by Naomi Niles
“Mommy, who was that man?”
Could I have asked for a better opening line? It was though he knew I had something to tell him and he was opening the door for me to do so. I had to accept this is almost a sign that it was the right time to do it. “Eat your dinner, son, and I will tell you about that man.”
I went on to explain to him in the gentlest way that I could that the man was his daddy. I explained that his daddy owned a ranch and worked with horses and bulls. He wanted to know what a bull was, and I explained it was a cow that had horns.
“The kind that honk?” he asked and I had to laugh aloud.
“No, they don’t honk. They’re very mean bulls and you have to be a very brave daddy in order to ride on them.”
“Is my daddy brave? Is he one of the men who can ride the bulls?”
“Yes, indeed, Kirk. Your daddy is a very brave man.”
“Where has my daddy been?”
“He has been working very hard riding on those bulls. He has been getting ready to come and see you. Now that he is here, he wants to spend time with you. Will that be okay with you?”
“Is it okay with you, Mommy?”
“Yes, Kirk, it is more than okay with me.”
“Then why don’t you invite him to come here and stay with us?”
“Perhaps one day very soon I will do exactly that. In the meantime, I don’t want you to bring that up. It’s mommy who has to invite people to stay with us. Do you understand?”
He nodded. I was amazed at how open-minded he was. In fact, in many ways I was in awe of my son. He did not have the walls that I had built inside of myself. His heart was pure in his mind was open to believe in all the best things in life. I wished for a moment that I could be like him.
As the saying goes, from the mouths of babes. I spent some one-on-one time with Kirk that night. I wanted to be available in case he had questions about Blake. I wanted to be absolutely certain that he would in no way feel damaged from not having had his father with him since birth. I did realize that a certain amount of that was my own personal feelings of rejection, and that it wasn’t fair to expect that Kirk would have a like reaction. After all, I wasn’t my mother and hadn’t done what she did. There was however, a certain amount of trauma associated with her death that made it stand apart.
The next morning my phone rang early. I had given Blake my new phone number before he left, knowing that if I didn’t, he would just come directly to the house each time he wanted to talk to me.
“Good morning, Silver,” his voice was cheerful and hopeful. It stopped just short of saying can I come over?
“Good morning, Blake,” I responded in a like voice. “How did you sleep last night?”
“I won’t say I slept the best, but it was better than I’ve slept in a long time. Probably because yesterday was a very special day and I am so much closer to you. Can I ask you what you thought about last night?”
“I’ve realized that a lot of my reluctance has to do with my own childhood and has nothing to do with you or Kirk,” I said.
“That’s a pretty big leap in understanding, Silver. I admire you for being so open. I’m not sure that I would’ve been so brave to say that,” he complimented me.
“Would you like to join Kirk and me for dinner tonight?” I invited him.
“You know I would. Did you talk with Kirk about me at all?” he asked me, his voice hesitant.
“Yes, I did. I told him his daddy was a bull rider and that he had to work before he could come and be with us.”
“You told him that? You told him I was his daddy?” I could hear the joy in his voice. I could’ve kicked myself at that moment for not having done that sooner. I had no right, no right whatsoever, to have kept Blake out of our life for so long. Kirk was created by mutual consent: the least I could have done was let Blake know.
“Yes, we talked all about it. He’s very sharp, Blake. He seemed to have no problem with it whatsoever. I think it’s about time you get to know your son,” I finished and waited for his answer.
“What time can I be there?” he asked and I had to laugh at his haste.
“How about four o’clock this afternoon? That will give you some time to play with him before dinner and then I’ll put him to bed early so you and I can talk. How would that be?”
“That sounds just about perfect,” he said. “Silver, I would like to bring him a gift, but I won’t do it if you think I’m trying to buy his affection.”
“I understand your motivation, Blake. I don’t blame you a bit. I should’ve never kept you from him. Of course you may bring him a gift, he deserves the same from you as he gets for me.”
“Silver, I can’t tell you how much this means to me. You’ve changed. You’ve grown up a hell of a lot. I’m very proud of you,” he said.
“Well, there’s still a lot to be discussed. We’ll see you at four.”
“I won’t let you down, Silver. I’m in your life to stay.” With that, the phone line went dead and I imagined from my end that he was running for the truck and searching for a toy store. I could only imagine how much fun it would be for him to look for toys for his own son; the sort of things he would’ve liked to play with when he was a child and never got. I had felt a bit of that when I entered the toy stores, although my childhood was void of toys for girls. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how important it was that Kirk have a male influence in his life. I had been very selfish. There was one more person I had to talk to yet.
“Jill? It’s me.”
“Well, you sure as hell took your time calling me. Where the hell have you been?”
“It’s a really long story. I’ll tell it to you when I see you next. In the meantime; I need to tell you a couple of things.”
“Such as?”
“Blake is here.”
“Well, it took him long enough. You’ve got yourself one hell of a man there, Meli. I’m not even sure you deserve him.”
“That sounds a little bit jealous,” I said with some suspicion in my voice.
“Just maybe it is,” she shot back at me. I could hear her inhale her cigarette and knew that meant she was nervous. That was typical of Jill. She always cussed and was confrontational when she wasn’t sure herself.
“Well, there’s more.”
“I can hardly wait,” came her verbal sneer.
“Well, if you’re going to be a bitch about this, then I’ll just keep it to myself.” I was getting a little pissed at her attitude.
“Settle down, Sis,” she said with a sigh. “I don’t think it’s unreasonable that I not be overjoyed with your phone call. It only took you almost two years to call me. I thought we were tighter than that.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I had my reasons. You see, there’s someone here besides Blake. His name is Kirk. He is three and a half years-old and he is my son. Blake is his father.”
“Holy shit! You mean to tell me you’ve got a kid?” Her voice held utter disbelief.
“Yes. He was the gift of one night I spent with Blake before I left.”
“That’s why you left, wasn’t it? You fell for him when you didn’t want to. You told yourself you weren’t good enough, didn’t you?”
“You know me pretty well.”
I could hear her laugh at the other end of the line. “Who else could know you better?”
“You have a valid point. Well, anyway there’s a little more to tell you.”
“What in the hell else could there be?” She was feeling off balance again; I could tell by her speech pattern.
“When I left Dallas, I found myself a job in a little café in a tiny town in Louisiana. The owner took me under her wing, her name was Maudie. She died about a year after that and she left me her café, a house in Baton Rouge, and some money. I haven’t said anything about it because I wasn’t sure if I would need it for Kirk. I knew you would be okay; I knew that Blake would look after you.”
“Oh, you did, did you? Did you ever wonder j
ust how he might look after me?” she asked, her voice ripe with jealousy. “Did it ever occur to you he might get tired of waiting for you?” she asked me.
I knew she was trying to push my buttons. I wouldn’t have blamed Blake if he had gone with Jill. I hadn’t left him many options. But I knew Blake well enough to know that if he had been with Jill, he wouldn’t have come looking for me in Baton Rouge. I let her have her mystery. It seemed to be all that she had at the moment, and she needed something badly. “Well, anyway, Blake and I are going to talk all this out. He wants me to come back with him and to bring Kirk. I hope you will still be there if I decide to come back. I would like us all to be a family.”
“I’m quite sure you would,” she said just before the line went dead.
I was quite surprised at Jill’s reaction. I had expected her to pounce on the idea that I had money; that had always been the driving force behind her. In that way, she was like my mother. She could be bought for relatively little. It seemed, however, that she had set her sights a bit higher this time.
I could hear in her voice that she had fallen in love with Blake. I didn’t blame her. I had, too. I had no idea what lay ahead of us down the road. I had to consider whether to even let Blake know this, unless he already did. Perhaps that’s why he finally came looking for me. It was bound to be a long conversation that night. I went upstairs to take a bath before I went shopping for the food supplies. As I climbed out of the bathtub, I changed my mind. I had other plans for dinner.
Chapter 18
Blake
I sat on the edge of the bed in the motel room, the bags with gaily wrapped packages surrounding me. I had a ball at the toy store. It was the first time I had been set loose in a toy store with unlimited money in my entire life. My arms had raked the boxes into the cart, all the while knowing that Silver would not be pleased if I brought too much. She would have to get used to the idea. I could afford to bring my son gifts, and I could afford her. Yes, she would have to get used to that idea.
I watched the clock with excited anticipation. I wanted to show up early, to sort of take control out of her hands. But Silver was big on control, and I knew there were some places I was just going to have to give in to her. I could do that. At ten minutes until four I left the motel, the bags clutched beneath my arms. I pulled into her driveway and went up to the door, knocking and then opening the door a few inches to call out her name. She came immediately and held Kirk by the hand. My heart melted.
“Hey, buddy. I’m your dad,” I said as I bent down at the knees to be at eye level with him.
“I know,” he said, nodding his little head. He was the most adorable creature I had ever seen. It helped a lot that he looked just like me. I grinned inside at my own vanity.
“Hey, buddy, would you like to come out to the truck and see the gifts that I’ve brought for you?”
“Can I, Mommy?” he asked, looking up at Silver.
“Of course, he’s your daddy. You know you don’t go with strangers, but this is your daddy,” she said and it was probably most beautiful words I’d ever heard.
Kirk tentatively walked out onto the porch and raised his hand toward mine. I took the tiny appendage in my own, coarse, calloused hand and it felt as if I had touched an angel. He looked up at me with the same gray eyes that I looked down at him with and there was a consciousness that we exchanged. If I had been worried, I needn’t have. He accepted me fully.
We walked out to the truck and he stood on the grass next to it as I handed down bag after bag of gifts to Silver. We gathered them up and sat down upon the front lawn while he opened them, squealing with delight at each new toy. Silver rolled her eyes at me a few times, and I knew I had probably overstepped the bounds. That’s just who I was. I never did anything half ass.
“How about if I bring these all inside and we put them in your room, buddy” I suggested.
Silver nodded and together we picked up the pieces and headed indoors.
“There’s been a little change in plans,” Silver said.
“How’s that?” I asked her.
“Sarah will be here in a few minutes. She’s going to stay with Kirk this evening. You and I are going out to dinner. I thought it would be better if we were alone.”
“Sounds perfect to me,” I told her.
Sure enough, Sarah arrived only moments later and she picked up the last of the toys and headed upstairs behind Kirk.
“Let me get my bag I’ll be right down.” Silver walked upstairs and I admired her backside as she went. I missed her terribly and wanted to hold her in my arms. I hoped against hope that somehow that would happen before the night was over.
We got into her car because she knew where she was going. I sat on the passenger side sort of turned in the seat and watched your profile as she spoke. She told me about the early days with Maudie, in the little town where the first café had been located. I felt like she was building up to something. She pulled into a little parking lot and drove around to the back of the building. She looked at me and smiled. “Come on with me,” she said and got out of the car.
I followed her inside and to my surprise, it was a very homey restaurant. “This is mine,” she said, the pride in her voice unmistakable.
“Really? This is all yours?”
“Yes, and this is the second one. I’ve been scouting for location for the third one. That all depends on you now.”
“You have no idea how happy that makes me to hear you say that,” I told her.
We sat down and a waitress appeared immediately, handing me a menu. All my favorite foods were there. I marveled at the selections. “Do you know how to cook all of this yourself?”
“Of course I do,” she said. “That’s how I started with Maudie’s. I was the cook.”
I had a little bit of trouble envisioning Silver standing at a grill, but I knew she was tough and would do whatever it took to survive. It just made me sad to think that she was running from me. There had really been no reason for her to do that, but she seemed to think that there was at that time.
I kept my mouth shut and didn’t pass judgment on her. I owed her that much at least. I recognized that I had been a bastard at the time. I had women crawling all over me and I seldom turned any of them down. I was drinking and I was angry with the world. She didn’t deserve that. Maybe she thought that she had brought it on, but she could not have been more wrong. She had been lighting the skies for me.
But all of that was behind us now. Here I was sitting in a booth in a restaurant that she owned. Behind us, just a few miles down the road, was our son. Life couldn’t get much better than that.
“So, where is it that you see things going from here?” she asked me, stirring her coffee and looking into my eyes very steadily.
“Well, naturally I would like you and Kirk to pack your things and come home with me to live forever. I love you, Silver. I want you to marry me.”
She set her cup down with a clink. “Marry you? I didn’t think you were the marrying kind.”
“I didn’t think I was, either,” I said. “But that was all before you. When I told you that night that I loved you I had no idea it would drive you away. I was ready to ask you to marry me then. You just never gave me a chance.”
“I know; I wasn’t being entirely fair to you.”
“Can we just put all of that behind us now? Will you and Kirk come home with me?”
“What about all this?” she said, spreading her arms to indicate the restaurant around us. “I can’t just walk away from it all. It doesn’t run itself. I was getting ready to open the third location; do you expect me to just forget all those plans and become a housewife?”
“I didn’t think that far ahead,” I said.
“There has to be some sort of compromise here. You have your career in Dallas, and I have mine here.”
“My career, my life and everything I want is here with you. Say the word and I will quit bull riding and moved here to Baton Rouge. I will give Jill t
he ranch if that’s what it takes.”
“You would do that for me?”
“I would do that for you, and for Kirk. We are a family. We belong together.”
Her eyes held a faraway look and I knew she was battling those old demons.
“You’re scared to give it up, aren’t you?” I asked, knowing how her mind ran.
She nodded.
“What if I were to tell you that you can keep it all in your name? If anything happened between us, I won’t have a single claim on it. You don’t have to work, but if you want to, you can. Will that make it easier for you?” I was hoping this would do the trick.
She nodded. “I’m glad you understand. I’ve been without for so much of my life; I just need to know that I have something to fall back on. I know that’s not very positive thinking, but it is what it is.”
“I get it,” I said. “I’ve been there.”
“Good. You really going to give Jill the ranch?” I asked him.
“Well, I said that but it’s not really what I want to do. I’d rather just let her live there, but I’d keep a hand in things and keep it in my name. To be honest, I’m a little uncertain she can handle it. She’s liable to sign it away for a truckload of pot.”
She nodded. She understood perfectly where I was coming from. “Jill really can’t be trusted with that much money, Blake. She’s never been able to handle it. Someone will just get it from her.”
“I know. So, I’ll keep the ranch. Then how about you? You going to keep working the café?”
“I’ve got Marie managing the other one and Bertha is handling this one. It was my idea to open a third, but I could be coerced into reconsidering that. I’d like to spend time with Kirk and you,” she said and I thought my heart would burst.
“What’s up with you?” she asked suspiciously.
“Why? What do you mean?”
“You’ve gone all soft inside. That’s not like you. What happened?”