And it’s that temporary nature of my personal life that has me reconsider my mother’s offer. Now that I’m older, maybe it is time to make peace with this part of my life and try to rebuild a different kind of relationship with her.
I’m just on the cusp of accepting when my mom adds a key detail she’d left out. “MTV is doing this series about life of the road. They’ll be here shooting some footage. I think the producers would love to see me with my daughter, so it would be great if you could make it.”
That optimistic feeling I had pops, and I’m back to being pissed. It figures that she only wants me there to make herself look better. I steel my resolve. I have enough drama in my life right now. The last thing I need it to deal with my mom. “I can’t make it. I have to work. And even if I could, I wouldn’t come. I’m not a prop for you to parade around. I’m your fucking daughter. Give the band my love. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I hang up the phone before she has a chance to argue. It’s about time I stopped reacting to things in my life. I need to be proactive, and I know the first place I want to start.
I dial the real estate person I’d been in contact with after moving in with the guys. “Hi, Mary. Is that place on Jackson still available? I’d like to put down a deposit.”
The week is surprisingly busy. With the Austin closing coming up and the Takei deal winding down, we all have a million things to do. The relationship status seems to be in the awkward holding pattern. Asher and I share an office. We live together, but we might as well be strangers. I hardly ever see him anymore. He’s taken to working late at night and leaving before the sun is up. But somehow, he’s conveniently absent when I’m at the office.
I put down a deposit on the apartment I liked but still haven’t decided if I’m really going to leave. Leo seems to think this is temporary and Asher is going to come around. I’m not so sure. Leo’s trip creeps up on us with no resolution to the tension at the penthouse.
I drive with Leo to the airport and see him off. Like a nervous parent leaving their child for the first time, Leo assures me a hundred times he’ll be back as soon as he can. I assure him that everything will be fine. Actually, this trip is perfect. Asher and I need time alone to work out our problems.
After seeing Leo off, I go back to the penthouse instead of the office and wait for Asher to get home. We have tonight to work this out, and I’m not letting him weasel out of it. I open a bottle of wine and grab my book, expecting him to come in late, but I’m surprised when he shows up at five.
“We need to talk,” he says before even taking off his jacket.
“I agree. Wine?”
He huffs and rolls his neck, like a prize fighter preparing for battle. “Sure, I’ll have a glass.”
I pour the wine and hand it to Asher, my fingers brushing his. He closes his eyes and sucks in a deep breath. “We can’t go on like this,” he says.
“I agree,” I say, stepping forward.
“Rose, I mean it. This isn’t working,” he says, retreating. “One of us is going to get hurt.”
I take another step forward, humming my agreement. “You’re probably right, but I willing to take the risk.”
He grabs both my shoulders, stopping me. “Damn it, Rose. This isn’t a game.”
“Trust me, I realize this isn’t a game, Asher.”
Here goes nothing. I go up on my tiptoes and bury both my hands into his dark hair, crushing my lips to his. He tenses against me, and I think he’s going to pull away, but instead, he wraps an arm around me, pulling me tighter against him. I can feel the hard ridge of his cock pressing against my center.
Relief courses through me, and I melt against his hard body as he deepens the kiss. Warmth pools in my center and I try to get closer, the barrier of our clothing frustrating me more than ever. I need to feel him, skin on skin like I need to take my next breath. I go for his shirt, but he catches my wrist, pinning it behind my back, and continues to devastate me with his lips.
I’m not sure how long we stand there in the foyer kissing. A minute or an hour, but when he pulls back, I feel like a weight has been lifted. We’re going to be fine. Asher might not be good with emotions, but I felt it in his kiss. He loves me. And I can wait until he’s ready to admit it to himself.
“I won’t be at the office tomorrow,” he says.
I blink up at him, still hazy from that mind-numbing kiss. The change in topic has given me mental whiplash. “Why?”
“I’m looking at some properties. I think it’s time I move out. It will be better for all of us.”
“What? No,” I say, shaking my head. It doesn’t make sense. I’m standing there still in his arms after the kiss to end all kisses, and he’s basically breaking up with me. “You can’t move out.”
“I told you, I’m not going to get in the way of you and Leo. It’s awkward with me living here.”
“It’s awkward because you made it awkward, you idiot.” I pound my fist on his chest, forgetting about the ribs and he catches me by the wrist.
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Bambi.”
“Fuck you and your Bambi,” I say. “If this was your plan all along, why did you wait until Leo left town? Are you afraid he’d call you on your bullshit? Well, I have news for you, I’m not going to let you.”
He laughs, but there’s no joy in it. “What are you going to do, Bambi? Tie me up until Leo gets home?”
“Don’t tempt me,” I say under my breath. “What’s wrong with you, Asher? Why can’t you accept the fact that I’m in love with both you and Leo?”
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “It was never meant to last. None of us expected it to get this far, not even you.”
“Leo did,” I say, feeling a little desperate. “And I do now. Would it be so hard for you to just try?”
“I can’t,” he says, stepping away from me. “Leo is the closest thing I have to a real family. I’m not going to let my attraction to you ruin our friendship, and I sure as hell am not going to stand in his way.” Asher kisses the top of my head and steps around me, heading towards his rooms. “Don’t blame yourself, Bambi. It was bound to happen eventually.”
At that moment, I realize he’s not going to change his mind. I feel like the rug has been pulled from under my feet. That foolish man. I have no idea how Leo is going take the news. But one thing’s for sure, despite what Asher said, I’m the one to blame for this whole mess. I’m the one that changed the rules and tried to make our relationship more than it was. I’m the one who was stupid enough to believe that they both would want it. This mess is my fault.
With that realization, I know what I need to do. I go back to my room and pack my things. I don’t have much besides clothes. I can take most of it with me and send for the rest later. It only takes about an hour which I find disturbing. So much has happened in the last few months but in reality, it was easy to erase the fact that I’d ever been here. That sobering thought shores up my resolve and I knock on Asher’s door.
“Go away, Rose. We’ve got nothing else to talk about.”
Undeterred, I knock again.
“You’re not going to change my mind.”
“Fine,” I yell through the closed door. “If you won’t talk to me, I’ll leave the elevator key on the table.”
I stalk over to the table and toss down the key along with a letter addressed to both Asher and Leo, and my resignation. I look around the penthouse that was starting to feel like home one last time and sigh. Maybe Asher is right. This was never meant to last.
I’ve got the apartment, but I decide to head to Denver to see my mom. Some distance will help me think. When I get back, I’ll figure out what my next step will be.
The elevator opens, and I walk out of Asher and Leo’s life for good. I know it’s not fair to Leo to leave like this, but I can’t face him. If he asks, I will stay, and I can’t stay. By the time he gets home, I’ll be in another state, another time zone.
The Uber I ordere
d still isn’t here when I reach the main floor. I go outside and wait. I need the cold November air to help clear my head. As soon as I step outside, I notice white sedan sitting at the corner. An older man gets out as soon as he sees me.
“Rose?”
I grab my bag and head to the car. I give the address to a hotel near the airport and crawl into the back seat. I’m doing the smart thing, right? It’s better if I leave now before things get too serious. The only trouble is, they’re already serious—at least for me. I lean against the cool leather, closing my eyes as the car pulls away. I refuse to cry until I’m alone.
“Going on a trip?” the driver asks me.
I shrug. “Something like that.”
“Good. Then they won’t notice right away that you’re gone.”
My eyes fly open just in time to see a cloud of something being sprayed in my face. My last thought before blacking out is that I may never see the men I love again.
45
Leo
I manage to move some of my meetings and catch an earlier flight home. I have this sick feeling in my gut that something is wrong. Rose isn’t picking up her phone, and my calls are going right to voicemail. I try texting, but no love. I hope her phone is just dead.
Before I take off, I try to reach Asher at the office, but his assistant tells me he called in sick. He’s not picking up his cell either. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I need to get home.
The car service is waiting for me at the airport when I land. I check my watch. It’s creeping towards noon, and I should have heard from someone by now. I call Asher again, and there’s still no answer.
The optimist in me wants to think they made up—in a big way—and are both too tired from the make-up sex to move. But the realist in me knows that something went wrong. Rose may have killed my asshat of a best friend, or maybe they’re still fighting. I have visions of Rose tossing things at Asher’s hard head. Maybe the police were called, and they’re both down at the station.
But when I walk into the penthouse, it’s quiet. No smashed lamp or dead bodies. I find Asher sitting in the dark living room, half a bottle of whiskey in his hand, staring out the window. The dark circles that rim his eyes and the heavy five o’clock shadow lets me know right away that things are not well.
“What did you do?”
“I fucked everything up.” Asher downed the rest of what was in his glass and filled it again.
Not in the mood for his self-flagellation, I drop my bags and stalk across the room. “I figured as much, asshole. You smell like a fucking distillery.” He’s gone through dark phases before, but it’s never been this bad. Any hope I had of fixing things between Rose and Asher is slowly dying. Whatever happened last night had to have been major. I grab the bottle out of Asher’s hand and set it on the table. “Where’s Rose?”
“She left.”
“Left? Is she at the office?”
“No. She. Left,” he says, repeating each word slowly like I’m hard of hearing. “She quit her job, packed all her shit, and fucking left the state if you go by her note.”
He tosses a crumpled piece of paper onto the table. Rose’s thin, loopy handwriting covers the whole page. I don’t want to believe what Asher is telling me, but I can see the words in black and white.
Asher and Leo,
I’m sorry.
I always knew things might end badly, but I never wanted this. Even so, I’ll never regret our time together. I knew that accepting an internship a Lash Equity would change my life. I just never realized that being with the two of you would do so much more. I’m a different person than I was four months ago. I’m stronger and more willing to accept the curves and surprises that life has in store. For that, I’ll always be grateful. But like a lot of things in this life, what we had was perfect, but never meant to last. I was recently reminded of that fact.
I’m not angry with either of you. It just didn’t work out. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. I pushed for something that wasn’t possible. All three of us had to want this, and I refuse to be the woman that came between the two of you.
I emailed a formal resignation to HR this morning. And by the time you read this letter, I’ll be on a plane headed as far away from here as possible.
Leo, I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t. I knew you’d try to talk me out of leaving. If you had asked me to stay, I would have. I’m not that strong of a person. This is for the best.
I love you both very much.
-Rose
After reading the letter three times, I toss it back to the table. “What the fuck did you say to her?”
“I told her I was moving out,” Asher said, still refusing to look at me. “I was trying to do the right thing and get out of your way.”
“What the fuck, man? I realize you have your issues, but what we had was good,” I yell, pouring all my rage and frustration into the words. Better that than kick the shit out of him. “She loves us. Both of us. The three of us, we fit. Everything was going fine until you took a big old dump on what she was offering.”
“The fuck it was,” Asher said, jumping to his feet. “You didn’t see her at the ball. Everything is fine while we’re here, in the safety of our home. Everything is sunshine and fucking rainbows. But we live in the real world. That world is filled with vicious gossip and asshole photographers. I knew it was just a matter of time before it all fell apart—before the pressure of that kind of life broke her. One of us had to leave, and I decided it would be best if it was me.” Asher reaches up and lays a hand on my shoulder, trying to make it easier for me to swallow his bullshit. “I swore a long time ago, I would never let anything stand between us, no matter what.”
I shot him a look that’s bruising and step away. “From where I stand, the only thing standing between us is you. You betrayed the bond we share by going behind my back.” I go back and grab my jacket. I need air before I say something I can’t take back. “Find her. I don’t care what you have to do.”
Asher rakes a hand through his hair and sighs. “I’m sorry. I’ll find her and convince her to come back.”
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough already? Just find out where she is and I’ll handle it. And as for us…” I pause and zip up my jacket. “Fuck, Asher. What is it you want? Do you even know?”
Unable to hold my gaze, he looks down at the floor and rubs his chin. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”
“Don’t give me that martyr bullshit. Of course, it matters. You’re just as much a part of this as I am. We’re not kids anymore. You can’t just fall on your sword and play the martyr. Rose wants you. And you know me. If I didn’t want you in this with me, I would have said something. You need to man the fuck up and be honest with yourself. Whatever you decide will have consequences. And not only with Rose,” I say and step onto the elevator. “Either way, we need to figure this shit tonight. Do whatever you need to do, and I’ll be back as soon as I don’t want to smash your face in.”
I don’t wait for him to answer. I’ve made my point, and now I need to clear my head.
I leave the building and head north. I don’t have a destination in mind. I’ll just walk until I don’t feel like my entire world is falling apart.
I’m beyond pissed at both of them—stupid, pig-headed fools. Neither one seems to know how to love. The trouble is I don’t know how to fix this. But despite this setback, I’m more certain than ever that the three of us belong together. I’m determined to make us work even if I have knock some sense into their stubborn heads.
46
Asher
I don’t believe in love. At least not the love Hollywood tries to sell us. That kind of love is just one of those stories people tell each other in the dark to get us through to the next day. And even if I did believe in love, it’s not something that I deserve.
I ruin everything I touch.
Leo is right; I want Rose. I might even be in love with her. But that’s exactly the reason I have to
let her go. This is so much bigger than want or love. Leo is trying to build a family. Rose is trying to find a normal. I’m only in the way. I thought leaving would help. But instead, I hurt both of them.
See, I don’t deserve either of them.
But I swear to God, I’ll tear this town apart brick by brick to find her. I just hope I can get to her before she leaves town.
I pick up my cell and dial the head of the security on his personal line. Red has been working with us for a number of years, and I know he’ll help with no questions asked. Because I’m pretty sure what I’m about to ask him to do will break a few laws.
“I need a favor,” I say.
“A favor? You never ask for favors,” Red says, warily.
“It’s important,” I say. “I need—”
“Before you ask, let me tell you upfront, I don’t do bodies,” he says. “If this is that kind of call, I know a guy. And the less you tell me, the better.”
“Damn it Red, I’m being serious,” I say. “I need you to find someone for me. Her name is Primrose Morningstar.”
“Primrose Morningstar? That sounds like a stripper's name.”
“Fuck off. Can you do it or not?” I ask, growing increasingly impatient. “I need to find her as soon as possible, and if you can’t do it, I’ll call someone else.”
“Okay, so it’s like that. Color me intrigued,” Red says, and I hear the steady click of typing on the other end of the line. “I’ll find her for you. I’ll handle this myself. Send over the details, and I’ll have a report by tomorrow.”
“That’s not fast enough,” I say. “She said she’s leaving town and I can’t let that happen. Can’t you track her cell phone or something?”
“This isn’t a TV cop show, man. You can’t just give a name and a few sketchy details and expect me to tell you where the girl is,” he says, still typing away. “These things take time, but I’ll make it a priority.”
Brothers Next Door: A MFM Menage Romance Page 23