The Only Exception

by Magan Vernon

  Trey didn’t miss a beat and pulled me along to our desks and took his seat while I stood for a moment before I slowly slunk into mine. He leaned over, keeping his voice low. “Either they’ll get bored of us and stop talking, or they’re going to keep up their gossip forever. Whatever it may be, you can’t let it affect your life, or it will consume you. That’s what I’ve learned to live with all my life.”

  I swallowed, nodding slowly. He was right, as usual. Every day Trey probably has enough people talking about him whenever he’s in a room; both good and bad things. If he could handle all the gossip, especially when a lot of it was about him, then I would have to learn to suck it up, too. At least this time I had an ally.

  Dr. Westerfield clicked into the room, carrying her portfolio and immediately set a sheet of paper down at the first desk with a student in it and started talking over everyone and their conversations. “The sheet I’m passing around has your group names on it. It also has the date your debate is scheduled. Since classes are only an hour long, I’ve scheduled one group per class. This should put us up until Thanksgiving. I expect your papers to be handed in after Thanksgiving break. You can email them to my grad assistant early, but just make sure they are in by midnight on the night before break.”

  I watched the students look through the list and either their faces fell with dissapointment or they fist pumped in the air. Trey and I tried to work on our assignment, multiple times, but we always ended up making out instead. I opened a notebook and scribbled out a quick note, shoving it toward Trey’s desk.

  We seriously need to work on this thing.

  He nodded and mouthed, “I know.”

  I took the paper back and furiously wrote. Like tonight. We are writing our objectives and then we can do whatever.

  He just smiled and didn’t say a thing. But when the paper came to him, his smile faded, and he pushed it onto my desk. We were the first group to debate. In two weeks!

  “Tonight,” he mouthed.

  “Tonight,” I whispered.

  ***

  I should have been paying attention to the lectures in my classes, but instead I was busy writing down possible objectives for the debate. It was a good distraction; especially since I was pretty sure most of the girls hated me in my Women and Gender Studies class. Ever since I started actually dating Trey they acted like I was some sort of a traitor that lied to them. I wanted to set them straight, but it wasn’t my place. I learned that we were all more than what people’s preconceived notions were, and I couldn’t worry what everyone else thought of me.

  By the time classes were over my brain was fried, but I still had to go to the grocery store to pick up stuff for dinner. If we stayed in, then I could guarantee we could try to get some work done, and if I happened to spend the night again, then we could work as late as needed. As I got to the end of the canned goods aisle, picking up stuff for sauce, I saw that the next aisle had a big sign reading ‘family planning.’ Did I dare look? The aisle did also carry toothpaste, and I could always use more of that.

  I pushed my cart down the aisle, slowly, looking behind my shoulder to make sure that no one was following me. There, right in the middle, was a display of condoms. Technically, I’d never bought them and had no idea which brands were best, or if I wanted ribbed or glow-in-the-dark or even flavored. Trey’s family was very much against emergency contraceptives, like the morning after pill, but surely condoms didn’t count. I wasn’t planning on having sex with Trey anytime soon, but one could never be too careful. Especially since I planned on staying at his place as often as he’d let me, and I couldn’t even imagine what kind of political scandal would happen if I had to run to Student Health Services for the morning after pill after a night with the governor’s son.

  I heard the squeaking of wheels and gasped, hoping someone wouldn’t catch me. I grabbed the first box I could and shoved it in the cart, then skidded down the aisle and almost crashed into the bakery case; just hoping no one saw me. I somehow made it to the self-checkout without injuring anyone, and no one watched me walk out with a couple of grocery bags; one that had a box of condoms sitting at the bottom.

  When I got back to the apartment complex I didn’t even stop at my apartment. I had all my school stuff and enough grocery bags in my hands that I felt like I had everything that I needed to just go over to Trey’s. If I really did need something, all my stuff was right next door, which is why his apartment made for the perfect place to spend the night.

  My hands were full, so I tapped on the door with my foot and Trey opened it, grabbing a few of the bags in the process. “Whoa, couldn’t make two trips?”

  “Never!” I shouted and pushed past him, dropping the rest of the bags on the counter.

  “What is all of this?” Trey asked, setting the remaining bags next to mine and pulling out a small can of tomato sauce.

  “Ingredients for Carbonara,” I said it as if it were a common fact and pulled out a box of pasta from one of the bags.

  “And does Carbonara require this?”

  I snapped my head up and saw an economy size box of glow-in-the-dark condoms in Trey’s hand. But even worse than the condoms was the scowl on his face.

  “I, um, just picked up the first ones I could find. I didn’t mean to get a huge box that were glowing,” I stammered, trying to grasp at what I could say. I was hoping to put them in my messenger bag before he saw them, but I must have forgotten in my rush to make sure no one saw me buying them.

  “But you don’t exactly seem thrilled that I bought them.” I put one hand down on the counter and the other on my hip “Look, I’m not saying that I want to use all of these right now. I’m just saying that when the time is right, I want to be prepared.”

  “Are you sure no one saw you?” He raised an eyebrow.

  I tilted my head to the side. “And what if they did?”

  “I’m sure that somehow this would get out, and we’d have another trip up north to discuss why the governor’s youngest child’s girlfriend is buying condoms when he is trying to advocate for abstinence-only education.”

  “And is that what you believe? That people shouldn’t know about sex? That people shouldn’t know that if two people do have sex then they could get pregnant and then would be denied by their insurance company if they did want to get on the pill?

  “I know where this is going, Monica, and it doesn’t have to go there. Let’s just forget it happened.”

  “No, let’s discuss this. You wanted to make sure no one saw me buying condoms because you are embarrassed people will think we are sleeping together. That it is going to ruin your father’s precious political image.” I felt a fire boiling in me, and it was hard to get it to simmer.

  “But we aren’t sleeping together, so we don’t need to worry about it.”

  “Yet. It could have happened the other night and then what? What if we would have had unprotected sex? Then what?”

  He shook his head. “But we didn’t, and we won’t.”

  My shoulders tensed up. I hadn’t had an argument with Trey in awhile and usually it was on subjects like healthcare or taxes. Not something I was personally attached to. “No, we wouldn’t because I’m not on any sort of birth control, and there is no way in Hell that I could afford the morning after pill if we did.”

  He took a step forward, putting his hands up. “And you think that’s okay? Just to possibly terminate any kind of child we could have? Even if it is out of wedlock?”

  “I’m not having a kid with you right now. I have too much going on to worry about getting pregnant.”

  He closed the distance between us and put his hands on my arms. “I’m not saying that I’m looking to have a child with you, but I don’t think it’s fair for any guy to be left in the dark on these situations.”

  “Have you not been listening to anything that I’ve said this past week? I could have gotten pregnant by some guy in the basement bathroom at a fraternity house. He took away any choice that I had, and I don
’t think he deserved a say in what happened to my uterus.” I was fuming. A romantic dinner with my boyfriend was turning into an all out war over a stupid box of condoms.

  He sighed. “I’m not saying what he did to you was right. I understand your situation at Taylor was different. But I think you are being unreasonable.” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms, which was probably meant to comfort me, but it just made me angrier.

  I threw his hands off of me. “I am not being unreasonable. I’m being real. I’m not saying I want to have some meaningless sex with you. I love you, you fucking idiot. And if we’re going to take the plunge in our relationship, at some point, I don’t want to be stuck without protection and then worry every day if I’d get my period or not! This is not about politics; this is about you and me.”

  He shook his head, raking his fingers through his hair. “We can’t keep going around in circles about this. You know I love you, and we both know that we don’t see eye to eye on this topic. I agree that neither of us want to worry about having a child right now, but I also believe that we don’t need to be in an environment that is open to handing out condoms and pills to people like they’re candy on Halloween.”

  The fire burning inside me was so strong that I felt like I was going to combust. I pulled my hands into tight fists at my side. “I’m not having sex with someone that won’t use a fucking condom. I don’t care what your father thinks about sex ed classes; I care about my boyfriend getting me pregnant if I want to sleep with him.”

  “So what choice did I have when you went out and bought condoms? Did you think maybe to ask me about it? Does it make our relationship not real if we don’t have sex like everyone else that is in line for free birth control?” He asked, more accusingly than anything else.

  I swallowed hard, trying to fight back the angry tears that were threatening to emerge. “I never said that. You’re putting words in my mouth. How can you even say that after we got in the tub last night together? If you don’t want to have sex, I’m fine with that. Just don’t act like I’m some kind of criminal for wanting to be prepared.”

  “Then what do you want, Mon?”

  I snatched the condoms and threw them in his fancy, stainless steel garbage can. “Nothing. I don’t want a damn thing.”

  Before I could move his arms were around me, my head buried under his neck. I wanted to scream, to pull away, but he just held me tighter. “I’m so sorry. I got carried away with politics. I know how you feel about all of this, and I’m sorry for being an ass.”

  I buried my face in his chest, trying to will away the tears. It brought me back to that day at Taylor. I thought about the nurse leaning over and asking me if I was all right and telling me about the governor’s contraception bill. I hated him for that. I blamed him for all the harm that came from it. The weight of his politics stayed on my shoulders for so long that I didn’t know what it would be like to let go.

  “I don’t want to keep fighting about this,” I mumbled.

  Trey put his fingers on my chin and lifted it up. His green eyes weren’t cold like a man fighting in a debate, but warm like the boyfriend that really did love me. “I don’t want to fight with you either. If this is what it’s going to be like in class, I don’t know if I can handle it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He let out a breath of air, right on my face. It was heavy and filled with the weight of the world. “I’m not going to stand in front of the class and fight with you. I usually love having these political discussions with you, but when they get this heated it makes me want to bury my head in the sand.”

  “So, what are we supposed to do about it? This is our grade.”

  He put his hand down and shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess we need to figure out a way to separate our relationship and our politics.”

  I nodded, though I didn’t know how it would be possible. We wound ourselves up so much in our political views that it had become a major part of our relationship. Without Trey’s strong opinions on the things he cared about, he wouldn’t be the Trey that I loved. If I wanted to keep him around, I’d have to learn to keep my feelings in check. At least until one of us would change our politics.

  Chapter 25

  Dinner never got made, and I slept in my own bed that night. I faked a migraine soon after our fight, and Trey didn’t stop me from leaving. I woke up for work the next day and tried to put everything in the back of my mind, but Melanie could read something was wrong the second that I walked through the door.

  “Whoa, you look like hell.”

  I rolled my eyes, putting a stack of foam coffee cups behind the counter. “Thanks, dear.”

  She shook her head. “I’m serious. I heard about all of that shit that went down at Trey’s parents, but I didn’t think it would hit you this hard.”

  “It’s not his parents. It’s his politics; that’s the problem,” I muttered.

  “Is it his politics, or how you feel about his politics?”

  “Don’t start.”

  Melanie held her hands up. “No, listen, hear me out. I know how you feel about some of the sticky subjects, but maybe if you finally went and talked to a counselor, you wouldn’t let these things bother you so much.”

  “I’m fine. I don’t need to go back to a counselor,” I muttered.

  “Really?” Melanie arched a brow. “Then tell me you aren’t still carrying the mace in your purse. Tell me that you didn’t stalk Trey’s Facebook account to make sure he wasn’t anything like that other guy. Tell me that guy isn’t the reason that you transferred here and anytime he’s brought up you change the subject.”

  I gripped onto the counter; my breath coming out shallow and ragged. She was right. About all of it. It had been months since I’d seen a counselor, and even though I thought I was getting better by seeing Trey, last night proved maybe I wasn’t fully healed.

  I hated to admit it, but her words struck a chord. My argument with Trey wasn’t just about buying condoms, it was about my own fear that I would be in the same situation as I was at Taylor. That I would be stuck, afraid and alone. If I was ever going to get past those fears I had to get help.

  “Is it okay if I take the rest of the day off?” I asked.

  I looked up and Melanie nodded. “Do what you have to do.”

  ***

  Student Health Services was right behind the student center. I only had to walk outside a few feet before I was actually at the building. It was a newer structure with three floors. The first floor was the place everyone went when they were sick and usually got sent home with a mask and a ZPack, the third floor was administration, and the second floor was my destination.

  I stepped off the elevators and faced a bulletin board full of inspirational posters with messages like ‘Hang in there’ and ‘It gets better’. Yeah, that was easy for the stock art photos to say.

  There were a few offices and a lot of windows, but it was the room at the end of the hall that I was the most interested in, Student Counseling Services. I opened the door to be greeted with the warm fall scent of baked apple pie and pumpkin. They must have burned candles to make it not feel so sterile. The whole waiting area looked different than the rest of the building. Instead of fluorescent lights and linoleum floors, it had dark brown carpet, beige painted walls, and different microfiber sofas covered with throw pillows around the room.

  A woman in a white lab coat sat behind a desk at the far wall, and I slowly made my way up there. She smiled and looked at me from behind a giant pair of wire-rimmed glasses. “And how can I help you?”

  “Um, does the rape survivors group still meet here?”

  She gave me a warm smile. “It sure does. Every Tuesday at four. Are you interested in signing up?”

  I nodded, slowly. “Yes, ma’am.”

  She pulled out a small tablet and pressed a few buttons on it with a stylus pen. “If we can just get your information in here, then we’ll get you all set.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled. It
was my first step in a new direction, and I was ready. Ready as I would ever be at least.

  ***

  I stayed around the student center and Student Health Services until four finally rolled around. I could have tried to get in to an appointment with a counselor beforehand, but I wanted to give the group a try. I saw a poster for it when I first transferred, but never wanted to admit to myself that I needed it. After talking with Melanie, I knew it was finally time. If I wanted to keep my relationship with Trey, I had to do it. I couldn’t keep having meaningless arguments with him or have him punch out a guy every time I freaked out. But mostly, it was for me. I needed the closure. I couldn’t keep all of my fears bottled up inside. I needed help.

  I checked in at the front desk at exactly four and a short, Asian woman with a black pixie cut came to the door. “Are you Monica Remy?”

  I nodded.

  She extended a pale hand. “I’m Loretta Jones. I’ll be leading the group. Come in.”

  I followed her through the door and down a small hallway. She opened a door directly to our left that was lit by two small lamps in opposite corners. Four girls sat in folding chairs in a circle, a box of tissues sat on the table in front of them; already being used. Their eyes all followed mine as I entered the room.

  “Ladies, this is Monica, and she will be joining us today,” Loretta said with a warm smile and took a seat in the circle, so I took the chair next to her. “Now you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but this is a safe zone. We aren’t allowed to talk about anything that was brought up here in our discussions outside of this room. We are just here to listen.”

  I nodded. I wasn’t ready to talk. I just wanted to get a feel if it was right for me. Maybe hearing other people’s stories would make me feel better.

  Loretta spoke again. “We’ll just give some introductions and then everyone will give a brief little tidbit about why they are here.” She turned to the girl to my right who had dark, glossy hair and even darker rings under her eyes. “Leslie, why don’t you go first.”