by Vago Damitio
Here are a few things employers don’t want to see:
1) A long list of short term jobs. Instead list one or two jobs that lasted a couple of years. Pick places that you know went out of business. If you get asked for a reference use a friend and prep them ahead of time. Dot coms are great for this.
2) Think of reasons employers can feel good about why you left your last jobs. Not ‘personality conflict’ or ‘personal reason’ but instead ‘Promoted!’
3) A work history that has you scattered all over the globe. It’s interesting but they want an employee who will be their wage slave for years to come.
So there was my made up resume. I turned it in and then, very importantly, I followed up with a personal visit two days later. I was dressed nice. I knew the managers name because I had asked for it when I handed my resume to the hostess. I asked for him and when they asked me why I wanted to see him I told them that he wanted to see me about the assistant manager position. The bartender looked at me. The manager then came out and greeted me with a confused handshake. I told him that I had dropped off my resume a couple of days before and wanted to make sure that he had seen it. He told me it was on his desk and I asked if he could please check as there had been a lot going on when I gave it to the hostess.
He went and checked and that forced him to look at my made up credentials. He was impressed and asked me to sit for an immediate interview where he asked me questions about the work I had done at my phony restaurants. I had done my homework and answered his questions with the right answers.
Two days later he called for a second interview. He had checked my phony references and apparently I passed. A week later he offered me the job. I turned it down. I’m not real sure why. I think it was because I hate working for some company that makes more money off of my work than I do.
If you want a job, tell them what they want to hear.
(This is another great camp that cost a grand total of nothing and survived at least a year without being discovered)
FRIENDS AND LEISURE
Code of Conduct
There is a code of conduct among people who are living rough. It is simple and clear. Treat people with respect and dignity but don’t take anyone’s shit. If you let someone walk all over you, they will do it again and again. Either look them in the eye and tell them what your beef is or put enough distance between you and them that you don’t have to deal with it.
If you have a fire and someone calls from outside saying they are tired hungry and cold ( or T, H, and C in hobo code) invite them to sit down and eat if you have food to share. If it’s your fire you can always tell them to move along if you don’t like them. If it’s you coming on a fire, calling from outside the fire’s light is a way to keep from getting shot or attacked. It also gives you a chance to see if these are people you want to interact with.
The rest of the code is pretty simple. If you have extra and somebody else needs it; share it.
People you May Meet
(This is a silly list I put together just for fun, but there is some truth to it.) There are millions of people out there that are worth meeting and talking to, if only to hear their perspectives. There are also people it is worth going out of your way to avoid or avoid spending any significant time with.
Armchair Adventurers are people who live vicariously through the writing or stories of others; i.e anyone who enjoys a good book while leading a “normal” life
Astro-Fascists are usually hippies, these people refuse to believe that anything can be determined without the proper astrological reading i.e. “Of course you don’t get along, I’m sure he’s a Leo”
A bum is someone who doesn’t go anywhere without visible means of support
Crazies are the people who live on the streets with mental difficulties, usually they are there because of the discontinuation of a government program or funding
Drifters are either the one who wanders with no tangible home or someone who wanders into town and everyone says “uh-oh”
Energy Vampires are not physically violent or dangerous but will feed on your energy. See the special note below.
Gang Bangers are usually young men obsessed with the idea of earning ‘respect’ but who haven’t yet really learned what the term means.
A hippie is a person who tuned in, turned on, and dropped out in the late 1960’s or early 1970’s or a person who is attempting to live like the original hippies did. Too often today, the self proclaimed hippie can be identified by astro-fascist ideas, militant veganism, or too many opinions on the bumper of their welfare wagon. Often energy vampires.
A hobo is someone who travels about from place to place, usually by train, without visible means of income
A homeless person is someone who has no home usually street people, addicts, and beggars.
A house-less person is someone without a house, usually meaning someone who carries their home in their heart i.e. home is where you hang your heart. Usually resourceful and positive.
A rambler is either someone who wanders around in a leisurely manner or who talks or tells stories in a random unsystematic fashion.
A redneck is a person who hates you because you are different than they are. Some will try to tell you this is a positive term, but it usually means a racist or person who is proud of being ignorant.
A slacker is a person who does the minimum amount necessary to get by.
A tourist is someone who has paid for their tickets, accommodation, and attractions. Good tourists are people who travel to learn and enjoy life. Bad tourists often feel as if everyone they come into contact with is somehow responsible for their having a good time before they return to their home and career. The bad tourist is to be pitied for their useless attempts to see all of Europe in two weeks or see Alaska, the Caribbean, or the South Pacific from a luxury cruise ship. ‘Been there, done that’ is the slogan of a bad tourist.
A tramp is a person who travels about, usually on foot without visible means of income
A traveler is a tourist who thinks they are better than other tourists. Often travelers are on a long term journey from one place to a series of other places on a tight budget that has to last a significant length of time.
A trustafarian is usually a rich white kid advocating all sorts of protest while living on the income of their parents.
A vagabond is someone who moves around freely from place to place sometimes having visible means of income, sometimes existing without income, and sometimes bending the law to provide what they need. A vagobond is me or my friends.
A wannabe is a dangerous person with low self esteem that has the potential to kill with little or no provocation, usually seeking approval from whoever they ‘wannabe’
More About The Dangerous Ones
There are a lot of definitions to the term redneck. There are a lot of jokes about rednecks. There is really nothing funny about them though. I consider rednecks to be the most dangerous hazard out there.
Rednecks are clannish. My definition of a redneck doesn’t have anything to do with race, country music, or where they come from. The bottom line is that a redneck is someone who hates you because you are different than they are. If you don’t share their beliefs and values, your life is worth less than a dogs.
Really. Rednecks generally love their dogs. They don’t love you.
Let’s say a redneck picks you up to give you a ride after you’ve been standing in the freezing rain somewhere for five hours. You really want the ride. A typical redneck will start right off by saying outrageous things to see how you react. Things like “ I only picked you up cause you don’t look like one of them faggot environmentalists.” Maybe you are one of those faggot environmentalists, but don’t fall into the redneck’s trap. You don’t have to lie, just say something like “I’m glad I don’t look like those guys.”
If you let the redneck draw a distinction between their belief system and yours there is no telling what will happen. Rednecks make themselves obvious
by pointing out who they hate and who they think deserves to die. Hitler was a redneck, so is George W. Bush.
When you recognize a redneck, it is best to put as much distance between them and yourselves as possible. Even if they seem to think you are okay, they might change their tune when they get drunk.
Redneck tramps are similar to the traditional rednecks except they seem at first to be travelers or hobos and so might earn a measure of compassion or respect from you. Redneck tramps usually hang out in groups and are very closed to new people. If you come upon a fire built by redneck tramps there is a good chance that they will beat and rob you because you are not a part of their group. Redneck tramps usually give away their true nature a little more slowly than the traditional rednecks but the hate always reveals itself.
Gang bangers are similar to rednecks in their clannishness but usually aren’t as overtly hateful towards entire groups of people. What makes gang bangers dangerous is that they are usually are trying to earn ‘respect’ from the people around them.
‘Respect’ to them only means that no one messes with them. Fear would be a better word. I believe that most gang bangers become part of a gang because they are essentially powerless by themselves. Gang bangers can be any race and anywhere. They can flip at a moments notice when an outsider violates their ambiguous code of ‘respect.’
Wannabees are even more dangerous than gang bangers because they are usually loose cannons looking for a way to prove they deserve ‘respect’. None of them do because of the base worthlessness of their character. As a result, their actions become more and more outrageous and violent as they attempt to prove they deserve to be a gang banger or redneck. I’ve known friendly bums who have been beaten and killed by stupid kids with low self esteem. Fucking wannabees.
Crazies are usually harmless, but they are unpredictable. They can be entertaining but unless someone I know can vouch for them I usually prefer to watch them interact with someone else.
I was once driving to Seattle and stopped to pick up a hitchhiker. I usually stop for hitchhikers if they look somewhat normal and like they don’t smell too bad. Hee looked like a kid with a guitar.
When he got in the car, I caught the stale smell of sweat and urine. He looked psychotic. He wasn’t a kid at all, but a very small 45-50 year old man. I gave him a ride anyway. I introduced myself and offered a handshake. He put his glove on before shaking my hand and introduced himself as Robert. His voice had a peculiar nasal quality and the words were carefully enunciated in a somewhat aristocratic manner.
“I am go-ing to move to Alaska because I graduated from college… with hon-ors. “ He said it like that with a glottal stop. The same way other people say uh-oh, which is what I was saying at that point.
“Oh yeah, what did you study?”
“Music theory with hon-ors, astronomy with hon-ors, and you know I plan on working at the University in Fairbanks as a librarian since I have so much hon-ors. I plan on, you know performing and studying and working with the Alaskan artists and natives and since I took so many classes, with hon-ors, I would like to perform some of my concertos, for you know I am a composer. Very much like a skilled beginner with honors just doing a tremendous job…with hon-ors…” and on and on.
There was something about the guy that freaked me out. I made sure my knife was handy and kept my eyes on his hands while I drove. It really felt like he was one second from flipping. I kept talking to him. Listening to the same babble about hon-ors and Fairbanks and going to Nashville because “with hon-ors” meant you could do ‘tremendous’ and ‘exquisite’ building and if you worked in a library you could perform with the natives with hon-ors. I finally dropped him off at the 405 onramp just north of Seattle glad to be alive.
A Special Note on Energy Vampires
Energy vampires are everywhere. The best way to spot them is when they first approach you (they always approach you) and for some reasons you can’t understand, they act as if they want you to be their new best friend forever. If someone wants to be your friend for no apparent reason, they are probably an energy vampire.
Energy vampires like to be the center of conversation. They can draw the life out of any conversation with constant interruptions and meaningless stories that no one wants to hear. If an energy vampire is in your midst, you might notice that the people you want to talk with no longer hang out when you show up with your new BFF who follows you wherever you go.
A lot of energy vampires pose as hippies because real hippies are probably the most likely to let an energy vampire suck off them for an extended period of time. What an energy vampire does is feed off the vibes and energy you create in order to get attention that they don’t deserve.
Along with that they usually hit anyone and everyone up for smokes, food, cash, a place to crash, and whatever else they can get. Learn to recognize them and tell them bluntly that you don’t want to be their friend because there is no cure I’ve seen for an energy vampire except to make them find another victim.
Drugs, Alcohol, and Trippers
I’ve had great experiences abusing substances. Not everyone can hang with it though. The best advice I can give is to be moderate in all things including a little excess. When you do decide to indulge, three things will help you come through it.
1) Know what you are taking and where it came from.
2) Have someone with you that you trust.
3) Program a voice in your head to remind you that whatever you are experiencing is only temporary.
Free Leisure Time
You’ve got all the time in the world. What do you want to do with it? Even if you don’t have any money….here are a few suggestions….
Parks. Every city I’ve been to has parks. Parks are wonderful. Sit in a park. Play sports in the park. Read in the park. The park is a place where you are allowed to be without having to pay anything. Except in China, where you have to pay to go in the parks. Respect the parks. If you can’t think of anything else to do, pick garbage up from around the park.
Sports. I wish I would have discovered sports when I was younger. All you need to run is a pair of shoes. You don’t need $100 Nikes. You can use $5 garage sale shoes. Tennis is free in most US parks. A racket will run you a couple of bucks at the thrift store and you can bounce the ball on the wall all day long. There are Frisbee golf courses all over the Northwest; swimming is free if you have a river, lake, or ocean.
Not only that, but sports make you feel good. They make your body strong. They make your life longer. I’m still not a big fan of watching sports. I can take it or leave it. I prefer movies, but I love playing sports.
Classes. Most American cities offer free or cheap classes in all kinds of things. You can get a class in first aid, in CPR, in researching your genealogy. Go to the library and ask about classes.
Libraries. If Ben Franklin were alive I would write him a heartfelt thank you letter for creating the world’s first public lending library. The public library is the gateway to your future. You can study a new career, take classes, watch videos, attend meetings, use the internet, or find out about anything. Ask the research librarian about anything you want to find out and she will love helping you. Be sure to say thanks.
Free Concerts. There are free concerts in malls, parks, and shopping centers. Pick up a local paper and read the events section or ask the librarian where to look.
Malls. I never liked malls before going to the Philippines. Think about it though. They are free. They have neat stuff you can play with. Sometimes they have concerts. You can people watch to your hearts content in the mall. You can even escape the heat or cold in the mall. Malls are fun.
Cheap Movies. Most cities have cheap theaters. In Honolulu it costs you about a buck to watch a movie. In Portland you can watch art films for a couple of bucks and drink beer while you’re doing it. There are even fifty cent theaters where you can watch second run films.
Window Shopping. Take a walk through downtown and see what the rich folks are
buying. Try not to laugh when you see how useless and expensive some of the items are. I still laugh every time I pass a doggie bakery or doggy boutique. Never mind what I do when I go by Prada or Louis whats-his-name.
Visiting. Visit some folks you haven’t seen in a while. Make some new friends. Sit in the park and chat with a stranger.
Reading. Reading can give you ideas. It can whisk you away to another time and place. It can allow you to discover yourself or live the life of someone else. There are too many people who don’t take the time to read a book because they are working too much, watching too much TV, and wasting their lives on worthless trash.
Learning on your own. Just because you can’t afford to go to college doesn’t mean you can’t get an education. Watch Good Will Hunting if you want to be inspired. Use the library. Learn a language, learn about astronomy, biology, medicine, law, or math. Another great resource are the now numerous online universities that provide classes in every subject you can imagine for free. Check out Coursera.org for some examples.
Scientists say that when people stop learning the dendrites in their brains begin to shrivel up. Autopsies have revealed that Alzheimer’s patients have the most shriveled dendrites. Learn or die.
Staying Positive and Clean
I don’t ever need to see another stinky, negative, unclean beggar. There is no need for it. You’re not a piece of trash. Don’t treat yourself like one. There are plenty of places you can wash up. This is so important I’m going to talk about it again.
If you let yourself look and smell like garbage, you are going to start thinking like garbage. It’s a waste. Keep your pride and keep yourself clean.
Showering. All you need to shower is water and a rag. It doesn’t hurt to have soap. At the least, do this. Go to a restaurant or public bathroom, lock the door, and use a sponge or washcloth to give yourself a good bath at least every other day.