Washed Out

by Safa Shaqsy

  Kent: Hey, boo

  Celia sent a hugging bear sticker

  Kent: How are you, babe?

  Me: Surviving

  Kent: Is it about your mom?

  Kent sent a sad face sticker

  Me: Mom got new meds :(

  Kent: Babe, the pills are there to treat her condition

  Me: I know

  Me: I’m just scared that she’ll turn into...

  Kent: Into what?

  Me: Some woman that I don’t know anymore

  Celia sent a broken heart sticker

  Kent: Aww, boo

  Kent: Want me to come to your house?

  Me: Yes, I’d like that a lot :)

  Kent: On my way, then

  Kent: Love you

  Me: Love you too

  On the other side of the Bubblechat, my girls sent me texts on the group chat. We called that group Cheetahs. As silly as it sounded, yes, we called ourselves the Cheetahs.

  Max: Celia, how did the appointment go?

  Jane: Is everything okay?

  Me: Hey, girls, not really

  Celia sent a crying face sticker

  Max: OMG, gurl, what’s going on?

  Max sent a shocked face sticker

  Jane sent a surprised face sticker

  Me: The doctor changed the meds, and now we’re going to see the side effects in her

  Me: He said her condition is getting worse

  Max: Baby, I’m so sorry

  Jane: That’s awful

  Me: Yeah

  Me: Wish you girls were here with me

  Max: I think Jane and I can book a flight from Georgia

  Max: It’s the weekend

  Jane: It is?

  Max: Jane, please

  Me: Really?

  Me: omg, I’d love to see you girls

  Me: It has been so long, since we separated to different universities

  Jane: Expect the unexpected :D

  Max: Yeah, I know

  Max: The only reason you couldn’t come along is because of your mom’s condition

  Max: Your family needs you

  Max sent a hugging bear sticker

  Me: I know

  Celia sent a heart sticker

  Jane sent a kiss sticker

  Me: You girls are the best

  Max: Yes, we are

  Jane: See you when we arrive

  Me: okay :)

  When we were done chatting, I was in tears, which I wiped away so my father wouldn’t see them. I felt like I was stuck in a lot of situations. I had lots of pressure around me, but I had to be strong. I couldn’t give up just yet. I had to remind myself that I had my family, friends, and Kent, so I was fine. I would survive. I could wake up the next morning and do what I had to do.

  Ned interrupted my thoughts with his text.

  Ned: Umm, hey

  Me: Hey?

  Ned: We should meet up soon

  Ned: Just wanted to remind you

  Ned: So yeah

  Me: Okay, but I’m kinda fully booked today

  Ned: Of course you are ;)

  Me: What that supposed to mean?

  Ned: Oh, nothing

  Ned: Just that you’re loved by a lot of people

  Ned: And crushed on

  Me: Ned

  Me: NED!

  Ned: Yeah?

  Me: I don’t have time for this

  Me: I’m sorry

  Ned: Sure, whatever you want

  After a minute I felt a pinch of guilt for being too harsh on him, and texted him back.

  Me: Ned?

  Ned: YES!

  Ned: I mean

  Ned: Yes?

  Me: How about tomorrow?

  Ned: Ha, of course!

  Ned: See you tomorrow then!

  Ned sent a hugging bear sticker

  Me: Oh...kay

  IN THE EVENING, MY father already given my mother her pills, and he suggested that he stay with her in the living room. I was in the kitchen, trying to learn how to cook mac and cheese from Google. My girls texted me while I cooked.

  Max: I LOVE CHEESE

  Max sent a cooked meal sticker

  Max sent a cheese sticker

  Jane: Do you put Jalapenos in it?

  Jane: I want it super spicy

  Max: Jane, you know I don’t eat spicy food

  Me: Don’t worry

  Me: It won’t be spicy

  Me: I don’t have them anyways

  Max: LOL

  Jane sent a sad face sticker

  I cooked the macaroni and mixed it with cheese and all the other ingredients. I stirred the ingredients, and then tasted the macaroni. It was all right, but needed more salt. Add that pinch, and stir, I thought. Then it was back to texting.

  Me: When will you arrive?

  Max: We’re here :)

  Max: Coming your way

  Jane: YAY

  Me: Oh, btw, my boyfriend is coming too

  I got distracted by the sounds of plates crushing on the floor. The noises were coming from the living room, so I stopped and ran towards the sounds. My mother was pushing my father aggressively and screaming, “Let me go!”

  My father tried to hold her hands together, but she kept fighting. She took the other plates, and threw them. They dropped on the floor and broke. All the plates were broken. I couldn’t blink. I stood there in shock until my father yelled, “Help me, Celia!”

  I couldn’t move, or hear his words. I took my phone and called the ambulance, and hurriedly told them about the condition, while my father was struggling to keep her safe from herself.

  As the minutes passed, she ran around the dining room, and then the living room. Then she saw me on the phone, and snatched it away while pushing me hard in the chest. The force made me land on my back.

  The struggle continued with father, until he lost his strength, and then my mother broke down and screamed and cried. Then I thought I heard the doorbell, and my father went to open the door. I couldn’t move. I was frozen on the floor, shocked, disoriented. I felt out of place. That wasn’t my mom. It wasn’t her. It couldn’t be.

  The paramedics entered. One of them tried to hold my mother down, but he failed, and called for help. My mother struggled like a madwoman, throwing them off her.

  “We need help,” one of them said.

  Another paramedic came in with a needle and managed to inject her with it. It took a while for us to see her calm down, and then she collapsed on the floor. She looked exhausted and out of breath. How could one’s mind do that to a person? How could a beautiful creature turn bad?

  I saw them carry her on their way to the ambulance. My father came to me and pulled me to my feet. He then hugged me tight to his chest and asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Yes,” I sniffed, and subsequently burst into tears.

  “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” he whispered over my head as he stroked my hair.

  I was worried if my siblings heard anything, and when I looked closely at the top of the stairs, I saw four legs huddled together in fear.

  AT THE EMERGENCY WARD, my mother slept on the bed peacefully, and my father sat on a chair beside her. I was with Adam and Amelia. They stayed buried in my arms as we watched her snore. I kissed Amelia’s head, and then leaned my cheek on the side of Adam’s face.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Amelia asked.

  “Stop asking a lot of questions,” Adam snapped.

  I shushed them. “Keep it down, you two. Mom needs rest.”

  “Hey.”

  I heard a familiar voice behind me. I turned around and saw Kent, which made me feel as if I was in the safest place on the planet.

  He hugged me, and I could smell his fresh cologne. Then he stepped back. “She’ll be fine, okay? Don’t worry,” he calmly stated in an attempt to comfort me.

  I almost shook my head and said that I lost hope, but then Max and Jane entered the ward. Jane’s blonde hair used to be longer, and I almost couldn’t recognize her from her bob cut.


  As for Max, with her messy short black hair and shaky smile, she reminded me of a semi-homeless person, and it was good to see her. They both came to me and hugged me on each side. Then they pulled back.

  “Sorry, we couldn’t come sooner,” Max said. “There was some traffic on the way.”

  “Oh, the rush hour.” Jane shook her head and rubbed my arm with her hand.

  Max looked at my mom and asked, “What did the doctor say?”

  “The new medication had some side effects,” I explained. “Like, we figured it would happen...and it did.”

  “Aw,” Max said, “Do you want us to stay the night with you?”

  “I’ll make you hot chocolate,” Jane chimed in with a soothing voice.

  “Thanks, but you don’t have to,” I said. “You have your own lives to worry about.”

  “It’s not a bother at all,” Max replied. “We came here to see you, after all.”

  “Hot chocó with marshmallows,” Jane teased.

  I smiled. “That means a lot to me, I appreciate it,” I said.

  “What are friends for?” Max asked.

  “Mac and cheese?” Jane mocked.

  “You do love my mac and cheese,” I stated.

  “Yours is like, the best,” Jane chimed in.

  “Let’s go to the cafeteria and talk,” Max offered. “You need some coffee to get through the night.”

  Chapter Five

  I STAYED AT HOME WITH my siblings while Dad took my mom to the doctor’s office again for a change in her medication. We didn’t want another madhouse repeat.

  Downstairs, the dining room was filled with glass and broken plates scattered on the floor. Amelia brushed with her broom, while Adam collected the broken pieces of glass and china from the floor and tossed them in the trash bag. I organized the cabinet and placed new plates. Amelia and Adam were quiet, so I tried to make the situation manageable by talking about school and celebrity gossip.

  “Did you guys listen to France’s new song?” I started while I organized every plate in the cabinet.

  Adam glared at me, then continued cleaning, and didn’t speak.

  “France, I love her,” Amelia stated with a strained smile. I knew she tried to forget about yesterday, but her face showed otherwise. I was worried that they would get traumatized with what had happened to Mom, so I stayed strong for them.

  Responsibility wasn’t a new concept, but being a role model was. They needed one. I needed to show them that there was nothing to be concerned about, and that life would go on.

  “Mimi, remember her last song?” I said excitedly, and started singing, “I’d buy a bucket full of ice cream, and lay on the sandy beach.”

  “I’d look at the sky, and dance with the seashells,” Amelia happily continued while she brushed the floor. She swayed her hips and danced with the broom, and then mimed singing into an invisible microphone. I did the same, and we started hopping and dancing with our song.

  “The turtles tell me no lies, like anyone else,” I sang along.

  “We dance to the rhythm of the sea!” Amelia replied in an off-key voice.

  “We dance!”

  “We dance!”

  “We dance!”

  “Till the dawn breaks!” Amelia finished.

  Adam shook his head and grumbled “Please, don’t do this in public places. Especially not with me around.” He rolled his eyes and dragged the trash bag to the kitchen, walked with tensed shoulders, as if expecting the fight of his life.

  Amelia and I laughed.

  My phone rang. It was my father. I picked it up and said, “Hey, how’s Mom?”

  “She’s doing fine. The doctor changed her medication again.”

  “Which ones?”

  “The old ones,” he answered. “Anyway, I’m coming home. Take care of Adam and Amelia.”

  “I will.”

  “Celia?”

  “Yes?”

  “Please, don’t worry about your mother. I know you think about her a lot, but try to stay strong. You’re a very strong girl, and I love you. I love you all.”

  “I know, Dad.”

  “I don’t want you stressing about our life. Go out and have fun, life’s short, okay?” he said.

  “Okay,” I said with tears in my eyes, and I tried not to sniff on the phone, so he wouldn’t know I was crying.

  He hung up, and then checked to see if anyone had texted me. Kent had.

  Kent: Hey, boo

  Kent: How’s your mom, now?

  Amelia saw my tears and asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, Mimi, I’m fine,” I sniffed. “You can go and play upstairs. I got some texts to make.”

  “Okay,” she said and hugged me. Then she ran upstairs.

  I texted Kent back to update him about what was happening at home.

  Me: My dad took Mom to her doctor and changed the meds again

  Kent: new ones?

  Me: No, old ones

  Kent: I want to see you

  Kent: can we meet up tonight?

  Me: As much as I like to, but I can’t

  Me: I have to make sure Mom is okay

  Me: I need to be here for my family

  Me: I’m sorry

  Kent sent a sad face sticker

  Me: Next time?

  Kent: Sure

  I sent a text to our Cheetahs group.

  Me: OH, no :(

  Max: Celia, ARE U OK?

  Jane: Talk to us, baby

  Me: I refused to go out with Kent

  Me: He must be mad at me

  Max: What makes you say that?

  Me: He didn’t even say he loves me

  Me: And I felt some tension between us

  Me: Do you think he hates me?

  Max: Who hates you?

  Max: If he does, then he’s a jerk

  Jane: You’re wonderful, Celia :)

  Me: I’m so stressed right now

  Me: I’m worried about my family

  Me: I can’t do this anymore

  Celia sent a crying face sticker

  Max sent a hugging bear sticker

  Jane sent a heart sticker

  Jane: WE love you, Celia

  Max: I just think you’re over thinking

  Max: He must have been busy or something

  Me: Maybe

  Max: Talk to him tomorrow, when he’s nice and calm

  Jane: Don’t forget to tell us what happened

  Me: Okay

  Celia sent a fingers crossed sticker

  I clicked away from the group chat, and saw one text from Ned.

  Ned: OUR date is today :D

  Me: I’m not ready

  Ned: Why?

  Ned: You promised

  Me: I got some emergency going on

  Me: I can’t go out tonight

  Ned: Okay, what about if I come to your house?

  Me: Umm, sure

  Ned: COOL!

  Ned: See you there! :D

  Me: Okay

  MY FATHER CAME BACK in the afternoon and started cooking dinner at an early hour. I stayed in the living room with my mother, and as usual, the idiot box was going. We were alone together in the same room. I wondered if she would attempt anything irrational or attack me again. She was sitting sluggishly on the couch in front of the television, her body slumped over and loose.

  I heard the doorbell.

  I got up and walked to the front door. When I opened the door, Ned carried some printed papers, and a small pencil case. He looked at my face for a minute without saying anything at all. “Are you going to come in?” I asked him.

  “Oh, yeah. Thank you,” he replied.

  He entered, and I beckoned for him to come to the living room. We sat on the sofa near each other, and he placed his papers and pencil case on the coffee table. I couldn’t get my eyes off his Happy Burger t-shirt. It was a burger with eyes, accompanied by a big grin.

  “So?” he said.

  I took the papers he brought and read some of them
. “You want us to create a comic book?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’m great at drawing comics, and you’re great at planning, so we make a great team,” he explained.

  I doubted that we made a great team, and blurted, out, “Are you sure? This could take a while. Do we have time for this?”

  “Absolutely,” he said, and grinned his cheesy grin.

  He showed me the other papers with comics he drew on, “Look, these are some of the comics I drew,” he said. “What do you think?”

  I looked at them. They looked like a professional comic book; I had to admit it. He was really good. “Yeah, you’re really good,” I said, offering a compliment. “Actually, you’re excellent.”

  He blushed, and rubbed his hand on his lap out of nervousness. “Thank you, that means a lot from a hot girl like you.”

  Did he just say hot girl? “So what’s the plot like?” I asked.

  “Um, that’s your job. You should write it,” he instructed.

  “Me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ve never written any plot to a story before.”

  “Try.”

  “Okay, when do you need it?” I asked.

  “Let’s say by next week.”

  “Ned, I don’t know if I can deliver it that fast.” I hated to turn anyone down, but right now, what with all that was going on in my life, I didn’t think I could. “What if I can’t?”

  “Well, you have to, because we should deliver this project within two weeks,” he reminded me. “And I can’t do it by myself.”

  My father came in from the kitchen and looked at Ned sitting beside me on the sofa. He stopped and said, “Umm.”

  I got up and introduced them to each other, “Dad, this is Ned. Ned, this is my father.”

  Ned got up and extended his hand, and shook my father’s hand.

  My father smiled. “Nice to meet you, uh, Ned, is it?”

  “Yes, it’s Ned,” Ned said. “My parents named me after my grandpa.”

  My father nodded. “Ah, okay. Well, it’s nice to meet you, Ned. Please stay for dinner.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Williams, it would be my pleasure, although I already had my dinner. I came here to discuss the project with your daughter, if you don’t mind.”

  Ned’s good manners weren’t lost on my father, and he briefly gave me a glance, as if to say, he isn’t bad. “Not at all, you’re welcome here.”