Fighting For Love - A Standalone Novel (A Bad Boy Sports Romance Love Story) (Burbank Brothers, Book #5)

by Naomi Niles

  She broke into a small smile as she chewed and swallowed it. “I love it.”

  “Good,” I told her as I took my half and bit a large chunk out of it. Somehow, the fact that we both liked this meal mattered to me and I wasn’t even sure why. I wasn’t sure of a lot of things right now, but I knew that I was happy watching her eat her lunch. I was happy watching her drink a damn soda for the first time, and I was strangely happy about my life in this moment.

  We finished, and I paid for the food and left a generous tip before we headed to the car.

  CHAPTER 13

  Elsa

  Aidan started the engine, and I tried to focus on the road and even where we could be going, but all I saw was that photo on his phone. She was a woman with large breasts and a tiny waist, and he obviously knew her well. I was just twenty with small breasts and a skinny waist and nothing like that to offer him, or anybody else if I thought about it.

  I could see from the picture that she didn’t have any hair…down there, and it worried me. I had hair everywhere just as every other Amish woman did. Would it offend him? There was no use in worrying about it since there was no way that he could want me to begin with. I’d had my doubts until now, and that picture only made them that much more real.

  So why did he want to show me that places of my dreams? Why did Aidan seem to get so much enjoyment out my rumspringa when he had his own things to attend to? I didn’t understand at all, and I stared out of the window at the rolling hills as I wondered what New York must look like. I wondered what the people were like there and the women, which only made me think about the text again.

  I glanced at Aidan as he stared forward with his jaw set in a frown before I looked back out of the window. There was so much excitement to this experience, but now I only felt doubt and uncertainty.

  I pulled my phone from under the seat and started inspecting it as I got lost in my thoughts. I looked at the games and tried to play them as envy flooded my bones so I’d switch to another one. It was incredible that this tiny little thing could do so much, and I looked over all of the pictures on the screen and started to push them.

  I noticed a red number one hovering above something that looked like an envelope, and I pushed it with a nervous finger.

  Hi, Elsa. I am having a great time with you.

  There was a number attached to it, and I looked at Aidan before I looked back down. “What is this?”

  “It’s called a text message, kind of like what you saw back there only without any photo. I sent it after the phone call to surprise you. You can also send similar messages using email and various applications that are offered. In some ways, it’s great and easy but in others, it’s replaced conversations.” He sounded wistful as he spoke and I watched is face fell before he let out a breath. “There’s nothing like the sounds of someone’s voice.”

  “All I’ve ever known is voices. I have only talked to people face to face and been involved at that moment. I love it, and I'm not sure if I like the idea of a text as much,” I admitted as he glanced over at me. I liked his, though, and I knew that I’d never remove it from the phone, regardless of what happened from here. I lifted the phone and took a moment to find something that looked like a camera. I pushed it and studied the screen before I tried pressing a few things before I saw Aidan flash across the screen at the moment that I’d taken from him. He was leaning back with a down face that was just starting to curl into a smile and it showed his muscles and amazing jawline as I studied the picture. I knew that I’d never remove that either. He was the most handsome man that I ever had seen and probably ever would. “I do love pictures, though. I’ve always missed those in my life since memories seem to fade with time.”

  “Not all of them. Some stay forever,” Aidan told me and I looked at him as he stopped at a light. “Hell, you probably have more than anybody I know seeing that you rely on them. I think people out here move too fast and forget so many things that they should remember. They’re too busy doing things that they should forget. It’s sad.” Aidan took a long look at me. “It’s bothering you, isn’t it?”

  “What?” I pretended not to know what he was talking about as I feigned a sudden fascination in something called YouTube. A video popped up on my screen of a woman talking about a car, and I watched it with my mouth dropped open.

  “The text that I received.”

  “I have no business feeling any way about that, Aidan. It’s very kind of you to do this for me. I just feel like I don’t look anything like that. It feels like I never could.” I admitted as he gripped the wheel and shook his head.

  “You’re adorable and crazy, Elsa. It’s so…you don’t see yourself, do you?” I watched as a kitten went scurrying across my screen with a small smile before I stared at him. “You’re the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever seen. You’re genuine, and you have substance. Women like Chloe are all fake, and they have no depth. Don’t you see how much you make women like that fade away for me?” He stared at me before he looked forward and drove as the light changed to green. “You’ve changed my life.”

  “That’s very kind, but you don’t have to lie to make me feel better. It’s not like I’m not aware that I’m different,” I suggested as I hunched down in my seat and closed my eyes. “A little makeup and some fresh clothes don't change that.”

  “The clothes and the makeup are gorgeous, Elsa. You don’t need them, though. I just wanted to show you some fun. You that night in your house…you took my breath away when you walked into the room.” I waved my hand, and he grabbed it mid-air and held it still. “You are amazing, and you need to know that.”

  I felt the car stop again and lips press to my cheek as my eyes popped open. Aidan was close to me as he pulled back and stared into my face. “Why won’t you see yourself like I do?” A smile crossed his face. “I ask you that knowing that it is one of the most attractive things about you. You’re so humble.”

  I couldn’t speak as the heat from his lips still tingled on my cheek. It wasn’t even a real kiss, but it had just turned my world upside down, with a huge part of my soul aware that I’d never be able to fully right it. Why had he done that? “That text is just that, a text. Women have always fallen hard for me when they feel anything at all, and I can’t tell them not to try and contact me. I had no plans with her, Elsa. I just got a text is all. It means nothing to me.” There was something in his eyes as he spoke that was pleading with me as he pulled away and sat back in his seat. “Nothing.”

  Aidan shifted, and the car moved forward again as he pulled away from the shoulder back into the road. I hadn’t noticed that he’d stopped at all, and I touched my face to see if it was burning as much as it seemed to be for me.

  Everything seemed normal, and I stared out of the window as we headed towards what looked like another city. Aidan was staring forward, but he didn’t appear to be there anymore even as his hand was steady on the wheel, and I knew that we were completely safe.

  I kept my eyes on the road and wide open as the car just kept moving forward with no destination, something I didn’t mind. I could see that Aidan was so scared of something that he wasn’t willing to reveal yet, but I wasn’t ready to get off of this roller coaster just yet. My heart and my soul were trapped here with him, and I wondered if he was telling me to set myself free before with that look in his eyes. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t. I had to see this through before I made any plans for my future. I needed to stay with Aidan and experience more of life with him.

  He asked me if I’d ever looked in the mirror but I wondered if he did. Not only was he handsome but he was so kind, and he made me laugh. I might not know much about relationships, but that seemed like it was everything to me.

  CHAPTER 14

  As my lips tinged with the soft touch of her skin, my mind wandered places that I could no longer fight. I spent several years fighting, and the memories of Afghanistan were some of the most horrible that I often tried to forget.

  We as Americans w
ere in danger at every turn. Women and even children were a threat to us, and I shuddered as I thought back to the many times when I’d seen bodies blow up from bombs they were willing to attach to their bodies to cause our deaths. Not only that but they were ready to die by our hands in the name of their religion, some at the age of young children who were probably told to do what they did. How could anyone be so willing to die when they didn’t be old enough to know better?

  I had shot more people fighting than I cared to think about, but Afghanistan rose in my head one of the worst examples. I had killed more people there, people in general that would have killed me if I’d hesitated for a second. I saw my pain refaced in the eyes of all of my men on a daily basis as I watched their fire die a little more each day.

  The day that we’d ambushed the most famous warlord’s hideout was one of the most horrible days of my life. It was a fairly typical mission for a soldier like myself and missions like these could end all of the fighting that was going on around us. This day could make a difference for countless people, and that was what kept me moving forward with my men behind me.

  I fired on everyone guarding the man first as shots rang out from all around me as I ducked forward and kept moving. The hideout was a small house in the countryside, and it was unbelievable that we’d found it at all since nothing stood out about it.

  We moved deeper into the long house, and I took a deep breath as I watched blood spray the wall from another man that I’d killed to survive. We had a real element of surprise after going in on a tip given to us by some townspeople, one of the few that would ever make an effort to help us. I didn’t know what their reason was, but it was safe to assume that someone wanted their country safe again, at least, safe enough to raise their family and give them something of a life.

  I heard the screams behind me as I kept moving forward and shooting. I didn’t know how many of my men were shot nor how many of the enemy were down. When you led a group of guys, you kept going to obtain your goal.

  Our goal was in the next room, and the dangerous leader was shot and killed. I could relax once my buddy had pulled the trigger and we could take a head count before we went back to base with the good news. They had lost twenty men, and several others were injured.

  We’d lost three in the attack, something that would always resonate with me. It wasn’t the day that I lost Joe, but it was the day that changed all our lives forever. I wasn’t the only one that was suffering from this illness inside of me.

  In addition to attacking one of the most prominent and dangerous men in Afghanistan, we were also exposed to a sulfur mustard agent that was being stored nearby. It struck quickly, and I had been diagnosed with a rare form of lung cancer just a short time ago. My life in the military ended with what felt like a lot of insincere apologies and little hope for survival.

  I took it further and kept obsessing over all of my bad choices in the war. I had hurt so many people in action not to mention in my life dealing with it that I decided it was a punishment for all that I’d done. God had taken my best friend away in the form of a land mine shortly after this infamous attack to start and cursed me with this incurable disease. In some ways, it seemed fair given the horrors that I had endured and caused.

  I’d loved before all of this happened, a part of me that thought I was dead inside.

  This trip was an honor to those loves, those times in my life. I had to see them one last time, to say goodbye and let them know that I was sorry for everything that had happened. They deserved to know that before I was gone.

  They thought I was just passing through before I went back to duty, but the truth was I was never going to go back. I was never going to see another war again. I might be lucky to see another year and die before I was thirty years old.

  Melissa. Her bright green eyes and infectious smile had filled my head before I remembered that day that we came to an end. She was my first love and such a bright soul that deserved everything that life was giving her now after so much pain. I dreamed about her a lot after we’d ended and wondered if there was anything that I could do differently.

  What did it matter now?

  Angela was my second love in life, but I was already so damaged that I only managed to hurt her along the way as well. She was like an angel with her golden hair and blue eyes, and I could admit deep down that Elsa reminded me of her a little bit. Elsa was her own light altogether, but Angela had been so good, and I’d ruined that as well. I ruined everything as a result of my choice to join the Army right after high school when I might have had a chance at a normal life otherwise. She was another one that haunted in my dreams as I replayed her tears and pain, but she was going to get the proper apology from me and the closure that she deserved.

  Marion was the one that really haunted my soul. She had been the nail in my emotional coffin, and I frowned as I thought about her. She was the love that I fought harder to keep and her big brown eyes always stared at me in my dreams with their silent scream for help. Her full lips trembled when she cried, and I always screamed at her trying to find her before I woke up thrashing.

  They’d all meant so much to me and always would. I’d written myself off as a dead man in a living man’s body, destined to feel nothing before my real end came. I never thought I’d ever feel anything like I had for them, each different in its own way but still loving and warm.

  Melissa, Angela, and Marion were the real loves of my life sprinkled among the flings and one-night stands I’d given my cold body to. My heart was dead even as I was in their bed or mine, pleasing them so much that they stall wanted to come back for more, as Chloe did. I was just going through the movements to keep my head above water as I knew that I was drowning inside, and the diagnosis only solidified that for me.

  Once I’d heard about that and Joe was gone, I dropped off the map and only saw family. Friends were a thing of the past and women even more so. I knew that I was going to die, and it didn’t matter if I said goodbye to them, even when the women that had sparked my life still deserved to hear it.

  I think that seeing them happy would resolve some of my pain. I didn’t want to do it alone and coming across Elsa in this time of my life seemed like another chance at having my own angel, even though I didn’t want to think about that goodbye too deeply. It might be the worst one. Was it selfish of me to bring her along on my last hurrah?

  I was too fucking addicted to care at this moment, and I knew that I was clinging to the way that she made me feel and the things that she did to me inside. This was a benefit for both of us at the end. I was on a road trip already, and she was celebrating her freedom, so what better way than to do it together?

  That was what I told myself anyway. Anything to ease my own pain and suffering, since I didn’t deserve much more than that. God had seen to that taking away my father, Joe and so much more. If I could show this beautiful woman some good times and live in her innocence for a moment, I might deserve a better spot when I was finally gone.

  I needed to keep her safe at any rate, and I’d promised her family that with every intention of seeing it through. I understood the fear and the anger that was in their eyes as they watched her leave with me, but I wasn’t going to hurt her. I would show her what I could of the world as I said goodbye to a few other people and feel like I did something right in my life once I was done in this world.

  Elsa would have her light someday, once she’d figured out her path in this world. Damn it if her curiosity and enthusiasm didn’t fire up my soul a little bit once I knew that she’d wanted to be out there, to see what it was she was missing. That was a rare spark in a person, and she deserved to see it turn into a fire. In would be there to see the light as long as I could.

  CHAPTER 15

  Elsa

  I watched as he seemed to slip into something dark as we kept driving on. His thoughts seemed to be consuming him, and I crossed my arms over my chest as I fidgeted next to him in the quiet car.

  I picked up my phone h
ere and there to see what I could find on it. There were so many videos to watch on that application that I’d come across, some sweet and funny and others done to music that made me uncomfortable. There were words in the songs about sex, and I didn’t understand that, apart from what I was feeling for Aidan. That didn’t feel dirty like the music did, but like it was coming from a good place.

  He’d rocked me the first night I’d met him with that wink and his charming smile. I’d never met anyone with such a natural ability to command a room with his words and his stories and that said a lot coming from a girl that survived on conversation. The world that he described to me when we were talking about phones seemed cold and unfriendly at times, and I was curious to know if others saw him the way that he saw me. He was a bright light in a dull world and even though there was a great depth of pain inside of him, Aidan had forever changed what I’d known.

  I thought back to the night in the barn when he was exercising and the way that my body could hardly handle the way that it was feeling inside. If this was an attraction, I considered it a gift that I needed to cling to. The way he held my attention and laughed at me without meaning any harm was just a plus in my book as if he was genuinely entertained by my new found freedom.

  I had no idea where we were headed. I knew that he’d mentioned seeing the Grand Canyon and New York, but I didn’t even know when that was. I just knew that my first kiss had just made me feel things that I never knew possible, and a part of me wanted to demand that he stop the car again. I wanted to kiss him until I couldn’t breathe and see if it calmed down my jumbled feelings inside, or if it was even as good as I imagined it would be. I wanted him to want me that way and to see myself giving in to this man that walked into my life as if it was a sign of some sort. It had to be.