If I Forget You

by Michelle D. Argyle

  Her hair still wet, she dressed and grabbed her school bag, stopping in her tracks when she opened her door and heard the familiar bickering between Chloe and her mom in the kitchen. Avery’s shoulders slumped as she leaned against her doorframe and waited for it to blow over.

  “I never ordered you to come here, Susan,” Chloe’s voice tumbled through the house. “Don’t blame me if it’s interfering with your work schedule. I had no idea you were so married to it in the first place.”

  “I’m not married to anything. Avery has always been my first priority.”

  “Oh? Then why have you barely spoken to her since you arrived?”

  “Because she doesn’t want me to. She needs space, can’t you see that? I’m here for her when she needs me … if she needs me.”

  “She’s been just fine without you. I’ve taken good care of her.”

  Avery could hear the edge in Chloe’s voice, even if her mom couldn’t. It felt wrong to have told Chloe something had happened with Kent but keep it from her mom.

  “Is there a reason she’s such a mess?” her mom asked. “It can’t just be about Jordan. She won’t tell me anything, Chloe. We used to be so close and it’s just … it’s gone now.”

  The silence that followed was heavier than any Avery had felt in a long time.

  Avery’s Mom’s voice finally broke the silence. “It hurts that she’s not talking to me, but I keep asking myself if this is more about you than Avery. I’ve let Avery go to figure out things on her own, but now I’m afraid you want to hold on to her for yourself. If you wanted your own child you should have found someone after William died. But your heart is still broken, isn’t it? I’m afraid you still blame me for rubbing salt in your wounds by marrying John and having Avery. How dare I be happy when you were so miserable! After all these years, can you please forgive me?”

  “Why do you think I haven’t forgiven you?” Chloe shrieked.

  Avery felt a hot tear roll down her cheek and swiped it away with a jerk of her hand. She’d heard enough. Gritting her teeth, she stomped down the hallway and out the front door, letting the door bang on her way out. She was nothing but a pawn in their war. Everything they had said was true. Her mom had let her go, but her influence still hung over Avery’s head, and Chloe wanted to hold on to her because it helped assuage her own pain. Well, let them battle it out. Avery wouldn’t be there for them to throw around.

  She kicked some pebbles off the sidewalk, ripped some leaves off a bush, and muttered under her breath about how much she wished things were simpler.

  You sure you don’t want to stay at my place again?

  Owen really was the only person she had left whom she could talk to about anything going on. She could stay there and get away from her mom and Chloe for a while. She would insist on sleeping on the couch instead of taking his room, at least, and her packed bag was still there anyway.

  Instead of continuing on to campus, she paused at the bus stop and looked at the schedule. A bus was due to arrive in fifteen minutes going in the direction of Owen’s house. He didn’t have class until eleven. It was nine now, and she didn’t have class until 11:45. Perfect. Her breath caught in her throat as she realized how much she’d remembered without even looking it up.

  Once on the bus, she stared at her hands. She hadn’t realized she’d been biting her fingernails lately, but there they were, chewed down to the nubs. They looked awful. She tucked her hands under her thighs and stared out the window. She would tell Owen everything, she decided. She wasn’t afraid to tell him about her forgetfulness because he’d been the one person least affected by it. He was happy now, dating other girls, and she was pretty certain even if she had dated him they would have ended up exactly as they were now—just friends.

  She got off the bus and walked the block and a half to his house. It looked quiet. She hoped he wasn’t asleep. Walking up the steps, she rang the bell and waited. He said he didn’t like his housemates, but she got the feeling he liked them a lot more than he let on. It made her wonder if she should try to find a house to rent too. Maybe it was exactly what she needed.

  The door opened and Avery looked up, hoping she’d see Owen instead of one of his half-dressed housemates. Instead, it was a half-dressed woman. Avery blinked a few times, not sure she was seeing what she was seeing.

  “Tam?” she said, remembering the last time she’d seen her, all dolled up in costume. Now she was wearing a pair of boxers and a camisole riding up her midriff. Her hair tumbled around her face in a mess of matted curls.

  Tam looked just as surprised, her eyes widening. All that stood between them was the screen door.

  “Who … what … who …?” Avery couldn’t get her complete question out. Maybe Tam was with one of Owen’s housemates. Please let it be one of them.

  “Hey, who’s at the door?”

  Owen appeared from around the corner, shirtless, wearing boxers with the same design as Tam’s. Avery just stared at both of them, her mouth hanging open.

  “Ave?” Owen came closer, glancing at Tam with a worried expression.

  “Tam is one of the girls you’ve been dating?” Avery finally managed to spit out. “I mean, I told you about Tam, right?” At that moment she couldn’t recall anything she’d told him.

  Owen rushed forward, stepping in front of Tam. He pushed open the screen door and looked Avery in the eyes. “I thought I told you Tam was in my economics class. I just asked her out a few days ago, and last night …” He glanced back at Tam, who folded her arms and smirked.

  Avery gritted her teeth and counted to ten. “You should know Tam doesn’t play nice. She knows you’re friends with me, and she probably thinks I’m interested in you. I’ll bet you a million bucks she slept with you to get back at me for kissing her boyfriend last year in high school.”

  Owen swallowed and the screen door shut a little between them. “I know you mentioned Tam that first day we had lunch, but I—”

  “I’m just warning you about her,” Avery interrupted. “See you around, Owen.”

  She turned and walked back down the steps.

  “Wait, Avery!”

  She didn’t turn around.

  “Avery, why did you come here? What’s the matter?”

  Stopping in her tracks, she sniffed and stared down at the sidewalk. She felt Owen slipping away from her, just like everyone else. She had been a fool to think he would be any different, but with Tam in the picture there was no way her friendship with him could stay the same now.

  “I just needed a place to stay … and a … a friend to talk to,” she finally answered, glancing over her shoulder. “But I’ll be fine. Bye.”

  “Do you want your bag? You left it here.”

  She ignored him and kept walking. By the time she reached the bus stop, she was seething even more than before. Had Tam planned all this or was it just a nasty coincidence? Either way, it stung. Just a few weeks ago three guys were interested in her, and now she was right back where she’d started. She had predicted it, but she hadn’t wanted it to come true. Perhaps she had done it to herself just by expecting it to happen.

  “Avery!”

  She turned to see Owen, now dressed, running barefoot down the sidewalk with her bag in his hand. She glanced at her watch. The bus had twenty minutes. Great. No escape.

  “I don’t really feel like talking right now,” she muttered once Owen reached her. He held out her bag, waiting for her to take it.

  “Why are you so upset?” he gasped. “You’re the one who said you didn’t want things to go anywhere with us. I thought you were happy for me.”

  “I was, but that was before Tam.”

  “What’s so wrong about Tam? She’s not out to get you, Avery. She told me what happened with you two in high school. She just wants to move on.”

  “Yeah, right.” Avery folded her arms and stared across the street.

  Owen dropped her bag on the sidewalk and let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t understand you. You reach out
to people in the strangest ways, almost desperately, and then you resent them if they reach back.”

  She turned to him, her fingers twitching at her sides. “That’s not how I am.”

  “Isn’t it?” He glared at her. His hair was a mess and his goatee was a bit scraggly. “I’m really sorry about Jordan,” he said, looking down at his bare feet. “I’m really sorry you’ve lost something that meant so much to you, but maybe you shouldn’t give up so fast. People have a lot more to offer than you’re willing to give them credit for, you know.”

  “No they don’t.”

  She turned back to the street and shook her head. She thought about Kent and how sure he had been that she would forget what he’d done to her. He’d probably listened to her desperate message and realized she was going to remember a lot more than he thought, and then panicked. Even though he probably knew as well as she did that it would be difficult for her to prove anything now, she doubted she’d see him again anytime soon.

  Owen narrowed his eyes. “You’re really jaded, aren’t you?”

  “I have a right to be jaded,” she growled. “When I trusted a friend to take me home and he drugged me and took advantage of me, I have every damn right to be jaded.”

  Her entire body shook as she realized what she’d just revealed.

  Owen stood stone still. “Who did that to you?” he whispered.

  She shook her head again and wrapped her arms around herself, trying to keep her tears inside. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does. Avery, tell me who did that to you.” He touched her arm, and she remembered resting her head on his shoulder as they’d watched the rain.

  “One of Jordan’s friends. His name’s Kent,” she answered. “I can’t remember his last name, but it’s in my phone. I can’t remember so many things. I never told you I mixed you up with Kent and Jordan. I thought you were all the same guy.” A slightly hysterical laugh rose up her throat.

  Instead of telling her not to laugh like she thought he might, he laughed with her. “That’s pretty funny.”

  “Yeah …”

  “Do you want to come back to my place?”

  She took a breath and calmed herself enough to stop trembling. “Why?”

  He shrugged. “You seem pretty upset. Do you want something to eat? Tam and I were starting some pancakes.”

  Pancakes with Tam. Ugh. She knew he was only trying to get her to stay longer so he could try to help her. But she needed to be alone … far, far away from Tam. She looked down at her bag. “Not today, but thank you … for listening. For everything.”

  He slid his hands into his pockets and gave her a longing look. “I’m here when you need, okay? This thing with Kent—”

  “Thanks, Owen,” she interrupted. “I’ll deal with it my own way. I’m sorry I even mentioned it.”

  He let out a sigh. “Avery, please let me help you. It sounds like something you shouldn’t be handling on your own. Please?”

  “I’ll see you around,” she snapped, rudely enough that he took a step backward.

  “Sure,” he said, his voice cracking.

  As he turned and walked back to his house, Avery knew things would never be the same. Studying with him would be too awkward now. Even meeting him at the hot dog truck would be awkward. No, if Tam was involved, the friendship was over.

  26

  Avery knew she had no choice but to go home after work. She spent two hours repairing books at the library and clocked out early. The room was too quiet without Heaven, who had left a note asking her to visit Jordan at the hospital that evening. Staring at the note, Avery felt the hole in her chest grow bigger. Seeing him would only widen it even more.

  When she got home she hurried up Chloe’s front steps. She practically ran through the entryway, intent on reaching her room without seeing anyone.

  “Avery!” her mother called out.

  Squeezing her eyes shut and plugging her ears, Avery turned around. “I don’t want to hear it, Mom,” she snapped, her voice extra loud in her head as she kept her hands over her ears. “I don’t want to hear you two fighting anymore. I can’t stand being in the middle of it. Sometimes I wish you would go back home.”

  Silence. Avery cracked one eyelid, peeking at her mother standing in front of her. Slowly, she lowered her hands from her ears and opened her eyes all the way. Her mom was at the far end of the entryway, and she looked horrified. Her mouth dropped open as she glanced behind her shoulder at the dining table filled with people. “We didn’t expect you home for another hour,” she said in a hushed voice. “We were going to surprise you.”

  Avery stared at the people at the dining table. They looked familiar—an older man, big like a teddy bear but strong and muscular, and a beautiful woman with dark blonde hair. Avery blinked. The Royals. Victor and … she couldn’t remember his wife’s name. She couldn’t see Ryan or Chloe, but it was possible they were in her blind spot.

  “What are they doing here?” Avery whispered. “Don’t we usually have them for dinner earlier in the month? You know, the week of Dad’s—”

  “We missed it this year because you were here. I thought I’d call them while I’m here and see if they could visit.” Her mom’s shoulders slumped, her expression filling with disappointment. “I thought you’d be happy to see them and talk about your dad.”

  “I … it’s just after this morning … after you and Chloe …”

  “You heard all that? I’m so sorry.” Her mom rushed forward and folded Avery into a tight hug. Avery peeked at the table again, blushing when she realized Victor and his wife had turned around to watch. She pulled away and took a step back into the hallway.

  “I’ll be in my room,” she said softly, and rushed to her bedroom as fast as she could.

  Her mom knocked on the door a second later. Avery muttered under her breath, pulling the door open. “What, Mom?”

  “Dinner’s almost ready. We were planning to eat as soon as you got home. Don’t you want to join us?”

  “Not really.”

  Her mother’s lips tightened. “Chloe and I fight because we’re sisters, honey. It’s nothing personal against you.”

  “Sure doesn’t feel that way.”

  “Well, it’s true. We both love you, okay? I just want you to be happy. I’m sorry about what happened with Jordan, but we don’t even have to talk about that if you don’t want to. I’m here to be with you, that’s all.”

  Avery opened the door a little wider, her heart sinking as she watched her mom’s hopeful expression crumble. She gripped the door handle. “I’m sorry I said I want you to go back home.”

  Her mom nodded. “I miss us as a family. I’ve been lonely, and I thought coming here and trying to patch things up with Chloe might help.”

  “Is that why you keep fighting with each other?”

  “It’s our way of sorting through it, yes.”

  Avery folded her arms. “Is Ryan here?”

  Her mom’s cheeks reddened. “Yes, I’m sorry. He’s living with his mom and Victor now. I couldn’t exclude him from the invitation.”

  “It’s okay.”

  Avery wasn’t sure if it really was okay, but she didn’t know what else to say. Seeing him would be incredibly awkward, to say the least, but what did she have to lose? She’d already lost everything except her family. She thought about Tam’s pouty face at the party, about her dad’s grave covered with fall leaves as the flags flapped in a cold breeze, about Owen walking away from her that morning, about Kent disappearing from every part of her life except her nightmares, about Jordan in the hospital, probably complaining about his casts and not thinking of her for one single second. She opened the bedroom door all the way and hugged her mom as tightly as she could. If this was all she had left, it was okay. Her mom had always been the only one who understood and forgave her for everything.

  “I love you, Mom,” she whispered. “What’s Chloe making for dinner?”

  * * *

  Ryan seemed unc
omfortable the whole way through dinner. He poked at his green beans and sipped his drink, and when everyone else was finished his plate was still mostly full.

  “Not hungry?” Victor asked after he finished up a story about her dad, one Avery was sure he had told twenty times and she’d forgotten.

  “Nah.” Ryan looked up, sweeping his gaze past Avery. He’d avoided looking directly at her all through dinner. “I was wondering if you guys would mind if I took a walk outside? My stomach’s not feeling the best tonight.”

  Avery watched him walk out the front door. She felt her entire body relax once he was gone. The last time she’d seen him had been when they’d kissed. She looked down at her hands, surprised to see them trembling. For the next hour she listened to the others talk about her dad. Chloe even had a few stories Avery was surprised to hear. She smiled, listening as best she could as her mind kept wandering outside with Ryan. Finally, Chloe served dessert and Avery ate half of hers before standing up to excuse herself.

  “Got some homework to do?” her mom asked, smiling as she reached for Avery’s hand.

  Avery squeezed her mom’s fingers and smiled at Mr. and Mrs. Royal. “Yeah, a bit. Thanks for coming, you guys. Me and Mom appreciate it a lot.”