Nirvana

by Everett True

  I told him that I was on a mission. The evening we’d checked into our LA hotel I’d spotted an ad for a Hole show eight days away. I didn’t know who the band was. I only knew what they sounded like, venom and semen and vitriol and passion all exploding over ferocious Black Sabbath-style riffs. Their two singles had blown my head apart. I was desperate to meet them. I didn’t know anything about them. Indeed I figured they were from Minneapolis because Kat Bjelland had put them in contact with me. And they were playing so soon! I had to meet them.

  So I asked Silva if he knew who Hole were, and how I could get in contact with their singer. Silva was that kind of guy. Knew everybody.

  “I can do better than that,” he told me. “I can introduce you to her right now.”

  So it was that I first met Courtney Love.

  I can picture her now, walking across the empty dance floor to meet me: loud, bedraggled, all smudged make-up and tights full of holes, the neon light shining through her dirty yellow-blonde hair. She introduced herself, and within minutes she’d mentioned half-a-dozen famous names that she claimed to be intimately acquainted with. She bought me a whiskey and demanded that I buy her one back.

  Neither of us had any money, so we raced around the room stealing and begging drinks in equal proportions, becoming increasingly lairy and drunk. Someone introduced us to the curly-haired one from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. A member of L7 slipped acid into our drinks. The room spun around our heads as we talked and fought. We got on ferociously well. I was an English music critic, on the lookout for the Next Big Thing. She was a struggling musician/actress, desperate to become that Next Big Thing. She loved the attention she was receiving from a ‘name’ English journalist. I loved the affection she lavished upon me in return. Even if I was annoyed when Courtney questioned my motivation, and started flirting very heavily with me. (What did it matter to me what shape someone’s nose was, when I had the purity of my passion for music to sustain me?) We scammed our way into the velvet-curtained VIP area upstairs, slipping underneath the ropes when security’s back was turned. No one was going to stop us. We were untouchable.

  Later, Nirvana showed up. The Aberdeen band was in town recording sessions for Nevermind , the album that defined an era. Kurt saw me, and his eyes lit up. It was clear that both Courtney and myself were engaged in some major misconduct. Seeing us there, loud and drunk and behaving obnoxiously, it was natural for him to make his way across to the two most drunken, wasted people in the venue and start rolling round the floor with them.

  “How’s it going?” Kurt asked, as I lurched around the floor with Courtney. “And who’s this with you? Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

  “I know you,” Courtney yelped. “You’re Kurt Cobain and you’re an asshole.”

  Wham! No sooner had Courtney spoken, than she punched Kurt in the stomach: it was the customary way for alternative rock sorts to greet each other back then. Kurt fell over, and wrestled me on top of him. I clutched at Courtney, and the three of us went down in a drunken heap in front of all the fancy LA cats with their wide lapels and stone-pressed jeans. Some security began to take an interest in these three drunken fools spoiling the rock’n’roll ambience – “Don’t touch Kurt,” Courtney yelled. “He’s a fucking ROCK STAR!”

  Kurt liked this idea, so he grappled Courtney round the throat. Introductions over, we decided we all needed a drink. And that was it. Kurt met Courtney.

  I’d like to be able to say that there was instant chemistry, that the light of love started shining through both their eyes as soon as they met, but . . . that’s a pile of bullshit. The only attraction that existed between the future married couple that night in LA was that of one drunk for another. That of two party animals looking for more alcohol, ways to get high, enjoy themselves and get fucked up. Two minor stars revelling in the feeling of freedom that excess substance abuse brings.

  I remember the lights doubling back on themselves, and the way people seemed to be gazing at the three of us tumbling around the floor with a strange look in their eyes, something akin to jealousy. What? Were all these beautiful people jealous of me – a drunken English asshole? That couldn’t be right.

  Courtney departed back to her one-bedroom flat somewhere in Hollywood on the back of Dave Grohl’s motorbike. Kurt dedicated himself to looking after what was by now his almost comatose English journalist friend and making sure he didn’t end up the wrong side of security’s muscle. So I was driven back to Nirvana’s temporary living quarters, a plastic bag tied on over my face to catch the vomit, one handle per ear, while Krist Novoselic attempted to run over a few wayward Nazi skinheads. At one stage we stopped off in a garage so I could use the bathroom. Incapable of even the most basic of human functions, I staggered rather than walked to the back door, to the sound of the clientele pissing themselves laughing.

  “It was so awesome,” Kurt later told me. “Everyone was making fun of you because you were completely insensible. But you got your own back.”

  Why? What did I do? Piss on their rhododendrons?

  “No,” Kurt laughed. “You walked out of there, with the complete set of keys to the establishment dangling from your belt hook. They must have been mighty pissed when they realised.”

  I awoke the next morning, naked, underneath a glass-topped table in Nirvana’s Oakwood apartment, a thick cloud of dope hanging in the air, the apartment a complete wreck, Krist and Melody Maker photographer Phil Nicholls engaged in some deep philosophical discussion (about drugs probably). My back was aching from where someone had accidentally hurled a heavy glass ashtray at it. All I could hear in my mind was Kurt Cobain boasting about how he’d asked out some girl we’d met the previous evening. I ignored my fevered imagination, checked the time – fuck, 6 a.m. – and wandered out into the street clad only in my underpants to hail a cab back into Hollywood with Mr Nichols.

  We had another interview call at eight.

  Part Two: Debbi Shane

  “. . . the Melvins were going on tour and so Kurt invited me down. He’s like, ‘Hey, they gave us these apartments to live in, come down any time you want, come down for the weekend, Shelli is down here with Krist.’ They kept calling and saying, ‘When are you coming, when are you coming?’ Finally, one weekend I decided to go down. We planned to meet up at this Butthole Surfers/ L7 show at the Hollywood Palladium, and from there we would go to the apartments. We flew in, rented a car, got lost and ended up at the club. We got there really late. We found Kurt, and Krist was super drunk. He either got a DUI [driving under the influence of alcohol] that night or almost ran someone over in the parking lot. Then I remember Courtney – someone who I had heard about and read about for years via other people I knew who knew her or were married to her . . .

  “I remember being outside afterwards and Kurt wanting to get back to the apartments and asking me if we could go back. He just wanted to leave. I’m pretty sure we saw the very end of the Butthole Surfers. I know it was my friend Alex, myself, Kurt, and Barrett [ Jones] may have been in our car . . . and maybe you were in our car? You were with Krist then.”

  Do you remember Kurt saying anything about Courtney that night?

  “He was sort of mumbling stuff about her. There was some talk about her trying to get him to go with her but he didn’t want to. My friend Alex kept a journal back then, and she recently emailed me a quote from Kurt from that night that might’ve been about Courtney: ‘I want to meet a woman twice as intelligent and half as jaded as I am.’ So we went back to the apartments and it was quiet for a little while and then chaos ensued. There was a drunk English guy there, I think his name was Everett True, and he was walking through the bushes. I don’t remember why we were outside, I just remember this very drunk English guy yelling, ‘I love Courtney Love. I love Courtney Love.’ Then he’d fall into the bush and we’d have to pick him up. ‘I love”

  Were you awake most of that night?

  “Well, Krist started throwing furniture out the window. He threw an
ashtray and it hit Alex in the head on its way out. She started crying and he was so apologetic. I remember the apartment being trashed. Krist was the biggest and so he could pick up the biggest things: the coffee tables and the couches. The next day Alex and I went into Hollywood. I bought a guitar. I got an old tattoo covered that I’d wanted to get covered forever. There was a big party with Jennifer from L7, but Kurt didn’t want to go, so he and I stayed home and watched TV. He wanted to finish lyrics and we watched a really cool cartoon that blew our minds, Night Flight. And then he wrote something down. I wondered if that had to do with the cartoon thing.”

  That next night did Kurt mention anything about Courtney?

  “No. He was writing lyrics. He was worried because they were going into the studio and he had to write lyrics. I bought some beer and he didn’t drink any beer. I just remember he and I watching TV, and nobody else was around. I don’t know what happened later.”

  Did you have the impression that was the first time they had met?

  “The night before? Oh yeah, definitely.”

  Why did you get that impression?

  “I remember a time whenever Courtney was interviewed she would always talk about this guy named Kurt Cobain who she wanted to meet. To the best of my knowledge that night was the first night that they met. I think Kurt may have mentioned it in the car, like, ‘I finally met Courtney.’ ”

  You are aware that in the official version of Nirvana history that’s not the first time they met.

  “I don’t think that version is correct. I think that story was fabricated because at the time people didn’t like the fact that Kurt was with Courtney. So in defence of what was going on they created this story where it appeared as though they’d already known each other and she wasn’t just some star-fucker.”

  Part Three: Jennifer Finch

  “I’ve known Courtney since high school, and she’s always had a tendency to destruct herself going out with men. One day she told me that she wanted to meet Kurt so bad, and I said, ‘You don’t want to meet Kurt, he’s a terrible person, and he’s going nowhere.’ ” Jennifer Finch shakes her head and laughs. “See. That’s why I’m not a good A& R person. And she said, ‘No, I really want to meet him.’ It was her birthday, and we were doing this Rock For Choice show, so we put both bands on the bill, so she could see just how terrible he is in person. In my mind they never got together, so it’s all OK.”

  Did they meet that night?

  “She had told me prior that she had never met him and really wanted to meet him and that was the purpose. And she thanked me. And that’s when they met. As far as I know they met that night and went home with each other, and were horribly obnoxious and I hated them every second. I feel so bad that I gave them that bottle of whiskey. I thought they’d just get drunk and she’d see how terrible he is. I didn’t like him, Everett, that’s why no one interviews me. That show was in Los Angeles at the Palace.”

  So how was Dave Grohl?

  “In what capacity?” the musician laughs. “We’re not together now. Am I scaring you?”

  Yes, but don’t worry. It’s about time someone scared me. Why didn’t you like Kurt?

  “He just didn’t give a lot, he was very self-centred, and he could be very sweet. I did like Kurt; I just didn’t think he’d be appropriate for my friend. I’m really opinionated that way. I thought that it was more beneficial for him in the relationship, or on the creative side, to be with her. I think she had a lot to give, and she gave a lot.”

  That Rock For Choice thing, was that before you toured with Nirvana in the UK?

  “See, these are not the questions to ask me.”

  I thought you said you were a vast repository of knowledge.

  “Well, concepts, and certain memories. No, it was after we toured with Nirvana in the UK. It was not exceptionally well attended. We had a fun time. Kurt was still a joy to be around at that point, very lively . . . I first met Courtney at a New Year’s Eve party in LA.”

  How old were you?

  “I don’t want to say because I don’t even think it was the Eighties. And for someone who walks around saying that I was born in 1974, that could be a problem.”

  What attracted you to Courtney?

  “Courtney is an enigma; she’s wonderful, particularly back then, she was stunning. She was clever, and smart, and creative. Still is. And funny, hilarious.”

  There was a show in Los Angeles in 1991 that I got really seriously fucked up at. Do you remember that? It was the first night I met Courtney. We got in a fight early on and started punching each other.

  “I remember wanting to wash my hands of the whole thing. Here were two rock professionals that could really do something with rock history, and here you were . . . what’s it called when something turns into liquid and just kind of liquids around a room? The only place that I remember the both of you wasn’t in the backstage area, it was in the balconies.”

  Yeah, we were fighting on the floor and we were trying to roll underneath the velvet rope. Can you furnish me with any details?

  “I can only furnish you with the details on my end of it where Donita [ L7 singer] was getting very upset with Courtney for always showing up and coat-tailing and being louder than anyone else. Courtney introduced me to you. Something like, ‘This is my friend Everett.’ ”

  Nirvana showed up that night.

  “No, they didn’t.”

  Yeah they did. Kurt leapt in on top of me and Courtney, and started fighting both of us.

  “In ’91? I’d have to go back and look at my diaries.”

  You have diaries?

  “How do you think I remember any of this stuff ? ‘Tonight Everett got really drunk. Again.’ Does that mean that Kurt and Courtney did not meet at the Rock For Choice show?”11

  Yes.

  “Interesting. Then why did she tell me that they’d never met?”

  You should ask your friend Courtney. She also said they’d met in 1990 in Portland.

  “See, I vaguely remember that. Because also there was this whole thing where Courtney was seeing Billy [ Corgan], she was calling me saying that she really wanted to meet Kurt, but she had never met him. I remember that so clearly. Maybe she was just saying that she wanted to get to know him better. Should I call Courtney and ask her?”

  Sure, don’t tell her I’m here.

  “I think it was in 1990. Donita hit me by accident, I think, with the head of her guitar and split the inside of my lip and it cut a tendon in my mouth. I’m getting it fixed this month. That’s the kind of disposable income I have.”

  So you don’t believe Kurt was at the show?

  “I’m sorry to belittle the whole situation, but the only thing I remember was that over by the right-hand side of the stage you and Courtney were rolling around on the ground. I don’t remember it as that show, though. You must have rolled around on the ground with her more times than that. True or false?”

  I’m not answering that.

  Addenda: Sub Pop

  “I’ve always been a fan of troublemakers, and Courtney was a lot of fun and a load of trouble,” explains Danny Bland. “To me, she was a first-rate troublemaker before she had access to all the resources she has now. She was a more hands-on troublemaker.”

  Why did you put out the second Hole single (‘ Dicknail’)?

  “Good question,” laughs Bruce Pavitt. “Next question.”

  “I went down to see the Afghan Whigs open for L7 at Raji’s in LA,” says Jonathan Poneman. “Jennifer Finch told me, ‘You’ve got to see my friend Courtney’s band, try and get there early.’ But I missed them. I remember seeing this tall, kind of dorky woman walking around, thinking she was a transvestite. It soon became clear she was the singer for Hole. She emanated madness, but she was funny. She had total attitude.

  “Fast-forward a few weeks later, and Hole are playing at the Off Ramp,” Jon continues. “I don’t have anything to do that night so I go watch them rock. It was very much like a Nirvana-type si
tuation, in that there were maybe 20 people in the audience and they fucking blew my head off. To this day, even. She was so commanding. It was like watching Mark Arm’s twin sister. She aped a lot of his attitude and moves, but she’s a good actor. She pulled it off. And particularly the fact she was doing that in an empty room was like, ‘You rule!’ So I walked up to Eric and Courtney afterwards and said, ‘I’m Jonathan from Sub Pop,’ and she was like, ‘Yeah, I remember meeting you in LA.’ And I said, ‘I really would love to do a single with you.’ I can see the movie now. I’ll be played by the podgy dork actor.”

  “It began for me when I was the Sub Pop receptionist,” says Megan Jasper. “She kept calling, and calling, and calling, and calling. You’d come in to work and it’d be, ‘Gee, I wonder how many messages from Courtney we’re going to have today?’ . . . [whiny high voice] ‘ Nyah, when are you putting my single out Sub Pop, nyaah’ . . . you know. ‘I hate you motherfuckers nyah nyah nyah where’s my single!’ I was like, ‘Jesus motherfucking Christ!’ Erase. Erase. Erase. It was like getting beaten up every single day. There was a guy who had moved up from California, he worked at Dr Dream records, so we called him Dr Dream. Rather than sending her to Bruce or Jonathan 40 times a day I’d send her to Dr Dream and say that he was doing all the signings. Then we got this letter from Thurston Moore and it said, ‘You should do a seven-inch with Hole, they fucking rule.’ The next thing I knew we were doing a seven-inch with Hole. The funny thing is, at that time there were two singles you couldn’t give away at Sub Pop. One was Hole and one was the Smashing Pumpkins.”

  “Courtney could be very charming,” allows Poneman, “and she could be very, very funny. She was a larger-than-life character in a very much not larger-than-life life, if that makes any sense.”

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