Fighting For Love - A Standalone Novel (A Bad Boy Sports Romance Love Story) (Burbank Brothers, Book #5)

by Naomi Niles

  He nodded and took a large sip from his cup. I sensed that this was more than just sex once we were alone. This was bigger than that. This was about Adam being here, or the last woman and maybe even going back to Afghanistan. I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t think that he was going to tell me.

  We ate in the dining room, but only Angela, and I spoke as he just shoveled the food into his mouth. She had made us some crepes with various fruits to top them with, and they were delicious. I told her so, and I saw her look to Aidan for something, but he remained silent. “Thank you.” Her smile was small as she cut another small piece and I finished my plate before I did everything but run to the sink to escape the tension in the air. Angela came to help and offered to try and talk to him while I took a shower if I was okay with that.

  I nodded and stared at her. “I don’t know what I did.”

  “You didn’t do anything, Elsa. He has a lot going on inside of his head right now. It’ll be okay.” She asked if I would give her my number and I nodded before I went to get my phone. “I need to know that he’s okay.” She punched something on the screen and handed it back to me as she took a deep breath.

  I excused myself to go and take a shower and tried to focus on the stronger spray of the water. I enjoyed the products that she had inside of the large space and used the shampoo and conditioner that had a fruity scent as I used them slowly. I wanted them to have time. I used the body wash that smelled like coconut and pineapple instead of just soap and closed my eyes to inhale it. I needed to get some of this stuff since it was so feminine and sweet. I rinsed off after what felt like a reasonable amount of time and rinsed my hair before I dried off with a soft towel and dressed in the denim skirt and soft pink t-shirt that I’d chosen for the day. I picked up my dirty clothes and took them into the room to pack them into my suitcase as I considered going into the kitchen at all.

  I killed time before I finally did and Aidan passed me in the hallway as he went to the room. He was still quiet, and I looked back at him before I walked into the kitchen to see her drinking coffee. “I tried. I don’t know what’s going on.” She gave me a long look. “Good luck. It sounds like you’re still going to where you planned.”

  “I don’t know if I should be happy or not,” I answered as I sat at the bar. “Maybe I could’ve gone with Adam after all.”

  “No, it’s not the time for you and Aidan to part ways just yet. Just give him a little time and see where the road takes you. He was upset earlier about the possibility of your leaving.” She tried to smile but grimaced instead. We waited in silence as we waited for him to be ready and when he was taking our luggage to the car, she grabbed a pretty pink bag and carried into the bathroom. I watched as she came back in and handed it to me. “I am one of those coupon crazies, and I have extras. Use these instead of the crap hotel stuff.” I glanced inside the bag to see a bottle of each of the products that I’d used in the shower, along with a couple of other things.

  “Angela, this is too much,” I protested as she smiled and shook her head.

  “I seriously have a lot. It’s nothing,” she assured me as the door opened and Aidan walked back in. “Going to hit the road?” She asked as he nodded and stared at the floor. “Well, then. Drive safe and have fun, okay?” He nodded, and she hugged him as he barely returned it. She sighed and walked over to me and hugged me tightly as I returned it to make up for him and honestly because I liked her a lot. She whispered for me to keep in touch and I nodded as I felt tears come into my eyes. I didn’t want to be in the car like this.

  He led the way to the car as I clutched my bag in my hand and shuffled after him. Aidan did all of the same things as before and opened the door for me before he made sure that I was settled and closed it. I looked at the tulips and threw them into the back seat of the car without looking at the others and stared forward. Aidan climbed in and started the engine, but I was the only one that waved goodbye to Angela.

  We hit the road, and I plugged my phone in and watched more videos about the ocean and animals as he remained quiet. It was awkward and he barely even had the car radio on today. I took his hand a few times along the way, and he’d hold it and sometimes squeeze it, but the only words that he’d tell me were “I’m sorry.”

  Sorry about what? He wouldn’t expand on it at all.

  He stopped for something to eat in a couple of hours, and I watched as he ignored the way the girl at the drive through window flirted with him. He was barely paying attention at all, and I watched as he dropped some chAng and shoved the rest into the console as I jumped. He was usually friendly and sometimes even chatty. I took the little hamburger that he’d ordered me and picked at it while I sipped at the soda. I returned to my videos after and started thinking about faith again.

  Whether or not I remained part of the Amish community, I would always have my beliefs. I would hope that we could be together somehow but for now, I prayed again for his inner peace.

  We went to a store together, and he bought more drinks for us as the girl flirted with him as if I wasn’t even there. Aidan responded in one-word answers and didn’t even look at her as he handed her some money. He started to cough violently as he got into the car and I touched his shoulder as he leaned forward. “Are you alright?”

  “Fine,” he told me as he unscrewed the cap to a drink and took a long sip. He regained control of himself as worry crossed his face before he started the car. That was all he said until we arrived in Arizona.

  CHAPTER 32

  Aidan

  I drove into Williams, Arizona with a heavy heart and found a quaint hotel to stay in. I’d been there before, and I looked at the key as the clerk handed it to me with relief that it wasn’t the same room. Elsa was quiet as she looked around the yellow building and took it all in with dull eyes. I knew that I’d been an asshole after the incident at Angela’s house, but it just added to my sorrow. This would be the hardest goodbye for me, but I told myself I needed the closure. I unlocked our room, and she took in the fancy bed with the canopy and the pretty Jacuzzi in the bathroom with a small smile. I knew that she’d love this place, and I liked her smile, but I wanted it to be bigger. I wanted to feel it inside of my heart.

  I let her settle in before I asked her to take a walk with me. I slipped the key into my jeans and took her hand as we left. She held it as we walked towards the car and I memorized her warmth. We drove the car into the small town as I told her that we’d be taking the train to the Grand Canyon for a change, and she nodded. I knew that my attitude was affecting her more than I wanted it too, but I suspected that some ice would be broken shortly. I stopped in the parking lot near the cemetery and looked over at the grassy hills for a long moment. I had not been here in a year, and I slowly got out of the car. Elsa stepped out when I opened her door and took her hand. I needed her here even if I couldn’t tell her yet. She walked with me as I slowed down and looked the headstones over with soft eyes and I could feel the curiosity radiating off of her. I stopped and took s ragged breath. “This is the last person that I needed to see.”

  I looked at her name on the beautiful headstone with the flowers etched on it and some words that her mother had chosen. Marion Wolcott. Elsa read it and looked at me with wide eyes as I pressed my lips together. “She was my wife of two years. I married her after I returned from my second time in Afghanistan and I thought that everything was going to be perfect. I thought that I had it right.”

  “What happened to her?” Elsa asked as she wrapped her arms around my waist.

  “Complications from medicine. Prescription.” I replied as she stared at me. Was she going back to what I’d said before? This was what changed me and made me feel the worst that I’d ever felt.

  “What pills?” Elsa asked as I felt my throat close up tightly.

  “I was taking pills for post-traumatic stress, stuff from Afghanistan. I think that it was a combination of both of the times and I’d just been diagnosed with it, and it helped me sleep. It helped me get through
the days. I tried for Mar, and I acted stronger than I felt most days.” I paused. “I know that it got to her, just like this awful trip got to you. I realized that she suffered and then she started buying wine and having a glass to start at night. One turned into two, which turned into three. One day, I’d been to the store to get some food for dinner, and I found her in the kitchen.” My voice shook, and I forced the memory to remain in my mind. “She was on the floor, and I saw that a glass had broken in her fall as well as one of my bottles opened and spilled over on the counter. She’d been sipping wine all day, and I just wanted to have a nice dinner and find a way to fix things, since I saw her falling apart before my very eyes. I was trying so hard to hold myself together.” Elsa hugged me tighter, and I took a slow breath that hurt my body. “I called 9-1-1. I did everything that I knew to do, but it killed her fast, more than likely before I even got home. They tried to save her, but it was too late. There was no note, so it wasn’t a suicide for certain but all of the signs pointed to that. I had to call her parents and tell them as they took her away and they live here, so they came to Virginia where we were living in an apartment. They tried to help me through it but they were grieving, and I couldn’t get past the guilt.” Pain washed over me, and I dropped to the grass and started to sob in a way that I’d never done for Mar. I wanted to go back so many times and cry for her instead of acting so strong like men tend to do. “I was the reason that she was drinking the wine that combined with the pills, regardless of the fact if she took them on purpose or not. I sometimes think that she just wanted to shut off, and…it just didn’t work out, or it did too well. I don’t know what she wanted and I never will.” I cried harder and felt arms around me as she cried with me. We stayed that way for a while as I let out all of my pain in between things that I wanted to say to Marion. I told her that I was sorry for not dealing with my problems the right way. I told her that I wanted it to work with her and how hard I tried to fix myself even as I looked like I was struggling.

  I apologized to her for taking her away from her family. I knew deep down that they didn’t blame me as much as I wanted them to but they were devastated nonetheless. She was their only daughter, and when she’d impulsively said yes to my proposal after six months of dating, they went with it because she was so happy. I started as a hero with them that fought for my country, and I ended as a disappointment. I had finally failed someone to the point that I could not apologize to them face to face. I finally killed someone with my own pain.

  That was why I thought I had the disease that was killing me, the one that hurt right now as I cried harder than I ever had in my life. In addition to all of the killing I’d performed at war, I ended my own wife’s life without pulling any trigger. I felt better apologizing to Melissa and Angela face to face, but I couldn’t do that with Marion.

  “I did a lot of thinking on the drive here. I have never shared this with anyone and in fact, Melissa and Angela don’t know anything about her. I never told them and just went back to Afghanistan. I ran and ended up losing my best friend and a few other guys, and I have the scars to remind me permanently of that. I thought it was because I’d finally done the worst thing that I could do…I believed that I deserved everything, and I gave up after I got home. I just stopped living apart from visiting my family and pretending as best I could, but I didn’t talk to anyone from the Army at all. We’d all been so close at one time, together every day and suddenly I could not face them. They wanted me to do things and take care of myself, and I couldn’t find the strength to do any of that.”

  “Aidan?” A voice interrupted him, and he turned with a gasp. “I didn’t expect to find you here.” Elsa turned to watch the pretty brunette woman carry flowers to the grave and tuck them into the vase as she fussed over the pink tulips. “What brings you to Arizona?” He stood up and placed his hand on his hearten as I joined him and dropped my arms to my sides.

  “I wanted to talk to Mar. I wanted to tell her…so many things,” I replied as she looked at me with Marion’s eyes and then at Elsa. “Kathy, I am so sorry for what happened. I will never stop feeling guilty for it.”

  “Aidan, you went through so much in the Army. You saw so much, and I understand we don’t know the details, but even I saw the haunted look in your eyes. I saw that you went to the doctor and tried to talk and take those pills. Mari told me about your dreams, your nightmares, and even she knew that you took them to try and get a good night’s rest. She understood that you were doing what you could. Now, what happened to her…well, it’s on Mari. She could’ve tried to get her own help, but she went to the bottle.” A tear slid down her cheek as she shook her head. Marion was a mirror image of her when she was alive, and I never saw her cry. “She was a stubborn girl even as a child. She rarely cried be it a pet dying or when a friend would move. Mari always just powered through it even though I tried everything to get her to talk. Everything.” She gazed at me and searched my face. “She barely spoke about you, Aidan. I heard a few things, but she stopped calling to talk to me after a time. What could we do if she wasn’t willing to reach out to us?”

  “I don’t know. I just wish that I could’ve done anything to save her. She was too young to die and I can’t…I can’t stop thinking about all of it.” I shook my head. “I want to tell her that I’m sorry to her face, not the wind.”

  “Talk to her. I do all of the time. I yell at her, I cry when I have a bad day, and I tell her that I love her. I believe that she hears me somehow even though her father just shakes his head at me. He won’t come here too easily as I do.”

  Does he hate me?” I asked in a hoarse voice as Kathy shook her head slowly.

  “She was his princess, but Frank knew that she had her quirks. He accepted that they got to be too much, though he doesn’t like to visit or even talk to her. Their relationship was different than ours,” Kathy looked back and Elsa and surveyed her curiously. “How are you, Aidan? Moving forward?”

  I glanced at Elsa beside me and moved my hand to stroke her back. “I am trying. I ended up back in Afghanistan, and it was…bad. I am finally done, but I have some thinking to do.”

  “You’re a good man, Aidan. Mari would want you to be happy as much as Frank and I do. Let all of this go because it’s done and it isn’t your fault.” Kathy waved her hand, and a tear slid down her cheek as she looked at Marion’s headstone. She turned to leave before she spun back around and hugged me tightly before she wrapped a shocked Elsa in her embrace. “Take care of him. Heal him.”

  She walked away, and I watched her in silence as my hand gripped Elsa’s. “That was a surprise.”

  “So I could see. Do you feel better?” Elsa asked in her soft voice as I frowned thoughtfully.

  “They never treated me like I was at fault, so I am not surprised in that sense. It helps to hear her say that, though. It helps a lot.” I looked at her. “There’s more that I need to tell you and Mar if you don’t mind staying a little while longer.”

  “Are you sure?” Elsa asked as I nodded. We made a spot on the grass, and I leaned back as I watched the sky darken above me. The evening was setting in soon, and I looked at her.

  “I am not really going back to Afghanistan, or anywhere for the Army for that matter.” I decided that being completely honest from the beginning would be the best way. Her face twisted as she looked at me and I saw the emotions play through her eyes. “I wasn’t planning on telling anybody at all. I was just going to…”

  “Disappear?” Elsa asked in a pained voice as I felt the tears start all over again and Elsa stared at me with sad eyes. “You were just going to spend these days with me and leave me behind to go where?”

  “Hell. I’m going to hell, Elsa.” Her eyes widened, and she pressed her hands to her mouth as she started to cry. “Shit, I don’t mean that. I do but not like you think.” I forced the words to play through my mind as I realized that I didn’t want this for my ending. Not anymore, not since I’d found her. “I am dying, Elsa. This, all of thi
s, it was a big goodbye to the people that cared about me the most. My family, Mel, and Angela. Finally, Mar. I just wanted to tie up loose ends because I was alright with it. Hell, more than that I thought that I deserved it. I knew how much hurt I’d caused people and losing Mar the way I did finalized all of that. I killed someone, Elsa. I had hurt people in the past but killing her was too much for me.” I felt her arms around me as they held me tight and I leaned against her shoulder. “I wasn’t supposed to meet you. I was just passing through after seeing my family and the damn car broke down. I pulled into the driveway and figured I’d be there for a few hours at the most. I was going to fix it at best. I didn’t even really understand where I even was since my mind was racing so much.” I shook my head. “Then I’m sitting there at the table, and you walk in all blue eyes and innocence. I wanted you from that moment on, but I thought that it was nothing. I wasn’t going to treat you like I’d treated the other recent women. You were different, Elsa. You were so damn different.” I slipped an arm around her and pulled her close to me. “I wasn’t going to touch you. I just watched you laugh at my stupid jokes and really listen to me as you took it all in. I could see how much life that you had in your eyes. I was jealous. That died years ago for me, Elsa. I gave up on trying to find my spark, and there you were wanting to see everything, do everything.”

  “I wanted you from the beginning. I wanted to know everything that you’d seen,” Elsa told me as I kissed her hair. “Why do you want to die?” She was crying, and I stroked her through her shirt. “Why would you take me if you were just going to abandon me?”