Dipping Into Sin (a BWWM Alpha Male Romance)

by DJ Parker

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Simone

  “I haven’t been here in years, Grandma,” I said as we swung on the raggedy rickety swing on the porch, watching the sunset on the warm August afternoon. Taking a sip of my ice tea, I said, “It’s so peaceful out here.”

  “I remember when your granddaddy and I bought this house. We’ve never been prouder or felt more accomplished than we did when we walked through those doors,” she said, with a soft smile plastered on her lips. Every day we took a walk around her block and would watch the sunset before we ate dinner. Before I arrived in North Carolina, she made an appointment for me to see the town obstetrician/gynecologist. She remained supportive and encouraging, even though we never spoke about the man who fathered my children. Since I have a high-risk pregnancy, I decided to postpone school until after the babies were born. Grandma insisted that I look for work after the babies were born. The second day after I arrived, I told my mother about my pregnancy. At first she seemed unbothered by my news. She remained passive and distant each time we spoke, which was every couple of days.

  Within the first two weeks of being there, my stomach grew bigger. I saw my first stretch mark and was busting out of my clothes. My second trimester of pregnancy consisted of unusual cravings and non-stop eating. After a few days of uncomfortable sleeping, I invested in a maternity pillow, which helped tremendously.

  Victoria checked up on me every day since I arrived in North Carolina. The first couple of days, since leaving New Jersey, seemed like an endless emotional roller coaster. I would cry often throughout the day, pray for strength and guidance, and cry again at night. I would often pull out the box and letter and stare at it; yet, I could not bring myself to read the letter and open the box. My pain ran too deep to forgive him right now.

  On the day of his engagement celebration, I couldn’t bring myself to leave my bed. The date was etched into my mind, from the moment I read the invitation. Victoria attempted to avoid the subject when I called that evening. She was getting ready to attend the event with her parents. The next day, I mustered up the strength and asked her about the event. She faltered and stammered on her words before she got straight to the point.

  “Andriano…seemed…happy,” she said sadly. Instead of crying, I willed myself to move forward with this piece of closure. My focus had to remain on my babies. A couple of weeks after his engagement, I received an unmarked package in the mail. The obnoxiously large box was filled up with decorative paper and foam balls. Digging in a little deeper, I unwrapped the thin medium rectangle box. I bit my lip to hold back the tears that threatened to stream out.

  “Asshole,” I shouted out, as I violently thrashed on the floor. I held onto the picture frame tightly and looked at the large engagement photo of Andriano and Josephine. He held her hand tenderly, as she flashed her large diamond engagement ring. She looked beautiful…they looked perfect. He’s happy, I thought, as I replayed the conversation that Victoria and I had. Even though she told me this, I couldn’t believe her. My heart told me different.

  Simone

  Grandma and I worked hard on the nursery room. We used one of her spare bedrooms that was used for storage and revamped the room with a new paint job and old furniture pieces from the thrift store. We painted the two dressers white to match the triplet crib set that Victoria bought for the babies when I became seven months pregnant. She came out here two weekends out of the month and would help prepare the room for the babies. She had the stroller and car seat set delivered last week, despite my protest. Victoria was more than supportive throughout my pregnancy. She and Grandma were extremely excited when they found out that I was having three girls. They made plans and started buying clothes for my daughters. We were blessed enough to be able to trade in Grandma’s car for a truck when I became four months pregnant. In spite of everything, I was happy and in love with my babies growing inside of me. I knew that it was going to be a hard job, but somehow being a mother to them was the most rewarding feeling.

  Looking outside of the window, I rubbed on my belly as I said my morning prayer with my daughters. At seven months pregnant, I wobbled and walked slowly everywhere. On numerous occasions, I never made it to the bathroom on time and had more accidents than I wanted. When I was put on bed rest at five months, I thought that I would go crazy. The first week of being on bed rest, I spent most of the time writing in my journal and writing letters to my unborn daughters. I found it therapeutic to write down my emotions. More recently, I would pull out the box and letter that Andriano gave to me and sleep with it at night. Although I couldn’t forgive him, I stopped harboring negative feelings about him. As my pregnancy advanced, my emotions were spiraling out of control. There were times that I loved him, and there were times that I hated him. Yet, every day I thought about him. I envied the happiness that he shared with Josephine. I envied the time that she got to spend with him, as his wife.

  By the time I was seven months pregnant, I was taking more naps throughout the day and still slept throughout the night. I never imagined going through my pregnancy alone, I thought, as Grandma bought up my favorite meal. Every night, I had a big platter of my favorite home cooked foods. Grandma enjoyed the idea of cooking all of her favorite southern dishes.

  Simone

  2 months later in Charlotte, North Carolina

  “Grandma! Please hurry! I think my water broke!” I shouted as I looked down at the pool of water beneath her feet in the bathroom.

  Throwing the strap of the hospital bag over her shoulder, Grandma began dialling the number to Dr. Nostrum’s office.

  The scheduled C-section was not for another week and a half. The girls had another plan for me. Am I ready to be a mother? I asked myself.

  “Hello, this is May-lee Bradshaw. Can you page Dr. Nostrum? Please tell him that Simone Sinn’s water broke, and we are heading to the hospital right now. Thank you, Joanne,” said Grandma calmly. She grabbed the long burgundy maternity maxi dress from my closet and my black flip-flop sandals.

  “Baby, you have to change your clothes and put your sandals on now,” she said gently. Looking up at my grandmother with glistening tears, I began to pull off my nightgown and put the dress on.

  “Grandma, I don’t think that I am ready to be a mother to three baby girls. I’m scared,” I said.

  “Honey, we are never truly ready for motherhood. We are going to get through this together. Do not worry. Once you see those babies, you will do everything in your power to be the best mother to them. You’ll see,” she said reassuringly, as she took hold of my hand and led me out of the bathroom in the direction of the front door.

  Immediately after walking out the front door, I felt my first wave of contractions. With a yelp and deep breathing, I climbed into the car and sat down.

  Five hours later, I welcomed Jasmine, Acelia, and Olivia into this world. Looking down at all three of my babies, I knew instantly that my grandmother’s prophecy rang true. I will be the best mother to my three girls, I vowed silently.

  Olivia was the last to be born and was the smallest among her sisters. She remained in the hospital for the first four weeks of her life. I cried often, as I watched my tiny fighter overcome her challenges in order to sustain life. Those were the most draining weeks of my life. I would breastfeed Jasmine and Acelia, put them to sleep, pump breast milk into 14 bottles, and travel to the hospital to breastfeed Olivia. Olivia and I would have skin-to-skin contact in a secluded room three hours a day. I brought eight bottles for her every day so that she could have breast milk in a bottle while I was home with her sisters. Even as tiredness gnawed at me, I developed this super strength after my daughters were born. When Olivia finally came home after four weeks in the neonatal unit, I finally felt complete.

  For the first three months, I stayed home with the babies. I don’t know how I got through the first three months as a new mom to multiples. At three months old, I had set a routine for each of them. After I breastfed all three, Grandma and I would burp
each of them, change their diapers, pray with them, and rub each of their backs until they drifted off to sleep. Somehow my senses became ultra-sensitive, as I knew at exactly which time in the morning each of my daughters would wake up. By the time I returned back to work, I had them each on a nap and bottle schedule. I would get off work and rush home to put them to bed.

  As much as I wanted to be home with my girls, I knew that I had to get a job to support us. I worked as a direct care worker for a family and children’s service agency. Even though, the pay rate was $10 an hour, I tried to work forty hours or more per week. I was able to get health insurance coverage for the girls and was able to provide financially. After the girls turned one, I enrolled at the local state college as a part-time student. I went to work at 4:30 in the morning, left work at three o’clock in the afternoon and was home by 3:20. By 4:45 PM, I would feed the girls their dinner and have them showered and in bed by 5:50 PM. When the girls went to bed at six o’clock at night, I would jet over to school to attend my seven o’clock classes.

  Choosing to keep my daughters meant that I would not be able to become a doctor, and I happily accepted my decision. Although there were nights that I wanted to cry because I was tired, frustrated, and sad, I always remembered my babies. It became especially hard when one would get sick, and another would become sick shortly after. By my third year in college, I was admitted into the nursing program.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Five Years later

  Simone

  “Good evening, I will be your nurse today. My name is Simone. If you need anything, please push this button, and I will come right away,” I said to my first patient at the start of my shift. This was my third week on the job, and I was starting to get used to my rounds. Although I’m not with the girls in the evening, I thank God that Grandma is with them. She adores her great-grandbabies.

  I was blessed to have three incredible girls with three different personalities. Jasmine and Acelia were identical twins and looked exactly like Andriano, from their piercing grey eyes to their olive complexion. Olivia was a combination of Andriano and me. She looked like me but had vivid green eyes that changed colors. She was a few shades darker than her sisters and has long curly dark brown hair, while her sisters have long wavy dirty blond hair.

  God, please continue to bless my grandmother and Victoria, I said every morning. Grandma would often say that her little angels kept her feeling youthful. They would often plant in her backyard and take walks to the park. Victoria still came two weekends out of the month. When I finally graduated with my bachelor’s degree in nursing and passed the board exams, I never felt more accomplished in my life. The first place that I applied to as a registered nurse hired me right on the spot. My daughters were smart, healthy five-year-olds in kindergarten, and I was finally stable.

  “When are you going to let me take you out?” Startled, I jumped up and turned around to face the handsome Dr. Stuart Jackson. This was the fourth time since I started working here that he asked me out. He had a reputation for being with all of the new nurses, and I didn’t want to be added to his body count. His caramel skin and sensuous lips reminded me of what I was missing. For five years, my life was dedicated to my daughters, work, and school. Dating was the last thing that I wanted to do, but when I got lonely I would pull out Mr. Black. Mr. Black was the closest thing to the real dick and did a good job tickling my clit with its bunny ears.

  “I’m still not interested,” I said, as I gathered the charts from the filing cabinet and walked past him. Truthfully, there was only one man who tortured me at night…Andriano. Even after five years, he still caused me to get wet just by thinking about his fingers, lips, and dick. The last time Victoria and I spoke about him was on the night of his engagement party. I’m sure by now, he has settled down with Josephine and probably is raising young mafia children. I swallowed the lump that was harbored in my throat and held back the tears at the thought of his happy ending. I have my beautiful daughters…thank God, I thought each time I wanted to cry. Looking down at my phone that was now buzzing in my pocket, I saw that Victoria called three times and sent me two text messages that read: CALL ME NOW!!!

  “Hey Diane, I’m going to take my fifteen now,” I told the head nurse who nodded her head, without looking away from the computer. Walking into the employee lounge room, I quickly dialed Victoria’s number.

  “Hello,” she answered on the second ring. Her voice sounded hoarse, as if she has been screaming or crying.

  “Are you ok? What’s wrong?” I asked, alarmed.

  “He’s dead,” she said in a painful whisper.

  “Who’s dead?” I asked confused.

  “Daddy—daddy is dead. He was shot in the back of his head, assassination style. They killed my dad. My dad is dead because of them. After all the fucking years he gave them… they fucking killed him,” she shouted through the phone, as she cried. For the remainder of my break, I remained on the phone with her, trying to console her within the short time frame. By the end of that conversation, I knew that I had to fly out to New Jersey to be with her.

  Chapter Thirty

  Simone

  I was beyond grateful that my job allowed me to have a leave of absence, even though I was currently on probation for a year. Victoria was my family, and I needed to be there for her regardless. I was able to get a week off from work. I left the girls home with Grandma because I knew that it was a risk to bring them with me. I took the next flight out and landed in New Jersey the day after I learned of the news. Victoria sent her driver to pick me up from the airport. Upon entering her fortress, I reached over to Victoria and held her for a few minutes as she cried into my shoulder. I stroked her hair and wiped her tears away with my thumbs.

  “I’m so happy that you’re here,” she began. “I’m so sorry that you had to fly out here. I know that you just started a job, and the girls need you, but—”

  “Shh…shh…you need me right now, and that is just as important. Where is your mom?” I asked after a moment. Victoria had her maid bring my bags into the guest bedroom, and she led me into her parents’ bedroom. I entered her parent’s bedroom, only to see a sorrowful Kate Spillmore who looked a shadow of her former self, lying on the bed gazing out the window. Leaning into the bed, Victoria softly spoke to her uncomprehending mother. I leaned over and kissed her forehead after we both tried to gain her attention.

  “She’s been in that same position since we found out the news,” Victoria said, as a sea of tears glistened in her eyes. We walked out of the bedroom and headed downstairs to her father’s office. Victoria’s skin was paler, and the perimeter of her eyes was red and puffy. She wore sweatpants, and her bob haircut look like it has not been combed.

  “Have you made any arrangements yet?” I asked as we sat down in the leather chairs of her late father’s office. She held a folder in her hands and opened it slowly.

  “Daddy wrote a will and had planned his funeral arrangements. All of his papers have been revised within the past six months. It is as if he knew he was going to die,” she said, as she shook her head in disbelief.

  After a moment of pondering the question in my head, I asked, “Do they have any suspects or camera footage?”

  “Nothing so far. According to the detectives, the cameras were down during the hour of his death. The camera only captured my father’s body on the floor,” she revealed while choking up.

  After making a few phone calls to the caterers, church, florist shop, and limousine services, Victoria and I headed to bed. As I lay in bed, I thought about the memories of what occurred five years ago in this guest room. I lost my virginity on this exact same bed. Sliding my hand down to my pussy, I closed my eyes and imagined Andriano’s tongue gliding in and out of my wet pussy. Moaning softly, I rubbed my clit harder at the thought of riding his face. Digging the heels of my feet into the mattress, I shook slightly at the aftershocks of coming all over my fingers.

  Chapter Thirty-One

 
Simone

  The next few days flew by quickly, as we confirmed the arrangements, spoke to the detectives, and prepared for the wake and funeral. The day before his wake, Kate Spillmore flew into hysterics. The family doctor ended up sedating her and checked her into a medical facility. I felt bad that she was missing her husband’s wake and funeral, but she was in no condition to attend anything. Victoria and I spent the day before the wake shopping for her outfit. We spent the first part of the day at the hair salon and ended the day at a bar sipping on cosmos. She became emotionally stronger each passing day.

  As Victoria became emotionally stronger each passing day, I grew weaker because I missed my daughters. I spent every morning talking to each of them. This was the first time that I was apart from them for this long, and it pained me deeper than I thought it would. The wake was in the next two hours, and I knew that I had to mentally prepare myself to face Andriano and his wife, Josephine. I wore my black turtleneck quarter length sleeved shirt tucked into my knee length leather pencil skirt and wore my peep toe heels. I wore diamond studs in my ears with the matching necklace and bracelet. I was happy that my taupe color gel manicure and pedicure remained shiny. I wore a nude color lipstick, neutral matte color eye makeup, and mascara, and I brushed my eyebrows in place with a clear mascara gel. I parted my hair in the middle and brushed my new long layered cut hair down. Since having the triplets, my hair grew to tailbone length. Swooping both sides of my hair behind my earrings, I looked myself once-over in the mirror before I grabbed my black leather clutch and left the guest room.