by Abel, Maegan
What if I ignored her call and something happened to her before I got to talk to her again?
“Hey, Paige,” I said, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible.
“Bubbles!” She laughed into the phone. Music was playing in the background and by her use of the nickname she called me when she was in high school, I figured she was probably drinking.
“Enjoying yourself a little early?” I asked, clearing my throat to keep the tears out of my voice.
“I was. But something told me that I should call you,” she said, her voice sounding more serious.
“Something told you, huh? That’s mysterious.”
“Call it sisterly instinct. Where are you?” she asked.
I looked around and considered lying, but there was no reason to. “Talking to Liv.”
She was quiet for a long moment. Paige and I didn’t discuss Liv any more than Tish and I did. “I knew you were hurting.”
“I can’t hear her anymore,” I admitted, both hating and loving that this was the first discussion I’d had with either of my siblings about Olivia in as long as I could remember. “I can see her face in my head, but I can’t hear her voice anymore…I hate it.”
Paige sniffled and the sound of the music and background noise faded before I heard a door close over the line. I felt guilty; Paige deserved to have fun tonight and I was being a downer. “I have something that will help.” I heard the sound of a drawer opening and rustling. “She called me about a month before…” she trailed off for a second before continuing, “it was right after you bought us the phones so we could talk to her without Mom and Dad finding out. She left a message and then when…once she was gone, I recorded it so I’d always have it.”
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I coughed, nearly choking in my need for air.
“I’m going to put you on speakerphone,” Paige said as the background noise around her became slightly more apparent. I heard the click of a button and then Olivia’s voice filled my ears.
“Hey, baby sis, I know you’re in practice right now but I’m between a study session and my shift at work so I wanted to call and tell you that I’m proud of you. Zane sent me a text that said you made the cheer squad and you were loving it. I wish I could’ve seen it. I did make him promise to send me pictures, so deal with it when he takes them. I want you to know that I really am so proud of the woman you’re becoming. You’re growing up so fast. You and Zane, both. It won’t last forever, Paige. You’ll be out of there and free of it all and life gets better. I promise. Both you and Zane are so strong, I know you’ll make it. He loves you a lot, so don’t give him too much crap about being overprotective. It’s what big brothers do. Tish did it to me when we were younger and I know it can be a pain, but Zane is a good guy and a great brother, he just takes everything on himself. I love you and I miss you. Take care of yourself and tell Zane I said I love him too.”
The sound of Paige’s sniffles and my own ragged breathing was all I could hear for several minutes as I processed Liv’s words.
“I thought I’d never hear her voice again,” I finally said, my own voice barely above a whisper.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you I had it sooner but…” It was obvious that Paige was crying and her being so upset hurt me.
“But I don’t talk about Olivia to anyone. I know, Paige. I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry,” I said, sobbing into my knees again as the guilt threatened to choke me.
“Stop. Don’t be sorry. Do you remember what you told me when you woke up in the hospital when your arm was broken and you caught me crying? You said it was okay to be angry about what happened. That it was okay to be sad. That it was okay to hate God and Dad and the system that kept failing us and anyone else I wanted to hate for the hell we were living in. But it wasn’t okay to feel guilty. Do you remember telling me that?”
“That’s differ—”
“No! No, Zane, it’s not different. You told me that feeling guilty over things that happened to us would only hurt us. You told me to be angry. You told me to be sad. And you told me to push back. Goddammit, Zane, push back! You’ve been drowning in the guilt for so long and it has to stop. One day, it has to stop.”
I wished I could believe her. I remembered saying that to her, but what happened then happened to her. This was different, whether she wanted to see it that way or not. “I love you, Paige. You know that, right?”
“Stop talking like that!” she snapped, her voice rising to a scream. “You need to get help, Zane. I’m scared and I can’t lose you, too.”
“You’re not going to lose me. I’m not suicidal, Paige. My life might be crap right now but I have Conner to think about. I can’t fall apart.” I sniffed, pulling myself together. “Not like that.”
“One of these days, I’m going to be strong enough to come back there,” Paige whispered.
“And God help us all when you do.” I tried to laugh, but it still sounded forced. “Look, it’s just a place. I can’t deny you the fact that you took off and put as much distance as you could between you and here, but when you do come back, you’ll see. You’re still the same strong girl you’ve always been.”
“I love you,” she whispered. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Love you, too. Now, go enjoy your party. Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year, Bubbles.”
After driving around for most of the afternoon, I decided there was only one place for me to ring in the new year. I knew what my mistake was — I wanted to leave the past in the past and it had everything to do with what Paige reminded me of today. I had to push back.
Lili most likely had to work tonight, but maybe, if I felt up to it, I would fight my way through the crowd later to go down and apologize to her in person. Again. I would push back against the feeling that she didn’t need to deal with my messed up psyche. She always had. She’d never given me any indication that who I was wasn’t enough to be her friend. It was time I started acting like a better friend.
By the time I made it through the thick traffic across town to the parking garage, the festivities were in full swing. I headed up the stairs right at eleven-thirty, looking forward to releasing this weight and starting over. A new start. Again. Maybe this year would be the one when life would start getting better. I remembered thinking the same thing last year, and probably the year before that, but one of these years, it would happen. I could hear Olivia’s voice in my head, reminding me of just that.
As I shoved open the door to the roof, I froze. Lili sat on a blanket in the same spot I’d placed us in last year, a santa hat on her head as she faced the door. She scrambled to her feet. “Don’t leave. Just…hear me out.”
“Pix—”
“No. Listen. I came here because I knew you’d show and I spent all day thinking about our last New Year’s Eve. I don’t want things to be weird between us and it’s my fault that they got that way. I should’ve just told you that nothing happened. Instead, I let my pride get the better of me. And I did exactly what I’ve yelled at you for doing. I let someone else’s words mess with my head.”
She had my attention when she said that nothing happened. She extended her hand, offering a hat to me, and I took it. Pulling it on, I sat on the blanket and leaned back on my hands. She followed suit, mirroring my position so that we were angled toward each other, our feet almost touching. This way, I could see her face.
“Christmas eve…you were drunk. I took you home, helped you clean up, and put you in bed. Yes, I stayed and watched over you, which probably comes across wrong, but you’d already gotten sick and I didn’t want it to happen again with no one there.”
I swallowed, still trying to piece together any memories from that night. “How do I know that you were wearing hot pink underwear?”
She groaned and covered her face for a second. “You threw up on me. All over my legs, actually. I didn’t want to get it all over your car so I drove home with a blanket wrapped around my wai
st.”
I sighed. “Obviously, not my finest moment.” I glanced over at her, studying her face. I felt guilty for jumping to conclusions, but she hadn’t discredited my thoughts at all. I honestly didn’t know if I would’ve believed her at the time anyway. It always seemed like the holidays were the worst when it came to me looking for ways to hurt myself and push everyone away. “So, that’s it?”
“Well, you fell in the shower and I had to help you out. You…uh, you asked me why I was so good to you. You said you didn’t deserve it and then you…you kissed me.” I felt my eyes widen as the memory of the kiss popped into my head, but she continued quickly. “It was just a peck and I pulled away as soon as it started. It wasn’t a big deal at all. It was a drunken moment and I knew that. I never…” She let out a breath and it was a puff of smoke in the cold night air.
I turned away from her, laying back on the blanket to look up at the sky. The year was almost over and I could feel something on the horizon. Tomorrow would be a brand new start; one that could bring the peace my life had been missing for so long. After several beats, Lili copied my position, laying so our heads were beside each other.
“I made the mistake of misjudging Lizzie a lot this year. I not only ended up fucking her on more than one occasion, but I also didn’t see what a vindictive bitch she was in time to protect you from her. I never considered you having deal with it and that was one of my biggest mistakes this year.” I turned my head, finding Lili with hers already facing me. “I’m sorry.”
She nodded and looked back up at the sky. “I let other people dictate my happiness. Both him and others. I let their words do damage and that was one of my biggest mistakes this year.”
We laid in silence as the sounds of the crowd in the distance intensified. I knew the countdown had started. As tenuous as things were at the moment, I didn’t want to push it by giving her a kiss at midnight like I had last year. But as the fireworks started, she put a hand above her head, searching, and I wrapped my fingers around hers.
“Happy New Year,” she whispered and I smiled. A fresh start. A chance to find my peace.
<<<<>>>>
BONUS CONTENT
AUTHOR’S NOTE
When I started writing Perfectly Broken, back when I was still getting to know the characters and figuring out where their story was leading me, I had to write a few scenes here and there to understand their past. Two of those scenes, I saved, thinking if I ever wrote a prequel, I might want to tell it from someone else’s point of view.
Now that I’ve written Broken Holidays and given you all a taste of Zane, Lili, Tish, and the rest of the crew’s past, it seemed like the time to share these scenes.
The following two chapters are written from Tish’s point of view and they include the day he met Lili and a significant event that solidified their friendship. They are the foundation for the two characters. Had they not met that day, none of the events in this series would’ve ever happened. Tish and Lili’s bond has always been there in the books, some of the other characters even question it, but sometimes, it just takes meeting someone at the right moment, when you need help the most, to help you turn your life around.
I hope you enjoy another little glimpse of the past…
Maegan
TISH
Grabbing my keys from the counter, I glanced around the shop. We were less than a week from the grand opening and I was happy with what Tony and I had done to the place. This was our dream and we’d worked hard to get to this point. All the hours apprenticing and working under someone else’s rules were almost over. After saving every penny and bit of advice, it was finally coming together. I locked the door and rounded the corner, making my way down the narrow alley to the back parking lot. The second my car came into view, I spotted a figure dressed in all black, struggling with the coat hanger he had crammed in my window as he tried to pop the lock. Mother fuck! We’d seen this same little shit on the surveillance video twice in the last few weeks, breaking into cars and even trying to get into the building.
“Hey!” I yelled and he looked up. The black hood of his sweatshirt kept his face from view but he turned and ran in the opposite direction, abandoning the hanger in my window. “Come here, you little fucker!” I chased him, rounding the corner right on his heels. He spun, his foot lifting quickly and without warning as he kicked up toward my chin. I narrowly missed the blow, catching his foot and yanking to pull him off balance. Landing hard on his side, he grunted as I dropped my weight on him to hold him down.
“Don’t even think about moving.” I pulled my phone out to call the cops. We’d reported all of the robberies up to this point and the police had the video. We should be able to finally pin this fucker to the wall. I grabbed his hood to get a look at him and nearly dropped my phone. A tumble of dark hair fell from the hood and the wide blue eyes that were almost too big for the face stared back at me. “Christ! You’re a girl?!”
She raised her chin, defiant in spite of the fact that I had her small body pinned to the concrete with my weight. I took in her face, thinking she couldn’t be more than fourteen or fifteen. Her features were tiny…except for her eyes. They were a bright blue and far too innocent and fearful to match the rest of her demeanor.
“Get off me!” She tried to buck, attempting to dislodge my hold, but I wasn’t about to let her go yet. Instead, I looked her over. The dirt on her face was prevalent, but under that, she had a still healing laceration along her cheek. When she shifted again, bruises leading down from her neck toward her chest became visible. It immediately changed my feelings about her. I lifted a hand from where I held my phone, placing it back in my pocket.
“I’ll let you up but don’t run. I won’t call the cops. I just want to talk to you.” I waited and she nodded slowly, her eyes still cautious as I moved to my feet. I offered her a hand but she didn’t take it. Instead, she looked past me.
“Jake,” she said in relief. I spun to defend my back, but there was no one there. When I looked toward her, she was turning the next corner, moving toward the neighborhood that backed up to the stretch of small businesses.
“Smart, kid,” I huffed as I took off after her. I wasn’t even sure what it was that made me chase her at this point. I could let her go and give the police her description, but something told me she wasn’t the one truly behind all of this. And the bruises pushed me to run faster. I spotted her as she turned down another alley I knew to be a dead end. I slowed and followed as she got to the end and spun back to face me.
“Don’t come any closer,” she stated, her voice hard but shaky. She was scared and I knew better than anyone that even the most harmless dog would bite if it felt cornered.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you,” I repeated as I held my hands up in a gesture I hoped would help calm her nerves.
“Right,” she barked with a laugh, clenching and unclenching her hands like she was warming up for a fight.
“I can help you.” I kept my voice even as I spoke, meeting her eyes as she froze.
She looked around, as if she was expecting someone else to show up at any second. “What makes you think I need help?” She tried to sound as hard as she had just a few seconds ago, but her eyes held a glint of something close to relief.
“The fact that you were trying to break into my car, for starters. But, if that’s not enough, the cut on your face and the bruises.” I motioned to her neck and chest. “I can help you find a way out of whatever trouble you’re in, if you want out.”
She looked around again, backing all the way to the wall and leaning against it, her breathing heavy. After several quiet moments, her eyes met mine again. The fear from earlier was back and had intensified.
“You don’t know what you’re offering,” she whispered, shaking her head.
“I do. Right now, I’m offering you a ride. And a place to take a hot shower. And maybe crash.” I waited, watching the conflict rage behind her eyes. She wanted to go. I was right ear
lier. She wanted out, but she didn’t know how. “I’ve been where you are. I can help you start over.” I held out my hand again, but it was a long minute before she moved.
She took a step. And then another. Finally, she reached out and placed her hand in mine and I walked her back toward the car. She looked around nervously, seeming to keep her surroundings in full view the entire walk back. I unlocked the passenger door and held it open for her. She hesitated and I placed a hand on her back, encouraging her to get in. She glanced over at me again, studying my face for a moment before finally sliding into the seat.
I moved to the driver’s side, pulled the coat hanger out of my window, and tossed it in the backseat before climbing in behind the wheel. “You suck at that, by the way.”
She let out a small, nervous laugh and clasped her hands in her lap, her fingers trembling as I drove toward my house. I knew better than to think I’d get any information out of her yet, so I decided to try to calm her nerves by talking to her.
“My name is Jared, but I hate that name. It was my father’s name and he was a bastard. So, everyone calls me Tish.” I glanced over and found her watching me but she didn’t speak, so I continued.
“I’m the oldest of four siblings. It’s me, Olivia, Zane, and Paige. I got into some trouble when I was younger and my parents kicked me out when I was sixteen.” Her eyes widened, but she didn’t comment. “It didn’t bother me much. My parents were both pretty shitty at the whole ‘being parents’ thing. They… died, along with my sister Olivia. That was… shit, I guess it was about five years ago or so. It was what forced me to clean up my act. I had Zane and Paige to think about. Zane was seventeen at the time and Paige was fourteen. It was easy enough for the courts to decide Zane was old enough to be considered an adult, but Paige…I had to fight for her. And I did. I bought a house, got a steady job, and proved to the courts that I could handle it. It took almost a year, but I finally had what was left of my family back together.”