The Green Beans, Volume 4: Shipwrecked on Smuttynose Island
Page 9
Nibbler tilted his head inquisitively at the mysterious figure who had appeared, lingering near the woods. “Ah-roo?” the Labradoodle gently queried, as if uncertain as to the nature of this hooded stranger, but curious to learn more.
“You must leave this place, at once! Heed my words, oh foolish travelers, lest you be enveloped within the toothy maw of doom,” the robed figure boomed.
He wore a thick-linked chain that was draped over his shoulders, resting against his chest, and there were similar chains wrapped around both of his wrists. They were largely covered with rust and moss, granting him a weird and ominous character. Near the tattered hem of his robe, a burlap sack rested on the ground.
“Oh, hello there!” Neil called cheerfully, raising his hand and waving. “I’m glad you’re here! Maybe you can help us. You see, we were on a boat - it was called the Quantum Conundrum, by the way - but anyhow, we were headed out for a grand adventure, and all of a sudden, this crazy storm came out of nowhere-”
“Silence!” the robed man bellowed, pointing a gnarled, sea-weathered finger at Neil and his friends.
“What?” Neil asked, confused by this rather rude interruption. “I was just getting to the good part, if you’ll bear with me for a moment, sir. You’re not even going to believe what happened next-”
“I said, be silent! Is there fault within your ears, boy?”
Prompted by this inquiry, Neil probed at his ears with the fingers of both hands. “Now that you mention it, there is quite a bit of sand and this weird stuff… I call it sea gunk; it’s like a combination of seaweed and salt water, and maybe even a little crab paste, seeing how as this place is crawling with those things. There’s quite a bit of that stuff still in my ears, if you must know. I believe I could benefit from a good old fashioned bubble bath, once we get back home.”
“Silence!” the robed man bellowed once more. “It was more of a… a rhetorical question. I don’t need to know about the gunk in your ears!”
“Our ears work just fine, but your manners could use a little work, if you don’t mind my saying so,” Jack pointed out. “Always with the ‘silence’ this, and ‘silence’ that! You’re like a shabbily dressed librarian on a rampage.”
The posture of the robed figure changed, his shoulders tilting back, as if he had been greatly offended. “A… a shabbily dressed librarian, did you say?”
“Woof!” Nibbler confirmed, wagging his tail for emphasis.
“Oh, my,” Lefty whispered from where he lay on the sand. “We seem to have stumbled upon quite the odd duck here. There’s no telling how long he’s been stranded on this island by himself. He might be playing with less than a full deck of cards, if you catch my meaning… tread lightly, boys!”
“What’s that fellow on the ground whispering about?” the mystery man demanded.
“Uh, he was agreeing that your manners need some work,” Neil improvised. “There seems to be a universal consensus on the matter.”
“I have no need of society’s formalities,” the man retorted, chuckling darkly. “I answer only to the island… for I am its keeper.”
“You’re the keeper of the island?” asked Jack.
“Yes, that’s what I just said! Has a plague of deafness infected the whole lot of you? Will I be forced to repeat everything I say?” the keeper asked. To himself he muttered, “These encounters used to be so brief… I haven’t been forced to speak this much in years.”
“Well, in our defense, sir, we did just survive a shipwreck of a most bodacious magnitude,” Neil told him. “I was trying to explain that to you, but you kept interrupting and telling me to pipe down, as you might recall.”
The keeper shook his head in exasperation. “Enough! I care not for your problems! You’re supposed to just stand there and listen to what I have to say, not tell me your life story. What is it with you people?”
“Well, we’ve been told that we’re full of gumption, sir,” Neil pointed out.
“Several times,” Jack added. “If that’s any consolation.”
“Full of gumption, indeed,” the keeper muttered. “I should say so.”
“So you’re the keeper of this island?” Neil asked, swiveling his head to examine the copious amounts of brambles and whatnot that grew at the edge of the dunes and forest. “You’ve fallen a bit behind on your landscaping, wouldn’t you say? Need to bust out the ol’ rake and hedge trimmers, don’t you think? This place has grown wild!”
The keeper released a noise of exasperation, his shoulders slumping. “Never mind about the landscaping! I have matters of far greater importance to tend!”
“Fascinating! Tell us more. This is getting interesting…” Neil said, rubbing his hands together with anticipation. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”
“Uh… nope, I can’t do that,” the keeper said, shaking his head and causing the links of his chains to clink together.
“Why not?” asked Jack, genuinely disappointed. “Does this island have some really intriguing secrets that you’re reluctant to share. That’s it, isn’t it?”
“Oooh, secrets,” Neil said, as he continued to rub his hands together.
“You shall hear no such thing. Your fragile minds would explode, were I to impart such formidable knowledge,” the keeper explained. He raised both hands and wiggled his fingers for emphasis, causing the chains at his wrists to jangle. “It is not suitable for the minds of normal men, much less so for those of mere children like yourselves. To share my knowledge would result in nothing short of your very undoing.”
Chapter Ten
A Curious Exchange