come with me. Jordan needs her.”

  With that, Avery was yanked out the door and led to Heaven’s BMW. She kept her mouth shut as she got in the front seat and buckled her seatbelt, not sure what to say. Heaven was quiet too. The city lights slipped across the window, reminding Avery of the fish in Jordan’s tank. Just the thought of those fish took her back to her moments in bed with him and made her choke up.

  She had to sit on her hands to keep them from trembling. What if she lost him? What if everything good that happened between her and Jordan was yanked away because of one fatal accident? Her thoughts swirled inside her head, practically buzzing. She was going to be sick if she thought too much about what might happen. She had to hol
d on.

  Karma was pacing in the waiting room. As soon as she saw them she let out a relieved sigh and wrapped Heaven in a tight hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  When Karma let go of Heaven, she looked at Avery and gave her a brief hug. “How nice of you to come,” she said, her voice trembling as if she might start crying any second.

  Avery gulped down what she really wanted to say: I’m the reason your son could be dying. Please, please don’t hate me. Instead, she nodded and folded her arms. The waiting room was freezing.

  Karma turned to Heaven and started talking a million miles an hour about the accident. Avery tried to follow along and piece together the story. It had happened on the I-5. An SUV was involved. Nobody else injured. Broken bones. Shattered bones. Fractured bones. A lot about bones and blood loss.

  Avery swayed back and forth, unsure of what she should think or feel or trust. “Can we see him?” she asked.

  “None of us can see him yet,” Karma answered, and finally burst into tears. She turned in a circle and then crumpled into Heaven’s embrace.

  “Mom, calm down,” she said, sounding almost as frail. Avery could see she was keeping herself together as best she could. “I know this is hard. It’s hard for all of us. Here, sit down.” She led her mother to a sofa and they both sat down. Avery watched them, unsure of what to do. She felt so out of place.

  “We have to wait until he’s stable,” Karma whimpered. “They’re doing what they can, of course, but they aren’t telling me much of anything.”

  “That’s normal,” Heaven said, her bottom lip trembling as she looked up at Avery and motioned for her to sit down too. “We just have to be patient.”

  “Yes, yes, I know.” Karma grabbed Heaven’s hand and took a long, deep breath as her tears slowed. “We’ll get through this. He’ll be fine. He’s been through so much already. He can’t have gone through all of that just to have this kind of thing happen. Right?”

  “Right,” Heaven said, not sounding entirely sure of her answer. “He’ll be okay.”

  Avery sat next to Heaven and shifted on the hard cushions. She buried her face in her hands. If she lost Jordan she wasn’t sure how she’d be able to keep herself together.

  24

  Avery spent the rest of the night in a haze. Chloe arrived at some point, supplies in hand. She’d made tea and coffee in thermoses, and passed around a box of freshly baked muffins that nobody ate.

  “Avery, honey, we can go home,” Chloe said, sometime around three a.m.

  Avery was lying on the sofa, her head resting in the crook of her arm. She peered at her cracked watch, her vision blurry. “I want to wait to hear if he’s going to be okay,” she mumbled. “Shouldn’t they know by now?”

  “Well, Heaven left a little bit ago to give some blood for him. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

  “She did?” Avery sat up. The waiting room was deserted and Heaven was indeed gone. Karma was dozing in a chair by the sofa. “I didn’t realize they needed us to give blood.”

  “Heaven is the same blood type, so she volunteered. You don’t need to worry about it.”

  Avery lay back down. “I’m going to worry until I know how he’s doing,” she said, eyeing the dark circles under Chloe’s eyes. Her hair stuck out every which way. “You can go home if you want. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’m not leaving you.” She put a hand on Avery’s arm and leaned closer. “I called your mother and explained everything to her. She’s on her way out here.”

  “You what?” Avery sat up again. “What did you tell her? You mean about Jordan? You didn’t tell her about me getting drunk, did you? I still need to talk to you about that. It’s not what you think. It’s not …”

  “Avery, Avery, calm down.”

  Chloe waited until Avery shut her mouth and rested her head back on her arm. At this point, everything felt like a hazy dream. She tried not to compare it to how she’d felt the other night with Kent, but snippets kept worming their way into her thoughts.

  “Is there something you want to tell me?” Chloe asked as she knelt all the way down on the floor in front of the sofa. “You’ve been acting strange since you got drunk at that party. Something doesn’t feel right about it. It was so unlike you.”

  “I wasn’t just drunk,” Avery cried into her arm. “Kent brought me home that night, and you weren’t there, so he came inside and he … he hurt me, and I don’t … I can’t talk about it right now. I don’t want Mom to know about it. I don’t even want you to know about it. I didn’t want Jordan to know about it, either, but I had to tell him and now look what happened. I hurt everyone in my life and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.”

  Chloe sucked in a deep breath. “How did he hurt you, Avery?”

  Sniffing, Avery shook her head. “I can’t talk about it right now. I just … I need someone to know besides Jordan. If I hadn’t told him, we wouldn’t be here. He’d be fine and I …”

  “Shhhh,” Chloe whispered, and rubbed Avery’s hand. “It’s okay. When you’re ready, I’m here, okay? But I’m worried. Please don’t wait too long to tell me. If there’s something we need to fix, you shouldn’t wait.”

  Avery nodded. “I know.”

  Chloe kept rubbing Avery’s arm, creating a warm path that made Avery close her eyes.

  “I fell apart when I lost William,” Chloe whispered, “but I promise you, Avery, you won’t be alone in this. No matter what happens with Jordan, you won’t be alone. Even if you tell me nothing, I’m a hand to hold. I wasn’t there for your mother when she lost your dad, but I want to make up for that. I love you, Avery. Okay?”

  Avery opened her eyes just enough to see Chloe’s wild hair. Even though it took all the energy she had, she lifted herself up to give Chloe a tight hug.

  * * *

  The waiting room was filled with people when Avery woke up, the atmosphere uncomfortably anxious. Chloe was gone. Karma, sitting on the edge of the sofa by Avery’s feet, smiled weakly as Avery sat up. Her eyes were bloodshot, her clothes crumpled.

  “Morning,” Avery said softly. She hadn’t wanted to fall asleep. She looked at her watch. 10:30. Yikes. She would normally be getting ready for Karma’s biology class right now, which Karma had managed to switch her to last week.

  “What about your class?” Avery asked.

  Karma shook her head. “I’ve arranged a sub for the rest of the week.”

  “What’s the news on Jordan?”

  “He’s stable. We should be able to see him in a few hours.”

  Avery hadn’t realized she’d been holding her breath. She let it out in a long sigh. “Oh, that’s good. Where’s Heaven?”

  “She went with Chloe to get us some breakfast.” Karma tilted her head and smiled. “Your aunt is a sweet person. Heaven told me about her before, but I had no idea how nice she really is. She brought you a bag earlier this morning. She’s been running back and forth all night, bless her heart.”

  Avery looked down at the floor where Chloe had left an overnight bag and her school bag.

  “Yeah, she’s pretty great.”

  “Why don’t you go change your clothes and get a little more comfortable?” Karma suggested. “I’ll save your spot.”

  “Thanks.”

  Avery picked up the bag and found the bathroom. Chloe had packed her a few changes of clothes and underwear, plus some toiletries and her phone charger. When she stepped back into the waiting room, Chloe and Heaven were back. Avery had expected them to bring fast food, but it looked like Chloe had brought homemade pastries and coffee instead.

  “Thanks for doing all this,” Avery said as she sat down and accepted the thermos Chloe handed her. The coffee was just as she liked it, nutmeg and all.

  “It’s the least I can do. Your mom is at my place, by the way. She’s pretty tired from driving all night, so she’s sleeping right now. Do you want me to have her come here when she wakes up?”

  Avery squirmed across her seat. “I don’t kno
w. She has no idea what’s going on, does she?”

  “I’ve told her as much as I know—about Jordan.”

  “I guess so, then. I do miss her.”

  “I know you do.” Chloe patted Avery’s knee.

  The morning dragged on. Avery pulled out her homework, but it was difficult to concentrate on anything. All she could think about was Jordan lying in a hospital bed, his arms and legs in casts. How many bones had he broken? How long would it take him to heal? Did he want to see her or was he upset that all of this had happened because of her? The questions swirled around in her head, mixing with her biology and English homework in a twisted sort of cocktail.

  She looked up when a nurse came into the waiting room and bent down to whisper something in Karma’s ear. Karma grinned and stood up, holding her hand out for Heaven, who took it. They both looked over their shoulder at Avery, smiling with hope in their eyes. Avery watched them walk away, her heart pounding. Everything was going to be okay.

  “I’m going to go pick up your mom and bring her here,” Chloe said. “I’ll bring some sandwiches too in case you get hungry. Do you need me to get you anything else?”

  “That’ll be great, thanks.”

  Chloe nodded and left the hospital. A few minutes later a man wearing an expensive suit rushed in through the doors. Avery blinked, realizing she knew him but unable to place him until he was long gone. Jordan’s father, Tim. Now the whole family was here and she was camped out in the waiting room … waiting … for what? It was only a matter of time before everything came crashing down and they all found out Jordan had been hurt because of her.

  Grumbling to herself, she tried to focus on her homework, her right leg jiggling nervously. There was no way out of this. She had to hang in there to see what happened. She needed to see Jordan just once to know he was okay, to know he didn’t hate her for what had happened, to know things could go back to how they were before. She wanted to help him, but it seemed impossible at the moment.

  “Avery?”