by Abel, Maegan
“Where are the keys?” I asked, sighing as I patted his jacket pockets. He started to tip to the side as he fumbled toward his jeans. “Whoa. Easy. Here.” I reached in his pocket, avoiding his eyes as I slid my hand in and wrapped it around the metal of the keys.
“Careful, or I might think you want more than just to give me a ride home,” he joked. I steeled myself against the embarrassment that wanted to rise with his words. It wasn’t something that happened often, but his suggestive jokes that came out when he was drinking made it feel like I was transparent in my inability to get completely past my feelings for him.
“Right. Keep dreaming,” I muttered, helping him as we made our way out to the parking lot behind the bar.
With him being so much taller than me, it was a chore to get him settled in the passenger seat. “Are you going to puke?” I asked, noticing he looked a little pained while I leaned across him to buckle his seatbelt. He shook his head slowly so I snapped it in place.
“Hey,” I said when I looked up and saw his eyes closed. “If you pass out in the car, I’m leaving you in here. I can’t move your sorry ass alone.” He nodded, but didn’t respond. As I walked around to the driver’s side, I started wondering if Tish was still awake. I was just thinking about calling him as I climbed in and started the engine. A groan from Zane brought my attention back to him.
“Fuck,” I said, jumping from the car and running back around to his side. I threw open the passenger door and pulled off his seatbelt, but I wasn’t fast enough. As I grabbed his shoulders to heave him over, he lost it. I lifted my chin, not daring to look down as vomit hit the ground between us. I could feel it splashing my legs and I wanted to move, but I was the only thing between him and face planting on the pavement.
“I’m sorry,” he groaned and I looked down, thinking he was done. No such luck. I turned my head, trying to hold my breath as I waited him out, my arms shaking from holding his weight.
When he finally finished, I lifted him carefully back into the seat. I would’ve been grateful that he didn’t make a huge mess on himself, if he hadn’t made one on me. I watched him for a moment before buckling him in. His eyes were closed as he took heavy breaths. I wasn’t sure if he was asleep or not, but for now, I didn’t care. Once I shut the door, I moved around to pop the trunk. Luckily, I knew he at least kept a blanket back there.
Examining myself in the light from the trunk, I gagged. I’d hoped he’d just splashed me a little but that was not the case. My skirt, tights, and boots were covered. “Mother fuck. So fucking gross.” I dug in the trunk, finding a blanket and an empty plastic bag. I glanced around the parking lot as I kicked off my boots. I stuffed them in the bottom of the bag and determined that Zane would be cleaning them tomorrow. Then, I wrapped the blanket high around my chest and wiggled out of my skirt and tights. It took a little time and a lot of dexterity, but once I was free of them, I stuffed them in the bag and left it in the trunk. No use in making the rest of his car smell worse.
I unwrapped the blanket as I slipped behind the wheel. Carefully, I adjusted it over my lap to cover the fact that I didn’t have anything but a pair of boy shorts covering the bottom half of my body. As I went to scoot the seat up, I noticed Zane’s eyes were open. He was watching me and I hadn’t even paid attention. I lifted my chin and moved the seat so I could reach the pedals. I hated driving, especially in Vegas, but at least it was late and I knew the roads well enough that I got away from the Strip easily.
“I’m sorry,” Zane whispered again, but I didn’t look over at him as I turned into the neighborhood.
“It’s fine. You can make it up to me by washing the puke off my boots tomorrow when you’re feeling better.”
He chuckled but it was almost a pained sound. “Deal.” I risked a look over at him. He didn’t seem distressed, so I didn’t think he was going to vomit again.
Pulling into the driveway, I felt relieved that he was awake. Tish wasn’t home, which probably meant he was staying with Kas. While Zane still needed help, he hadn’t passed out. I took that as a plus. I could at least get him inside, maybe even get him cleaned up some. Getting out of the car, I did my best to wrap the blanket around me but I could feel his eyes on my bright pink undies. It was awkward trying to hold the blanket and keep him upright, but I managed somehow. He leaned against the wall on the porch while I pulled out my key and unlocked the front door. Helping him inside, I headed toward the bathroom.
“You should get cleaned up first,” he said, frowning. “I’ll wait.”
I stared at him for a moment, unsure as to whether he could wait. He was a little steadier on his feet, thankfully. “Are you sure?”
He nodded back toward the wall next to the door. “I’ll sit right here.” He started lowering himself and I had no choice but to help him ease down.
“Okay, I’ll leave the door unlocked in case you need me. I’ll be right back,” I said, rushing down to my room to grab my pajamas. He was still sitting in the same place, head leaning back against the wall when I came out. He opened one eye as I passed him but didn’t say anything, so I slipped into the bathroom to shower.
Normally, I would’ve just changed, but a shower was definitely in order. I rushed through, making sure to scrub my legs and feet. Even though I’d been wearing boots and tights, I still felt disgusting. Once I was done, I threw my hair up in a loose bun and pulled my pajamas on, immediately opening the door to check on him. He was already staggering to his feet.
“Whoa, easy,” I said, moving over to help him. He kept me at arm’s length.
“Stay back. You’re clean. I can do this.” He started toward the bathroom and I stayed close, just in case. He shrugged out of his jacket, leaving it in a heap on the floor in the hall. Once he closed the bathroom door, I picked it up. It smelled vile so I headed to the laundry room. I checked the pockets before tossing it in the washer, deciding I’d wash a load of our clothes so they didn’t sit around and stink all night.
I grabbed Zane’s keys from where I’d laid them on the table before heading back out to his car. The bag of clothes from the trunk reeked already. I thought about coming out later to spray some Febreze and possibly drop an air freshener or two in there. As I walked back inside, I heard the shower running in the bathroom. I closed my eyes and opened the door just a crack.
“Hey, I’m gonna grab your dirty clothes. Is it safe?”
“Yeah,” he said, his voice ragged.
I pushed open the door enough to peek at the mirror and saw that the shower curtain was, in fact, drawn before I headed inside. I gathered his scattered clothes and looked behind me, realizing I’d left mine in a small pile by the door. My bra and underwear sitting on top like a beacon had me wanting to beat my head into the wall. Usually, I never left my clothes in the bathroom, but I’d been worried about leaving him in the hall.
“You good?” I asked as I headed back to the door.
“Yeah.”
I loaded the rest of the clothes into the washer and closed it, deciding to wait until he was done in the shower before I actually turned it on. I went to the kitchen, wanting to start some coffee in case he needed to try to sober up before he went to bed. I was just pushing the button when a loud thump sounded from the bathroom. I ran down the hall, bursting through the door to the steam built up from the hot water.
“Zane?” I asked as I headed toward the curtain, afraid he’d passed out and possibly hurt himself.
“Help. I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” he laughed at his own joke and I heard struggling on the other side of the curtain.
“Fuck,” I grumbled, looking up at the ceiling as I shoved the curtain aside. There was no way around this tonight, apparently. I checked to make sure he didn’t have shampoo or soap still on him before shutting off the water and grabbing a towel.
Patiently, I helped him up and back out of the shower, tossing an extra towel on the lid to the toilet so I could sit him down. He held the towel over his lap while I looked around, rea
lizing he hadn’t grabbed his pajama pants before coming into the bathroom.
“Let’s dry you off some and get you to bed, okay?” I asked, pulling down the last towel in the cabinet. I started scrubbing at his shaggy hair, drying it so it would quit dripping before moving to his chest. His eyes watched me but he didn’t say a word.
I knelt down on the floor, drying his legs and the puddles he’d made when I’d helped him out. Tossing the towel on the tile to cover the worst of it, I noticed his toothbrush on the floor of the tub. That was probably what he’d bent over to get when he fell. I picked it up, deciding immediately to toss it. It was weird that he brushed his teeth in the shower anyway.
Turning, I bumped into his legs, not realizing that he shifted his position to watch me. I staggered for a second, grabbing his shoulder to keep my balance. “Sorry.”
He stared at me for a moment, his eyes glassy with the residual alcohol, but the expression on his face more peaceful than it had been earlier today. With the way he slouched forward, I was just barely taller than him. It made me want to dip down to my knees to look into his eyes again when he glanced at the floor. “Why are you so good to me? I don’t deserve it, you know.”
I frowned. “I’m just—”
He cut my words off by lifting his head, his lips finding mine. The kiss was frantic, almost desperate, but somehow, impossibly, still just as peaceful as the look in his eyes. It took a second, maybe two, or three, before I stepped back, breaking the connection. I could taste mint but he still reeked of liquor and…and what? I couldn’t think. I just stared.
He stared back.
Finally, after hours, or possibly just a minute, he blinked and struggled to reopen his eyes. “I need to lie down.”
“Okay,” I said carefully, stepping forward to help him up. He had one arm around my shoulders and the other holding the towel around his waist as best as he could. I appreciated the gesture, as my entire body thrummed with adrenaline after the kiss.
Once we were in his room, I grabbed his pajama pants and helped him step into them, turning my back to allow him privacy to pull them on. Once he was done, I grabbed the towel, glancing back as he fell against his pillows. I scooted him carefully, helping him under the covers as he blinked groggily.
It shouldn’t have affected me that he wasn’t wearing any underwear, that he was barely covered, that he had drunkenly kissed me because I’d taken care of him…
But it did.
Goddammit. It did.
Waking up with a hangover sucked. I never wanted to do it again. And yet, I clearly still hadn’t learned my lesson.
Groaning, I fumbled on the nightstand for my phone, dead set on throwing it across the room to make the god-awful noise of my alarm stop. The pale light streaming in through the curtains told me I’d survived Christmas Eve, but I wasn’t quite sure how it had happened. My brain was a foggy haze of nothing and my head hurt too much to think about it. Especially, since I had to work.
Once I finally silenced the offending device, I slowly and carefully rolled to my side. I needed water and Ibuprofen first thing. As I sat up and reached for my glasses, I noticed the glass and the pill bottle on my nightstand. Water and Ibuprofen. Had I really thought that far ahead? Grabbing the bottle carefully, I popped a few of the pills into my mouth and reached for the glass. The fact that the water was still cold told me someone else had put it here. My mind immediately brought up a picture of Lili standing over my bed. A pair of hot pink underwear. Lili helping me under the covers. Lili brushing my hair off my forehead.
Fuck.
What the fuck had I done?
As my head continued to pound, I glanced around my room, trying to put together any other pieces of the puzzle. The clothes I’d worn last night, including my jacket, were folded on the edge of Conner’s bed. I didn’t see any other clothes, but that didn’t mean there hadn’t been any.
“Fuck,” I muttered, feeling the need to say the word out loud this time. I started pushing myself to my feet, being careful as I headed toward the door with my now empty water glass. Shuffling down the hall, I heard soft voices in the kitchen. Good. Tish was home; I could’ve done too much. He may have even been the one to leave the water.
As I crossed into the kitchen, the conversation ceased. I blinked against the brighter light in this room and realized Lili wasn’t in here with Tish. It was Kas. The kitchen was a mess of food prep. I’d completely forgotten that she had asked to cook Christmas dinner for all of us.
“Damn. You look like shit,” Tish said as the smell of all the food hit me. I swallowed hard, fighting back the instant wave nausea that rolled over me.
“Feel like it,” I said, moving to the refrigerator to grab some more water. “Did you bring the water to me?”
“No. Lili checked on you about fifteen minutes ago. She was worried that you hadn’t gotten up yet,” Tish answered, his arms still around Kas as she tried to cook.
Lili.
Dammit.
“Damn. What time did I get in last night?”
Tish shrugged as I downed the water. “Hell if I know. We only got here about an hour ago.”
The nausea returned, this time for a completely different reason. “You weren’t home last night?”
Tish raised an eyebrow as he studied my expression. “No. Why?”
I shook my head, trying to stay calm. “Where’s Lili?”
“She just went to bed. She looked worse than you. Said she had a bad night at work and was dreading another tonight,” Tish said, still eyeing me.
I nodded, glancing over at the clock. “Fuck,” I muttered, realizing it was already seven-fifteen. I had to leave for work in half an hour. “I have to go to work.”
“Yeah, Lili told me to wake you up at seven-thirty if you didn’t get up on your own,” Tish said, his feigned attempt at casualness completely transparent. “She seemed a little off.”
“Huh,” I said noncommittally, passing Tish to make myself a cup of coffee after I finished the second glass of water. Caffeine would be necessary to make it through the day.
I headed back to my room, my mind starting to buzz. What had I been thinking drinking so much when I knew I had to work and go get Conner today? Well, that was easy. Obviously, I hadn’t been thinking or I wouldn’t have somehow ended up doing God only knows what with Lili. I needed to talk to her, clear things up, but that was second. First, I had to make it through this shift.
Work was just as horrible as I’d imagined. This year, it seemed that people were forgetting the fact that cabbies didn’t give a flying fuck about pedestrians. The number of auto versus pedestrian accidents Jackson and I responded to was sickening.
But, it kept me busy and I made it through. Now, I was stuck in traffic on my way to pick up Conner and I was thrilled. I knew he’d want to tell me all about the presents he got from Santa and his excitement would help me forget about the pain in my chest over missing this time with him. He was the best kind of medicine. He always made me smile and feel like I was loved in a way no one else really did.
Kids needed and deserved unconditional love, but sometimes, it was their unconditional love that healed us. At least, that’s how it felt to me.
My excitement dissipated the second I turned onto Lizzie’s street. Adam’s car was parked in the driveway. The anger I felt when it came to his threats simmered. He was going to try to start something, I could almost feel it coming as I parked behind his car. I took a deep breath as I stepped out, hoping Lizzie was smart enough to keep him away since she knew I was coming by. Unfortunately, I knew better.
Adam was a master at confrontation and since we’d finally dropped any pretense of actually being friends, it was as if he lived to find new ways to push me.
I tapped my knuckles against the door three times and listened, in hopes that Conner was waiting and would answer. He made it infinitely easier to deal with Adam, or just easier to keep my temper in check. The door swung open and I kept my expression smooth as Adam cross
ed his arms over his chest.
“Well, well, well,” he said, a cocky smirk on his face. As much as I hated violence, I was starting to think that I hated this asshole even more.
I cleared my throat, lifting my chin and squaring up to Adam, showing him I wasn’t afraid of him in the slightest. Because I wasn’t. He was a pansy-ass and we both knew it. “Is my son ready to go?”
He laughed, the sound mocking and cold. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides, and somehow managed to keep them there, staving off the anger yet again. “Your son? I’m sorry, do you have a son?”
My anger boiled, my body trembling as I stepped closer. “Daddy?” Conner’s small voice came from behind Adam and I closed my eyes, releasing a heavy breath. I had almost hit him…right in front of Conner. I was exhausted and in a piss poor mood from lack of sleep and I’d let Adam goad me, as always.
“I’m more of a father than you’d have any idea how to be,” I whispered as I glared at Adam. “Now, get out of my way.”
Conner’s footsteps across the entryway tile got louder as Adam leaned into me. “Maybe your son will be able to handle losing his father better than you did.”
“Motherfuc—”
Adam stepped back as Conner crashed into my legs, wrapping his arms around them in his customary greeting. I smiled down at him, lifted him in my arms, and walked past Adam into the house. “Little man! I missed you so much.”
“I missed you, too, Daddy. But did you know that Santa came? He came last night…” Conner rattled on as I walked through the living room. I wanted to find Lizzie so I could have a talk with her. Finally hearing her in the kitchen, I put Conner down at the door to his room.
“Okay, I want you to pick two toys, your two favorites, and put them in your bag for tonight. I’m gonna go talk to Mommy and I’ll be right back,” I said the words with a smile, but his face fell. He knew. I hated that he knew it meant a fight was coming. I hated that he knew I was putting him in his room to shield him from it. He nodded and moved to close the door, the understanding on his face enough to break my heart. He shouldn’t know. He shouldn’t live through what I’ve lived through. He shouldn’t be afraid or have to hide away in his room because Lizzie and I couldn’t get through one conversation civilly anymore.