by J. A. Hunter
"What are you doing here?" I asked abruptly.
"You have been thinking long and hard about me." She stated the truth. Whenever the subject of touching Reed came up, so did Sarah.
"That doesn't explain why you're in my room."
"I wanted us to talk- woman to woman." She flashed a fake smile.
"About what?" I sat against my headboard as she glided beside me.
"About Reed of course." I hated the sound of his name on her tongue. "I won't lie…I am interested in him." She stated.
"I can tell."
"I know you can. But he is interested in you…though I don't know why." She peered at me through the corner of her eye as if she was sizing me up.
It felt like an insult, but even I had questioned it. There was no comparison between Sarah and I. Her large round breasts, her soft curves, and ability to connect with Reed made me seem unarmed in this battle. She was perfection on two long legs.
"You need to find yourself a nice human boy and leave Reed to me." She demanded.
"Reed loves me and I love him. I'm not going anywhere." I defended.
"If I want you to go somewhere, I can make it happen." She threatened.
"Do you really think killing me would get Reed to choose you?" I tried to hide my fear.
"I never said I would kill you. What kind of monster do you think I am?" She laughed.
"Then what are you talking about?"
"I just want you to know I'm not giving up this fight. And to be honest, I have more to offer in many ways than you do." She looked me up and down again.
"Reed doesn't seem like a breast man to me. I have a feeling a pulse interests him more." I snidely commented.
"Let's quit the cattiness and talk seriously. You don't have a future with Reed. Are you really prepared to spend your life unable to kiss him, touch him, or sleep with him?" She started putting more doubts in my head.
"You saw the people I hang with at the manor. I don't have many options. Reed is the only one I could see myself with. But you have a world of living men to choose from." She continued.
"Gary seemed like a nice guy." I snidely commented.
"Don't be ridiculous. I am just here to warn you, I won't be giving up trying to catch Reed." She stood.
"Also, please stop thinking about me so much. I keep feeling your pull and its creeping me out." She smirked one last time before disappearing.
I was left disturbed. I was now locked in a love triangle with a dead beauty queen who could easily take my life I got too far ahead. I tried not to think about her too strongly. I didn't want her coming back.
I went back to bed, confident that I had already won Reed. He expressed his love for me. If he wanted Sarah he would have already been with her. The lonely ghost girl could find her own man.
Still, there was a small part of me that kept thinking about him getting tired of waiting. We didn't know what kind of future we could build, but with Sarah, it was clearer. What if he got tired of waiting to be touched? What if he craved being kissed? Why would he wait for the chance to make love when he didn’t have to? The knots returned in my gut.
Seven
The morning was wet, so my coffee warmed me. My late night visit by Sarah was still on my mind- no matter how hard I tried not to think about her. I didn't want another run in with her.
I dodged the large rain drops when Heather pulled up. Alex was in the back seat, probably on a time out.
"You look like crap." Heather noticed.
"It was a long night."
Heather took it slow on the wet roads, which was unlike her. I was thankful though. I couldn't imagine dying a horrible death that would leave my spirit mangled and bloody. I started to wonder if I would stay if I died or if I would be forced to Heaven. Hell wasn't even an option. I was a good girl- always minding the rules.
I spent the morning daydreaming of a life without life. I pictured Reed and I spending an eternity together in our perfect glowing ghostly forms. I knew I was romanticizing death, but I also knew it would be the only way I could be with him without straining either one of us. I also knew it would even out the competition with Sarah.
"Ladies and gentlemen, let me have your attention." Mrs. Schuler addressed.
"Today we are going to have our costume fittings for the play, and then I want everyone to break into their respective groups and practice your lines." She demanded.
"Come on Ally, I have your costumes." Jennifer's small voice beckoned.
"Oh, ok."
"I really hope you like them. I spent all week sewing them together. There should only be a few small alterations needed."
"I'm sure they will be beautiful."
Jennifer was small and mousy, the type you could imagine sitting at home on a Saturday night reading. Even though I didn't know her well, we had classes together since the 5th grade.
"You are going to be a great Christine." She complimented.
"Thanks, I hope I do well."
"You always do." She smiled admiringly.
"Ok, slip this on and let's see where we need to alter it."
I tucked my head under the large dress and pulled it over me. I stood still while Jennifer poked and prodded at the cotton.
"We can take that in a bit." Jennifer smiled.
"Yeah, guess I wasn't as big up top as you thought."
"Well it’s a bit hard to guess. You don't really dress like some of these sluts running around here." She whispered.
Jennifer was always quiet, but when she spoke up, she said what was on her mind.
The room filled with song as each group of actors started going over the script. I spent most of the class just listening. I preferred to learn my lines alone- it was easier to concentrate.
Heather dropped me off as usual but I didn't go inside. I could hear Katie playing in her backyard and went to say hi.
"Ally!" Her little face lit up.
"Hi Katie. What are you doing?"
"Playing with my doll."
"She looks very dirty." I commented as I watched her grip the dirt stained arm of her ragged doll. "You must really love that doll." I added
"Reed bought it for me for my birthday." She smiled.
"Do you want to go for a walk with me and Reed?" I asked.
"YES!" She shouted.
"Ok, go ask your mother and I'll go put my stuff away."
"Okay!" She scurried off.
I started thinking really hard about Reed, waiting for him to show up as I made my way to my room.
"Hey sweetie." His smooth voice woke my entire body.
"Hi." I smiled brightly at him.
"You are starting to enjoy being able to call me at will aren't you?" He laughed.
"Well I promised Katie we would go for a walk with her."
"Well that was sweet of you."
His smile made me warm. I almost craved his approval. He always seemed to know how to get a reaction from deep within me.
"Where are we going?" Katie asked bright-eyed as she skipped toward us on the porch.
"I thought we would go downtown. There is something I want you two to see." I smiled.
"How was your night?" Reed inquired as we began walking down the sidewalk.
"Umm...it was fine. How was yours?" I lied.
"Same as always, I kinda floated around trying to remember what it was like to sleep."
He laughed but I felt sorry for him. All the things we take for granted he was without. The taste of food, feeling of touch, even the nuisance of sleep was a pleasant memory for him. I wished I could offer some solace but I felt helpless.
"So are you going to tell me about your conversation with Sarah?" Reed pushed.
"I thought you couldn't read minds."
"I can't. Sarah told me she saw you. Whatever you said to her must have really gotten under her skin. She was pissed when she got to the manor."
"To be honest, she did most of the talking. I bit my tongue." I felt my nerves starting to dance erratically.
<
br /> "What was it about?" He kept pushing.
"She really likes you." I felt my stomach twist when the words escaped.
"And?"
"And she wanted to let me know about it. That's all."
"Well I calmed her down, so you don't have anything to worry about."
"I wasn't worried." I wasn't really worried, but I was scared out of my mind.
"Mhm." He grinned.
Katie's skipping slowed to a walk as we approached the park in the middle of downtown. It was still early and the park was almost empty. There were a few guys playing chess on the stone chessboards placed at each end of the small park. The hotdog vendor was setting up his cart in preparation for the event.
"What are we doing here?' Reed asked.
"Waiting." I replied.
"I've never been here before." Katie commented as she stood on her tip-toes to watch the men playing chess.
Her short legs only get her chin high on the board. I smiled at her fixation with the small plastic pieces being moved. She reminded me so much of Nina I began feeling like she was there with us.
"Can I ask you a question?" I swallowed.
"Sure." His eyes turned to mine and I almost forgot what I wanted to ask.
"Umm…have you ever thought about being with Sarah?" My heart jumped when I realized there was a chance his answer wouldn't be the one I wanted.
"Honestly?" His lips pursed.
"Yes, of course honestly. Always honestly!" I emphasized.
"Yes I had." I could see the worry in his eyes. He knew what I wanted to hear but gave me the truth anyway.
"Have you ever kissed her?" My heart was screaming at my mind to stop asking.
"Yes…once." He stared more intently into my eyes.
"Why only once?" I wanted to crawl away and cry.
"Because the next day…I met you." He smiled.
The jealousy quickly lifted, my nerves calmed, and my heart returned to a steady fast beat as he smiled.
"Well no wonder she's upset. I stole you from her." I snapped playfully.
"You didn't steal me from her, I was never hers." He laughed.
"So why did you choose me? I'm nothing special and she has already given you more than I can."
"Because I fell in love with you Ally, since the first time I saw you." He stepped closer.
I wished he could reach out and pull me into his arms. I wished I could look up at him adoringly and press my lips to his. I wished we could have a moment of normalcy.
Before I could react our attention was drawn to a man sitting on the stone steps in the middle of the park. The soft beating from his drum was soothing and gentle. His eyes were shut tightly as he concentrated on the mood he was setting.
"Is this what you wanted us to see?" Reed whispered in my ear, causing chills under my skin.
"Not quite. There's more." I grinned.
Katie ran up behind us and watched intently. Her wide blue eyes shined in the dimming light of the evening. We listened to the solemn tune the drummer was sending out over the park as two more men walked up and sat beside him. They placed their drums between their legs and slowly joined in, increasing the tempo.
The musicians played in perfect harmony, feeding off each other's talents. We continued to watch as more drummers entered the park and joined in. Before we knew it, there were 15 drummers beating their leather covered bongos and congas.
The tempo kept increasing as spectators began dancing. People followed the sounds and joined us in the park, taking up every seat and limited standing space available. I sat on the soft grass as Katie danced in front of me. Reed sat behind me, almost as if straddling me. Only once in my life had I sat that way before- with my first boyfriend. This time it was different. I couldn't fall back into Reed or I would just continue falling to the ground.
I watched Katie as I felt my skin cooling. I closed my eyes as Reeds hands slid in and out of my body. I felt him warming me, cooling me, and then warming me again. It was as close to a caress as we could have.
His fingertips were relentless as he slid through my entire body. I closed my lips tightly, holding in the moans as his hands found my thighs, sending chills up my legs and settling between them. I could feel the pulsating of the drums through his hands like a heartbeat placed everywhere he touched.
Before he could continue Katie jumped into my lap and hugged me.
"Thank you for showing me this. It's so much fun!" Her high pitched voice brought me back to the park.
"Oh! You're welcome." I responded before turning to Reed and shooting a devilish look. He smiled back knowing the teasing he just put me through.
We spent the rest of the evening listening to the drummers entertaining us. Katie danced until she was winded. As I saw her fatigue set in I knew it was time to go.
We made it halfway home before I had to carry Katie the rest of the way. Her small arms wrapped around my neck and warmed me. I started thinking about my future and how I had always wanted kids.
I looked over at Reed smiling at us. His flowing steps and soft glow kept reminding me of what he was. I couldn't help but feel scared of spending my life with him and never having a family. I couldn't imagine being without him but I couldn't imagine never having a daughter of my own either.
The reality of our limited relationship started setting in. It was so one sided. I had to give up so much living while being with me made Reed feel more alive. Everything I dreamt of as a little girl was tossed aside to be with him. I was giving up everything I ever wanted for one thing I never knew I wanted- him.
We dropped Katie off with her mother and sat on my porch swing. We stayed silent for a moment- listening to the rustling leaves of the forest across the street.
"Is everything ok?" Reed broke the silence.
"Yeah, why?" I mumbled under my breath trying not to look at him.
"You're just so quiet."
"Nothing's wrong, everything is good."
"I didn't push anything tonight did I?" I glanced over to see the worry in his face.
"No! That was umm…unexpected, but not unwanted." I blushed.
"To be honest…that was my first time." He admitted.
"Like…ever? I mean, you know…anything." I couldn't bring the words up from my stomach.
"Well not EVERYTHING, but the first time like that."
If a ghost could blush I was sure he would have been. We had never talked about our past sexual experiences- being unable to touch it seemed like a tease. I was inexperienced by many people's standards. I had kissed a boy before and there were a couple of times where hands wandered, but nothing like what Reed made me feel.
"What about you?" He inquired.
"What about me?"
"Have you ever…you know."
"Oh, no, never." I blushed brighter.
"It's getting late- I should let you get to sleep." He could see how uncomfortable I was.
"Yeah, I have school tomorrow."
"So I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked.
"Yes, of course."
"Goodnight Ally." He leaned in as though he was going to kiss me, but stopped when reality hit.
"Goodnight Reed."
I didn't even wait for him to disappear- I just went inside.
I spent the night restlessly thinking about us, our future, everything I would have to give up. Things that meant so much to me, like a wedding, children, grandchildren. We couldn't even take vacations together, go out to dinner, and we definitely couldn't make love- not the conventional way. What he made me feel at the park was amazing and I wanted to feel it again, but what would it lead to? What kind of life would I have being pleased without the ability to please him in return?
I spent the morning trying to concentrate on school work and not the thoughts that haunted me. Flashes of warmth would come over me when I thought of holding Katie in my arms as she slept. A tingling would take over my body when the images of his hands running through my skin and sending his sensations up my legs. It made
me crave affection.
Like Reed, I didn't have many choices when it came to dating. The guys I wanted to date weren't interested and the ones I wasn't interested in where always around. I had the rest of my life to plan for dating and marriage, High School seemed too soon for anything serious.
Before Geometry ended Mr. Marenco addressed the class.
"Ok everyone. I am assigning you into pairs and you all have a project to work on together. Once I read the groups, the lady of the group must come up and select a project blindly from this hat."
I sighed in annoyance. I was never good at working in teams. But if I must, I was hopeful to get Alex, I knew he would take it easy on me.
"The first group is Alex and Michelle." I cringed.
"Second group is Jennifer and Bobby. Third group is Ally and Cory…" My heart stopped when I heard his name. My worst nightmare came to fruition.
I glanced at Cory and was caught in his stare. The large malevolent smile on his face made my skin crawl and I felt nauseated. How could I get out of this?
Mr. Marenco finished reading the groups and made us girls pick the projects just before the bell rang and everyone headed for the door. I took my time gathering my books, hopeful to plead my case. As soon as the last student left I approached him.
"Mr. Marenco, I need to talk to you about my partner."
"The groups are set Ally, you and Cory will be working together."
"Is there any way I can trade with someone else?"
"What's wrong with Cory?" He asked.
"Well…he just…" I couldn't just say he was creepy. I couldn't think of a valid reason. I was failing in my plea.