Ever Lost (Secret Affinity Book 2)

by Melissa MacVicar

I glance between my parents and start from the beginning. The very first day of school…

  Jade

  Chapter 31

  After meeting with the police again this afternoon, I’m allowed to leave town. Everyone, even Mom, thinks it’s a good idea for me to go to Nantucket for a few days. This is better than not going at all, I guess.

  “And maybe I should just stay,” I tell my parents. “I don’t know how I’m going to go back to Layton after this.”

  They don’t answer me. Even Charlie hangs his head and averts his eyes. Part of me feels blamed for this whole thing, as if it was my fault for going to Fraser’s house and breaking in. One cop kind of made it seem that way, too.

  “But why didn’t you just confide in a teacher?” he asked. “Or your father? That seems like it would have made more sense than breaking into the man’s house.”

  Unbelievable.

  Dad stuck up for me. “Whatever Jade did or didn’t do, she did not deserve what happened to her, and I don’t like your implication.”

  But a black cloud hangs over us now as we drive back to the cape. I reach for Charlie’s hand. He squeezes mine then lets go, adjusting his headphones and pretending he’s going to take a nap.

  Charlie’s still not acting normal when we get back to the island. My annoyance with him increases exponentially with every passing second. I know he’s pouting because of Mateo. Charlie can’t be mad at me because I almost died, but he also can’t be happy with me because of Mateo.

  Mike picks up Thai food, and during dinner, Mom fills me in on their upcoming trip to Pennsylvania. They’re going to see Brendan on parents’ weekend.

  As soon as he puts his last bite of food in his mouth, Charlie stands and announces, “I have homework.” Then he disappears up to his room.

  I didn’t bring any of my schoolwork from Layton because I’m hoping to start back here at NHS. So I watch television while Mom and Mike clean up the kitchen. Part of me wants to race upstairs and yell at Charlie for being a jerk, but I’m feeling too proud for that. What I really want is for him to come to me. He needs to realize he’s being stupid and wasting a chance for us to be together.

  I pull out my phone and text Ally.

  Jade: Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want people here to know.

  Ally: I won’t. I promise. Thank God you’re okay.

  Jade: Thanks. I am so glad to be home. Except Charlie’s being grumpy.

  Ally: Why?

  Jade: Mateo, I think.

  Ally: Oh.

  My mother comes into the living room and sits down beside me. “Who’s that?”

  “Ally.”

  Jade: gtg

  Ally: k bye

  “How are you feeling?” Mom asks.

  I shrug. “Okay.”

  Mike and Charlie come down the stairs and join us in the family room. I can see that this has been planned. We’re about to have one of our now infamous family talks, and from the look on Charlie’s face, it isn’t going to be good.

  “Jade, I know you have just been through a very traumatic experience,” Mom says. “But I think we need to talk about where you’re going to go to school now.”

  “I can already tell what you’re going to say. Even after all this, you’re going to make me go back, aren’t you?” I cross my arms over my chest.

  “I think it’s for the best. But if you’d like to go to Manchester High School, instead of Layton, your father and I are okay with that.”

  “Why can’t I just come home? Seriously, it’s not just about me and Charlie. It’s about Ally and my friends and everything. I miss it here.”

  Mom and Mike glance at each other.

  “So this is all because of Charlie?” I ask. “Still?”

  Mike shifts in his seat as if he has a tack under his left butt cheek. Mom recrosses her legs. I shake my head and look over at Charlie. He’s slumped in his chair, eyes on the floor. What the hell is wrong with him?

  “Charlie, aren’t you going to say anything?” I ask.

  Mike leans forward, sighing heavily. “Charlie’s been seeing a counselor, Jade. I’m very worried about him. His attachment to you has really affected him emotionally. His grades have gone down, he got in a fight at school, and he’s been drinking. I’m not sure you moving back would be good for him at this point.”

  Good for him? I wait for Charlie to disagree. Surely, he’s going to argue this point with his father. But as I wait and watch him, along with Mike and Mom, it dawns on me that he’s not going to argue. The pain in my chest begins as a dull throb and spreads as the realization of what’s about to happen comes over me.

  Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Charlie meets my gaze. “I don’t know what to do anymore, Jade. I love you. I do. But I want to stop being so miserable. I want to enjoy my senior year.”

  My stomach feels as though someone put it in a blender set on high—shredded. I thought our parents were making us miserable by keeping us apart, but that’s not what he’s saying. I’m the one making him sad.

  I close my eyes to hold back the searing-hot tears about to erupt. I’m the sandbag weighing down his hot air balloon. Without me, he’ll soar into the sky, free of me and my added trouble. That’s what he wants to do. He wants to cut me loose.

  All the fight drains out of me. All the anger. All the righteous indignation. All the love. All of it is gone. Just my heart is left. My heart—cracking into a million little pieces. I open my eyes.

  “Okay,” I whisper. “Whatever you want.” I stand and stride to the stairs.

  “Jade!” my mother calls.

  But I keep going. Charlie doesn’t say a single word. He doesn’t follow, and he doesn’t call my name. He just broke up with me; our parents have won. They have somehow been successful in tearing us apart.

  Later that night, when I’m numb and the sobbing has stopped, someone knocks on my door. I’m sure it’s my mother again, since she’s already been up here four times.

  From my prone position on the bed, I call, “What?”

  “Jade?” Charlie says. “Can I come in?”

  I don’t answer because I can’t. I know I should tell him to go away, but I can’t make myself reject him. So instead, I stay quiet. Charlie comes in anyway and sits on my bed, just as I hoped he would. Maybe he’ll beg for forgiveness.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. They’ll never let you come back, and I go to college next year. Plus there’s that guy. I know you say it’s nothing, but—”

  I sit up. “It is nothing. And don’t you dare try to put this on me. This is all on you.”

  “If that’s what you want to believe, then fine, but I will never stop loving you.” He places his hand on top of mine.

  I know I should jerk away. I should scream at him and tell him I hate him. I should order him out of my room, but I can’t do any of that because I still love him.

  “I just want us both to be happy,” he says.

  “Well, great then. I hope you’re happy.”

  “Jade…” He tries to grip my hand, but I pull it away before he can. I have to be strong. I have to take care of myself.

  I lie back down on my stomach and hug my pillow. “Just go, Charlie. Please. Just leave me alone.”

  He hesitates for a full minute before getting up to leave. And as the door closes behind him, fresh tears stream down my cheeks. I sob quietly, and the same words keep running over and over in my mind.

  “Charlie… I’ve lost Charlie.”

  Maybe I could have Noemie make me a potion to win him back. I could dab him with oil or feed him an herbal concoction. I shake my head. I don’t want it to be like that. I want us to be real. I want Charlie the way he used to be, the way he was when loving me was everything.

  Whe
n loving me was enough.

  Jade

  Chapter 32

  I didn’t stay in Nantucket for long. There was no point in torturing myself, having to bump into Charlie in the hall and the kitchen and everywhere. I requested to go back to Dad’s as soon as possible. Of course, no one in my family ever agrees to do things the way I want, so I had to wait until Friday when they were leaving for Brendan’s parents’ weekend at college. But I’m finally back and lying on the couch at the carriage house, watching Dance Moms and trying to distract myself from my depression.

  My phone vibrates with a text, and my first thought is that it’s Charlie. This leads to a brief shot of joy quickly followed by a rush of sadness because the message is probably not from him. I grab my phone.

  Mateo: Are you home?

  Ugh! I don’t want to talk to him. I can’t tell him that Charlie and I are over. I don’t want to see the look of shock and pity, and possibly happiness, on his face when he finds out.

  Jade: Yeah.

  Mateo: Wanna hang out?

  Jade: Maybe tomorrow. Kinda tired.

  Mateo: K

  And I stare at that last response. I want to change my mind. Maybe having Mateo over will take my mind off my pathetic self. I’m still looking at the message, pondering what to do, when the phone rings. I startle. Unknown number. I answer it anyway.

  “Hello.”

  “Hello, Jade.”

  The voice is familiar. It sounds like…

  A chill runs through my body. “Who is this?”

  “You know who it is.”

  This has to be a joke, a sick joke some boy from school is playing on me. But then my brain catches up and tells me that the person on the other end of the phone really is Mr. Fraser.

  “Are you there?” he asks.

  I gulp. “Yeah.”

  “Do you still want to run away with me?” He tries to make his voice sweet, but I can hear the sarcasm in it.

  “How did you get my number?” My voice cracks on the last word.

  “I don’t think you ever really wanted to run away with me, did you? I got out of jail yesterday. My dad bailed me out. That was awful nice of him, wasn’t it?”

  I can’t breathe. “You can’t call me.”

  “I won’t tell if you won’t. How about we get together and discuss what happened? I feel very bad about it, and I’m sure we can get these charges dropped if you don’t testify. You could tell them you were in love with me, and I was helping you get off drugs, protecting you from your father finding out. Something like that…”

  Tears slide down my cheeks. I tap End. This can’t be happening. It just can’t be. I have to tell someone. The police? Dad? Both probably. The phone rings again. My hand shakes as I check it. Another Unknown Number.

  I think about not answering, but he’ll probably just keep calling. Also, I feel as though I need to know what he’s going to say. “Hello.”

  “Don’t even think about calling the police. I know where you live. If I decide to make it happen, I can make you disappear.”

  I hang up again. A shudder of fear shakes my body, but I know exactly who I should call. I find the number in my contacts and hit Send.

  “Hello, Jade.”

  “Noemie? Thank God! I just got—”

  “I know. I saw it. A premonition came to me about an hour ago. I am on my way.”

  I pause. Processing what she just said takes longer than normal. “A premonition?” I squeak.

  “Yes. I am going to take care of this.”

  “Should I call the police?”

  “No. Not now.”

  “Are you coming here?”

  “No. Are you alone?”

  “Yes. And I feel like I can’t breathe.”

  “You can call a friend to come over, but you cannot tell them what is happening. Just wait for my call and try to act normal. Okay?”

  “Yeah. Okay. What are you going to do?”

  “Don’t worry. Wait for my call and be careful. Stay in and lock the doors in case I don’t find him first.”

  Find him? What does that mean?

  “Hang up now, dearest. Good-bye.”

  The call ends, and I sit very still. Paralyzed. It seems like forever before I can move again, but when I do, I text Mateo.

  Jade: Can you still come over? I have something to tell you.

  After typing the message, I spring off the couch, filled with a swell of energy. I storm to the front door and check to make sure it’s locked. Peering out the sidelight window, I scan the yard and driveway for any movement. The sun is setting, dusk descending like fog—gray like Fraser’s eyes. I rush to the back door to check the lock. I keep feeling as though Fraser is about to jump out from around every corner. I can see his face. I feel the terror, the same sensations I experienced when he was tying me up. The horror of that moment invades me all over again, as if it’s happening right now.

  I rush back to the living room just as my phone alerts with a text. I grab it off the coffee table, praying the message isn’t from Fraser.

  Mateo: On my way.

  Thank God. I drop onto the couch, staring at his message and sucking in deep breaths. I have to calm down. Mateo can’t suspect anything. He’d want me to call the police if he knew, but I have to do what Noemie says now. She has something planned, and I can’t get her in trouble, not when she’s trying to protect me. A premonition, she said. She knew Fraser was going to come after me. I figure I can use the break-up with Charlie as an excuse for any strange behavior.

  When I see headlights in the driveway, I jump up and run to the door. I clutch my phone in my hand and flick on the outside light. Through the darkness, I can see Mateo’s car and the outline of him getting out. I unlock and open the door.

  “Hey. What’s up,” he says. He grins at me, and I’m once again reminded of his level of adorableness. He will be hard to resist now that I’m single.

  “Hi,” I answer, forcing a smile.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks as he crosses the threshold.

  “Nothing. Well, not nothing. Come sit down, and I’ll tell you.” I shut the door and lock it behind my back, hoping he won’t notice and ask why I’m being paranoid. Then I walk over and sit on the couch.

  “Okay.” Instead of sitting in his usual chair, Mateo plops down right beside me. “How are you feeling? Any leftover side effects?”

  “No. I don’t think so. I’m feeling okay physically. It’s me and Charlie that I have to tell you about.”

  His eyebrows draw together. “Charlie?”

  “Yeah, and I need you to try not to be too happy because it’s not good news for me.”

  His eyes widen as he processes what I just said. His expression changes quickly from pondering to concern. “Did you break up?” He reaches out and touches my hand.

  I nod, feeling tears burning my eyes once again. I have to stop blubbering. Enough is enough. I’ve been crying nonstop for three days, it seems. Headaches, dehydration. It’s all been kind of surreal.

  “Oh, Jade, I’m sorry. I know I’ve been saying…” He falters, shaking his head before starting again. “I know I haven’t exactly been a Charlie fan, but I never wanted you to get hurt. Ever.”

  I nod and brush away my tears.

  Mateo sighs. “Come here.” He pulls me into a soft, comforting hug that lets me know that he really isn’t that happy about it. He sees how upset I am, and he’s being a totally appropriate friend, sort of like Ally if she were a boy. “Why did you do it? Or did he?” he asks, his lips near my ear.

  I pull away and wipe my face again. “It was him, but I was mad at him because he wasn’t being very good about everything that’s happened. And it turns out he’s going to counseling for his anger issues and stuff. The counselor and
our parents have him convinced that he’d be better off without me.”

  Mateo scoffs, “Well, that’s stupid. You were probably like the best thing he had going on. Geesh. Sometimes people are so stupid.”

  “Maybe.” I hang my head.

  “Not maybe. Definitely. And I am sorry.” Mateo leans down to meet my eyes. “I know how much you liked him.”

  “I didn’t just like him…”

  “Maybe. That’s what you think now, but maybe it wasn’t love. If he’s willing to just give up.”

  “Teo…” I shake my head. “Let’s talk about something else. Like school. What’s everybody saying about what happened?”

  “Well, I don’t hear a lot because they’re all talking about me, too. But I think everyone just thinks Fraser is a psycho, which is probably the truth. But what I don’t get is how you knew about Avery. You told me you’d tell me, but you still haven’t.”

  I lean back against the couch cushion. “Telling this part is really hard. I hate it, and I’m afraid you won’t believe me.”

  “You’ll have to trust me. I think I’ve earned that by now. How bad can it be?”

  I glance at him and start laughing—pained ironic laughter, but still laughter. My emotions are all over the place, fluctuating as if I’m high or drunk. But his how bad can it be comment suddenly strikes me as funny. It’s pretty damn bad, actually, I want to say but instead I ask, “How do you always manage to make me laugh?”

  He shrugs and grins back. “I don’t know.”

  “Okay. There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just do it.” I sit up straight, pausing to be sure I can get it out without laughing or crying or both. “I see ghosts. I see ghosts, and I saw the ghost of Avery at school. Avery basically told me he was murdered, not in so many words, but he got the point across.”

  Mateo stares at me. His forehead is extra wrinkly, his eyes squinted. He might be waiting for the punch line.