Love & Honor h-3

by Radclyffe

  "Excellent. While youre at it," Cam instructed, "see if you can trace those same e-mail addresses or copies of the messages to anyone in Justice or Treasury."

  "That means a lot of transmissions to sort out, Commander," Felicia pointed out. "It's the most common pathway for legitimate intra- and interagency business these days."

  "I know that. What we need," Cam said in frustration, "is to find out who is coordinating this operation.That someone must have all the information. We need a name." She stood, and the others followed. "I'll be in Command Central all day. If anyone getsanything , advise me immediately. I need you all to remain available to meet here at any time in case something breaks."

  Everyone murmured their assent as they gathered papers and moved toward the door. When Blair closed the door behind the small group of supporters, she turned to Cam and said, "What do you think?"

  Cam leaned against the back of the sofa, her arms crossed loosely over her chest. "I think Davis is onto something. Therehas to be a tie-in to the Hill, because I cant see the Bureau in this all alone even if itdoes have Hoover-esque overtones." She rubbed both hands briskly over her face and sighed.

  "What is it?"

  "Ive had three calls from Carlisle since 8:00 a.m."

  Blairs chest tightened. "What did he want?"

  "I dont know", Cam replied grimly. "I havent answered."

  "What do youthink he wants?"

  "To advise me of my suspension."

  She started toward the phone. "Im calling Lucinda."

  "Blair, no", Cam said softly. "This isnt your fight."

  Blair stopped dead and stared stonily at Cam. "I beg your pardon?"

  "This is internal something between Carlisle and me and whoever might be squeezing him on this". Cam held out her hands. "Come here."

  After a seconds hesitation, Blair crossed the room and stepped into the space between Cam's legs, loosely wrapping her arms around her lover's shoulders, one hand going to the back of Cams neck. She stroked her gently. "Dont shut me out."

  "I wont", Cam promised, encircling her waist. "But lets wait to pull out the big guns."

  Blair laughed. "Lucinda would love to know you called her that."

  "Speaking of the formidable Chief of Staff", Cam said, "what have you decided about making a statement to the pressabout us?"

  "I believe Im at the point that if asked, I will acknowledge."

  "Good," Cam murmured as she kissed Blair's forehead. "I think that's a very good idea."

  Blair studied Cam's eyes, looking for any sign of worry. "Are you sure you're okay with that if I do? You're going to get most of the heat initially. Someone is bound to raise the issue that you took advantage of your position or that your effectiveness has been compromised."

  Cam brushed her thumb against the corner of Blair's mouth, smiling when Blair quickly turned her head and kissed it. "I'm fine with it. I love you."

  The words never failed to pierce her to the core, and, smiling, Blair pressed closer, her lips finding Cams neck before she rested her cheek on Cam's shoulder. "Well, I can testify to the fact that your effectiveness has not been diminished in the least."

  "Good to know", Cam murmured.

  Closing her eyes, Blair breathed her lovers scent and felt her heartbeat strong beneath her palm. Feeling inexplicably at peace, she whispered, "I love you, too, Commander."

  *****

  As the afternoon dragged by, Blair tried to occupy her mind with work. Usually, once she began applying paint to canvas, her focus was so intense that everything else would disappear from her consciousness. Unfortunately, it wasnt working this time. Frustrated, she set her palette and brushes aside and pushed both hands through her hair, glancing at the clock for the fifth time in as many minutes.

  As she crossed the loft with the intent of calling the command center to ask Cam for an update, a knock sounded on her door. She detoured in that direction and sighed with relief when she saw her lovers face through the peephole.

  "God, Ive been going crazy up here", she said as soon as she had the door open. She grasped Cams hand and pulled her inside, then kissed her swiftly on the mouth. "Tell me youve got something."

  Cam shook her head, shedding her jacket to the back of a nearby chair and shrugging out of her shoulder holster. "Not yet, but Davis is hopeful that it wont be too long. Ive got to believe well turn up something soon."

  We have to, because the clock is ticking faster than I thought.

  "Maybe this reallywill be over soon", Blair said wearily. "At least we havent gotten any more envelopes with surveillance photographs of us inside."

  "No, and I dont think we will either", Cam said, moving to the sofa and leaning back with a sigh as she relaxed into the cushions. Shed been hunched over a computer in the command center for hours.

  "Why not?" Blair asked as she joined her.

  "Because I think our theory that these came from a friendly source is correct", Cam said as she took Blairs hand, intertwining their fingers and resting them on her thigh. "I think they were meant to warn usor at leastyou -of the scope of the investigation and perhaps to give a hint of the intent. The first photograph was of you and I together, letting you know that our relationship wasnt a secret. But it wasnt as damaging as it might have been, because it wasnt clear that you were with a woman, and I wasnt identifiable. Plus, theres been no follow-up to that. A reporter wouldnt be likely to sit on that kind of juicy tidbit for long."

  "I agree", Blair mused. "In fact this reporter in Chicago, Eric Mitchell, is probably dying for a follow-up. Obviously he hasnt gotten anything further or he would have run with it."

  "Exactly". Cam rubbed her thumb over the top of Blair's hand as she spoke. "Then we have a photograph of me in a bar with a woman in a compromising position. As a result, we know that theres an active covert investigation of me.And it points to the kind of surveillance that only professionals can carry outa link to the Bureau or Justice."

  "And finally", Blair said emphatically, "theres a picture of the woman youd been having a clandestine affair with."

  "Hardly an affair," Cam objected hastily.

  Blair raised an eyebrow. "Cameron, lets not split hairs."

  "Point taken."

  "Regardless of what you call it, Blair continued unperturbed, "the third photograph warned us that the escort service was under investigation, suggesting that the operation extended to personal lives possibly not just yours, but other influential people as well."

  "Including the president", Cam added. "Id say that someone managed to draw us a pretty clear picture of what was going on without actually naming namesor risking exposure themselves."

  "I suppose", Blair said softly, "they might have thought it would scare me enough to stop seeing you."

  "Thereby giving you credible distance and keeping you clear of any scandal". Cams stomach tightened. "Everything points to a DC insider."

  "RightDeep Throat," Blair said with a sigh. "I suppose it would seem like a favor to anyone who doesnt know how serious I am about you already."

  "Does anyone know?"

  Blair shook her head. "Only Diane. And your mother."

  Cam stared at her for a second, then grinned for the first time in what felt like days. "I think we can rule them out. What about your friendsyour contacts? You seem to have a pretty well-positioned circle of insiders at that White House and other handy places."

  "Believe me, Ive thought of that. I can think of one or two who might stumble onto something like this, but I cant imagine why they wouldnt just pick up the phone and call me."

  Cam sighed. "I agree that makes no sense."

  Blair drew her legs up under her and curled up against Cams side, threading her free arm around her waist. "Well, Im grateful to whoever did it, but theres nothing that could keep me away from you."

  Yes, there is.

  When Cam didnt reply, Blair sat up and regarded her with concern. "Cam? What is it?"

  "As of 09:00 tomorrow morning, Ill no longer be your
security chief. Mac will be interi-"

  "No", Blair cried, getting hastily to her feet, her eyes slightly wild. "No. Thats not how this is going to go. No."

  Startled, Cam stood, reaching for her hands. "Blair -"

  "Dont", Blair said sharply, stepping back, avoiding Cams touch. "I know what will happen. Theyll replace you, and Ill never see you again."

  "No, thats not true," Cam exclaimed, stepping slowly toward her lover.

  Blair looked like she was ready to bolt. Cam couldnt remember ever seeing her so frantic, even when Loverboy had been stalking her. This wasnt just about them; this was something else, an old terror of loss and abandonment come back to haunt her. Heart aching, Cam said again softly, "I wont disappear. I promised I wouldnt."

  Blairs eyes stung, and a cold hard fear blossomed in her chest. "What if you cant help it."

  "Ican help it", Cam said with certainty. "Even if Imnot on your detail, Ill still see you. No ones going to stop mestopus ."

  "What if" Blair blinked as Cams arms came around her, and she shuddered as she let herself be held. Cam was warm, her body solid, her hands tender. The past slipped away and the world righted itself. She took a deep breath. "Sorry. I panicked. I"

  "Its okay". Cam kissed her, and briefly, they found strength in the certainty of their love.

  When Blair eased out of the embrace, her eyes were hot, but this time with fury. "God damn it, Cameron-Im not letting this happen to you; Im not letting someone tear us apart; Im not letting Capitol Hill run my life any longer. She started across the loft toward her sleeping alcove."

  "What are you doing?"

  "Im going to Washington."

  "We dont know enough -"

  "Then Ill find out", Blair seethed.

  Cam swore as her cell phone rang. Snatching it off her belt, she snapped, "Roberts."

  Her face grew still, her eyes fiercely intent as she listened. "Come upstairs, and bring what you have."

  As she closed the phone, she met Blairs questioning gaze. "Stark says they have something."

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  "Okay, let's hear it," Cam said, looking from Stark to Savard. Both of them were unusually subdued, and she had a distinct sensation that Stark was trying not fidget. "Agent Stark?"

  "We've been running everyone we could think of who had any connection to you, Commander, past or present, testing the theory that the exposure of your involvement with the...escort service might be a payback of some kind." Stark took a breath, seemed to be gathering herself. "You know, a grudge kind of thing-someone passed over for promotion, someone who resents a woman heading the security team, someone who might be jealous of-"

  "I think we all follow your reasoning, Stark," Cam said dryly.

  "Right. Well, naturally, we dug deeper on a few people and-"

  "Spit it out," Cam said brusquely. Her nerves were starting to fray, and she was working hard not to show it. Despite what she'd told Blair earlier, she knew that once a formal investigation was launched into her actions in the Loverboy operation, she wouldn't be able to see Blair. At least not until she was cleared-ifshe was cleared. The thought of being separated from Blair made her ache and knowing that Blair would feel deserted tore at her. "We don't have time for the long version."

  She was surprised to feel Blair's hand move over to rest lightly on her knee. Drawing a breath, settling herself, she said, "Sorry. Continue."

  Stark sat up straighter and reported smartly, "It came to our attention that Detective Sergeant Janet Aronson was married at one time."

  "Yes, I know that," Cam agreed, her eyes never leaving Stark's. "It was well before I knew her, and she'd been divorced a number of years by the time she and I were involved. It wasn't something we spent any time talking about."

  "Yes, ma'am, I understand. She was married to-"

  "Another cop. Iknow all this," Cam said impatiently, but she was beginning to feel a tightening in her chest-a foreboding, as if there was something she should know, but didn't. Something she had missed. God, there were so many things she had done wrong with Janet.

  Blair's fingers tightened briefly on Cams leg and then stroked softly in a small circle. The touch brought her back to the present, and she slid her own fingers fleetingly over her lover's. "I'm sorry. I...just go ahead."

  "She wasn't married to anothercop , Commander, she was married to a federal agent. Patrick Doyle."

  "Jesus." Cam stood abruptly and walked to the far side of the room. Her back to the group, she looked out over Gramercy Park, remembering Janet's face, and the look in her eyes the day she'd died. Without turning, she said, her voice rough with memory, "Maybe she said law enforcement and I just assumed it was another cop. I never asked... t didn't seem important, but..."

  Nothing personal seemed important between us. We shared a bed and not much more. God, she deserved better.

  From across the room, Blair watched Cam's back stiffen and her hands clench at her sides. She wanted to go to her, to put her arms around her and rest her cheek against her back. To hold her until the memories faded and the pain diminished. She couldn't, not because the people in the room were not her friends, but because this was the pain that Cam guarded and was not ready to share. Eventually, Blair hoped she would, and when she did-Blair would find a way to help her forgive herself.

  After a minute, Cam returned to her seat. Her face was expressionless, her voice steady, when she said, "Well, if Doyle had been keeping any kind of track of her, he might have known about us. It's hard to keep anything secret in a cop shop. I'm sure he has friends with the DC police."

  "That would certainly explain why he's always had it in for you," Mac noted.

  "He wouldn't be alone," she said quietly. «A lot of people thought I should have been able to prevent what happened to her.

  "It explains why if he came across something incidental about you in an investigative file, he might try to use it against you," Savard pointed out, her tone calm and matter-of-fact. She'd seen the pain flicker through Cameron Roberts' eyes, and she'd almostfelt Blair Powell's desperate desire to comfort her. She felt for both women, imaging how it would feel to have her own deepest secrets laid bare like this.

  "Yes," Cam sighed, reaching for Blair's hand without realizing it. "I suppose it explains the photograph of me and the redhead in the bar-and possibly the one of Blair and me as well. If he's trying to sabotage my career, he's made a good start.

  Mac swore and Cam gave him a quick smile. «It doesn't explain the photograph of Blair and Clmy previous companion, however."

  "It does if he was going to hold it over your head," Stark asserted indignantly. "If he threatened to implicate Blair in something illegal or even just...unsavory, he'd have a pretty good screw in you."

  "I suppose youre right." Cam rubbed her face with her free hand, the other lightly linked with Blairs on the sofa between them. «Anything else?

  Stark and Savard shook their heads.

  "Felicias still workingshe says shes getting closer," Mac offered desperately. When Cam had told him about the call from Carlisle and her imminent suspension, hed wanted to punch something. "Ive got some stuff on the reporter. Nothing much there, though."

  "Can you guys give us a while, and then well regroup and see where we are?" Blair asked quietly. "Ill call you when were ready."

  "Its okay", Cam murmured as her agents hastened to leave.

  "No, its not", Blair answered just as softly. "But it will be."

  *****

  When the door closed behind the team members, Cam, still seated on the couch, dropped her head into her hands, her elbows braced on her knees.

  "Ah, fuck," she said wearily. "Christ, I'm sorry."

  Blair went to her side, sat close, and rested her left hand lightly on the small of Cam's back. The shirt was soaked with sweat even though the loft was cool. The anguish in Cam's voice was so rare, and so raw, she felt the edges of her own soul bleed.

  "Cam," she said quietly, her fingers making small light circles o
ver the tense muscles. "What are you sorry for?"

  Without lifting her head, without turning toward her lover's soothing voice, Cam replied dully, "I'm sorry my past is causing trouble for you now. I had no idea... I can't believe Doyle and Janet... Jesus Christ."

  "It's not your fault that Doyle is doing this, Cam," Blair said reasonably.

  "If I'd been there for her, she might be alive," Cam said sharply, finally straightening, her anger whipping through her frame, making her tremble. "If I'd asked her about her assignment,cared about what she was doing...if I'd done more thandrop around when I needed...oh fuck, you don't need to hear this."

  Cam got abruptly to her feet, desperately trying to regain control. She was tired, and the goddamn headache was back, and she was having trouble pushing the memories back where they belonged, behind the door that she kept locked and barricaded.

  Blair reached for her lover's hand and said firmly, "Sit back down, Cameron."

  For a second, Cam resisted, and then almost against her will, she did. Turning, she met Blair's eyes, her own clouded with regret. "I've made so many mistakes. With Janet, with you. It's bad enough that I got involved with you while I was on the detail. I never thought anyone would find out about the escort service, and before, when it was just me at risk, I didn't care. Now, I've pulled you into this and I'm sorry."

  Blairs gaze never wavered. "I know you're tired, because I am, too. I have a feeling your concussion was a lot worse than we thought, because I can tell the pain is back now. I know youre worried about me. I know what it will mean to you if there's an inquiry and your competence is questioned. Iknow all those things, Cam." Blair paused a beat and then said in a strong, resolute voice, "But if youever apologize to me again for loving me, I'm going to tell you to leave...and not come back."

  Cam's eyes widened and she jerked, feeling the invisible blow as surely as a fist. After a full minute she breathed, "Blair," and lifted her fingers to stroke the rigid line of Blair's tense jaw. "I'm not sorry for loving you. Loving you is the best thing Ive ever done in my life. I'm only sorry that my loving you has brought you pain."