by Naomi Niles
There was a noise I hadn’t heard in a very long time. It was the sound of the crowd cheering; they were on their feet and there was wild applause. I dusted my chaps, picked up my hat, and with one hand, signaled my gratitude to the crowd as I left the ring. Outside of the spotlights I made my way to the barns. I felt jubilant inside. There was no longer any anxiety; I was back!
Chapter 15
Meli
Business was brisk. We were generally standing room only as people waited for a table. My graphic designer had become more of a publicist and she did her job well. There were reviews in all the local papers and her social media campaign had generated a tremendous interest. It was the time of year when people thought about comfort food, as autumn had brought cooler temperatures. We couldn’t seem to bake enough pumpkin pie and apple crumb cake. I had ordered a unique blend of coffee, and we opened a tiny gift shop at the front of the restaurant people could buy bags to take home. I ran a contest for the best barbecue sauce; the winner not only won $5000, but the opportunity to distribute their product through us exclusively. It was marketed as Maudie’s BBQ and the jars carried the same logo and color palette as did our restaurants. I had remodeled the original restaurant to match the newer one, and felt a certain pride as I began to look for a location for the third. There didn’t seem to be any stopping me.
Sarah was working daily with Kirk, teaching him to read and to write the alphabet. He was smart as a whip and could already read books at the age of 3 ½. Where had the time gone? It seemed like only yesterday that I had lain in bed with Blake and he had given me this precious child.
I had been following him, which wasn’t exactly difficult to do as his name was splattered over every sports program on the television. Blake had made his comeback. I felt a certain amount of pride at this, believing that I had had something to do with it. I knew he had it in him to be a success, and I knew he needed to stay in his field of expertise. It was where he belonged. In choosing a third restaurant, I had considered going in the direction of Dallas. It was difficult to trust my instincts; did I want to go that direction because it was a good business decision or because I wanted to be closer to him? Could it be both?
It was a Monday morning. Sarah and Kirk were going to visit preschools that day. We had agreed that they would narrow the selection down to three or four and then I would go along and visit before we would choose the right one. I wanted Kirk to begin school early, not only because he was very bright, but because he was an only child and he needed to socialize with other children his age. As they left, I climbed into the car and headed back to the original Maudie’s Café. I hadn’t checked in there for a long time and I was anxious to visit with Marie.
I pulled into the small town and while it was still cool that morning, there was a small group of people waiting outside the café for seating. I had given some thought to enlarging both cafés to accommodate more seating, but instincts told me that when I did that, it would be less desirable to diners and my customer base would decrease. People wanted what they could not have. That was a simple life lesson that I had learned over and over again.
I went inside the café and Marie was busy seating customers and pouring coffee as she oversaw the remainder of the staff. What a different sight this was from the days when Maudie owned it. It saddened me a bit to see that it had lost her personality, but the recipes remained the same and the decor still included pictures of Maudie and the many celebrities who had stopped by over the years. There was an ambience, one that invited people to come in and be a part of the family. It was important that I never lost that, or to modernized Maudie in any way.
I helped out in the café until the breakfast crowd died down and then Marie and I stole a few moments to chat at the table in the corner by ourselves.
“Marie, you’ve been doing a wonderful job,” I told her. “The numbers are up, we have a smaller turnaround with employees, and everything here is clean and attractive. I’m going to give you a substantial raise; you’ve earned it.”
“My dear Meli, your words are like honey dripping over my heart. But what I do is what I do and you do not pay me more for that. I am more concerned about how you were doing my dear.”
“Things are pretty much the same, Marie. Kirk is growing quickly. He and Sarah are out looking for a pre- school today.”
“And the father?” Marie’s eyes were sympathetic but direct.
“What about him?” I asked her, becoming suddenly a bit uncomfortable in my seat.
“Does he know about Kirk?” she asked me.
“No, he doesn’t. I have only seen him one time and it tore my heart to not tell him. But Marie, if I told him, he would come and want Kirk to be with him. I could not bear to lose my child.”
“I understand this, sweet lady, but he does have the right to see his own child.”
“I know.”
“Meli, there must come a time in the near future when you look to marry. It is not natural to spend your life alone. Kirk could use a father. Is not his own father the best choice?”
“Yes, he would make an excellent father, actually. I’m just afraid of losing Kirk.”
“Would it be so bad to live with him and Kirk and be a real family?”
“I thought about this many times. I’m not good enough for him, Marie. He is very successful, and has just made a comeback in his career.”
“He is the bull rider,” Marie said quietly.
“How did you know?” I asked, my eyes flaring.
“I told you before, my dear. I have ways of seeing things that others do not. I have known you some time now, and I have seen the things that you respond to. There would be no reason for you to watch rodeos, unless he was in it. It was a simple matter of deduction to figure out who he was. After all, Kirk looks just like him.”
I sat there in stunned silence. If Marie knew this, how many other people could figure it out? How many other people would bother to figure out? More to the point, how long before Kirk figured it out? “What do you think I should do?” I asked Marie.
“I think that Kirk should meet his father. One way or another you will have to confront this at some point, and it is better to do so while Kirk is still a young child and able to forget the years of being without his father.”
She made tremendously good sense, I couldn’t deny her that. Perhaps I was looking at this all wrong. Perhaps I was making a judgment call on Blake’s behalf and perhaps it wasn’t anything close to what he really thought. Perhaps it had come time that I needed to find out.
I patted the back of Marie’s hand and nodded. “You’re getting the raise whether you want it or not,” I told her. “I’m leaving now and heading back to Baton Rouge. I’m anxious to hear about the preschools they found. As I said, you’re doing a wonderful job, and I’m so very proud of you.”
With that, I gave her a hug and left for home. I thought long and hard about her words as I drove back to Baton Rouge. There was considerable common sense in what she said, and common sense has always been my driving force.
I pulled onto my street and up to the house. Although there were bushes in the way, I could see that there was someone sitting on my front porch. I frowned, as I was a very private person. I pulled into my drive, shut the car off, and emerged. As I walked toward the house, the figure stirred, stood up, and was no longer obscured by the mulberry bushes that lined the porch.
It was Blake.
My breath caught in my throat. I stood there, looking at him for a very long time. Eventually, his arms opened outward and without a word I ran toward him and he wrapped me tightly against his chest. That was when I knew what it felt like to be home.
“How did you find me?” I asked him, pointing to a chair as I brewed us a cup of coffee.
“How could I not? Your name is everywhere. There are magazine articles about you, I’ve seen advertising online about you, and from what I hear, you’re doing pretty well for yourself.”
“I didn’t start it, Blake. It w
as an inheritance.”
“Really?”
“When I left you, I found a waitress job at a small café in a little town north of here. The owner’s name was Maudie and she took me in and treated me like her own daughter. When Maudie died, she left me everything you see here,” I held out my arms to indicate the house, “as well as the café where I had worked. She also left me a considerable sum of money, enough that I couldn’t allow it to simply lie in the bank. So I built a second location, here in town. It’s doing rather well, and I was planning to open the third very soon.”
“I always knew you had it in you, Silver. There’s very little you can’t accomplish when you set your mind to it. You taught me that lesson, and it saved my ass.”
“I see you had a comeback. I’m really proud of you,” I told him.
“You are my inspiration, you know,” he shared.
Me?” I asked.
“Yes, you. You know how I feel about you. You know I want you to come home with me.”
“It’s rather odd timing, as a matter of fact,” I told him. “I just returned from visiting the original café and my friend there, Marie, urged me to reconnect with you.”
“My thanks go out to Marie, whomever she is. What about the other guy?”
I swallowed hard. This was a pivotal point in our relationship. If I lied now, he could never trust me. If I told him the truth, I wasn’t ready for what might happen. I felt like I wanted more time to think about it. However, fate had a different plan in mind. At that moment, the front door opened and Kirk and Sarah came up to the house. Kirk ran toward me and leapt into my arms. “Mommy, you won’t believe all the cool things I saw,” he said excitedly.
“That’s wonderful, sweetheart.” I held Kirk against me tightly, afraid to put him down on the floor again.
Blake cleared his throat audibly. The moment had finally come. “Sarah, would you take Kirk upstairs, wash his face and hands, and have him lie down and take a nap please?”
Sarah nodded, took Kirk by the hand, and the pair left the room.
I turned to look at Blake. His face was ashen white. “He’s mine, isn’t he?”
I nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked in a raw voice.
“I was scared you would take him away from me,” I told him honestly.
“Silver, I would never take our child away from you. But I should’ve been there; I should’ve been with you through that. You should’ve let me know, I have the right!” I could see a bit of anger on his face and I really couldn’t blame him.
“I know, I know. I know I should’ve told you. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, Blake. He is all that I have in the world.”
“No, Silver, you are so wrong. You’ve always had me.” With that he crossed the room and pulled me to my feet. Lifting my chin, he bent slowly, looking directly into my eyes as he did so. He kissed me then, but it was more than a kiss. It felt more as though I was being claimed. I had forgotten the warmth of his lips, but I had not forgotten him. I breathed in his air, savoring it as one would a plate of fresh cinnamon rolls on a cold winter morning. He felt like home to me. Tears began to cascade down my cheeks, and I owed him an apology. “I’m so, so sorry, Blake.”
“Hush, Silver. It’s okay. I’m here now. I want you. I want our son.”
Chapter 16
Blake
I knew as soon as I saw the child that he was mine. It nearly knocked the breath from out of me. He looked very much like I did at his age; there was no denying he was my son. That cold descended over me as I realized how close I had come to not only losing Silver, but losing perhaps the only part of me that could live on. My son.
I understood her fear. It was the same fear any mother would have when her child was threatened. My mother had been the exception. She was only too grateful to have me leave. This told me so much about Silver’s character.
“I’m not ever leaving without you, Silver,” I said. “You do understand that, don’t you?”
“Do I have a choice?” she asked in a slightly sarcastic voice.
I knew where the voice came from. She was still filled with low self-esteem and indecision. “Silver, come here. We need to have a talk.” I took her by the hand into the living room, sitting down next to her on the sofa. At that point, the young nanny who had taken my son up for his nap entered the doorway.
“Meli, I’ll be leaving now for the evening. Be back by midnight,” she said in a respectful voice.
Silver nodded at her, waving. I heard the door close behind her. I couldn’t keep myself from it. I pulled Silver against me and wrapped one of my hands around the back of her neck so she couldn’t pull away. It was a gentle wrap; the kind that meant that she belonged to me.
“I want you to sit here close by me and listen to everything that I have to say. I know it will be hard for you, so try not to interrupt,” I smiled as I said the words.
“You are not your mother. No more than I was my mother, or my father. We are unique individuals and have made choices for our lives that suited us. There is no one in the world I would have picked to be the mother of my child, but you. I love you, I want you in my life, and I want to become the father our son needs me to be. In order to do that, you have to trust me. I know you believe in me; you’ve proven that in the past. What you have to learn now is how to trust me took after you and after him. Can you do that?” I asked her.
“This is all happening much faster than I expected.”
“How can you say that? He’s going on four years old. That’s a long time to have been thinking about it.” I felt a bit of frustration with her. Why was she being so blind on purpose?
“I have allowed myself to think about this possibility,” she explained. “I’ve been driven by the images of the mother I didn’t have, and I have sworn to myself that I would never be her. I couldn’t be near anything or anyone that reminded me of who she was. That included anyone who might even know about her.”
“But how does that include me? I didn’t know about her, not until Jill told me. But you had already left me before that.” I wanted to know the root of her behavior and if it hurt her a little for me to find out, it was worth it in the long run. I couldn’t have her running away every time she got spooked.
“I knew about me. I didn’t believe I was good enough for you. You are successful, popular, and you had a huge public image. Being linked to me, essentially white trash from the inner city, wouldn’t have done your reputation any good. Don’t you understand why I had to leave?”
“Yes, I understand why you think you had to leave. But you were wrong. You were innocently, but terribly wrong. Now let’s put this behind us and move forward.”
She looked at me and tears welled up in her eyes. I could tell there was some still some doubt there.
“Silver. Can you trust me?” My heart was pleading that she would say yes.
“I will begin to learn how,” she said in a stilted voice. “It’s the best I can do for now.”
“That’s all I can ask for you,” I told her and kissed her hard.
Every fiber of my body wanted to be with her from that moment on. I couldn’t stand the idea of leaving her behind, not even for an hour. My son lay upstairs in his little bed and I wanted to get to know him. And yet, despite all of that, I knew that she had to come to me. I couldn’t force her, or she would run into hiding once again. I couldn’t risk that. So for now I would give her space. I would give her the time she needed. And I would pray.
Chapter 17
Meli
I could feel how badly Blake wanted to hold me. I could feel and see in his face how badly he wanted to hear the words that I wouldn’t leave him. I was fighting all my old instincts, all the old messages. They were all there, layered in my brain, forming the brick wall that kept me from living a normal life. I realized then that perhaps it was our flaws, imagined or otherwise, that made us worthy of love. If we were perfect, there would be nothing to fix, nothing to help, nothi
ng to cherish. Humans were not designed to be perfect. I gave myself tremendous emotional freedom with those thoughts.
When Blake stood to go, one part of me wanted to hold his hand and take him upstairs to my bedroom. I knew it wasn’t the time for that yet. It had to be the right time. He understood that. I asked how long he was staying in town.
“I can stay as long as you want me to stay,” he said. “I’m thinking that you need some space, though. I would like to spend a little bit of time with our son and I will go as soon as you ask me to leave. In the meantime, I will stay at the hotel down the street so I can be close by. When you ask me to come, I will come; and when you ask me to leave, I will leave. I hope at some point you will ask me to stay.”
With those words, he kissed my forehead, gave me a hard, but brief hug, and turned to go out the front door. I let him go. He was right. I needed some space to think.
I realized I was shallow breathing, and I had been since the moment he stood up on the porch. I had forgotten how truly handsome he was. He was well over six feet tall, well muscled, and he emitted a masculinity that surpassed the mystical gray eyes and the cleft of his chin. I was feeling extremely erotic at the moment, and realized that I had been within a breath of asking him to stay the night. I knew that would not be a good plan, that it could actually result in disaster.
I needed time to talk to Kirk I needed to explain to him that it wasn’t just he and I alone in the world; that there was someone else. I had to explain to him that he had a daddy and where his daddy had been until recently. I didn’t want him to feel as though he had been rejected in any way. This would be complicated and that’s why it would take some time.
I decided to prepare the atmosphere for our little talk. I went into the kitchen and made him his favorite: hot dogs and potato chips with ice cream for dessert. It wasn’t long before he came stumbling down the steps, rubbing his eyes and in a crabby mood from having just awakened. He crawled up into the chair at the table, peeking over the edge of the plate that I carried toward him. The sight of the hot dogs managed to push away the frown left over from his nap.