Slow Ride Home (The Grady Legacy)

by Leah Braemel

  Unwilling to break their tenuous connection yet, Ben shifted his weight over Allie and rested his head on her shoulder. He needed to move—the sun was baking his ass. It would hurt like a sumbitch if he got sunburnt. Just like he’d get hurt again if he let Allie back into his life. Losing Brittany the year before hadn’t hurt half as much as when Allie had disappeared without a word. If he was lucky when Allie walked away again—and she would, the moment she settled the claim—would be like Gabe said, the more women you walk away from or walk away from you, the less it hurts.

  Something told him Gabe was wrong. When Allie walked away this time, it wouldn’t just hurt, his world would be ripped into shreds.

  He inhaled, smelling the scent of fresh hay and Allie’s shampoo, and knew, whatever happened, he wouldn’t regret whatever time they were together. Content with his decision, he rolled off her and stared at the clouds scudding overhead. He might not have chosen this exact place or this exact moment to have gotten naked with her again, but right here, right now, life was fucking perfect.

  * * *

  What the heck had just happened? The moment Ben rolled off her, Allie snatched her clothes and, her hands shaking, jerked her top over her head. She’d sworn she was going to keep her distance, and here they’d mindlessly just had sex in the back of his truck. Okay, so it was really good sex, but this was Ben Grady. And it had been outside—outside for crying out loud, just like the last time when they’d filmed her. Had she learned nothing?

  His hair standing up in spikes, Ben hiked himself up on his elbows. “You in a hurry to get back to your plaintiffs or claimants or whatever it is you call ‘em?”

  Funny, she hadn’t even thought of SSTG or her claimants while she’d been driving. It was sort of nice not to have to worry about anyone or anything except where she was aiming the tractor. “I’d appreciate it—” she slipped on her panties “—if you don’t tell my boss—” and pulled on her shirt “—that I goofed off this afternoon.”

  He caught her wrist as she wiggled her jeans over her hips. “You weren’t goofing off. We’d have been cutting tomorrow if you hadn’t come along. I appreciate how you pitched in. And as for what we just did,” where she’d expected to see a smirk there was heat and a promise of something more, “I don’t regret it at all.”

  What we just did? What she’d just done was lost her sanity.

  Boots, where were her boots? She scrambled to the end of the truck bed and peered down. There, one was on the ground beneath the tailgate, the other...shoot, it was on the other side. What had she been thinking?

  She tugged on her left boot. At least, she attempted to but ended up hopping around on one foot until Ben lifted her by the waist and set her on the truck bed again.

  “Here, let me help.” He gave her a cautious glance as he helped push her foot into the first boot, then lifted her other foot.

  Was he aware of how he was stroking her arch? Did he know how crazy it drove her? Or how fantastic his hands felt cupping her ass earlier? Shoot, this was not helping her keep her distance. Think about work. Bull’s Hollow. Shovelling shit. That didn’t exactly strike up many fond thoughts. “You said you were short hands?”

  “Ever since the news broke about Tank’s claim, the rumors have been flying like crazy that the bank’s gonna foreclose and they aren’t gonna get paid.” Worry filling his voice, he leaned against the tailgate and tugged on his jeans. “Some of the younger ones can’t get off the ranch quick enough, though we haven’t missed a payday yet.”

  “The banks won’t foreclose. Not when you’ve got title insurance.” All right, talking about work helped ground her. Him getting dressed did too.

  “Tell it to the grapevine. Because they aren’t listening to me, even when I hand them their paychecks.” He rested his hands on her shoulders, an unreadable expression in his eyes. “Are we okay? I didn’t plan this, you know.”

  “We’re okay, as long as you know it is not happening again.” She’d just had the best sex in...ages and she was denying herself again? She didn’t have to deny herself sex altogether, just not with Ben.

  “Why are you running away in such a hurry?”

  Her shoulders slumped. “I just...this shouldn’t have happened.”

  “So you do regret it.” Though his tone was even, his expression had shuttered. She’d hurt him.

  Not your problem anymore. “It was just sex, all right? No regrets. For either of us.” Maybe if she repeated it to herself enough she’d believe it.

  His jaw bunched tight, Ben gestured to the combine. “Are you up to drivin’ it back to the yard?”

  “Of course.” She climbed in, a little sorry that the moment had been broken and the conversation had turned back to business, but also grateful that it had. She reached out to close the door. He was still standing there, watching her, that strange sadness on his face that set her guilt meter spinning. “Do you need something?”

  “No. I have to finish up with the swather. I’ll catch up with you at the yard.”

  She spent the trip back to the yard reminding herself all the reasons why getting into a relationship with Ben Grady wasn’t a good idea. Though the logical part of her brain knew he shouldn’t be held accountable for the sins of his grandfather, the illogical side needed someone to blame. Once in the main yard, Allie parked the combine beside the others and climbed down. She stuck her hands in her pockets and wandered through the ranch hands’ compound, toward the tiny cottage she and her father had shared, the porch where Ben had first kissed her. Past the window that had been her bedroom, the room where they’d made love for the second time. Stolen moments when she was supposed to be studying and he was supposed to be working the fence line.

  She ducked into the shadows of the barn when Ben drove into the yard.

  As he strode toward the trailer that served as his office, he stopped to talk with an older hand who dipped his head as if in deference. Not quite the same respect she’d seen them show his grandfather, but it was clear they knew he was in charge.

  He was the boss, the head of Bull’s Hollow, possessive of every inch of land, every cow and horse, every blade of grass, damn everything else. He’d always loved this land, loved how his family had tamed it. It was as much a part of him as his blood. Being involved with him meant moving back here. Being surrounded by bad memories. Wondering if perhaps he might turn out a bitter old man just like his grandfather who might toss her off his land for some imagined infraction.

  Even if he wasn’t, she didn’t fit here anymore. While she didn’t plan to make a career at SSTG, she planned to find another job in the legal field. In an actual law office, and there were precisely two in Carter Valley. Neither of which were looking for partners. Not that she’d give up her job on the chance of a possible relationship with a man she’d once loved.

  * * *

  What the hell had he been thinking out there? Logan was right. He’d let his dick do his thinking instead of his brain. Seeing Allie standing in the shadows, as if she didn’t want him to notice her, had him veering his course toward her. “Do we need to talk about what happened back there?” Though talking about what they’d just done was the last thing he wanted to do, in his experience women liked to talk things out. Which meant he might as well get it out there before things became even more uncomfortable between them.

  She looked away for a moment, catching her lip between her teeth before she shook her head. “I’d rather not.” She met his gaze, her voice firming. “Let’s just say we were both scratching an itch and it won’t happen again.”

  Well, crap. And good, he supposed, rubbing the heel of his hand against the ache in his chest. “Okay.” So why did he feel so rotten?

  She stuck her hands in her pockets. “Just promise me there was no one videotaping us again, because if I find even a second of this on YouTube, I am gonna sue your ass and then I’ll castrate you.”

  “It won’t. I promise you.” He drew in a breath against the hurt that she’d still think so ba
dly of him. “You’ve been worried it might be released, haven’t you?”

  “Of course.”

  “Gramps wouldn’t have let anyone else see it.”

  “Because he didn’t know how to upload a video?” Allie’s voice was heavy with sarcasm.

  “Because he would have considered it an embarrassment to the Grady name,” he snapped. The same as he wouldn’t let a scandal about an illegitimate child touch his wife. Had Gramps hidden away a love child without anyone else knowing, even Gram? Ben kicked a rock and watched it skitter along the path.

  What could he have done if he’d known about it? There was no way in Hell’s Half Acre George Grady would have listened to Ben when he was eighteen years old. Hell, if he was alive, Gramps wouldn’t listen to him even now.

  “I know nothing I say can change the past.” He faced her, frustration filling his voice. “But I’ve already said I’m sorry for what Gramps or anyone else here on Bull’s Hollow did that hurt you. I don’t know what else I can do.”

  “I’ve been living with this...this...” She bit off the words as she searched for the word.

  “Resentment? Anger?” he supplied. “You think you’re the only one who was hurt? I hadn’t a clue what had happened to you after you left. For a long time I didn’t believe what they told me. I mean, I believed about your dad, but I didn’t think you were in on it for a second. But then you didn’t answer my emails. You didn’t text me or contact me. What was I to think, huh?”

  “I told you my father—”

  “But I didn’t know that, did I?” How had they gone from making love a half hour before to butting heads again? “I only knew what they told me—that you’d been using me to get information about the ranch. I didn’t want to believe it but then you didn’t respond. You didn’t set me straight, so after a while I believed them.” He stared out over the fields, fighting the rising anger, stuffing it down. “Then I got real pissed. I don’t—didn’t trust any girl from then on. Not for a long time. Too many of them had dollar signs in their eyes, thinking I was rich because my grandfather owned the ranch, thinking they’d end up rich if they caught me. And some tried.” Brittany had come too damned close—thank God he’d learned the truth about her before he’d walked down the aisle with her.

  “Now I’ve learned that the man I trusted with my life, the man who pounded into me how a man’s word is sacred, lied to me about what he’d done to you. Repeatedly. So you’re not the only one dealing with the past. It’s slammed me in the face too.

  “And yeah,” he said settling, “you’d be right to say it’s not comparable to being called a whore. So here’s what we’re gonna do. I know it’s not an easy thing to let go of and pretend everything’s hunky dory, but how about we come to a truce? Acknowledge we were both hurt by my grandfather?” After wiping his hand on his thigh, he held out it out.

  The seconds his hand hung out there stretched longer and longer before she nodded and, searching his eyes, placed her palm in his.

  It was a step toward trust. A small one. One that wouldn’t erase the doubts about their future. His. Or hers. Maybe they’d end up sleeping together again. Maybe not. Maybe they’d decide to see each other again. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d been an itch for her to scratch. Maybe he’d end up hurt again. Or maybe she would. But he was willing to give it a try.

  Sex was easy. Trust took a lot longer to earn.

  Chapter Six

  “Hey, AJ, when did you get back?”

  Allie looked up from the report she was reading to find Kathy leaning against the baffle separating Allie’s office from the next claim investigator’s cubicle. “I got in last night.”

  It had been nice to get back to her own bed, away from the memories of what she’d once had and lost. Though her actions in the back of his truck haunted her. It had been a spontaneous act, one she’d sworn not to regret at the time, but at night, in the dark, staring at the ceiling? Yeah, it was a huge elephant sitting on her chest whispering “what did you do?” and “you’ll get hurt again” in a mosquito-like whine.

  Kathy rested a shoulder against the baffle and waited with eyebrows raised.

  “I’m waiting for a report from our investigators looking into George’s activities.” Allie pulled up the notes she’d taken. “I’ve talked to Ben’s mother, who hasn’t heard about George having any children other than Ed. I also phoned George’s widow, whose companion informed me that any questions needed to be directed to her brother Charlie, who’s been putting me off, claiming he’s too busy to discuss rumors about his dead brother-in-law with me. By the way, Charlie happens to be Charles Carter of Carter, Murphy and Scott.”

  Kathy whistled. “They were listed as one of Dallas’s Top Ten Legal firms last year. Impressive. But I notice you didn’t mention a certain cowboy.”

  “Ben is a claimant. I am not going to have a relationship with him.” At least, not a long-term relationship.

  Kathy moved from the baffle to the edge of the long counter, which made up part of Allie’s desk beneath the window. “I never said you were fixing to have a relationship. Which means you’re thinking about getting back together with him, aren’t you?”

  Her stomach flip-flopped as she considered the ramifications of Kathy’s question. As much as she didn’t want to talk about her personal life, it could potentially affect SSTGs liability. Considering she’d already told Kathy she and Ben had once had a relationship, she figured her boss deserved the truth. “We’ve come to a truce.”

  A frown creasing her forehead, Kathy nodded slowly. “I know it’s not my place to give advice, but be careful if you decide to get involved with him again. A person can change—you have. Sure as shooting, he has too.”

  “Tell me about it.” She may have been a ranch hand’s daughter back then, someone the boss could kick off his land, but now she had a job. A career. Her confidence in herself may not have been as strong as it had been back then, but she had a place in the world she’d carved out herself. If Ben walked away, or if she decided to end things, her world wouldn’t crumble. Her heart might bear yet another scar, but she’d survive that too.

  “Am I going have to look for a new claims investigator when we’re done here?”

  “No. I’m done with changing my life to suit a guy.” She’d tried changing for Lewis, and look at how well that had worked. Not. “I’m not ready for a relationship yet, especially not with Ben Grady.”

  “Uh-huh. Well, keep me up to date when you get the report back from the team looking into Gramp’s past. If you need any help with Charlie Carter, let me know. I’ve got a few friends who are members of his club who might give me some leverage with him.” Kathy left, then poked her head back around the baffle and grinned. “Oh, and if you need any help scratching an itch with your cowboy, don’t hesitate to call.”

  As if she needed help! Ha! Man, she hadn’t realized how itchy she’d been until yesterday. Now her body felt alive as it hadn’t in ages.

  Ben feathered his fingers over her skin, setting her nerve endings aflame with need. She’d thought him a good lover back in high school, but they’d taken their time, let their curiosity discover what they liked worked, and what they didn’t. Lewis’s lovemaking had been almost perfunctory. Satisfactory but not high on the wow factor. Even back in high school, Ben had been better than Lewis, but yesterday he’d hit the Holy cow I’ll burst into flames if I come any harder end of the scale. Now that he’d awoken her body, it wanted more. Lots more.

  Her nipples were still sensitive from when he’d kissed them, nipped them, played with them. Once a breast man, always a breast man, she chuckled to herself.

  The first time they’d gone all the way had been in the back of his truck one summer night. In the same spot where they’d had the threesome. He’d packed a picnic, spread blankets in the back of the truck over an old sofa-bed mattress and they’d lain under the stars watching a meteor shower. He’d been slow, almost as afraid as she’d been. Neither of them had known exactly what would
happen considering she was a virgin, but they’d both heard plenty of stories, some claiming it wouldn’t hurt, others saying she’d be in pain for days. It had turned out to be an almost non-event. No pain, no blood like she’d heard other girls complain about. Then he’d filled her. Holy cow, she wondered why she’d held him off for so long.

  Once they’d found their rhythm, he’d tested her ability to come so many times, to last so much longer than him, something her ex had never noticed or if he had, hadn’t cared. She’d considered it a trade-off for being with someone grounded, not the bronco-riding cowboy Ben was. But after a while, she found herself longing for more than a scheduled sex night, worked in between Law and Order and the wrap-up of the eleven o’clock news. Longing to be desired with a passion she’d never doubted when she was with Ben.

  Had it been her imagination that some form of tenuous connection been reforming between her and Ben, something beyond the physical? But whether it was old feelings resurfacing or something new, she didn’t know. Or was Ben simply trying to distract her from doing her job? Which reminded her...

  After checking the clock at the bottom of her monitor, she lifted her phone. If Logan was on the ball, Ackerman and Freeman should have received the release form allowing the former Bull’s Hollow lawyer to talk to her about ol’ George’s shenanigans. “Watch out, George, because if I find out you kicked me off your ranch for unbecoming behavior after you’d diddled someone other than Agnes, you’ll find yourself kicked out of the Pearly Gates and saying hello to some pretty hot weather.” If he wasn’t already in hell.

  Chapter Seven

  A week she’d waited. A week she’d been patient. And nothing, Allie fumed. She’d phoned Ackerman and Freeman every day, only to be told they hadn’t been contacted by either Logan or any of the Gradys giving their approval to talk to her. Logan wasn’t returning her phone calls, and when she’d phoned Ben the night before, he hadn’t answered and hadn’t returned her call this morning.