by Blue Saffire
“Are you sure?” he gets to his feet, towering over me. “I don’t want you to go.” And that is my cue to get the hell out of here. My good intentions are crumbling like dry plaster.
I take a step away from him. Maybe it’s that smell and all that sexy tanned skin standing too close to me that has me thinking of ways to make spending the night work. “Yeah, I should go.”
He smiles, another one of those panty dropping smiles and nods.
“Okay, I’ll bring Maddox to your car.” When he turns around to grab my son off the couch, I exhale.
It takes the spirit of my ancestors for me to turn this man down. Their voices come to me in the tune of “Amazing Grace,” telling me to go home.
I gather my purse and the few belongings Maddox brought over with him. Dean carries his limp body out to my car. I watch him, his limp only slightly noticeable as he places my son in the back seat.
Once he shuts the door, he stands in front of me, his hands in his front pockets. I have one foot up in the car as I lean into the open door.
“Thanks for having us. I had a great time.”
I watch as his top teeth sink into his bottom lip. His plans are written in his eyes. That look of desire holds me hostage. He takes a step forward. I’m left with nowhere else to go, backed against my car. I place my hands on his chest.
I’m not sure if I’m trying to hold him back, or steady myself. I’m light headed with anticipation. He takes one of his hands out of his pocket. Placing it on my lower back, he pulls me even closer to him.
“We shouldn’t.” I attempt to gain control once again. Even though he’s so close his body is pressed up against mine. I know he can feel my hardened nipples against his chest. He has to feel my heart beating rapidly and smell the scent of my soaked panties.
“I know.” His warm breath brushes against my lips, but he doesn’t make a move to walk away.
One of us needs to be smart. One of us has to take that first step away. There’s just too much at risk. Neither of us will be capable to deal with the repercussions if we allow ourselves to take even this moment.
“Goodnight,” I say as I turn and sit down in my car.
The moment I’m seated, he steps away from my door and shuts it. I don’t look at him. If I look at him I won’t make the right decision. I wait until he lets the garage door up before I start my car and back out.
When I’m at a safe distance where I won’t be tempted to go back in his house, I take one last look at him. His hands are back down in those front pockets and a smile is on his face. That smile says, you got away today, but not again.
I nod my head toward him. There isn’t going to be another time. I’m determined not to put myself back in this predicament.
I quickly head home, making sure to put plenty of miles between me and the kiss I still so badly want.
Chapter 7
Moby Dick
Dean
Who the fuck is banging on my door this early on a Saturday? I’m already irritable. It’s been three days since I had Sienna at my house. Only steps away from my bed, and I still let her go.
I’ve never been so fucking hard in my life. Well, one time, but I won’t think about that. The moment she put her hands on my chest and that look clouded her eyes—the look of desire and fear.
I know all the reasons that are against us, but I don’t give a shit. I’ve never wanted someone so much in my life. Usually, females want me and would do anything to be with me. This is different. I like different.
I race down the stairs rubbing at my sleep heavy eyes. I was having another dream about Sienna where I was burying my face between those lovely thick thighs. I snatch my front door open and immediately growl at the sight that greets me.
“Trisha, what the fuck are you doing at my door at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning?”
Her blue eyes sparkling when she takes in my shirtless body clad in nothing but my boxer briefs. “Well good morning to you too, ex-husband. I’m here to pick up my belongings.”
I look around at the entourage she has with her. Her lawyer from the other day, a cop, and… “I know damn well you didn’t bring this fucker back to my house?” I glare at the man I found under my wife’s body that awful night.
The smirk on Trisha’s face lets me know she did it on purpose. “Dean, this is Jason. My boyfriend.”
I shake my head. “I don’t give a shit. You were supposed to call and set something up, not just pop up.”
“Well, I could’ve called, but I was advised against communicating with you after that domestic violence situation.”
I grit my teeth. I know she’s baiting me, but it’s tough not to fall into the trap. “They weren’t domestic violence charges. It was disturbing the peace. I never touched you or jackass James.”
“It’s Jason,” he has the nerve to say. I cut my eyes over at him and he has the common sense to back up.
“She has a right to her belongings,” the lawyer says. “Unless you are telling us we can’t come in.” He looks to the cop with them.
I know they want me to be difficult, to argue and keep her out. If something goes down, they have enough witnesses to make me look like an abusive asshole. Instead of feeding into their wishes, I plant a smile on my face.
“Absolutely not, come on inside.” I step back from the door allowing them space to walk in.
Despite how pissed off I am, I won’t let them see it. Besides, today is the first practice I have with my baseball team, which means I will get to see Sienna. And that always puts me in a good mood.
The moment Trisha walks in the door, her jaw drops open. The last time she was here, this place was a mess. I had just started to pull shit out to pack up.
“You hired someone to come clean?”
“No. I did it with the help of a friend. All of your things are in the boxes in the dining room,” I say escorting her toward that area.
I wasn’t joking with Sienna when I told her she was a pro at organizing. The woman has my house looking better than it did when Trisha and I were staying here together. Everything I had planned to put in storage is in two rooms and everything that Trisha is taking with her is boxed up in another.
“I know you didn’t have some other bitch touching my things. She better not have taken any of my stuff. All my jewelry better be accounted for.”
A lot of shit comes to my mind to say. For instance, every piece of jewelry she owns came as a gift from me or was bought with my money. If I wanted to take it all back and give it to a homeless cat, she didn’t have the right to say shit.
Plus, Sienna and Trisha have very different taste. Sienna is very classy. She dresses elegantly with just the right amount of sex appeal to leave you fucked up. And, I’ve only ever seen her wear three pieces of jewelry. A silver necklace with a small heart shaped pendant, a silver watch, and earrings.
Trisha likes flashy things and form fitting clothes. Even now she’s in a tight tank top and cut off shorts. And at any given time she wears five to seven pieces of jewelry.
There’s nothing that Trisha has that Sienna would’ve wanted or stolen, and it pisses me off that she would even suggest it.
“All of your crap is there. Take it and go.” I turn around and leave her standing there with her sad little group.
I have a big day ahead of me and I want to be ready. That means getting an actual breakfast in my system.
“Dean, wait,” Trisha calls and I stop in the hallway outside of the dining room.
I turn to find her stepping into the hall alone. She glances over her shoulder momentarily. I’m assuming to make sure she isn’t being followed.
I wait until she walks right up to me, that smile plastered on her face. The one that used to have me hard as shit and ready to grab her around her waist and carry her to the nearest flat surface to fuck her walls loose. Now the smile on her face only further pisses me off.
“What do you want?”
“Look, I know you’re going through some hard
times.”
I laugh. “Hard times?”
“Yes. You’re depressed. You’re feeling like a failure and you’re vulnerable.”
She reaches out and places a hand on my arm. We both look down at the offending appendage. She continues. “Don’t let some woman come in and take advantage of your weakness. You need time to heal and get over us. You’ve lost a lot.”
A laugh from deep inside of me erupts. I don’t think she has ever made me laugh like this. I knock her hand away from my arm.
“Get your shit and get out.”
I turn my back to her and walk into the kitchen. I know it’s early, but I want to hear from Sienna.
Me: Morning, Beautiful.
I place my phone down on the counter and grab the eggs and bacon out of the fridge. It’s been a while since I actually cooked a real breakfast. I usually drink my breakfast.
When I turn back to the counter where my phone sits, it lights up with a notification. I place the food down and pick it up.
Sienna: Do you have any idea what time it is?
A smile breaks over my face.
Me: At least you didn’t get woken up by your ex and her new boyfriend.
Sienna: Oh no. You’re ok, right? Do you need me to call?
This is why she’s perfect. Without me having to say anything she always knows what I need.
Me: I’m good, babe. Don’t worry about me. I just wanted to check on you.
And that is the truth. Just texting her is enough to calm me down.
“Dean,” I look up to find Trisha staring at me in the doorway of the kitchen.
The moment she gets my attention, my phone goes off and I immediately look down at it.
Sienna: Thank you for checking on me.
Me: Anytime.
I place the phone back down and this time when I look up, I find Trisha glaring at me. She flips her hair over her shoulder in a move I’ve seen her do a thousand times. “Be quick about selling the house. The sooner you get rid of this hellhole, the sooner I can move on with my life.”
“Trust me, I want nothing more.”
I go to the cabinet and pull out one of the frying pans that didn’t go in Trisha’s boxes. I place the pan on the stove. The entire time she’s still standing in the doorway of the kitchen glaring at me.
“Oh, so now you’re ready for us to be over. You weren’t saying that just a few months ago. Does she know how you got on your knees and begged me to take you back?”
I immediately stop what I’m doing to glare at her. When everything first happened between us, I was devastated. I’d been in love with this woman since I was sixteen. I thought she was my forever.
I won’t lie. At first, I hoped that she would drop the divorce and take me back. Now, I truly am just ready for this to be over. I’m ready to be done with this last failed chapter in my life.
“Yeah, well a few months ago I was still in a fucked-up place. Now that my mind is clear, I see things much better.”
She laughs dryly, placing her hands on her hips. “Better? You’re happy now because some desperate trollop opened her legs for you. In a few months, the real Dean will come back. The bitter, unhappy alcoholic that made everyone around him miserable because he couldn’t play a stupid game anymore.”
Her words run through me like the weapons they’re meant to be. My body tightens and anger fills me up.
“Eventually this woman will realize you’re just a train wreck waiting to happen. I got out just in time. You punched a wall beside my head only because I ducked out of the way. Who’s to say she won’t have slower reflexes. You’re an abusive alcoholic. You should be locked up.”
“Sweetheart, we should be going,” Trisha’s new boy toy says as he walks into the kitchen. He has enough sense to see I’m on edge. I’m sure it’s clear how angry I am and how much I want to fuck shit up.
“He needs to know the type of man that he is,” she argues.
I’ve had enough.
“Get the fuck out.” My good mood is completely in the trash. All I want to do now is grab a bottle and drown my memories.
I want to disagree with her. I want to tell her that I would never put my hands on a woman, but I was in such a rage that night that I don’t remember much. I know my fist went through the wall and I know that I wished it was one of these two fuckers that I’d punched, but I don’t know if I was aiming for her or not.
That thought fucks me up. Not because of her, but for Sienna. Just the thought that I could get that angry one day and hurt her, rips all the energy out of me. I’m fucked up inside and I shouldn’t be around her.
Trisha goes to argue, but the boy toy grabs her arm and shakes his head. He starts to escort her out of the house, all the while she’s telling anyone that will listen that I threatened her. I know kicking her out was a risky move, but if I allowed her to stay even a second longer, it might have been worse.
I forget about the breakfast I was going to make, and instead, I go for my usual morning routine. I go to my liquor cabinet and pull out the unopened bottle of Jack Daniel’s. That first sip burns on its way down, but I already feel my memories fading to the back of my mind.
Sienna
I try Dean one more time and it still goes unanswered. I’m worried. I haven’t heard anything from him since the text messages this morning.
What if something happened to him? What if seeing his ex triggered him and he’s in jail? “Please don’t be in jail,” I mumble to myself.
“I hate Dean had to miss his first practice, but I know how that Mexican food can do you,” Phillip says as he comes up to me.
I lied to Phillip about Dean’s absence. I didn’t want him to get fired as the head coach on his first day. He was excited about doing this. He’s been texting me about it for the last three days. That’s how I know something has to be wrong.
“Yeah, it’s pretty tough he tells me.”
Phillip laughs. “Thanks again for getting him to agree to this.”
“Actually, it was Maddox that talked him into it.”
Phillip looks startled at first and then snorts. “That doesn’t surprise me. The way that kid loves baseball, I figured Dean would get him to open up. You know, I was kind of disappointed Quentin backed out at the last minute.”
“Yeah, well, Quentin has been disappointing a lot of people lately.” I look out to the bench my son is sitting on as he waits for his father to come pick him up. He’s already twenty minutes late.
“You know, I was thinking,” Phillip says grabbing my attention. “You should consider playing Maddox up next year. Put him with the older boys.”
“Are you serious? You don’t think his condition would be an issue?”
“No, not at all. He’s an amazing ball player. His focus on that field is incredible. I do hope you consider it.”
Just then my phone goes off in my pocket and I fumble to get it out. I’m a little disappointed when I look down at it and notice it’s Quentin and not Dean.
“You better have a very good excuse for why you’re late?”
Phillip picking up on my mood, nods at me, then walks off back toward the field.
“Calm down, Si Si.”
I hate that name and he knows it. He always used it like he was talking to a child or a puppy.
“You’re late. You missed his practice that you promised you would attend and now you’re late.”
“I have other responsibilities. You know that.”
“She isn’t the first woman to have a baby, Quentin. You have another child.”
“Don’t raise your fucking voice at me. Who are you talking to like that?”
I take a breath. This is the problem with my ex. I always have to be careful when dealing with him because he often takes our arguments and uses them against Maddox.
After one big argument when Maddox was four, he took him and cut off all his long natural hair. I was furious. Other times he picks him up just to make him stay at home that weekend, instead of doing som
ething fun. He would never physically hurt him, but he does small shit just to get back at me.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “I’m not raising my voice. I’m trying to get you to see that this new baby isn’t the only child you have. Your son needs you too.”
“Look, don’t worry about me and my family. Worry about yourself. You need a fucking man, then you won’t be so bitter about who I’m spending my time with—”
“I don’t care—”
“Shut the fuck up, I’m talking,” he shouts. “Since you in such a bad fucking mood, you can keep him home with you. Tell him his mother ruined his weekend.”
“Quentin, don’t—” The line goes dead.
Fuck.
I stand with my phone clenched in my hand, trying to calm down. This is going to be upsetting to Maddox, but I know that even if I call back and apologize, Quentin won’t change his mind. He’s a manipulative asshole. One of the reasons we aren’t together now.
I place the phone back in my pocket before heading over to my son. I sit down beside him.
“He’s not coming, is he?” His little voice sounds dejected.
I smile down at him, fighting back the angry tears. Maddox is a good kid. He has his struggles, but he’s smart, funny, caring, and sweet. The older he gets, the harder it is for him to make friends. That’s why it kills me that his father is pulling away from him. He needs him now more than ever.
Despite what Quentin thinks, there’s no love left for him from me. What we had died a while ago. I won’t say I haven’t slipped up with him, but even that has been some years ago. The only thing he can do for me now, is spend time with his son, but he’s doing a shitty job at that.
“No. Daddy isn’t coming.”
He turns his wide innocent eyes to me and squints. “Not daddy. I... I kind of figured he wasn’t coming.... He never does any more.”
“Then who are you talking about?”
“Mr. Dean,” he says looking down at his hands. “He’s not going to coach our team anymore, is he?”
This isn’t what I was prepared for and I don’t know how to explain it. Hell, I don’t even know if he’s right. I place my hand over his in his lap.