Underwater

by Brooke Moss

  Hayden snorted. “This is so screwed up. You want me to believe that he’s a friggin’ fish now?”

  “Mer.” Saxon’s jaw twitched. “And whether or not you believe it is your business. I’m just giving you the facts.”

  “Sax, calm down.” I covered his hand with mine. “Hayden is just taking this all in.”

  Hayden scowled at Saxon. “If he’s a Mer, why didn’t I see a fin?”

  “You only saw him from across Moon’s Bay.” Saxon rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. “By the time we got to the beach, he was gone. But you didn’t see him surface again, did you?”

  Hayden glowered for a minute, then shook his head.

  Saxon’s shoulders dropped a few inches. “That’s because once he came to the surface, he couldn’t breathe.”

  Evey pointed at Saxon, her eyes wide. “But you can breathe. If you can, then why can’t Ian?”

  “Because Saxon shifts when he comes to the surface.” Evey and Hayden both looked at me with confused expressions. “I’ve seen it.”

  Evey dropped her jaw. “You’ve seen it?”

  Nodding, I tried to shrug casually, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever get used to witnessing it. “Saxon can control when and where he shifts. That’s why he was sick that day in the woods, Ev. He’d been out of the water for too long and gotten too warm.”

  Evey shuddered and gestured to my open window. “That’s why the window is open?”

  Saxon nodded. “The longer a Mer is out of the water, the worse they feel. If we’re in a house or building that’s too warm, it makes us sicker sooner. But I’m usually able to stay out of water for eight to ten hours at a time, though it can be uncomfortable at times.”

  Hayden scowled. “Why can’t Ian come out of the water for that long? Why can’t he shift, or whatever, and come to tell my parents he’s alive?”

  “Because he’s not alive.” Saxon’s voice was overly calm. “He’s alive now only in Mer form. But if he chooses not to accept his new life, he’ll die when he comes out of the water.”

  Hayden raked a hand through his white-blond hair. “But you…you can…”

  “I’ve been shifting for years. I’m accustomed to holding my breath until my gills close.” Saxon glanced at me, then went on. “It will take your brother some time before he will learn how to shift. Once he starts, it will take even more time to learn to control his shifts, so that they don’t happen spontaneously. This is how many altered humans die after they’ve been turned Mer. They shift and try to go to see their families, but their bodies aren’t ready. If the process starts while they’re in the woods, and too far from water, they suffocate.”

  Evey drew in a sharp breath. “That’s what Ian was doing!” I pressed a finger to my lips, and she dropped her voice back down to a whisper. “He saw you on the dock and was trying to communicate with you.”

  “He likely came out of the water, but couldn’t stand the oxygen. That’s why he had to go back under before you reached the beach.” Saxon chewed his lip for a moment. “He’s been bound. And he’s under guard now.”

  “You’ve got him tied up down there?” Hayden’s voice cracked. “What the hell, dude? Who does that?”

  “It’s for his own good.” Saxon spoke through locked jaw.

  “Tying him down at the bottom of the lake is for his own good?” Hayden was breathing heavily, and I wasn’t sure if he was on the verge of crying or punching Sax.

  Saxon scooted forward on the edge of my bed, so his knees were just an inch apart from Hayden’s. “It’s either that, or your brother is going to die. Again. For good.”

  “God…” Hayden’s single word came out quiet and ragged—a prayer, maybe? Or maybe just a declaration. I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the pain in his voice. “This is…this is just…it’s too much.”

  Evey put her hand on his leg, patting it comfortingly. “It’s OK. It’s gonna be OK.”

  I raised one of my eyebrows high on my forehead, but the darkness in the room hid my appraisal. After a few beats, she looked up at me. The moonlight caught in the tears in her eyes, and the sight clutched my throat like a giant hand.

  She whispered. “What can we do? I don’t want him to die.”

  “Again,” Hayden added softly.

  I picked at the edge of the pillow I hugged to my chest. “I guess…right now, we need to hope Ian stays underwater.”

  “Will he, though?” Hayden spoke more forcefully. “I mean, he’s stubborn. Really stubborn. Will you be able to contain him? Could he get away again?”

  Saxon hesitated. “It’s possible. It depends on how determined a person is.”

  Evey, Hayden, and I all exchanged telling glances. If you looked up determined in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Ian.

  “He’ll come back to the surface.” Hayden shook his head. “He’s not gonna want to be cooped up. He fights with my parents all the time about curfews and having more freedom and all that. He’s gonna escape again. I know it.”

  We all stared at him, none of us knowing what exactly to say. There was a distinct possibility that Hayden would have to suffer through his brother dying again.

  “If this is the only way he’s going to live,” he said, his voice hoarse, “then we have to make him stay down there until he accepts it.”

  Saxon scraped his palm across the bottom half of his face. “I’ll do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

  “What can we do?” I covered his forearm with my hand, enjoying the way warmth soaked into my body.

  Saxon stared at the floor, his expression positively icy. “You’ve all been exposed to too much.”

  “He’s my brother.” Hayden sat up straight in his seat. “I’m not gonna lose him twice.”

  Saxon leveled his gaze on him. “You can’t tell your parents. You can’t tell a soul. Either of you.” He took his time scrolling his eyes to Evey. “If you tell, and my people are outed, I’ll be executed. And after I am dead, more lives will be lost trying to hide the clan. This will result in more deaths, on both sides. Yours included. This is very serious. Do you understand me?”

  Both Evey and Hayden nodded, their eyes wide. The air in the room became thick with the gravity of the situation. This was so much heavier than a big algebra final or a social blunder in the hallway before first period. This was about life and death and the protection of an entire society.

  This was about the protection of Saxon.

  Saxon fixed his stare on Hayden. “If you see him again, and you have the time to communicate with him at all, you need to tell him to stay put. If he doesn’t remain under the surface to allow the bond with Isolde to become complete, he will undoubtedly die.”

  Evey sucked in a sharp breath. “We will. But how…” Her eyes darted to mine. “How do you guys, you know, change people?”

  I stared at the side of Saxon’s face as he explained to Evey how Mer alter humans, but barely heard a word of it. Saxon didn’t know that I was aware of his impending doom, and my moods were evenly split between enraged and terrified. He’d lied to me. He knew that the Council was on to him, and he’d kept it from me. That was the equivalent of finding out that you had terminal cancer, but telling your girlfriend you had a cold.

  I couldn’t lose Saxon. Not because I was desperate to keep a guy. I wasn’t that pathetic. I’d discovered something infinitely more important than having a boyfriend. Saxon was an amazing friend. When we talked, he listened—and I mean, really listened. Boys tended either to ignore ninety percent of what a girl said or they told you just enough of what you wanted to hear to get their tongues down your throat. But not Saxon. Saxon conversed with me. He laughed with me. And in his eyes, I was every bit as strong as he was. To me, that was priceless.

  He’d become my best friend.

  I felt Evey’s eyes land on the side of my face. “What?”

  “You’re not going to let him…you know?” She swallowed. “Alter you. Are you?”

  S
axon’s voice filled the air. “Absolutely not.”

  My heart wrenched inside of my chest. I’d foolishly tricked myself into thinking that would mean I would share him with the lake for the rest of our time together. Now I knew that if he didn’t mate—with me, or anyone for that matter—he was going to be put to death.

  Evey frowned. “But you just said that you could be exiled—”

  “I won’t be.” He glanced at me and pressed his lips together. “I’ve got it under control.”

  “So will you, um, mate with someone else, then?” Hayden asked, avoiding my eyes.

  “No. Absolutely not.” Saxon laced his fingers with mine and squeezed. “I’m with Luna. I don’t think I could mate with another, even if I tried.”

  I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep from tearing up, a ball of raw guilt started to grow in my stomach.

  Evey’s head snapped in my direction, and she reached out to take hold of my other arm. “Don’t ever do it. Don’t let him alter you.” Saxon moved in his spot uncomfortably, raking a hand through his hair and adjusted the torn T-shirt he wore. “I mean, no offense, Saxon. But I just…I just don’t want anything like what happened to Ian to happen to Luna.”

  “Agreed,” he said.

  My tongue felt swollen, and I couldn’t form words for a minute. I didn’t know what to say to my sister. I didn’t want to say goodbye to my family. I didn’t want to restrict myself to the bottom of the Pend Oreille Lake for the rest of my life. And I didn’t want to die. No guy—no matter how amazing he was—was worth surrendering my human life. But if Saxon was going to be murdered how would I live with myself knowing I could have stopped it?

  Hayden looked down at his watch and sighed. “My mom checks on me every couple hours these days. If I’m not in my bed when she comes in tonight, she’ll have the Sandpoint police out in five minutes flat.”

  Evey stood up. “You should go then.”

  Saxon stood and grasped Hayden’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

  “It’s not your fault. And I won’t tell anyone. As long as you protect Ian.”

  When Saxon nodded, his brown hair flopped over his forehead. “I will. I promise.”

  Evey opened the window further so Hayden would fit through. “I’m not sure anyone would believe me, even if we did tell.”

  “Let’s not test that theory,” I said.

  Once Hayden disappeared into the darkness, Evey stretched. “I’m going to bed.” Her voice was soft and very, very sad.

  “’Night.” She let herself out of my room, shutting the door silently behind her.

  Saxon bent down, pressing a chaste kiss to my forehead. “I’ll come see you tomorrow.”

  “No, don’t go.” I pulled on his arm and scooted back on the bed. “Don’t leave just yet. I want to talk to you.”

  With a reluctant smile, Saxon fell onto the bed next to me. The window stayed open all the way, and frigid wind snaked its way into the room. “I don’t think your parents would approve.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Relax, Captain Chastity Belt. I’ll leave your virtue completely intact.”

  He laughed and pulled my body against his, curling his legs around mine. The familiar cloud of warmth filled my body, and I released a long, blissful sigh. Nothing in the world could compare with a cuddle sesh with Saxon. When he spoke, his voice sounded ten times more relaxed now that he was communicating telepathically.

  What do you want to talk about?

  “Thank you.”

  For what?

  “For explaining everything to Hayden and Evey. It was getting really difficult to keep a secret from my sister. And Hayden…he just deserved to know what happened to Ian.”

  It’s risky. If the Council finds out I’ve told three people, there will be serious—

  “Consequences. I know.” I held him even tighter. “But still, Sax, you did the right thing.”

  Thank you. He paused for a spell. Sometimes I don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore.

  “What do you mean?”

  It’s just that I’ve spent so much of my time with humans. I understand them and respect them. Often times, I wish I were one. It feels disloyal to break Mer rules that have been in place for centuries simply to appease a human. The Council would frown on that.

  Hope sparked like a lighter deep inside of me. “Have you ever considered staying with us? You know, in the human world permanently? Could you even do that?”

  No. It’s never been done successfully. Mer have tried it, and some have made it for years. But eventually their bodies try to shift again unexpectedly, and they are sometimes far from water. They always die. There is no way to stop the shifting forever. It’s like a volcano deep inside of the Mer body, lying dormant until one day…

  “Kablooey.”

  Right. He laughed silently, his chest bouncing against my shoulder blades. I wish I could do it. Believe me, I’ve considered it. I can already control my shifts for longer than most.

  “So if you were exiled, what would you do?” I was trying to give Saxon the chance to come clean.

  Saxon didn’t reply for a moment. I made my choice a long time ago. I accept my fate.

  That was too much for me. I turned my body so that we faced each other. “You accept your fate?”

  His head jerked backward. Yes, I do.

  “So you just accept that you’re gonna die?”

  That’s not what we’re talking about. We’re talking about exile.

  I narrowed my eyes at Saxon. “But you’re not facing exile, are you? You’re facing death.”

  You don’t need to worry—

  “Don’t lie to me. Don’t you dare lie to me.” My voice shook. I trusted him with everything inside of me. It would kill me to know that he was lying to me about anything, especially something as colossal as this.

  He looked as though he were going to speak aloud, but then reconsidered it. His face morphed from having a confused wrinkle across his forehead to his mouth pulling into a thin, resigned line. How long have you known?

  “Ever since Isolde tried to kill me.” I looked down at my bedspread and grit my teeth. “Again.”

  You’re angry with me.

  “You’re perceptive.” I didn’t look him in the eye. Couldn’t. It was too hard to stay mad at him when I got sucked into those pools of aquamarine.

  I kept it from you to protect you. He brushed a strand of my hair back, leaving behind a trail of prickly heat on my skin.

  “You lied to me. I get that you’re not human and all, but in my world, lies are a big deal. Especially ones that involve you being killed.”

  His jaw twitched. I’m not going to be killed.

  “Well, I heard differently.” I finally looked at him. “You’re going to die for me.”

  He didn’t say a word. He just watched me with that horrible, resigned frown on his face. It looked like the face of a man who was giving up, and I hated quitters. If I couldn’t give up on life, then he couldn’t either.

  When I spoke again, my voice was squeaky. I hated being so damned vulnerable. “Death isn’t an option. Do you hear me?” I took a shaky breath. “We’ll have to think of an alternate plan. What is the Council like? Are they nice? Will they listen to you?”

  Saxon’s eyes chilled. They’re strong. Much stronger than I’ll ever be. And their gifts—the ones that all Mer have to seduce humans into the water—are exceptional. Much more so than an average Mer. They are perceptive and often times, brutal. But nice? No, not exactly.

  When I opened my mouth to protest, he cut me off. That’s only because they’ve been given no choice. The Council is in place to protect Mer, even when their jobs require making difficult choices.

  “Like drowning humans?”

  It’s not like we kill them for sport. He gritted his teeth. There are times when we are forced to terminate our own too.

  I gasped. “The more you tell me about your kind, the worse they seem!”

  If a Mer chooses
not to mate, or fails at mating with the human they’ve altered, that Mer becomes a liability. Another one to protect, provide for, and feed. Without eventually adding to the clan, it isn’t possible to sustain the Mer.

  I prayed that Ian continued to refuse Isolde. She didn’t deserve to mate. “Wait. What does that mean for Ian? I mean, if he survives this transition, will he be put to death too?”

  Saxon’s gaze went past my ear to something behind me. Without the bond, the altered human eventually dies. Without a mate, human survival instincts never stop. Historically speaking, the human always tries to escape and always winds up either injured, sick, or mentally unsound. If Ian won’t make the connection with Isolde, he’ll be expected to alter his own human someday or face death.

  A chill danced up my damaged spine. “What does that mean for the Mer who altered them?”

  They, too, become liabilities. They can’t try again with another human, because then our existence becomes conspicuous. Without contributing to the clan, a Mer can quickly become the difference between feeding everyone and starvation. Between life and death.

  “Contributing?” My stomach turned at the thought of what else Saxon was expected to do to earn his place amongst his people.

  We are gatherers. We survive on mostly smaller fish, like trout or whitefish, as well as different plant species that grow under the water and along the banks. In the spring and summer months, we gather berries, nuts, and mushrooms from the woods, then bring them below the surface to be stored for the winter months when parts of the lake freeze over and it is too snowy to forage. Mer in the clan are expected to help protect each other, as well as the older members, and the younglings from predators.

  The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention. “Predators?”

  He widened his light eyes, and for the first time since meeting Saxon, he appeared frightened. Believe it or not, we’re not the biggest creatures in the lake.

  I tried to swallow down the clenched sensation in my throat, while every hair on my arms and neck stood upright. “What do you mean?”

  He tightened his arms around me. I could feel his muscles vibrating while he gripped me. I’ve already compromised your life, as well as your sister’s and Hayden’s, by telling you about my people. Please don’t make me compromise the safety of us all, Mer or human, by explaining further.