Remember Tomorrow

by Gabrielle Goldsby

  “We’ll start after we eat.”

  “Seriously?” Arie looked over her shoulder at Lilly. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

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  “I know I don’t. Just think of it as payback for the lunch you’re making for me.”

  Arie turned back to the sink. Now that she understood.

  Repaying a debt was important to her as well. Right now she felt like she owed Cees so much she didn’t even know where or how she could start to pay her back.

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  • 158 •

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  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Cees felt a confusing barrage of dread and anticipation descend over her as she went to unlock her front door and found that the handle moved freely in her hand. Momma Nguyen was almost fanatical about never leaving a door unlocked—leftover caution from more unpleasant times when she lived in Vietnam. She was always telling Lilly and Cees how single young women needed to be more careful.

  Cees walked into the house and shut the door behind her.

  Lilly, not Momma, popped up from the couch and reached for her coat. Arie was standing in the center of the living room with her arms wrapped around herself. One head-to-toe glance told Cees that she was Þ ne. No, not just Þ ne. She looked damn good. She had changed into tight-Þ tting jeans and a shirt that Cees didn’t remember seeing when they had packed her clothes at the apartment. Arie looked very nervous, which made Cees suspicious. “Hey, Lil, what are you doing here? Where’s Momma Nguyen?”

  “Auntie Mem fell down again. Momma sent me over to baby-sit.”

  “Oh no, is she all right?” Cees asked, her suspicion curtailed by concern for Momma Nguyen’s older sister.

  “She’ll be Þ ne, but you know, every time she hurts herself, Momma tries to get her to come live with us.” Lilly shook her

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  head in resignation. “Part of me hopes she listens, but I am not volunteering to look after another invalid.” The annoyed look on Lilly’s face changed almost instantly. “Oh hey, I was talking about her.” She canted her head toward Arie. “You know I wasn’t talking about—”

  Cees smiled. “Yeah, I know.” Lilly could be cruel, but she wasn’t heartless.

  Coat on and properly adjusted, Lilly ran a critical eye over Arie, seemed pleased with what she saw, and walked toward the front door.

  “Thanks, Lilly.” Arie’s voice sounded nervous. Cees’s suspicion returned.

  Lilly looked back at Arie. “Momma is superstitious.”

  “She is?” Cees said, but Lilly ignored her and continued to look at Arie.

  “Next time you play cards and she asks for a Bloody Mary with an olive, give her something else, celery or something. Sit in a different place or play out of turn. It’ll throw her off.”

  “Okay,” Arie said through her obvious surprise.

  “It hurts her pride every time she loses. Just take enough that she won’t want to play you anymore. Don’t take all of her money.”

  “I won’t.”

  Lilly Þ nally turned her gaze toward Cees. The angelic smile that spread across her face had always signaled trouble when they were teenagers and still did.

  “You girls have fun,” she said, and before Cees could question her further, she was gone.

  “You and Momma Nguyen have been drinking while I’m at work? And what did she mean by that ‘you girls have fun’

  business?”

  “I wasn’t drinking, but Momma—Lilly thought—I thought, since it was Friday night, you might want to go out. Maybe dancing or dinner?” Weariness settled on Cees’s shoulders and bore down. The hope slid from Arie’s face. “Oh, but if you’re too

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  tired, I can cook something while you shower. Then you can call it a night,” she said.

  Cees realized that Arie had just summed up her life. For several days, all Cees had done was eat, go to work, come home, eat whatever was put in front of her, and go to bed. Seeing Arie every day was wearing her out emotionally. She vacillated between wanting to hold Arie to wanting to yell obscenities at her for how much she’d hurt her. Neither option was really available to her, and it exhausted her.

  “No. Actually, dinner and dancing sounds good, although I’m not all that hungry yet, so maybe we’ll reverse the two.”

  This Arie, unlike the old one, hadn’t learned how to hide her emotions. Her obvious excitement made warmth bloom in Cees’s chest. “I’ll take a quick shower and change.”

  “I only brought jeans from the apartment, so don’t dress up.”

  “Good. I’m not in the mood for anything formal, anyway.

  I’ll just take a quick one. Give me ten.”

  Cees hopped into the shower, her mind going from Arie to Lilly and back again. Something just didn’t feel right about Lilly’s presence in the house. She hadn’t heard from her since she had found out that Arie was living in the house. She had expected a berating phone call when she found out that Cees had agreed to let Momma stay with Arie while she was at work, but there had been nothing. With Lilly, quiet was the calm before the storm.

  Cees got out of the shower and dressed.

  She found Arie sitting on the couch, hands folded in front of her, wearing the leather jacket that had been her mainstay a year and half before. Cees felt a painful twist in her heart when she saw it. She didn’t need to bury her nose in its soft leather to remember the smell.

  “So was this Lilly’s idea?” she asked to clear the thickness gathering in her throat.

  “The dancing part was Lilly’s, but I thought you might like to do something different.”

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  Cees sighed. “I thought so. I suppose there is no harm in telling you that you always claimed to hate dancing.”

  Arie looked shy, and to Cees’s surprise reached out and took her hand. “Yeah, but you love it, right?”

  The Þ rst sob took them both by surprise. Cees wasn’t sure if it was Arie’s eagerness to do something she liked to do, or the fact that she was just so damn tired of keeping her feelings in check while Arie was trying the best way she knew how to get to her. She was Þ nding it hard to defend herself against this type of sweet assault. Her Arie had been kind, even gentle, but this Arie was all those things with the protective instinct removed, and she scared the shit out of Cees.

  Cees saw the look of fear on Arie’s face as she pulled her into an embrace.

  “I’m doing everything all wrong,” Arie said softly, and Cees heard the sad consternation.

  She had gotten hold of herself quickly, but she wasn’t ready to face Arie’s confusion, so she held on to the hug a little longer.

  “What is it you’re trying to do?” Cees’s voice was thick with tears.

  “I’m trying to get you to trust me.” With a Þ nger beneath her glasses Cees dried her eyes. “I Þ gured dinner and dancing would be a start to getting to know each other all over again.”

  Again the look of concern and earnestness touched something in Cees. “You’re right. I love to dance. But I always got the impression that you didn’t like it because you didn’t know how.”

  Arie looked relieved. “Oh, that’s no problem. Lilly taught me.”

  “Lilly did what?” Cees ran over the words in her head but still couldn’t make sense of them.

  “She taught me how to dance. Well, she showed me a few things,” Arie said with a little less surety.

  What was it Lilly had said before she left? You girls have fun? Lilly was more than her friend. She was her sister, which

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  meant there were times when they just plain didn’t like each other. Frankly, Lilly could be a bitch. Cees had called her that on several occasions. Mind you, no one else had better call her that, or Cees would be ready with a right
hook.

  Lilly rarely did anything for people outside the family unless there was something in it for her. Teaching Arie to dance was one of those Þ ne-line things that made Cees nervous.

  “What did she show you?”

  Whether it was in response to Cees’s suspicion or to her own self doubt, Arie had begun to look nervous. “Just some stuff. Not a lot. She said I was passable and had done surprisingly well for just a few hours.”

  A compliment? Cees thought. Lilly doesn’t compliment.

  “Show me,” Cees said.

  Arie looked uneasy and Cees felt bad.

  “Show you what?”

  “What Lilly taught you.”

  “You mean now? Here? There’s no music.” Arie was smiling, and the heaviness and tension that had caused Cees to burst into tears eased. She couldn’t help but respond to that smile because there was something so carefree about it that she wished she had met Arie when they were both younger and life hadn’t created so many question marks and exclamation points in both. Cees gently turned Arie around and pushed her toward the stereo.

  “Well, put some on. Surely she wasn’t in here beat boxing while you busted a move.” Cees folded her arms in front of her and watched as Arie pushed the CD tray in without changing the CD.

  “Okay, so Lilly said I would do. I’m not as good as she is or anything, but I’ll practice.” Now she was back to being nervous, and Cees thought she looked incredibly cute.

  Cees did an imitation of her third grade teacher Ms. Austin and clapped her hands to get attention. “Less talk, please. Let’s see what you got.”

  “Okay.” Arie walked to the middle of the room and tossed

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  her jacket on the couch. She was looking down at the ß oor, obviously waiting for something. A small electronic beep, and then a song with so much bass came on that a glass of water that had been left on the dining room table began to quiver. Arie bobbed her head a few times as if counting and then she began to move her hips. Cees’s eyes were drawn to the tight-Þ tting Henley and the hips moving in perfect unison with the bass. The CD must have been from Lilly’s car, because she owned nothing like it. But if Arie liked it, she would buy more tomorrow. The music sped up and Arie suddenly turned her back to Cees and squatted down, slapping the ß oor in a move that made Cees’s mouth drop. The gyrating had become downright sensual and Cees could imagine herself on the dance ß oor being used as a pole in a strip club.

  Cees’s Þ nger went up as if she were calling a cab; she uttered a half word, but stopped when she realized that if she couldn’t hear herself, neither could Arie. Cees dropped her hand.

  Arie’s eyes were closed now and she was obviously into the music, so Cees was able to look at her with open lust. She fervently wished they were on the dance ß oor where she could touch Arie without having to feel guilty.

  Oh, Lilly, you deserve a swift kick in the ass, or that new Coach bag you’ve been ogling for over a year. Maybe you deserve both. The song choice was a raunchy rap song about going deep.

  Lilly had choreographed Arie’s moves to create a warmth in Cees’s underwear, and she had done her job well. Cees realized with some trepidation that the song’s tempo was slowing, and she didn’t know whether to feel relief or sadness that she would have to act like the dance had not pushed her beyond aroused.

  Apparently Lilly had taught Arie the importance of a great climax because her movements became more ß uid, her arms moving with the bass in the song. Cees had thrown all caution to the wind and was now alternating between staring hungrily at Arie’s chest and the arousing cyclone of her hips. The music went abruptly silent,

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  and Arie stopped dancing, obviously winded but quite proud of herself. Cees thought about closing her mouth, but decided it was way too much effort.

  “What do you think? Am I any good?” Arie asked while trying to catch her breath.

  “Perfect.” The word ricocheted throughout the room. “I’ll just get my coat.” Cees hooked her thumb toward the bedroom.

  Eyes wide, she scurried away before she did something stupid like offer to show Arie what the song was really referring to.

  v

  Arie and Cees had been on the dance ß oor since they walked into the dark club. Lilly was right. Cees loved to dance. The other dancers were a shadowy blur to Arie. All her concentration was on Cees, Þ rst on keeping up with her, then on enjoying the sensation of having her pressed against her as the dance ß oor became crowded. Arie felt that if it weren’t for the clothing between them they would be making love. She should have been embarrassed, but she wasn’t. And apparently neither was Cees, until a slow song came on and brought reality back with a vengeance.

  Cees pushed up her glasses and said, “I think we’re overdoing it a bit here.”

  It took Arie a moment to realize that Cees was referring to her recent release from the hospital and not the fact that they were making a spectacle of themselves. Arie became conscious of both her damp back and the pulse throbbing at the base of Cees’s throat. Cees took her hand and navigated them slowly through the crowded club.

  Arie forced herself to stop staring at the backside she had been cupping with impunity minutes before. One glance at the women still milling around the dance ß oor had her ß ushing. It was obvious from the myriad of knowing looks that they had made the assumption that she and Cees were going home to make love.

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  She couldn’t exactly blame them. Their dancing hadn’t exactly been platonic. Arie was about to revert her eyes to the ß oor when she saw a small woman with short hair and wearing work pants whisper something in her companion’s ear. Arie didn’t hear what was said, but she could tell by the way her lips moved and the quick look toward them by her companion that Cees had been recognized.

  The warmth created by her sexually charged dancing with Cees faded. If her suggestion that they go dancing had somehow caused Cees grief, she would feel guiltier than Lilly had already made her feel for staying in Cees’s home.

  They burst through the door of the club and into the dark billowing nicotine haze of a large group of women taking a smoke break. Cees started walking toward the car, but her steps weren’t as fast or as purposeful as usual. Arie wondered what that meant. Arie was thrilled and maybe a little confused that she hadn’t released her hand yet. “Will that make things bad for you?”

  Cees smiled. “How could dancing my stress away make things bad for me?”

  Arie couldn’t seem to Þ nd the right words for what she wanted to say, and it frustrated her.

  Cees’s face became serious and she pulled Arie to a stop.

  “Do you mean because it was a gay club?”

  “Yeah, I think some of those women might have recognized you.”

  “Did I lead you to believe I was closeted? Because I’m not.

  I mean, the people I work for have asked that I not lop off my right breast and join the lesbian militia, but I don’t let them tell me who I am.”

  The answer thrilled Arie for reasons she didn’t understand, but she felt the need to ask some of the questions that had been dogging her about Cees.

  “Momma Nguyen let me borrow her computer. She taught

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  me how to Google people. Said she does it for all the men she meets at the social club.”

  Cees grinned. “Good for her. Lilly probably taught her that.”

  Arie blurted, “I Googled you.”

  Cees did her best to look taken aback, but Arie could tell by the amused look on her face that she wasn’t at all perturbed or annoyed, so she pushed on. “Did you know there was picture of you in a wet T-shirt and…”Arie couldn’t Þ nish because she saw by the embarrassed, resigned look on Cees’s face that she did know.

  “Um, yeah, that was not a moment of brilliance on my par
t.

  It was raining, and I was wearing a white T-shirt. I thought it would look cool if we kept working in the rain. I had no idea it would come out like that. I’m starving. Let’s go get something to eat.”

  Arie agreed, despite the fact that she wasn’t really hungry.

  The abrupt change of subject wasn’t lost on her. Who was she to question Cees about why her breasts were showing in a picture she’d found on the Internet? She hadn’t said anything until now because she had been telling herself it was none of her business and tried to push it out of mind. Unfortunately, that seemed harder to do than she anticipated.

  “There isn’t much open this time of night, and we look like we just ran a race. There’s a place that’s open twenty-four hours down the way. We could walk.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be Þ ne.” Arie’s nervousness about asking the question faded slightly. They walked to the corner and waited with a straggly-looking couple at the corner. Arie barely kept from wrinkling her nose as the scent of body odor and mildewed clothing drifted to her. The woman looked at their intertwined hands and made it a point to step closer to her dingy-looking boyfriend. After one glance in their direction, he decided to look straight ahead until the light changed again. Arie noticed that

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  Cees didn’t bother looking at the couple or acknowledging the hostile look.

  As the couple turned a corner, Cees let out an audible breath.

  “As if I suddenly woke up and decided I wanted to go down on a meth head.” Cees’s voice sounded angry. Arie didn’t ever remember hearing Cees sound that angry, even when dealing with Lilly, who in Arie’s opinion, could anger a saint. Not that she wasn’t grateful for the dance lessons.

  “I wondered if you noticed that.”

  “I always notice. It’s just different when it’s directed at you.”

  “We don’t have to.” Arie held up their clasped hands. “If it bothers you or you think someone might recognize you.” They had reached Sheri’s, and Cees’s other hand was on the door handle.