by Caitlyn Dare
Liquid lust courses through my veins. The way he says the words gives me no doubt he means it, but my heart is heavy, knowing he still can’t touch me.
“Touch yourself for me, K. Show me how you like it.”
My fingers slide between my pussy lips and I gasp at the sensation.
“Fuck yeah.” Conner snaps his belt open and unbuttons his jeans, pulling his cock free. It’s hard and heavy in his hand, and I want nothing more than to feel it inside me.
“Push two fingers inside your pussy and ride them.” He closes a fist around his cock and starts pumping slowly.
My head falls back on a whimper as I follow his instructions, finger fucking myself.
“Eyes, K. Give me your eyes.”
My body coils tightly at the sheer lust in his voice. But it’s nothing compared to what I see in his hooded gaze when my eyes find his staring down at me.
“Fuck, babe. Do you have any idea how hot you look right now? Imagine me, Kenny, imagine me riding your tight little body. My fingers digging into your hips, your legs wrapped around my waist. I’m so fucking hard for you, babe.”
“Con...” I breathe, pushing my fingers deeper, curling them inside and rubbing the spot I know will make me shatter.
“Touch your clit. Make yourself come. Now.” The words tear from his lungs in a grunt of sheer need.
I press my thumb down on my clit and an intense wave of pleasure crashes over me, my body quivering as I cry out his name.
I’m barely aware of Conner moving closer, until warm jets of cum hit my legs and stomach.
My eyes catch his and he grins. “Don’t make any mistakes about you who belong to, babe. You’re mine.” Conviction rings in his voice as he leans down and traces his name on my stomach with his own release. “I just need some time.”
“O-okay.” I’m breathless. Overwhelmed and confused.
But he’s looking at me like I’m the most precious person in the world, and I realize that as long as he keeps looking at me like that, we can get past this. As long as he’s here, with me, that’s all I need.
I can wait.
Conner tucks himself back into his jeans and says, “Don’t move.”
I can’t even if I want to, too boneless and weak from the intense orgasm that wracked through me.
He disappears into my small bathroom and returns a minute later with a washcloth. Dropping to his knees, Conner cleans the sticky cum off my body, before leaning in and pressing a single kiss to my hip bone. “I love you, K. Never forget that.”
“Then why can’t you touch me?” The words are out before I can stop them.
Conner lets out another pained sigh before toeing off his sneakers and joining me on the bed. He rolls me onto my side and tucks me against his big strong body, my back to his chest. “I want to. I want to so fucking much. But the idea of him hurting you... of me hurting you. Everything is messed up in my head, K.” His body vibrates with anger as he pulls me closer, tucking his chin into the crook of my neck. “We’ll figure it out, babe. I promise.”
A feeling of contentment spreads through me. I’ve never had this before. Safety. Security. I’ve never laid next to a guy and felt like he’d protect me with his last breath.
Conner makes me feel the way all girls dream of. Special... Precious... Loved.
As I close my eyes and let myself drift, I tell myself it’s enough. Because it should be.
When I wake, Conner is gone and the bed is cold. I push up onto my elbow, scanning my room, but there’s no sign of him. No sneakers on the floor or hoodie hanging on the back of my chair. I vaguely remember him taking it off sometime in the middle of the night.
Dejection creeps into my veins, tamping down the happiness I felt when I’d fallen asleep.
But then I spot it. An origami flower on my desk. A smile tugs at my mouth. It had been Conner’s thing back when we were kids, to leave me paper flowers. It was goofy and cheesy, but it made me smile every damn time.
This morning is no exception.
My phone vibrates and I scramble to reach it.
Conner: Didn’t want to get caught. I’ll see you later?
Me: Maybe. If you’re lucky.
Gah. I want to be angry with him still, but he makes it so hard. He’s scared, I get it now. I asked Conner to hurt me and then he found out Warren had raped me. It’s messed up.
I messed up.
Another text comes through, and I smile when I read it.
Conner: You think I’ll ever let you run from me? You’re mine, K. Always.
God. He’s so good at this, at telling me how he feels. Conner wears his heart on his sleeve, unafraid to reveal his true self. It’s admirable and totally swoon-worthy. But he harbors a darker side. I’ve seen it. Felt it quivering under the surface. The fighting, the way he’d fucked me into oblivion that night. Conner Jagger might be the good brother. The joker. The one with the big heart and even bigger smile. But even Lucifer was an angel once.
I toy around with my reply. It would be easy to tell him I love him, that I always have. But something holds me back. A little voice telling me not to fall too deep yet. Not until he can get over what happened. So I settle on something playful. Something that I hope will give him the nudge he needs to claim me in all the ways I want him to.
Me: Prove it.
I add a winking emoji for some extra sass. I can picture his smile as he reads it, hear his smooth laughter. It’s like falling all over again with him. I want to believe it’s real, I want to throw caution to the wind and give him my heart, but it isn’t whole anymore.
It’s broken.
I’m broken.
I think I’ll always need something from him he might not be able to give me.
Pain.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Conner
"The girls just left," Cole says, standing in my bedroom door.
I'm once again on my bed, staring at the ceiling. It seems to be my favorite place these days as I attempt to search for the answers I need to fix me.
I hate myself right now. My girl needs me, and my head is too fucked up to give it to her.
All she wants me to do is make her feel good, but the second I even think about touching her, that image pops up. And it doesn't matter what I do, I can't banish it.
"Okay, great. I'll meet you downstairs in a few." I don't look at him, I can't, because I know that all I'll find staring back at me is pity.
I got back here in the middle of the night and was forced to listen to him and Hadley as he gave her what she was screaming for, while being swarmed with guilt that I wasn't able to do the same for Kenny.
She was right there before me, ready for the taking, begging for it. It should be so easy, so natural. But I couldn't, and she had to settle for her own touch.
My cock swells as the memory of watching her fingers slide deep inside her pussy fills my mind.
"Things still rough?" Cole ask, clearly not getting the clue about fucking off and leaving me alone.
"I don't want to talk about it."
"You went to see her last night though, right? You used the key?"
"Yeah," I sigh.
"And?"
Sitting up, I push from the bed and walk to the window, staring out at James' perfectly tended to yard beneath. My body aches with my need to release the tension that’s pulling at every single one of my muscles. I may have come last night, but it was nowhere near as satisfying as I needed it to be. My hand will never replace hers.
"I didn't fuck her, if that's what you mean," I bark, embarrassed that we're even having this conversation.
"Did you talk?"
"Kind of," I admit with a wince.
"So she understands?"
"I don't know, Cole," I shout, spinning away from him and holding my hands from my side. "I don't fucking know anything right now aside from how fucked my head is. Let's fucking go."
I shove my feet into my sneakers and barge past him when he continues to block half my doorway
.
He follows me down the stairs and out of the house. Just as I step down to the gravel of the driveway, Ace appears around the corner.
"Ready?" he asks.
"Yes."
"I'm driving," Cole announces and the three of us pile into his car.
"They suspect anything?" Cole asks Ace while I stare out of the window at the passing scenery.
"Nah, I don't think so. Remi was just excited to have a day getting pampered."
When I left Kenny last night, I had a message from Ace telling me that we were all going to meet the boys in the Heights this afternoon to try to find out about Warren's whereabouts. We didn't need the girls knowing or trying to get involved, so we booked the three of them into the spa for the day.
"Yeah, Hads was pretty stoked. You heard from Kenny?"
"Yeah, but I said it was a surprise. I'm not sure she's really a spa kind of girl."
"She'll love it. Plus, it'll give her some bonding time with Remi and Hads," Cole says, glancing back at me in the mirror.
"Sure Con would rather have bonding time," Ace mutters from the passenger seat, making my body lock up.
Cole's looking back at the road, so I don't get to shoot him a begging look not to say anything, but thankfully he doesn't. It's bad enough he knows about my issue. I don't need every fucker knowing.
Sliding lower in the seat, I rest my head back. My eyes automatically close. I really need some more fucking sleep, but I know it's pointless. The second sleep claims me, all I see is him and her.
The journey to the tattoo studio seems to take fucking forever, but that might just be because I'm torturing myself in my own head.
"They better know where this motherfucker is," I say, cracking my knuckles as we walk toward the door to the apartment above the studio.
"If they don't, they will. We'll find him."
My need for his blood is getting uncontrollable. The second I see his smug fucking face, he is done.
Despite the fact that it's barely lunch, the second we fall down onto the guy's couch they throw bottles of beer at us—well, not Cole, seeing as he's still sober after his little incident.
Ace and D start catching up like this is any other fucking day and that we're not here to find out the whereabouts of the motherfucker who's been abusing my girl.
The image of him with his hand around her throat slams into me. Tipping my bottle to my lips, I down the lot in the hope it drowns out the images so I can focus on ending all this.
"Chill the fuck out, bro," Cole says, slapping my thigh and thankfully dragging me from my head.
"You got anything for us or what?" I bark, looking between D and Cruz.
"Nah, we're waiting for Jay and Levi," Cruz says, checking his cell for the time. "Little shit said he was going to be here twenty minutes ago.”
It's another ten minutes before they both finally walk through the door.
"About fucking time," I mutter, now finished with my third bottle. All eyes turn to me. "What?" I bark. "I want this motherfucker."
"We don't know anything," Levi says, falling down onto the couch opposite me.
"What? I thought you..." I trail off, my teeth grinding in frustration. "Do you actually have anything new to tell us?" I push from the couch and begin pacing, needing to do something to work out the tension.
"He has been seen." Those words stop me in my tracks.
"So where the fuck is he?"
"We don't know where he went, but one of the guys swears they saw him driving out of town the other day."
"So he's gone?"
"Don't know."
"Jesus fucking Christ, this is pointless. Give me your keys," I demand, holding my hand out to Cole.
"No."
"No?"
"You've been drinking. I'm not letting you anywhere near a car, bro."
"But I need—"
He stands so we're toe to toe. "We know what you need. We want it too. But we need to be smart."
The two of us stare at each other as everyone else stops talking.
I crack my knuckles and flex my neck.
"Go on, then,” he says. “Hit me if you think it'll help."
"Cole," Ace warns, probably sensing that I don't need any kind of encouragement right now.
My chest heaves as I try to ignore the little voice in my head that screams at me to lash out.
"Come on, I know you want to. It's not like you can take it out on—"
"Conner," voices shout as my knuckles connect with Cole's jaw.
He stumbles back, his hand lifting to his face, but before I can follow him Ace and Cruz stand in front of me like a brick fucking wall.
"Enough," Ace barks. "This isn't the answer, and you fucking know it." His palms land on my chest and he pushes me back.
My jaw ticks as we stare at each other. He's not really the fighter out of the two of us—well, not the trained one—but I know that he could take me down with his sheer power.
"Go on. I dare you to try it," he seethes.
I step up to him, our chests touching as I breathe in his face.
"You want vengeance for your girl, I get it. I really fucking do, bro. I might not have done it myself but I'd have ended Charlie for what he did to Remi in a heartbeat. I fucking get it. He will pay for this. But you lashing out at everyone isn't going to help it happen any faster. So. Stand. Down."
His eyes don’t leave mine as he speaks to the others. "Is that all you've got for us?"
"Yeah."
"And you couldn't have told us that over the fucking phone?"
They mutter a few things, but my head spins and the words pass me by. All I want to hear is an address and they don’t have one, so I'm not interested in anything else they might have to say.
"Right. Let's fucking go."
Ace grips on to the back of my neck and pushes me toward the door.
"What now?" Cole asks once the three of us are back in his car.
"Let's go for a drive, see if it inspires us."
Cole's eyes meet mine in the mirror. I know he's not mad I hit him, although I also know he's planning payback.
Bring it fucking on.
We find nothing, no sign of Warren or his piece of shit father. The trip was a fucking waste of time, and I'm more irritated than ever when we finally get back to the house and head for Ace's pool house for a drink.
"Here," he says, throwing me a beer and Cole a soda.
"You haven't got anything stronger?"
"Not yet, no. The girls will be back soon—Remi's just messaged to say they're leaving. Kenny will want you sober.”
Will she? Maybe being off my ass drunk might help things. I know it's wishful thinking, though. That cunt's images are even stronger once my head is swimming with alcohol.
Thirty minutes later we're still no closer to having a plan, but right on cue Remi, Hadley and Kenny walk toward the pool house.
My eyes fall on my girl, who's wearing a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie. There's nothing overly sexy about the outfit, but the way she wears it… fuck me. My cock swells to the point I have to reach down and rearrange myself as I run my eyes down the length of her.
The image of her on her bed last night hits me and only makes the situation worse. When I make it back up to her face, I find her cheeks pink and desire filling her eyes.
She's thinking about it too.
The second Hadley is in the room, she's in Cole's arms and he has his tongue deep in her mouth.
"Princess, what's wrong?" Ace asks, concern filling his voice, so much so it drags my attention from Kenny.
"We need to show you something."
Ace and I share a look, Cole is too distracted to even come up for air as we follow the girls back out of the pool house.
"Who the fuck—" Ace barks as we round the corner to find Remi's car with ‘Heights Slut’ keyed in the side of it.
"Lylah," Remi spits.
"For real?" I ask, not thinking that bitch had it in her.
>
"She and Marissa were at the spa. You should have seen the way they looked at us with their noses in the air."
Ace's lips part but no words come out as he looks between the car and Remi in shock.
"They'll get what's coming to them," Kenny pipes up, and it's only now I realize that some of the darkness that's in her eyes is anger.
"No, K. Don't do anything stupid."
"What? Those stuck-up bitches need teaching a lesson."
As much as her need to fight for Remi and Hadley makes my cock hard, she really needs to stay away from Lylah. She's already got her in trouble at school once, she doesn't need to be hauled back into Vager's office any time soon. We're all meant to be keeping our heads down, not willingly sticking them above the parapet.
"I'll call G. He'll get this sorted. Then we'll deal with those bitches," Ace threatens, pulling Remi into his side and turning his back on the car.
They disappear toward the pool house, leaving Kenny and me standing awkwardly on the driveway.
"So... did you have a good day?"
"Uh... yeah. I mean, it was different."
"Drink?" I ask, not knowing what else to say.
"Sure." I gesture for her to go ahead when what I really want to do is pull her to me, but I don't want to start something I can't finish.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kennedy
It’s the first time being with Conner, his brothers and the girls that I feel part of their group.
The spa had been... interesting.
I’d never seen anything like it. It was one of those ultra-modern and luxurious places with rose gold accents and lots of mirrored glass. Remi and Hadley had told me to relax and enjoy it, but being primped and preened by a stranger wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time.
Conner doesn’t seem to mind, if the way he keeps sniffing me is anything to go by.
“You’re smelling me again,” I whisper.
Cole and Hadley are practically dry fucking on the chair while Ace and Remi are on the other end of the couch, making out. Music blasts out from a speaker as the six of us sit around, drinking and shooting the shit.