Nathaniel

by Jan Irving

  Nathaniel held Aaron’s gaze, the other man for once not dancing, or talking and smiling. He contemplated.

  Familiar with thinking time, Aaron felt his muscles relax.

  “You may not know much about the outside world, but you’re a confident man; it’s sexy.”

  Aaron blinked. “I am… sexy?”

  Now Nathaniel smiled again. “Yep.” He winked, as if encouraging Aaron not to take him too seriously.

  “Why did your friend call you a playboy?”

  “Do you know what it means?”

  “Yes.” Aaron was short. He wasn’t stupid. They had all rented a movie with James Bond and watched it in the bunkhouse. From this, Aaron understood what a playboy was.

  “I, uh, date a lot of guys,” Nathaniel said.

  “Taste a lot of flowers,” Aaron said.

  Nathaniel blinked and then he grinned. “Yeah.”

  Nathaniel returned to his scraping. Silence hung between them, but now Aaron didn’t feel like he was inside the locked-up house. He felt content to listen or to let it be.

  “Can I ask you something?” Nathaniel’s eyes were a thundercloud gray now and somehow Aaron knew what he would ask.

  “Samuel,” he said.

  “Yeah. He…. Can he talk?”

  “When I left my community, I took him to a specialist,”

  Aaron said. “He can speak.”

  Nathaniel finished up and rinsed out the plates before turning to face Aaron, crossing his arms. “Why doesn’t he?”

  “It is not something I like to think of,” Aaron admitted.

  “You’re sad,” Nathaniel said softly. “You and your son have the saddest eyes.”

  “Samuel liked his horseback ride.”

  Now Nathaniel’s eyes lightened, as Aaron hoped they would. He liked the Nathaniel who danced and laughed.

  “Yeah, your boy is really horse crazy. I’ll be sure to take him for another ride if you don’t mind. I know you’re protective of him.”

  Aaron didn’t know what to say to that. He was Samuel’s father.

  “And yet you let him go back to that school.” Nathaniel chewed his lip. “Did you speak to the teacher about those bullies?”

  Aaron shook his head.

  “Why not?” Now Nathaniel sounded annoyed again.

  “Samuel…. He must live in the world.”

  Nathaniel gusted out a disgusted sigh, and his hands shifted from his belt to his thighs, restless. If he touched him, Aaron almost thought he’d catch a spark of electrical current. “You can talk to someone. He doesn’t have to go through shit.”

  Aaron returned to cleaning up after the meal.

  “Aaron, listen, I know your people… whatever, I figure they are pacifists, right?”

  “Yes, they are.” Aaron wasn’t sure anymore who he was.

  “But that kid is hurting so bad….” Nathaniel walked to him, snagging the hand Aaron was using to wipe the sideboard. “He’s hurting, Aaron.”

  Heart thudding, Aaron felt that electricity now like a wire shorting out. He couldn’t make sense of the impulses in his head, his body. Did he pull away from Nathaniel? Would that offend him somehow? Nathaniel’s hand over his was warm, callused the way Aaron’s was, the hand of a working man.

  “I know,” Aaron rasped. “Don’t you think I know he is hurting?”

  Nathaniel paused and then stepped back a little, and Aaron could think again. “You don’t know what to do, how to handle it.”

  Aaron didn’t look up. There was a coffee stain; he had to scrub—

  “Aaron, I can come to the school and talk to the teacher with you.”

  Aaron looked up into Nathaniel’s serious eyes. “You would do that?”

  “Sure.” Now Nathaniel smiled again, slightly, his expression easing. “I had a tough time in school, but Sam doesn’t have to be miserable. You can step in and make things better for him. There’s a new awareness now of the problems with bullying.”

  “Nathaniel, I would be grateful if you would help us,”

  Aaron said simply.

  Nathaniel’s eyes softened. “Some of the guys think the beard is a little…. But I like it.”

  Aaron wasn’t sure what to make of this. “Oh.”

  Nathaniel laughed. “I’m making you bashful.”

  “Yes, you are.” Aaron nodded in agreement.

  “Can I ask you something else?”

  “You can ask….” Aaron let his reply trail off and saw the appreciation of his subtle poke come through in Nathaniel’s eyes. The young cowboy understood he was being gently teased.

  “I figure you’re from some Amish community. Why did you leave?”

  “Not Amish,” Aaron said. “A little different.” To him there were big differences between the families who had followed his grandfather’s strict example and the Amish, but he sensed that Nathaniel would not quite see that.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I left for Samuel,” Aaron said simply, his chest aching as he thought of his son. “Because he wouldn’t talk.”

  “Of course you did,” Nathaniel said. After a moment he took a step back.

  “Well. I hope you repair all your fences,” Aaron said.

  “I think I just repaired one.” Nathaniel’s eyes were amused. “Yeah, some of the horses got out. I found the bones of a foal in the foothills—cougar.”

  Aaron nodded. “The cougar must eat.”

  “The boss would rather he didn’t eat our herd and so would I,” Nathaniel said. “So should we go over to the school this afternoon?”

  Aaron nodded.

  “I can take Samuel for another ride.”

  “He would like that.”

  Aaron followed Nathaniel to the kitchen door, watching him. He thought of all he had to do; he had to look through the eggs, take some to the little roadside stand he’d lately set up to sell his overstock. He had to cut late dahlias from the cutting garden before they dried completely from the freezing nights, and he had to shear the grass that was a foot high around the cabin.

  Instead, he watched as Nathaniel danced. The cowboy faced his way, smiling, dust rising, singing something under his breath. “There’s a time to grieve, Aaron,” Nathaniel called softly. “And a time to dance. One day maybe you’ll come out here and try it.”

  Aaron felt positive he never would! But when he held Nathaniel’s smiling gray eyes, he found he wasn’t absolutely sure anymore.

  Chapter Three

  AARON was waiting outside the country school when Nate drove up in one of the ranch vehicles. He could see the other man had dressed up for their appointment, his clothes freshly pressed, his beard combed, the color white-blond like prairie wood, the same shade as his hair. It was a startling contrast to serious brown eyes.

  Hell, Nate had it bad for that beard. He kept wondering what it would feel like rubbed against his nipples, between his legs. It looked so soft…. He could imagine himself in bed with the other man, lying on some of those sheets Aaron hung out to dry in the wind, his body spread and open as Aaron came over him, touched him, kissed him.

  Disgusted with himself for dwelling on something that sure as fuck would never happen and only served to make him as hard as a plank, he climbed out of the truck and slammed the door behind him, nodding to Aaron. He could see Samuel on the small swing set painted the same white as the old wooden school house. Sylvan didn’t need a larger school since it was still sparsely populated.

  “I’m sorry I’m late,” Nate huffed, aware he looked like crap, still dusty and sweaty from working hard. He’d taken a closer look at the remains of the foal after he’d repaired the fence in that stretch of the property and it had left him with a few questions he planned to bring up with their boss, Tom Jackson.

  “No need to apologize,” Aaron said. “We are glad you are here.”

  “I hope Sam’s teacher is still around.”

  “She is.” Aaron walked beside him, and Nate appreciated how comfortable the other man seemed. He still wasn�
��t sure what Aaron had meant about chemicals, but he seemed to have adjusted to the bombshell Nate had dropped on him when he’d talked about his date. As they entered the one-room building, Nate wondered why he’d been so blunt. It was almost as if part of him wanted Aaron to know about him.

  “Mrs. Henderson,” Nate greeted, relaxing into a smile at the familiar gray-haired woman. He looked at Aaron. “She taught me a long ways back.”

  “Not so long,” she said, smiling and getting up to shake Nate’s hand. She nodded to Aaron, her eyes curious and yet kind as she took in his quaint style of dress. Aaron nodded shyly in return. “It’s good to see you. You have to watch this one,” she told Aaron. “He’s a scamp.”

  “I know this,” Aaron agreed.

  “Hey, can we get down to business here?” Nate interrupted their teasing. Secretly he liked that Aaron teased him. He had been so stiff and silent when he first came to work as a cook on the ranch. It had taken all of Nate’s charm to coax him to smile sometimes.

  “I gather this has something to do with Samuel?” Mrs. Henderson asked.

  “Yeah,” Nate said and then filled his former teacher in on discovering the kid getting bullied the other day.

  She sighed. “It’s tough. Children don’t always embrace differences. And Samuel….” She looked at Aaron. “Quite frankly, I’ve wondered if he should have some special schooling.”

  “Special schooling?” Aaron asked.

  “In sign language,” she said, folding her hands on her desk.

  “No,” Aaron said.

  “Mr. King….”

  Aaron’s mouth became a straight line. He didn’t say anything more, but Nate could almost feel the knot of feeling he wanted to express. “I think Aaron’s concern is that Sam might not resume speaking normally if he….”

  “He can’t go on the way he is forever,” Mrs. Henderson pointed out. “Right now he and I have worked out a system so we can communicate, but it does take a lot of extra time.”

  “I appreciate you taking that time,” Nate said, knowing that the woman probably went to a lot of extra work for Sam.

  “Uh, I mean Aaron does.”

  “The point is, if this drags on much longer, you may not be doing Samuel a service by delaying exploring other options,” she said.

  “But if he learns this sign language, he might not….”

  Aaron’s hands worried the hat he’d taken off when he entered the school house. “He might not speak again.”

  “From what you told me it was your wife’s death that triggered his inability.”

  Aaron nodded.

  She raised her brows. “How long…?”

  “Eight months now,” Aaron said. “The house was so quiet after she died. I waited and waited for Samuel to speak, but he never did.”

  Unable to help himself, Nate reached out and gripped Aaron’s broad shoulder. Aaron’s head dropped as he took in a deep breath. “Please, Mrs. Henderson….”

  “You might also think about therapy, Mr. King. If your son is still grieving….” Mrs. Henderson leaned back, and Nate guessed she probably recognized Aaron had very little money. “I will speak to the boys who bullied Samuel. They will not do it again. And… I think we can wait until after the holidays to resolve the issue of sign language. But no longer than that,” she warned.

  “THANK you,” Aaron said when he and Nate exited the school. Nate couldn’t help but see he looked tired… but also relieved.

  “I’m happy to help,” Nate said sincerely. He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Aaron looked away. “Yes… Samuel was very close to his mother.”

  Nate wanted to ask if Aaron had also been close to her but quashed the question. It wasn’t right to ask the other man that. He knew he had self-serving reasons behind it.

  “So, I had to bring the truck out here to make it on time. Can I offer you and Samuel a lift back to the ranch?”

  Aaron nodded. “That would be good.” He called to Sam, but the boy didn’t respond. The chain of the swing clanged softly as he twisted and twisted, his posture slumped. Aaron sighed.

  “Go talk to him,” Nate encouraged. “No rush.” He leaned against the truck, content to enjoy the break.

  He watched Aaron go to his son, saw him kneel beside him, say something. After a moment, Aaron climbed awkwardly into the swing next to Sam.

  And right then, watching Aaron patiently swing back and forth, his gaze fixed on his son, Nate felt them tugging at his heart.

  “MILKSHAKES before horseback riding,” Nate offered, stopping in at a pastel-colored drive-in shack that stood sentinel over dust, cracked asphalt, and the endless waving yellow grass. It was still hot from the sun, but at night it would go below freezing again. “This place has been here since I was a kid.”

  Aaron sat at the passenger side with Sam between both men. Nate caught his eye when Sam didn’t look enthused.

  Aaron shook his head.

  Okay, so it wasn’t going to be as easy as ice cream, but Nate still wanted to spoil Sam. After they’d ordered and picked up their shakes, they sipped them on the way back to the ranch. Nate honked and waved to people he passed on the trip.

  “You fit in here,” Aaron noted. “You have many friends.”

  “Yeah. It’s a nice town. Not perfect, but what is? I grew up swimming in the lake, horseback riding, and camping in the foothills.”

  “Does your family still live here?”

  “There was just my mom. Never knew who my dad was,”

  Nate said. “Mom’s a retired nurse. She married a doctor from the local hospital where she worked, and they’re in Florida now.”

  “You must miss her,” Aaron said.

  Nate gave him an appreciative look. He might be too serious, but he was also sensitive. Damn, Nate liked that quality. Liked a man to touch him who watched his face, took in his every reaction, and he could just picture Aaron in that role.

  He rubbed one eyebrow as he turned into the drive to the ranch. He had to stop thinking about Aaron. He needed a friend, not…. He better hook up with Sean again, try to forget about Aaron for a while.

  “I must get out here and cut that tall grass,” Aaron said, looking at the weeds in disapproval.

  “Better hurry; we could get the big dump any day.”

  Aaron widened his eyes. “Oh, you mean the snows.”

  Nate nodded. “They’re overdue this year, which is kind of worrisome.” The countryside had been very dry, with wildfires in the foothills, deer, bear, and other animals coming down in search of berries that weren’t shriveled and streams still flowing. “It’ll be a relief when the cold comes.”

  He pulled up outside of Aaron’s cabin. Aaron climbed out first and Sam rushed by him, running into the cottage.

  The screen door slapped hard.

  Aaron expelled a breath. “I think he is upset that we intervened with the boys. He is… ashamed.”

  “He’ll get over it,” Nate said. “I hate to think of him walking home with those kids dogging him. They could really hurt him, him being smaller.”

  Aaron nodded. He looked at Nate, and Nate suddenly felt self-conscious without Sam there between them. “Well, I guess I better get back to the bunkhouse.” The hands usually fed themselves dinner from the stocked refrigerator that Aaron kept supplied. Lunch was bagged sandwiches and only breakfast was served en masse, unless the boss put on a barbecue.

  “Nate.”

  Nate’s eyes widened. Aaron usually called him by the longer version of his name. Nate sounded intimate. “Yeah?”

  “I am not used to spending so much time alone,” Aaron said, his shoulders stiff. “I would like to invite you to eat supper with Samuel and me.”

  “Wow.”

  “If that is all right with you. If… you don’t have another date.”

  “No.” He didn’t blurt out that lately all he’d been able to think about was Aaron. He meant to go out this Saturday night, maybe hit one of the larger towns and ho
ok up with someone. He was not going to dwell on a guy who was never going to be in his bed, but he still couldn’t resist tonight’s invitation.

  “I’d like that. I’ll just go back to my room and clean up first.”

  Aaron nodded, his face softening. “We will see you.”

  “Yep.” Nate opened the truck door. His hands were shaking! He had to get a grip. This wasn’t a real date or anything. He was just going to eat with Aaron and Sam.

  AARON wasn’t sure if he should serve the eggplant.

  He wasn’t really fond of eggplant, but there had been a sale on the seeds, and he’d decided to try it, try something new. And he liked the color of it, sleek purple and plump in his vegetable patch. He just wasn’t sure he liked the taste.

  When he had his casserole in the oven, he cut up fresh greens from the garden, noting a bitter quality now. The season had stretched on longer than it normally did, so he was lucky to have fresh vegetables at all. Perhaps he should take heed of Nate’s warning and harvest them all now while he could.

  After setting the table, he stared around his kitchen, trying to see if he had forgotten anything. He wanted to show his appreciation to Nate for helping with Samuel. Everything sparkled, worn but clean. He’d scrubbed the table so hard that the ink staining it had bleached out.

  Flowers! Sometimes he had Samuel go out and pick some for the table. His wife had done it, and it made the table seem friendly. Was there time to pick any? He checked the ticking yellow clock and saw he might have just enough time. He grabbed a coat because it was chilly now and rushed outside, stumbling a little over one of the porch steps.

  FLUSHED and triumphant, Aaron arrived back at his front door just when Nate did. He stared at the other man, taking in his combed hair, his freshly shaved chin. He was wearing jeans, a T-shirt, and a jean jacket… he looked nice.

  “For me?” Nate teased as he looked at the bouquet Aaron gripped tightly.

  “Yes,” Aaron said.

  Nate’s eyes softened as if Aaron had said something quaint. Aaron growled under his breath and Nate grinned.