Losing an Edge

by Catherine Gayle

  “I THINK THAT’S good enough for today,” Ellen Simpson—the woman I’d recently chosen to be my new figure skating coach—said. She glanced down at her watch. “Why don’t you two spend the rest of our time practicing your stroke, trying to match each other? They’ll want their ice back soon.”

  Anthony Young squeezed my hand and winked down at me, his every movement reassuring and comforting.

  I steeled my spine and nodded. I’d made it through everything else to this point. There was no good reason—none at all—why I couldn’t handle a few more minutes skating at Anthony’s side, even if we might be a bit too close for my comfort.

  Together, we took a breath. Then we pushed off as one, heading toward the opposite end of the ice from where my brother’s team would soon appear.

  It was New Year’s Day, so the ice rink where Anthony usually skated was closed. Cam had made special arrangements with the Storm for us to use their practice facility for today’s tryout skate, but they had practice coming up shortly. If Anthony and I chose to work together beyond today, we’d do it at his regular rink and not at Storm headquarters.

  “You feel as good about this as I do, don’t you?” he asked once we were out of Ellen’s earshot. “Please tell me you do. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Part of my certainty has to be due to the fact that I want this pairing to work out, but there’s more. There has to be more. Don’t you think?”

  “It felt right within the first couple of minutes.” As right as I believed myself capable of feeling with a new partner, at least. But Anthony didn’t need to know my insecurities. There was no reason for me to let on precisely how anxious I’d been about the whole thing, or that my nerves went a heck of a lot deeper than typical new partner discomfort.

  Anthony sighed and gently nudged my hand, drawing me in front of him so we were skating in a closer hold. He settled his right hand on my waist, taking my left in his as we continued striding in almost perfect sync. It wouldn’t take us long to learn one another’s tendencies, to breathe in time with each other. Not as long as I was able to let go of the past and remember that Anthony was not Guy. They weren’t the same man. I couldn’t put the years of Guy’s behavior on Anthony’s shoulders. He wasn’t meant to carry it.

  Besides, I already knew Anthony’s skill level was on par with mine, and he knew the same about me. The two of us had been opposing each other in international competitions for years. We were each aware of the areas in which the other excelled and those where the other struggled. We could come into our new partnership with both eyes wide open.

  When I’d heard through the grapevine that Anthony’s partner, Tamara Whitby, was retiring to start a family but Anthony wanted to continue with a new partner, I’d picked up the phone right away and called Ellen to set something up. I couldn’t run the risk of someone else reaching him before me, and he would be in high demand. Everyone involved was aware there were issues we’d have to work through, not the least of which was the problem of my citizenship, but none of that would matter at all if we weren’t compatible as partners. The skating had to come first; the rest would follow.

  “We can make this work,” he said now, gently squeezing my hand.

  “We can. We absolutely can. And we will.” I had to. No matter what, I wasn’t going back to Guy. Not ever. I would give up skating completely before I would do anything as drastic as that.

  After we made a turn around one end of the ice, Anthony released my hand to pick me up in a lift. I settled my hands over his and tried to focus on keeping my core strong, but it wasn’t any use. This was the first time in months that anyone had lifted me on the ice. The first time since the last time I’d skated with Guy. A thousand painful memories raced in front of my eyes, making it impossible to breathe. Something chemical inside me caused me to shake, and I couldn’t make it stop.

  Faster than I expected, Anthony had me safely back on my skates. “Too soon?” he asked, spinning around in front of me so we could look at each other. “I just… Never mind. I shouldn’t have tried that yet.”

  I wouldn’t pretend I didn’t understand what he was asking me. He was aware, of course. At least, he knew as much as anyone did. Some parts of the situation, I’d kept to myself. But word of these things had always traveled fast in our world. When a partnership like I’d had with Guy came to an end, whatever was public knowledge about the breakup—true or not—spread like wildfire. And since we were the reigning gold medalists, there was no hiding the fact that I’d decided to move on. I only hoped the whole world didn’t know the full truth about why I’d made my decision.

  Still, if Anthony and I were going to make a go of this, I had to get over myself and learn to trust him. A line my sports psychologist had repeated again and again for the last several months hit me now: trust is a choice. In both my head and my heart, I knew Anthony was not Guy. I had no reason to distrust Anthony, and every reason to give him my trust. I simply had to choose to do it.

  Simply. Ha ha.

  So I would. Right at this moment. I bit the inside of my cheek to focus on the here and now. Then I squared my shoulders as I looked up at him, shaking my head. “It’s all right. We’re going to have to do this a lot if we’re going to have any shot at making this work, aren’t we?”

  “That’s no reason to rush you.”

  “It’s fine, Anthony.” I took his hand again to emphasize my words. “Really. I’m fine. I’m not a crystal vase, ready to shatter at a moment’s notice. You don’t have to be so careful with me.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong,” he said, but his smile softened the words. “Ellen beat that into my head years ago. My partner and her safety are in my hands. I’ve got to treat you with the utmost care.”

  I blinked a few times to ward off the tears threatening to fill my eyes. Crying would only prove he was right, that I was delicate and fragile. That I was one fall or missed hand connection away from breaking. Shattering.

  That couldn’t happen—I couldn’t fall apart, and I couldn’t let him think I was on the verge of it, either. I refused to allow it.

  The big double doors at the other end of the rink banged open, and deep, rumbling, masculine voices flooded the space. Time for us to clear off so the Storm could have their practice.

  I’d hoped we would be finished and well off the ice before the team arrived. I didn’t mind running into Cam, but I wasn’t so inclined to see Levi Babcock right now. Not after the way I’d sprinted away from him without explanation last night at Keith Burns’s party. The thing was, Levi had smiled and flirted with me the same way Guy had done so often early in our partnership, and the similarities gave me the heebie-jeebies.

  Only I didn’t know if my gut instincts where Levi was concerned were warranted or if I was putting my prior experiences with an abusive ass on him for no good reason. I needed to talk to someone about him. Someone who knew him—but not Cam. My brother would likely murder his teammate before there was any good reason to do so. That was one of many reasons I’d never told Cam anything about all that had gone on between me and Guy. He was aware of my injury, and that I’d decided to make a change at the same time. That was all.

  The team started to come out on the ice, and Koz cursed—something about all the holes in the ice from our toe picks. Without another word, Anthony and I headed for the door Ellen was holding open for us. I took a seat on the aluminum bleachers near the ice. Anthony sat next to me, and Ellen stood in front of us, leaning back against the boards as we undid our laces. More laughter than cursing filled the arena as my brother’s teammates headed out for their practice.

  Cam caught my eye and winked at me. I nodded at him, trying to smile, but then Levi skated up alongside him. He said something to my brother, but then he waved at me. I ducked my head. This was not what I wanted to happen. I wasn’t ready for it—for deciding if I could trust my instincts about men. Yeah, six months had passed since I’d made up my mind and left Guy, but six months wasn’t too terribly long. Was it? Could I learn
to read a man’s intentions, to see into his heart, in such a short amount of time?

  I wasn’t so sure.

  Ellen zipped up her sweater and crossed her arms, shivering. “So, I think it’s a good idea for the two of you to spend some time together off the ice, too, getting to know each other. And then I’ll talk to each of you—separately—in a few days, so we can see where everybody stands.”

  I’d already opened my mouth to tell her that wouldn’t be necessary, that Anthony and I were a good fit and we could go ahead and move forward with things, when he spoke up beside me.

  “I think it’s a great plan.” He turned to me, tossing his skates in a duffel bag. “Do you have plans tomorrow afternoon?”

  “I promised Sara I’d help her take the kids to an indoor park—”

  “Perfect,” he cut in before I could finish putting words to my excuse. “Sounds like a fun way to hang out together. And we’ll have your sister-in-law and the kids as a safety net. Should I meet you at your brother’s house, then? What time?”

  A safety net. He was determined to protect me in every way. I couldn’t exactly say I was surprised, since his protectiveness and general kindness had as much to do with why I’d chosen Anthony to be my new partner as his skill level, but his determination still took me aback. I wasn’t used to men treating me this way. Not anyone other than Cam. And he was my brother. I was his youngest sister, the baby of the family. He had to treat me like that. It was written into family law or something.

  Five minutes later, Anthony and I were finished removing our skates and had our plans for tomorrow all worked out. He and Ellen headed out, but I wanted to make my way up to see Mr. Sutter and thank him for letting us use the ice today before leaving.

  In order to go upstairs, I had to walk past the side of the rink where the team was congregating next to the benches. Cam skated over as I passed.

  “So? Is he the one?” he asked.

  “Maybe. Probably.” I shifted my gym bag from my left shoulder to my right and hitched my hip against the boards. “We’re getting together tomorrow afternoon to hang out. Get to know each other, that sort of thing.”

  His forehead creased over his nose. “He’d better not try anything.”

  “We’re going to be with Sara and the kids,” I said, rolling my eyes. Cam could go from docile to murderous in 0.18 seconds. I appreciated that he wanted to look out for me, but there was no call for him to go all caveman. Especially not over Anthony. “You do realize he’s gay, right?” I added, just in case.

  Cam raised a brow. “You’re sure?”

  “One hundred percent positive.” I couldn’t count how many times I’d caught Anthony holding hands backstage at various competitions with his longtime fiancé, Jesse Schwartz. Jesse was a men’s singles skater, so he was always around at the same competitions. “Anthony’s gay, and he’s been with his fiancé for close to forever. Frankly, I’m shocked they haven’t gone ahead and tied the knot yet, since gay marriage is legal all over the country. And even if he weren’t gay, he’s just as overprotective of me as you are, already, and we aren’t even officially partners yet.”

  “Good.”

  “Good for you,” I said in a huff.

  “And for you, too.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “I worry about you,” he said. “About you getting hurt again.” The tone of his voice made it clear he didn’t only mean physically. Of course, he and the rest of the family knew that Guy and I had been a couple, not strictly an on-ice partnership, but I’d done everything possible to keep the whole truth from them. There were some things it was better they didn’t know.

  “I know you do.” I stretched up on my toes and tugged on his arm so he’d bend down enough for me to kiss him on the cheek. “You don’t need to, though.”

  By that point, the coaches had made their way out onto the ice, and several of the guys were starting to skate drills and shoot pucks at the goaltenders. But not Levi. He was skating toward us, which made me antsy to get the hell out of Dodge.

  “You should probably start warming up or something,” I said, inching back to make my exit.

  Cam glanced up at the clock on the scoreboard. “Still have ten minutes before practice officially starts.”

  Damn. I took a full step back, starting to turn. “Well, I should—”

  “501 tells me he asked you out last night,” my brother interrupted, reaching for my hand to stop me. “He said you didn’t answer. You just disappeared.”

  “Yeah…” I shifted my gym bag to the other shoulder again, glancing past my brother. Levi had been held up by one of the other guys. Thank goodness. But I didn’t know how long this reprieve would last.

  Cam glowered at me. He should know better than to think looking at me like that would make me nervous. I knew him too well. Underneath all the muscle and bravado, he was as soft and sweet as a marshmallow.

  He kicked his skate against the boards. “So he was doing what I thought when I came in.”

  “Wait a minute. You mean you weren’t sure what was going on, but you threatened him for the heck of it?”

  “I’ll threaten anyone who steps a toe out of line around my baby sister.”

  Didn’t I know it. He’d already proven that by having a minor freak out moment about Anthony.

  “Why didn’t you tell me one of my teammates hit on you?” Cam demanded, turning into a surly, growly papa bear.

  “He didn’t hit on me. He asked me out. There’s a difference.”

  “Not much.”

  “Enough.”

  “You’re splitting hairs, Cadence.”

  I shifted my bag again, not because it was heavy but because it gave me something to do with myself. Which I needed. Desperately. Anything other than to sit here under Cam’s scrutiny.

  “If he didn’t hit on you, why are you so nervous?”

  Because Levi wasn’t talking to the other guy anymore. He was about half a second away from us, and I wanted to skedaddle before the uncomfortableness of this conversation swelled to mammoth proportions. But instead of hightailing it out of the rink, I did the stupidest thing I could have possibly come up with. I looked up at my brother, stared straight into his eyes, and told a bald-faced lie.

  “BECAUSE YOU GOT it wrong,” Cadence said, right as I skated into earshot. “He did ask me out, but I didn’t disappear before answering him. I said yes.”

  “You what?” Jonny roared at the same time as I said, “You did?”

  Jonny turned on me, eyes blazing like he was about to bash my nose in.

  “She did,” I said, putting a bit more distance between us, just in case.

  Only she hadn’t. I would have known if she’d said she’d go out with me. It would have made the rest of the night a hell of a lot more interesting, because I would have spent the time trying to get to know her better instead of drinking as much as possible to ignore the fact that I’d struck out, proving once again that my brother was the better Babcock.

  The look in Jonny’s eyes was enough to pin me in place. Then he spun around to face his sister again. “You’re not going out with him.”

  “I am if I want to. I may be your baby sister, Cam, but let me remind you. I’m all grown up now. An adult. I can make my own decisions.”

  “Not if those decisions have anything to do with dating some asswipe teammate of mine, you can’t.”

  “It’s a date. One date. That doesn’t mean we’re dating.”

  “What the fuck kind of screwed up definition for the word do you have in your head?” he bellowed, and half the team turned to see the show.

  “Watch your fucking language in front of your sister,” Koz shouted from the other end of the ice. “Fucking douche canoe.”

  “One date,” Cadence reiterated, undeterred by the way the guys were acting. Jonny had never been much of a practical joker. He was quiet and kept to himself, for the most part, so I wasn’t sure how much of this kind of behavior she would have ever been exposed to before.
Still, it was a good sign if she wasn’t letting the guys’ crudeness sway her now.

  “When is this supposed to happen?”

  Cadence looked at me, her expression one of pure sweetness as she shrugged and raised her brows in question.

  Holy hell. Maybe this was actually going to happen. After the way she’d run off, I’d convinced myself she wasn’t interested. But maybe it wasn’t that. Maybe she simply hadn’t wanted to hash it out in front of her brother last night. And if that was the case, I couldn’t say I blamed her. It was damned uncomfortable trying to do this with him standing between us in the present.

  “Tomorrow,” I spit out. “Tomorrow night.”

  “Exactly,” she said. “You’re picking me up at eight, right?”

  I supposed that meant I was. “Yeah, eight.”

  The way she looked at me then, gratitude mixed in with her undeniably adorable charm, was all I required to breathe easier.

  “I’ll see you then,” she said. Then, like a spring breeze, she floated past us and took the warmth of the sunshine with her.

  I started to skate back over to my new defense partner, Chris “Hammer” Hammond, but Jonny grabbed a fistful of my jersey and stopped me.

  “Everything you do to her, I will do to you. Got it?” His voice was quiet but as intimidating as anything I’d ever heard.

  “Everything?” I tried to swallow but choked on my tongue.

  “Everything. And I’ll make it hurt a hell of a lot worse than you hurt her.”

  “What makes you think I’m going to hurt her?” I asked. That probably wasn’t the right thing to say when he might as well be breathing fire through his nostrils.

  He took so long answering me I started to wish the fire were real, so he could melt the ice beneath my feet and I could disappear through the floor. But then he said, “No, 501. I don’t think you’re going to hurt her. Because you’re not stupid. You’re a smart kid, so you know better than to do anything that would hurt her. Which is why you’re going to take her on a date tomorrow, and you’re going to be perfectly fucking nice but as interesting as a bag of rocks. You’re going to keep your fucking hands to yourself. You’re going to bring her home safe—early—and then you’re going to move on with your life and let her move on with hers. You got it?”