by Caitlyn Dare
We ride the rest of the way in comfortable silence. Conner grips my hand in his, rubbing his thumb over the curve of my skin. His touch is soft and comforting, like a warm blanket I never want to come out from under.
The road leading to the Jaggers’ house is dark and quiet, nothing but the odd passing car. Their house comes into view in the distance just as an almighty bang goes off and Conner loses control of the car.
“Hold on,” he grunts, trying to bring it to a steady stop on the side of the road.
I grip the seat, breathing a sigh of relief when it rolls to a stop.
“What was that?” My voice quivers.
“I think we blew a tire. Fuck.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “I’ll call Ace and see if he can call G.”
He tells me that G is Ace’s boss. He owns his own auto shop just outside the Bay. He also has a tow truck.
“Wait here.” Conner climbs out to inspect the tire. When he comes back, I can hear him on the phone with Ace.
“Yeah, okay,” he says, hanging up.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, G is going to get here as quickly as possible. Ace is drunk, so he’s going to ask Cole to get you and take you to the house.”
“I don’t mind waiting with you. I’m sure we could find a way to keep ourselves entertained.” I walk my finger up his arm as I lean in and kiss the corner of his mouth.
“Kennedy, I—”
“Shh.” I climb onto his lap, straddling him. “It’s dark, no one can see.”
“Babe, Cole will be here any—”
“We have time.” I press a finger to his lips. “I’m right here, Conner. All you have to do is take me.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Conner
I stare at Kenny as she holds her arms out at her sides. "K," I sigh, my eyes holding hers. I hate the hurt that fills them. Guilt swamps me. I put that concerned, vulnerable look on her face… but I don't know what else to do right now.
I'm terrified.
More terrified than I have been in my entire life at the thought of touching her and allowing it to go too far.
What if I'm too rough and I mark her again? What if I hurt her and it makes her think of him? What if...
My head spins with possibilities, all of which end with her hurting and me being the cause.
I refuse to be anything like that cunt.
I want her safe. I want her happy. I just... I just want her. And if that means I need to sacrifice my needs to ensure her happiness, then I will. Every day of the fucking week.
"What, Conner? What is the problem?" Her voice cracks and pain fills her eyes.
"It's nothing,” I say, trying to make my voice as light as possible. “Let's just get this fixed and we'll go watch that movie."
"Fuck the movie, Conner. I don't want to watch another fucking movie."
"Okay, we don't have to. We can do something else."
Her lips press into a thin line. "Something else?" she snaps. "Like what, a board game?”
My eyes drop from hers as my chest constricts. "I—"
"You said you love me. You said you're not repulsed by me. Why can’t you touch me? It’s not like we haven’t already done it all. So what's the problem?"
"There's not—"
"Bull. Shit," she spits, making me feel like a piece of shit for not being able to give her what she needs. "You didn't have a problem when you fucked me like you hated me. Where's that guy gone?" Her brows rise and her hands land on her hips as she waits for my response.
"I never hated you, K."
"That's not..." She blows out a frustrated breath and tugs at her hair. "That's not what I meant. Fucking me like you hate me doesn't mean you actually hate me. Jesus, where's the guy who had so much fire he left fingerprints on my hips last week? Where's the guy who walked headfirst into a fight that nearly got him killed?"
"He's not the guy you deserve, K."
"Who the fuck are you to tell me what I deserve?"
I open my lips to respond, but I don't get a chance to form any words. She climbs off me and out of the car.
She marches away from me and I panic. We're not all that far from the house, but it's pitch black out here. Anyone could pick her up and do... a shudder ripples through me at the thought.
"Kenny, wait." Running after her, I wrap my fingers around her wrist and pull her back into me.
"What?" she barks, narrowing her eyes at me. "You want me all of a sudden?"
The heat of her body seeps into mine, and my need to lean down and kiss her is all-consuming.
I step into her farther, forcing her to step back until she's pressed up against the driver's door.
"Conner," she breathes, her body crushed between me and the car.
My hand lifts, cupping the side of her neck. Her pulse thunders beneath my touch.
"I need you, Con. I fucking need you."
My lips crash to hers, my tongue pushing past her lips to tangle with hers. She moans into my kiss, her body going lax in my hold.
Her hands slip under my shirt, her nails raking down my back and making me shudder as desire washes through me.
Lifting her leg, I wrap her thigh around my hip and grind into her. She cries out in pleasure as my fly presses against her clit and her head falls back against the car with a bang.
"Oh fuck."
My hand slips around to the front of her throat and I squeeze lightly, but the second I do the image that's been haunting me since I discovered her secret slams into me and I have no choice but to back away.
His face fills my head, mixing with the bruises, the pain, the cries.
"Fuck," I bellow, turning my back on her.
"Conner, what the—" Her words are cut off as a car pulls to a stop behind mine, the headlights illuminating both of us.
"You can't touch me, can you?” she whispers, her voice cracking.
Guilt consumes me, washing through me like a tsunami and threatening to drown me. I don’t want to hurt her, yet that’s all I seem to be doing right now.
"What the hell is going on?" Cole shouts.
"Nothing. Your brother is a fucking pussy and a hypocrite, that's all." Her voice is hard once more, not willing to show Cole the vulnerable side she showed me.
"Oh, not much then," Cole mutters lightheartedly.
"Is there a party tonight?"
"Uh... yeah. At Hayden's, why?"
"Take me there. I need someone to fuck me. Unless you fancy it. Invite Hads to join if you like. It's not only you two that get to share your toys."
"Uh..." He hesitates. I don't need to turn around to know he's staring daggers into my back. "Con?"
"Just fucking take her home."
"Okay, sure."
"And Cole?" I ask, finally spinning around to face him. "Touch her, or let anyone else do so, and I'll fucking kill you."
"That's fucking rich, seeing as you got all up in Hadley's business," Kenny barks over her shoulder as she storms toward Cole's car. She rips open the passenger door before dropping down and cutting herself off from me.
He shakes his head. "You need to get your shit together, bro. You want her, then you need to start proving it."
Without saying another word, he climbs back into his car and disappears with my girl sitting beside him.
"FUUUUCK," I roar into the darkness. My hands fly to my head, my fingers twisting in my hair and pulling until the biting pain makes it feel like it's about to come clean out.
Why is that so hard?
I want her. I want her so fucking bad.
But all I can see is her bruises, her pain, and him.
Him.
That cunt needs to die for ever laying a finger on my girl. But now, even without his presence, he's coming between us and fucking up our lives.
He shouldn't have that kind of power over us.
No one even knows where the fuck he is, yet he's controlling our lives.
"I'm coming for you, you motherfucker," I warn no one, feeling
the need to put the threat out there in the world.
The crack of a twig to my right causes my head to snap to the side, but just like every inch of this road, it's in total darkness. Even if there was someone out there, I'd never see them.
The sound of another engine approaching drags my mind from the shadows seconds before a tow truck pulls up in front of my car.
"G?" I ask when a guy dressed in oil-stained clothes drops down from the driver's seat.
"Yeah."
"It's this one," I say, pointing to my blown-out tire and standing aside so he can do his thing.
"Okay, let's get her hooked up and go fix her up."
It's almost three hours later when I finally get back to the house with a new tire. Thankfully the rim wasn't damaged too bad, so G was able to just put a new tire on for now.
I run up the stairs before flinging my bedroom door open in the hope she'll be here, but as I step inside, I find it empty.
A noise coming from another room catches my attention, and I march toward Cole's bedroom, giving his door the same treatment as I did my own. Only when I look inside, his isn't empty. He's rolling around in bed with Hadley.
"Ever heard of knocking, asshole?"
"Where is she?" I ask, ignoring the fact that they're clearly in the middle of something. If I'm not getting any, then they can suffer along with me.
"I think you should just give her some space, Con. She was pissed."
"Where did you take her? Because I swear to God if you took her to that fucking party to—"
"She's at the dorms," a soft voice interrupts before she sits up behind Cole with the sheets clutched to her chest.
I breathe a sigh of relief, but I don't relax, not even a little bit. "Okay, good. I'm go—"
"Cole's right, Con. You need to leave it for tonight."
"But—"
"You hurt her. Just let her cool down and talk to her tomorrow."
"This is fucking bullshit," I spit, spinning on my heels and kicking Cole's bedroom door so hard that it ricochets off the wall and slams shut behind me.
I gaze at the stairs. It would be so easy to jump back in my car and demand she talks to me. But how would that help? I'm still not going to be able to give her what she needs.
Slamming my bedroom door shut, I fall down on my bed. All she wanted was for me to fuck her, to make her feel good. It shouldn't be this hard.
I close my eyes and allow myself to drown in darkness and regrets for a few minutes.
I must drift off, because the next thing I know there's a knock at my door and Cole lets himself in. "What's going on, bro?" he asks from the chair, his eyes drilling into me, but I refuse to even open mine to look at him.
"Nothing," I grunt, not willing to talk about my fucked up issues right now.
"I've never seen her that angry. What did you do?"
"It's what I didn't do that's the issue.” I release a heavy sigh.
'What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
My lips part to respond, but I can't find any words.
"You don't have to tell me, but I can't help if you don't."
"She... she wanted me to fuck her while we waited for you."
"And this is a problem why? Worried I'd rock up and watch?"
"I just... I couldn't."
"Aw, your cock scared of the dark?" he laughs.
"This isn't fucking funny, asshole."
"I'm sorry. What's the problem? Your girl is offering herself to you on the side of a dark road and you can't perform... why?"
"You don't need to paint the picture. I get it." I was there, for fuck’s sake.
"I'm glad you do, because I'm fucking clueless here."
"I keep seeing him," I snap.
"Uh... okay. Well... I didn't see this coming. You've spent so much time pining after Kenny that I didn't even consider that you might swing the other way."
"What? What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask, sitting upright and looking directly at him.
"You said you saw him so I just thought..." He trails off as I lift my hand to my face and scrub it over my jaw.
"I see Warren," I confess, hating how his name tastes on my tongue. "All I see is him hurting her. Then I remember how I treated her, the bruises I left, and I just freak out."
"Oh... okay, that makes more sense... I guess."
"It makes no fucking sense, Cole. I want her. I need her... so fucking bad. But every time we get close, I shut down. I'm so fucking terrified of hurting her, of reminding her of him."
"That'll never happen, Con. No matter how rough you might treat her, you're you. You're not a monster. You're not him."
"But I hurt her."
"If you're worried about delivering pain during sex, then you're talking to the wrong guy here."
The memory of what Cole did to Hadley before Christmas fills my mind.
"How do you live with yourself?"
"I make her come, again and again, and again. It softens the guilt."
"You're fucked up. You know that, right?"
He gives me a half-shrug. "Takes one to know one, bro."
Chapter Twenty-Three
Kennedy
I lie awake, anger and frustration swirling in my veins.
I knew Conner couldn’t touch me. Deep down, I knew it the second he tucked me into his arm after I made him come.
It hurts. It hurts so fucking much.
Does he think I’m damaged goods now?
I blink away the tears. I won’t cry, even if my soul weeps.
Part of Warren’s cycle of abuse was to grind me down, to call me ugly and worthless. He made me feel like I was disgusting. Nothing more than a body to please him. A toy to play with. So it’s hard to put into words how it feels to be rejected by the boy who says he’s always loved me. It plays on every insecurity I have.
The darkness engulfs me and I let it. I lie there, still and unmoving, my breaths coming in short, sharp bursts as I try to rein in the emotional storm raging inside me.
My body is still worked up from earlier. It’s angry, yes, but there, under the surface, it’s needy. Desperate to feel some kind of connection. Some kind of release.
Damn you, Conner.
Just then, there’s a creak by my door. I tense, holding my breath, watching through wide eyes as it begins to open. My heart is in my throat, blood roaring in my ears.
“Conner?” I hiss at the sight of him standing there. “What the hell are you doing?”
“We need to talk.”
“Talk? You want to talk?”
Unbelievable.
I don’t want to talk. I want him to show me that he feels the same as I do. I want him to show me he loves me still, despite everything that has happened.
He closes the doors and slowly stalks toward the end of the bed. I notice the second he sees my short pajamas. His eyes flare, drinking in my bare legs.
“Fuck.” He swallows, rubbing his jaw.
“Unless you’re going to grow some balls and fuck me, you should leave.”
“Kennedy, come on, that isn’t fair.”
“Fair?” I balk. “You think any of this is fair? I didn’t ask for this to happen, I didn’t ask for any of it.” I know I should probably give him a break. He didn’t ask for any of this either, but I’m so tired of hurting, of feeling unloved, used and abused. I just want to be safe in his arms.
“Shh, babe.” His expressions darkens. “I know you didn’t, I know—”
“Don’t,” I breathe out as he starts to come toward me. “Unless you’re going to give me what I need, just don’t.”
Conner’s eyes screw closed as he inhales a ragged breath. “I want to, fuck I want to. More than anything.” His voice cracks. “But you’ve got to let me work through some stuff.”
When his eyes open again they glitter with guilt and regret. “I love you, K. So fucking much. But I need time.”
Conner’s eyes slip down my body again, and I can feel the shift in him. He wants me, he just can�
��t see past everything.
An idea sparks in my head. Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction.
Sliding my hand to my bare stomach, I trail my fingers around my navel and down to the waistband of my shorts.
A low growl vibrates in his chest as he inches closer. “Kenny...” It’s a warning, but I don’t stop.
I glide my hand up my stomach, pushing my pajamas away to reveal my bare breasts. Conner’s breath catches in his throat and he swallows roughly, unable to take his eyes off my body.
“What are you doing?” he grits out.
“If you won’t touch me, then I’ll just have to do it myself.” I squeeze my breast, arching into my touch. It feels good, and heat pools deep in my stomach. But it’s not enough. I need more.
I need Conner.
“Stop.” It’s a pained sigh. His eyes are hooded, heavy with lust.
“You want me,” I whisper. “I know you do.”
“Fuck yeah, I do. I want to feel my cock in your tight little pussy.” He palms himself through his jeans. “I want to watch you ride me, K, taking my cock like a champ.”
“Conner...” I breathe, a flash of lust rolling through me.
“But I can’t...” His head hangs low. “Just give me time. Please.”
“If you can’t help me, Conner... there’s the door...” My hand slips into my pajama bottoms. Shivers run through me as my warm fingers meet my sensitive skin.
“Fuck,” he grits out. “Fuck.”
“Con—”
“Take them off,” he commands, his voice all deep and growly. It sends bolts of desire through me, pinning me to the spot.
I lick my lips as I push my shorts and panties off my hips and wriggle them down my legs.
“Let me see.” His eyes are blown with lust, his jaw slack with fascination.
I bend my knees a little, letting my legs fall to the side.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” He drags his thumb over his bottom lip, watching me. Stalking me like a predator toying with its prey.